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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Leslie

Ex going for custody

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I was wondering if anyone had to defend their relationship in court. My ex has filed for full custody on the grounds that my "confirmed incestuous sexual relationship" with my first cousin is confusing and harmful to our children. I live in GA and first cousin marriage is legal. 

Note: I have not told my children about our relationship.  We may act closer than most cousins would when he visits but have never done anything inappropriate with my children there. He has my children saying "we kiss in front of them and frequently go into the bedroom and lock the door" which is not true. 

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Hi Leslie Im am vedy sorry you are in this situation. I also live in GA. And to me just a personal opinion it seems your ex is jealous and doing things to try to mess up your relationship. Unfortunately, by him stating what he said about your kids that is unfortunate and could probably hurt u in court. However, first cousin marriages are legal in GA and u should be ok. Best of luck to you and your hubby/cousin😇

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Thank you very much for your well wishes. We are not currently married and he lives just shy of 2 hours away. My children are around him, at most, one weekend out of the month. He has a son their age that they like to play with. 

I agree that his motives are less than pure and are more fueled by selfishness and resentfulness than love and concern for our boys. 

 

I will post updates to help anyone else that may find themselves in the same situation. 

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I am glad I could be of help Leslie. I hope your situation improves. Also you posting updates will most certainly help others that are in a similar situation.

Do you mind giving me some advice or your opinion on something? I am falling for my 1st cousin once removed. I am in a longterm relationship and he is married. I saw him our family reunion 15 years ago and recently saw him when I went to his dad's house (my great uncle). He is so personable and warm. I am finding myself thinking of him a lot. And its not lustful thoughts. More like love thoughts. Leslie I know my situation and his and I am not trying to hurt or breakup no marriage. And he doesnt know I have feelings for him. So is it possible these are love feelings? Also there is like a 20 year age difference. He has kids around my age. Due to me constantly thinking of him he must be thinking about me too. I just see how the Universe plays it out without me having to interfere. Overall what do u think?

Edited by Crystyle112

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Of course!  

Lord knows I haven't always done things the right way and went about them in the order they should have been done. But from personal experience, it would save you a lot of heartache and keep a potentially healthy relationship from starting off with trust issues if you kept things platonic until you were both single. I know that's so much easier said and done and people that have never been in that situation will lecture you for days. I don't think you are in the wrong for your feelings as we can't always help those, but from experience and in the hopes that someone learns something from my wrong turns, I wouldn't dig into those feelings until you were able to do so freely without building your relationship on sneaking around and being dishonest  

 

Best of luck and I'm always here if you have any more questions. This is the first time I've posted but I've visited the site pretty regularly for the past year. 

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On the topic of the age difference, that in general had its pros and cons. There will naturally be some noticeable differences with some things and others there won't be and tha age gap won't be a factor at all. It just depends on if the areas you guys differ are manageable and something you can live with. 

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Thank u soo much Leslie for taking the time to answer my questions. Of course I wouldnt act on my feelings knowing the current situation and will definitely keep things platonic. And he lives 2 hours away so thats good.  Im not desperate by and means and if its meant we will be together. I love him regardless if we are never together at all. Which is the current reality. Ill just wait it out. What do u think? Also I hope your situation gets better keep me posted please and thanks in advance 

 

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Tell your ex to go kiss your arse and bring on the custody battle.  

If the state allows the marriage, you are fine.  You are not married to your cousin, so you are fine.

He's huffing and puffing but as soon as he speaks to a lawyer (which I doubt he will ever do), he will be told that doesn't have a leg to stand on.  So go lock yourself in the bathroom with your cousin and make out all you want.

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Lmao. Oh it it were that easy.

 

I would have thought the same but a petition had been filed already and I'm in the position of defending myself in order to keep my children. If the word "incestuous" were replaced with "interracial" or "homosexual" I'm almost confident no lawyer would have touched it without some hardcore proof I was being neglectful and the person I was in a relationship with was not a good person. The fact that we had an unconventional relationship alone would not be enough, like they seem to be focusing on in my case.  And the words interracial or homosexual would not have been splattered all over the place like they did "incestuous."  

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As far as I can tell, GA does not include cousins in their definition of incest.  (Of course I am not a lawyer and do not give legal advice).

Get thee a lawyer pronto.  No matter what accusations are thrown at you, if GA does not define incest as occurring between cousins, then no lawyer or judge has a legal leg to stand on.  You don't have to put up with this outrageous behavior.  Stand strong.  The law is behind you (as far as I can tell).

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exactly. in fact, one of our members, jessie woodard, was in a similar situation in his state years ago. the incest accusation was brought up in court during a custody battle. but because the LAW of that state did not define it as incest, the charge was dismissed, and jessie and his new bride won custody. unless laws have changed in georgia since we last updated our information, first cousins can legally marry where you live. therefore any attempts by an ex to use your relationship with your cousin against you will be thrown out of court. don't be afraid to go see a family law attorney to take up your defense! and shop around. remember that attorneys are just people too, and some of them bring their own prejudices into their practice. find one that will set their personal opinions aside and defend you on the merit of the law.

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I know I'm a little late to this party, but, I concur. I will also add that if it were me, I would DARE him to bring this up in a court in Georgia. My personal experience in Georgia many years ago tells me the judges there have absolutely NO sense of humor for such nonsense in their courtrooms out of "sour grape" ex's. I personally wouldn't need a lawyer to make this smack-down happen, but, if you decide to retain one, it would be $$$ well spent. The comedic factor alone would be well worth the time, money and effort. It is NOT incest in GA, and (as mentioned, and I have no indication otherwise) it's still perfectly legal for cousins to marry there, and the look on his face when the judge explains this to him, and then admonishes him to NEVER bring such nonsense before his court again, would be priceless. Even more priceless would be the look on HIS lawyer's face, when the judge looks at him/her and says "I want to see YOU in chambers RIGHT NOW." LMAO I actually recommend cousins in other parts of the country relocate to GA if at all possible for just these reasons.....

 

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