I wanna at least try to start some kind of romantic relationship with my second cousin. I don't want to waste my life without ever actually trying at least once. I've known her since I was young and we've been attracted to each other since we first met. Something broke in me when I found out we were related. It lead me toward a long path of depression because I knew the chances of us being together were almost nonexistent, and it's only gotten worse with time. She feels the same or at least she's told me so numerous times. The problem is I think she's too scared to try. Maybe misinformed on the matter of cousin relationships and their genetic closeness as well. This is a delicate matter that could lead to either good things or horrible things. I'm having trouble figuring out how to talk to her and make her come around if she can. And if not, well at least I'll know for sure that I was doomed from the start. It will hurt like nothing else ever has but at least I tried.
Don't have the money or insurance for counseling. Like was the last suggestion in my other post. Wish I did though. I'm ready to complain to someone for a change.
Hi guys, I'm new to all this cousin stuff. Im from the UK so im well aware of the legal issues on cousins.
To cut a story short, ive always had a hunch that my cousin has liked me since we were young, but these past 4 years i think that shes been dropping hints that she likes me. Im 23 and shes 18, i know thats quite an age gap but the thing is, she is exactly like me when i was that age. We often acknowledge our similarities and we are both always a little shocked at how much we are the same. I should cringe at this but ive never really felt a real connection with anyone until recently. Ive had many girlfriends, but there was never a fulfilling feeling of being with them. but anyway ill cut to the story.
On odd occasions my cousin will ask me to go out and i will always say yes, but if i cant i will always rearrange to see her. When we first starting hanging out she would want me to tickle her arms, so basically she was very touchy feely with me. Then a year passed and she got a boyfriend which i was totally fine with but then they split up and we started hanging out abit more, she seemed more shy around me and was alot less touchy feely. Eventually she got another boyfriend and hes a really cool guy we get on, earlier this year she asked me to go round to her house for a massage and she asked to do a full body massage on me, i said no because i didnt want to feel awkward so i ended up just going with a back massage. she was wonderful at it she is amazing at massaging, but i couldnt help but feel a little aroused by it. so anyway i just put that to the back of my head and thought nothing of it because shes my cousin right? Anyway, when we go out as a family to a meal or something, i always catch her looking at me with such a beautiful grin after shes told a joke, even if im sat doing nothing while everyone is talking, i look over at her to catch her staring at me, we lock eyes and oh man does my heart race. It feels like we are the only people in the room. But this week we went to town and we got drunk, while we was out she was telling me that she gets more energy when there's more people and i understand that, so she invited one of her lad mates out. Before he arrived, baring in mind that she has a bf, she was telling me how nice and hot he was, which is what you do at 18 haha. I was looking forward to meeting him, we got on and he mentioned that he wanted a smoke. so i said we could go back to mine because my parents were on holiday and she was really up for that. so this lead me to think that she wanted to get with her friend.
When we arrived at mine we had a smoke, watched a few films and just generally had a good night then i said i was going to go to bed. as i was going up she asked me for a t-shirt to wear to bed, i was drunk and i took mine off and just chucked it at her as a joke. She laughed and said thanks, so she went off to get undressed and put my tshirt on. when i was in bed she messaged me and asked where i was sleeping, i said in my room and laughed. then we carried on talking but i cant remember what about, but i remember her saying "Let me have a nap first". at this point i was so tired i just fell asleep. eventually i woke up at 3 and could not get back to sleep, so i got up brushed my teeth and went to the living room. she came downstairs curiously in my tshirt so i presumed she slept in it and i asked her if she had done the deed with her friend. she laughed and said no as if it was gross. i was abit confused by this, but then it hit me. Was she downstairs with me at 3AM to finally admit to what she was feeling? I went so quiet i didnt know what to do and i felt a sense of tension between us, she said she was going upstairs to put her phone on charge and i told her to come back after. She did come back but she only sat with me for about 10 mins before going to wake her friend up so we could all sit downstairs together. anyway this is where it gets confusing, i try to message her and she will talk to me for a short while but its always a short while, i dont know if she feels awkward with me, honestly im so lost.
I have no idea what im feeling, what shes feeling i just need your guys opinions on the matter. are these obvious signs shes giving me or am i just getting the wrong end of the stick?
