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Falling in Love off Ancestry.com

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A few weeks ago I received a message from a DNA match through Ancestry.com.  I recognized the surname, as it is the same as my second-great-grandmother's on my paternal grandmother's side.  What started as the standard, Ancestry chit chat about sharing trees and trying to find out how we are ancestrally connected has turned into a great exchange of emails sharing personal details, exploring SO MANY shared interests, and now I'm beginning to develop feelings for him that I can only say I've felt when I was first with my now ex-husband.  I eagerly await his emails, which, for the better part of the month, have come every day.  Sometimes multiple emails a day.  He lives in England, while I am in the States.  Our shared ancestry comes from a small place in Ireland (I am not far removed from Ireland at all.  My father grew up there.).  We are only predicted to be 4th-6th cousins, which I know is practically a stranger as far as genetics is concerned.  We have not figured out who our common ancestor is.  As far back as we would have to go, we may never find it due to lack of records that far back in Ireland.

It wasn't but a few days after exchanging proper emails off the Ancestry site that he admitted how odd it was to be able to communicate so freely with me, as he hadn't even been able to do that with previous partners (he was briefly married when he was young, and he was in a 16-year relationship until about three years ago.  He says he hasn't been in a relationship since.).  By the time that admission came, I had all ready started to think I might be losing my mind and wondering if I was really starting to feel the way I was feeling.

As we've been sharing more and more conversation, I think I might actually be starting to fall in love with this man.  And, considering the tone and some of the things he's said in his recent emails, I am starting to wonder if he might be starting to feel similarly.

We both are interested in a particular weather event, and having seen a good example of it not too long ago, he mentioned wanting to see an example some day.  I have a good indication of where I will be able to see one in a few years, so I casually told him to come to the States, and we could go see it together, and his response struck me like a ton of bricks.  I couldn't stop laughing and smiling at the thought.  It basically said he wasn't about to wait that many years to see me or the weather event.  It was written about as bold as you could possibly be.  From that point on, I found myself grinning from ear to ear just seeing his name come through my email.  Something I haven't experienced since I was first dating the now ex-husband.

We had gotten around to sharing photos, one of many shared interests, and eventually he sent a photo of himself and asked me to send a photo of myself.  We each had an idea of each other's appearances, because our photos are on our Ancestry profiles, and my email has my photo on it.  It was his response to my first photos that led me to consider that he might be starting to have similar feelings growing.  He mentioned my eyes and told me I could send more photos of myself if I wanted.  

Tonight, looking through the many emails, knowing I won't receive another one until near lunch time, I actually started feeling heart palpitations.  I don't know if it's because of what I'm feeling for him, or if it's anxiety at the sliver of possibility that   "we" might be having feelings for each other even though we are SOMEHOW related, but it was just odd.  A dear friend who is psychic told me that he and I must have been together in a previous life.  

I have no idea how to handle my own feelings.  He has indicated that he is going to plan a trip out here one of these days.  He, unlike me, apparently has the ability to travel and said he can come anytime he wants.  Three years, a year, six months, next month....

Granted, we have never met or even spoken on the phone, but there is a connection stronger than anything I've had in along time.  At first, I considered that I finally had a brother I could talk with.  My brothers and I aren't close.  But wow, how things have progressed.  I feel like I can't talk about him to people I know from here on out, because I have this thought in my head that if he comes here to meet me, what if it actually does turn into something more than just a wild idea in my head?  I don't know if I could personally handle any negative comments about any kind of stigmatic beliefs from people I know.  

And, there's the certain possibility that this is all just in my head, because I haven't had a connection with anyone since my divorce, and I am probably reading way too much into everything.  If nothing else, I have a beautiful, growing relationship with a long-distant (in terms of distance and ancestry) cousin which I don't want to end for any reason.

How do you handle your growing feelings when you don't know if they are reciprocated? How have you handled growing feelings when you do know they are reciprocated?  

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Well, it's all out there now. We both came out and admitted we both have feelings for each other. Now we don't know where to go from here. There are 3,700 miles and an ocean between us. I'm not in a position to travel. 


It seems we are just stuck now.

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