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Hiiiiii !

Ok so I need some advice and I can't talk to my family about this so I figured I'll ask you guys and gals. 

To keep things brief,  well sort of, I'm 24 and he's a few years older. We live 7/8 hours away from each other now, ever since last Sept.   We've had a "special" relationship since we were children( flirting and basically him treating me like his gf yada yada ).  Things became physical around 4/5 years ago? .... I don't say much around him when we're alone because I get waaayyyy too nervous. He always tries to lighten the mood and ask me about what's going on in my life, ya kno,  small talk. So , basically this is where I am, I want to let go of him , because he has a child now. It really hurt me finding that out , especially because he didn't tell me AND we were still sleeping together.  He isn't with the child's mother anymore but, me being the person I am, I guess I don't want to be in the way of the possibility of him being with her again , I mean they do have a child now for goodness sake. ( and I still haven't seen the baby yet but the rest of our family has) 

I don't know how to explain the feeling or this type of relationship but, when I know I'm going to see him I get sick, nauseous as ever and my heart POUNDS. And he gets real goofy around me, ya know? smiles a lot and laughs a lot. He's been going out of his way lately to just see me and I'll either lie and say that I'm back home in SC or just won't reply. I'm so torn, I wish I could let him go completely, but something pulls me back. If you have any advice, feel free to share. ❤️

Sorry for this being all out of order, I'm trying to explain myself the best I can .

Edited by Hopeless romantic
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ditto what serendipity said! 

if you must (and i know you probably do), gather up your courage and tell him flat out that you were very upset by the fact that he never bothered to inform you that you and he were not monogamous. he put you at an enormous risk for any number of sexually transmitted diseases. that was irresponsible and unacceptable. and then one of the women he was sleeping with had a child with him and he kept that a secret too. and just for the record, i'd be willing to bet there are other women he was also carrying on an affair with.

he's been using you. i imagine you're quite refreshing... you get nervous around him, which is very appealing to a guy who is probably used to demanding, mouthy women. 

you might need to practice getting mad at him before you tell him what you think. that nervousness he's familiar with will be his open invitation to manipulate you with a little sweet talk and lovemaking. you're an easy mark for him. it has already cost you your dignity and your pride... it COULD have cost you your life. you deserve better. and he doesn't deserve you at all. don't let him win this one. you need to kick him to the curb. there are far better men out there.

and with all that said, i really wish i could just reach through the monitor and give you a big cyber-hug and tell you it will all work out if you stay strong! 

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Thank youuuuu sooooooo much !! In the back of my mind I've always known that he probably is toying with me and that's definitely the case. It's weird because Im an outspoken person but he's the only one that makes me extremely nervous and unsure of myself at times. Thank you both for the advice, I'll let you know how everything goes the next time we meet. 

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  • 3 months later...

Hi hopeless,  reading your story really hit home with me,  a lot of parallels with my relationship except mine never became physical, which is why I wanted to say. Lady c and serendipity are right,  holy crapoly!ty way for him to behave... And if you had an understanding of being monogamous cheating is cheating... But he obviously had feelings enough to sleep with you,  so if you love him... And your both willing to move forward exclusively I'd go for it.  At least tell him where you stand, or else you'll regret it.  Hope this helps and things work out !!

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