If you need more info just ask :).
Hello , I'm here of course because i have feelings for my cousin. I'm a 24yr old female and he is 26 yrs old , we are close though not as close as i'd like us to be. He is my grandma's sister's son by the way. I have had feelings for him off and on for years , and have had to deal with him having girlfriends and sex friends. He is currently single but had sex with some sex friend in february, and i'm always single. I haven't confessed my feelings to him because i feel there's no point , i know that if i confessed my feelings to him he would reject me. And i don't want to drive him away and make things weird and awkward between us. So i've sort of made up my mind that i should just give up on him and move on , and am now going through the stages of recovering from rejection. I've been seriously depressed since last month and i've been crying a lot. Before i was 95% sure he wasn't into me , now i'm 100% sure he isn't into me. Even if he doesnt find me to pretty/attractive i'm sure he sees me like a sister or like we are too closely related for something to be possible , there are many excuses your cousin could use for not being into you.
Anyway i've decided to put distance between us while i'm recovering and won't make any effort to contact him or hangout for the next few months. I decided not to contact him also because every time Its me doing it. If he wants to then this time he has to come forward , though i have no expectations he'd do so anyway. I don't think i can see him now without being depressed or crying. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep at night because of him and it seems like we were never meant to be and he's not worth me being into. Of course my feelings for him are more than just physical and there's more to him that i like but he seems to be a lost cause. I don't know if i believe him to be my soulmate but i think in my next lifetime things might be more likely to work out if we met. I'm tired of being obsessed with him and possessive , also i often get jealous of his friends for taking away his time to hangout with me. I often have dreams about him , and i touch myself sometimes when i do. I want to touch him almost everytime i see him and resisting my urges is unbearable , i have fallen asleep on his bed many times when i've been tired/sleepy and find his smell comforting but also a turn on. Also he is mostly into white girls and i'm black...
By the way , we are both not in school and we don't have jobs , and he drives but i don't and am in the middle of getting a license. He still lives with his parents and i live with my grandma and her other sister. He's a atheist and i'm a pagan , but we were raised in a christian family unfortunately so even if things did work out we would have to be very sneaky and secretive so the rest of the family wouldn't find out about us until we had money to get our own place. In a good month usually we would be able to hangout at his house and me and him would talk , maybe watch stuff or play videos games together in his room. We spend some holidays together , like halloween , thanksgiving sometimes and Xmas . We even spend our birthdays together since our birthdays are only a few days apart and since mine comes before his i usually get to do whatever i want when we hang out on my birthday. We have had sleepovers before as well , but not often and i usually have to go sleep in his mom's room .
It's not like i just met him a few years ago either , we have known each other since we were kids and used to play together and i have seen him many times at family reunions , back then i didn't have feelings for him of course . It was only after i moved to where he lives that i got closer to him and got to know him well. I feel like we really understand each other but i want to understand him more and for him to understand me more but he won't open up more to me. I feel like i can talk to him about almost anything and i've never had feelings for any other person like what i have for him , he is the only family member i actually see as family as well but i want to be more than family. I think even if he was my older brother i would still have feelings for him , sometimes i even see him as a older brother.
We are both scorpios , and i would have done things with him that i wouldn't even do with most guys but it seems he missed his chance now. The moves i have made have been many things , like posing a certain way on his bed and showing him my butt when i bent down to grab something . Wearing shirts that show my cleavage and hugging with and without a bra on and my boobs would often be on him when we hug and etc. Asking him about kissing and sexual things sometimes , like at the boardwalk i let him have the cherry from my virgin pina colada at the bar and i asked him about if he could do the cherry thing with his tongue. Us being at that bar at the boardwalk was the most confusing thing to happen recently. And this was after we had eaten pizza and we were making a lot of eye contact , though i'm sure he didn't catch on to what my eye contact meant. Anyway, at the bar i might have been imagining it but i think he was looking at my mouth . I don't know if i had something on my mouth or in my teeth but i was hoping he wanted to kiss me.He also walked in on me in the bathroom once which i am still confused about.
