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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Hi all! I'm Alison, divorced , I live in the south (no jokes please 😉), I'm in my mid 40's, my love (SC) is 9 years older. I'd always felt an attraction to SC growing up I but felt it was a taboo so I never did anything about it.

Two years ago I happened to put a selfie on Facebook (something I never do!), he private messaged me and made the first step… I've never been happier with anything in my entire life! We finally got to be alone that fall...and realized we want to be together...we want to be married. We are not conventionally religious and believe in polygamy OUTSIDE of religion. SC is married and his wife is on board for the most part. She can't quite wrap her mind around the family connection, but she doesn't condemn it and we are all very open to all discussions with one another. I dearly love her, she's truly the most amazing woman ever!

Our family will be be devastated, and I don't want to be the cause of any pain, but I've done everything for everyone else my entire life...I've never lived for ME...I've never had a life...it's time I finally get what I want.

Thank you all! 😁

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Wow Allison, it is not often that I am speechless, but this comes close. If this is part of some religious thinking on your cousin's part, just run like hell. You do not need to join a religious cult. Five years from now, he may have 10 wives. So, how many more will he want? If he is part of the runaway Mormon sector, just run. If he won't share a large White Russian with you, just so no!  I'm not sure what conventionally religious means. If you marry this man, you will not be conventionally anything. If you don't need friends or family in your life, I guess this is the way to go.

I hate to be negative, but this is how it will be Allison. Is this really what you want?

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It is not at all religious based, apparently you don't read. I do love SC with all my heart and you have ZERO idea what you're talking about. Thank you for being so judgemental and hate filled! I came to this forum looking for like-minded individuals where I could find people going through the same thing...instead I find you. Someone more closed minded, hateful and rude than I could find in open society.

Thank you for your opinion which I find odious.

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If you want to find individuals with like-minded ideas, I hate to break it to you but Woodstock is over my dear. I think your plan is wayyy too far out, even for them. If you want to ruin your life and your reputation, well-sir-re-bob!! Who am I to judge? 

Some free advice: if you do not want answers to your questions, do not ask the question. If your cousin had an ounce of respect for you or himself, he would divorce his wife and peruse you. Now what does that tell you?

Oh, it's not my job to pat you on the back and tell you all of your plans sound great! They are not! Wake up and smell the coffee. I could not dream up a plan any worse. I want to pinch myself to see if this message will just go away!

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Sometimes the best advice that you will ever get will initially sound harsh and judgemental. My intention was just to give it to you straight, like I do everyone else.

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There are so many things I want to say...but I'll leave it at this:

Please, pinch yourself and go away.

       I finally find a resource for something I'm going through in hopes of finding others, that's where I came up with the like-minded individuals you dolt, not some sort of "hippie commune" as you so put it. 

      I was hoping to find people who could help me navigate through how to deal with family and society should our secret come out before  we are ready. His children are all on board and that's the support I really need, but no one is  sure how to proceed. I came here, as I said, looking for inspiration and support, and all I get instead of a "welcome" and "here's what we've been through"  is someone trying to force their ideas and ideals on to another person. This is not welcoming, and it's not helpful, yes you're terribly harsh, and  I have several personal opinions which I'll keep to myself. If this is what this group is going to be and I will gladly leave in hopes of finding some place that WILL help me navigate this slippery slope.

 And KC, just for your information you're dealing with the anthropology major with a psychology minor… I'm not an idiot, sorry to inform you of that.

  

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The study of man and psychology too! Two of my favorite subjects. I have a degree in religion and will have another one if I keep it together long enough. So, that is where I am coming from. I jolted you on purpose but I see you are dead-set on trying out this new experiment. 

You have to ask yourself some difficult questions. I would ask, "What will you tell your friends" but I am afraid you may have none. I'm sure your family will flip out. The first person who knows your plans will tell everybody; you will not have to tell a soul. It will be one hell of a day when the dam breaks. 

Are you sure you want to give up everything to do this?  I'm afraid that is what it will come down to. You sound like a nice catch to me -- a prize. Hmmmm. To put it differently, you are worth more than this. It's just a dumb idea and you demand support that I can't offer you. Hopefully someone else will jump in and tell you something brilliant. 

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Allison

We are a forum that believes in monogamy.  So, accept that reality.

Listen, your biggest problem is not the cousin factor; your biggest problem is the other woman in his life factor.  You will never be first in his life.  His wife is hesitant about bringing you into the relationship, not because you are his cousin, but because you are another woman!  The family connection, as you called it, is her excuse for the hesitancy.

You say you want to live for yourself; I get that and have made strides in that direction myself.  This relationship, however, is not the key to living for yourself.  Initially the sex will be great and you will feel blissful, but I guarantee that long-term, you will find yourself unhappy and resentful.

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you're telling the founding member and administrator to pinch himself and go away? LOL, maybe that's what you should do, allison. he's right. you're delusional. that's the reality. what on EARTH made you think we'd be like-minded people? do you think all people who love a cousin must therefore be polygamous?

newsflash... bigamy is still illegal all across this country. he can't marry you. not legally. so if marriage is what you want, you can't proceed. if you want like-minded people, go find a polyamory site. if you want honest, realistic advice that is based on WISDOM (that pesky little thing you have mistaken for judgmentalism), stick around.

but what you appear to really want is for others to say it's a free world, and love is free, sex is free, and whatever you want to do is a-ok. well listen up cupcake, we're not in the business of handing out participation trophies. we're here to help people who WANT help. we aren't a group that is politically correct. we're a group that is just correct. period.

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«We are a forum that believes in monogamy.  So, accept that reality.»

«if you want like-minded people, go find a polyamory site… we're here to help people who WANT help. we aren't a group that is politically correct. we're a group that is just correct. period.»

I am really happy to see that this phorum is political correctness free. This is a good reason to be a member, too!

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