Jump to content
<?php echo esc_attr( get_bloginfo( 'name' ) ); ?>
Missy

In need of help!

Recommended Posts

Missy,

I have been rather scarce around here of late, and as such, have arrived late to this little party. I'll try not to do a wall of text on you, since an earlier post from Lady C hit much of the highlights of what I would have said, and the others have pretty much covered the rest. As a guy, who, back in the day, lived quite a similar lifestyle to that of Lady C, she is correct that there is no new thing under the sun.

I have a very special 2nd cousin too. I'm not sure how old you are, but we were close to your age I'll assume when we had what we call our little "moment." Like your Cuz, mine was scared of what people would say. Unlike yours, (or at least the consensus among the replies you have gotten) her fear was genuine, and continues to this day, and always will I suppose. Also unlike your situation, our family would not have had a problem with it, and still wouldn't. Unlike him, I would have told anyone with a problem with "us" to have taken a long walk off a short pier. She doesn't like to see me get "upset" like that, and would have considered that unwanted drama, so, we backed off, and have lived to, at least somewhat, regret it. Enough that there are the usual "What-if's" that you see from older members here from time to time.

My advice to him is to grow a set, and tell any naysayers to take a hike. I doubt he will, but, my advice stands regardless. I do understand the added excitement of breaking what is considered to be the societal "taboo," even if 1st cousins isn't incest by our standards, and 2nd cousins isn't by most ANY standard. (There MAY be a country or two in Asia where it would be considered to be, but, LEGALLY, I can't think of one) Initially, the sneaking around and hiding it is very exciting, but it can become drudgery in fairly short order, as you have discovered. I agree with the others, esp. Lori and Scorpion Queen. I'm going to call BS on him. If he's as alt as you, and his circle is as well, then I'll REALLY call BS on him. You know, the old "free milk and a cow" thing, "cake and eat it too," all that.

If I were you, I'd tell him to cowboy up, or hit the dusty trail........Just sayin'........ :wink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are boyfriend & girlfriend now secretly :)

That's good then Missy, parents never know what their sons & daughters get up to with everything. Your doing nothing 'illegal' anyway  :smiley:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everything is going fantastic between us as of so far! I have been visiting where he is quite often, and am looking into moving there to be closer to all my family and the better resources there for my children and I.

Every moment we get we spend together, and when I'm back home we are texting and talking on the phone daily. We have argued or gotten upset with the other so far and are constantly smiling and laughing together. We are both natural goof-balls so even just a simple ride in the car or sitting and having coffee always turns into comedy hour.

Everything is perfect, save for the fact of having to hide our true feelings in public; there are a few people who know about it now - and most of them are accepting of it - but there are a few that aren't. There are also a few family members who claim they're fine with it as long as it is secret because they don't want certain other family members to know or they will "have" to stop talking to us or hanging out with us. But then we have 4 friends who are saying that it's stupid to have to hide it, and either we are in it all or nothing (meaning either be out in the open or don't be in a relationship).

It's feels like I fell in love with my best friend, not my 2nd cousin....at this point I am willing to just say "screw it" and stop hiding it, but I know he isn't cuz of his parents....I don't think he'll ever be.... After speaking with 1 of my other cousins who know about "us" I think my plan of action should be to wait 6 months (we've only been officially together 2 months - although we've been playing the back and foward game for almost 3 years previously) and if things are still going great then tell him if the relationship is to continue he must come out of the closet with it. This way it's not risking the harsh repercussions for something that ends up just being a fling.

Any feedback on this????

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting....u know I really hate it when we cant do something not because its wrong but just because society or your family in this case is looks down upon it. But yea u really need to find out if he really loves you before going public cuz from wat I read, he's feelings for u do not seem well defined.

Btw, im curious... wat province r u from? Im from Ontario  :grin:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh our feelings for eachother are no longer in question...I am 100% know without a doubt that he is head over heels for me. It's just that just because two people are in love, doesn't mean that it'll work out for whatever reason in the long run. That's why I would say to wait...if it lasts 6 months, a year then you know that this is worth taking on the drama with this - instead of coming out and dealing with the repercussions just to have the relationship a month or two later anyways. Plus if you've been together for a while and have had the time to build a strong relationship, then it will most likely be able to withstand the family drama that is heading your way when you completely come out with it.

I just was hoping for opinions on how long is long enough to wait and then say enough is enough; either we completely come out in the open or we just go back to close cousins like we were before.

I grew up in Quebec, but now live in Nova Scotia with the love of my life  :grin:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Haha well Im not at that stage yet, so I cant give u much advice. But I would say give it atleast a year or maybe more. In the end, its something u hav to decide according to the present circumstances. I think when u reach the point where you're comfortable with and can tolerate all the flaws of your partner  (for the rest of your life) is a good sign to move on in the relationship

Btw, any advice for me?  http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php?topic=6751.15    :tongue:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So really? Nobody's got any advice on the subject of how long should I wait before I say enough is enough, tell?????

My advice? Don't. If you give an ultimatum, you are asking for a rejection. If your situation was mine to handle, I would just move forward with the relationship, and not push anything. He's finally "cowboy'd up," and, other than being fully out in the open about it, is on the same page with you. If I were where the two of you are, I would proceed as you are and SLOWLY let everyone else subconsciously, (then more consciously as you go,) see you as a couple. If everyone sees how well you get along and how much fun you have together, any eventual drama WILL pass. I have a feeling the family probably has an idea something is going on. As you will note from reading the stories here, it's usually pretty hard to hide, especially when there's been over 3 years of history. Step up the "public" appearances, and as the "new" wears off of that for everyone, start with subtle little PDAs. As that becomes more common in their eyes, you can step that up too. So long as you don't take it to where there are calls of "Get a room" from them, (at least from the family) you should be just fine. Eventually, he will see that it isn't something to be so stressed out about. Of course, you could also try to get him here, let me have a go at him, and let me nudge him along that direction.......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...