I've made many signs and signals that i was into him and he has been dense/oblivious and without a clue for years , or he knew and is choosing to ignore it. He would rather be into prettier women than be with me. When i revealed i had a incest fetish to him months ago he told me he had a cousin crush on some cousin i don't even know and he said she was very pretty. Last month , we went to the boardwalk together and when i asked him if he would hold my hand he pushed me away. He even told the guy at the stuffed animal game stand that we were cousins. And when i emailed him recently about how i wanted to be closer to him , he pushed me away again by saying he doesn't want to burden ppl by telling them his business.
When i revealed i had a incest fetish to him he said , "that's pretty neat, and quite common as well. I mean.. What do folks expect when you see family first compared to making friends as kids. Not like they talk to you about that stuff till you're older either. I don't think you're really an adult unless you've had one experience like a cousin crush or experimentation at some point in your life. "
And then he said , "On a side note, I've had cousin crushes too. Though it helps that the cousin I had a crush on isn't technically even related to me. Either way they're definitely super common. It just comes down to exposure really."
When i asked which cousin he said , "And to answer your question, my cousin kanasia. She's very pretty. "
He usually doesn't contact me and it always looks like I am the only one who is making things happen and is thinking too much about him lately. But, I'm not going to initiate contact with him anymore, if he is thinking of me then this time I expect him to come make a move. Though i doubt he would miss me or he'd even feel bad. I don't know if he is ever happy to see me or if he ever misses me. Seems like he is not even interested because if he was he would have dropped some kind of a hint in all the years i've liked him.
Everything points to us never working out the way i want , we don't have the same definitions of what love is or want the same type of relationship from people. He's stuck on wanting what most people want , a traditional monogamous relationship. I don't want a traditional monogamous relationship and the type of relationship i want is either a open monogamous relationship , harem , non-monogamous, swingers , or poly. As far as marriage goes i was never a supporter of it , and i have a different view of it than most so marrying him is up in the air if it was even possible for us to be together. Even if things did work out between us , i don't want to be a left over/last resort for him and be someone he just settled for.
By Jordan Colbert
Our story started roughly 2 years ago when my cousin confessed she had feelings for me. At the time she said this is wrong and we should not be doing this. But we continued developing our relationship anyway. We planned of our lives together after marriage, babies, places to visit, things to do and so on. We lived a happy life. Now after two years of constant back and forth of; this is wrong we should not be doing it and it’s ok let’s go ahead with it, she wants to end the relationship but isn’t doing it, just putting a halt to the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect and just wants to be friends. She says, “I should have been the adult in the room. I don’t want to continue doing wrong.” She feels that when we inform our family about our intentions we will end up creating a huge and permanent split in our family. We will be the reason for our family to break apart. People will hate us. Previously at the beginning of our relationship she had said that she doesn’t care about what other people think of her. When I brought this up she said well I do care now. I tried convincing her that I’ll deal with all the heat from the family, you can even say he is the one pushing for it I’m not that interested. I’ll be able to make the family come to terms with us. But she still says even if you convince the family I know it’s wrong and my mind will not be at ease. She says even if we get married I won’t be able to live a happy life because I’ll be disturbed about the fact that we are cousins and we shouldn’t be married. Also whenever she sees other cousins they remind her that we are doing wrong. She feels bad when she sees them. Sometimes she says that I look like her brother and that makes it difficult for her. The thing I don’t understand is that these are issues that were there during the first year of our relationship, why are they becoming unbearable now. She was able to put these thoughts aside then. Why can’t she now? I asked her do you want to end our relationship? Her reply was, “Yes, sometimes I want to end it. But sometimes I don’t. I don’t know.” I said why don’t you end it then. She said, “You’ve done nothing but loved me. And that’s why it’s difficult for me to end it. I’m thinking about our relationship in a realistic way and you think in a hopeful way. There is no way our family will allow us to be together.”
I feel that if I can convince her that we are not doing anything wrong. We love each other and there’s nothing wrong about it, she might change her mind. The thing is I’ve tried everything I could to do that. But she doesn’t accept it. I’ve given her examples of cousin marriages happening for so many decades. Her response is that if people have been doing wrong that doesn’t mean we continue doing wrong.
You may think she does not love me anymore and is trying to find excuses to end our relationship. That’s not how it is. She is a tough independent woman. She does not let other people’s opinions play any role in her decision making. She thinks for herself and sticks to her decisions however painful they may be. I know her very well. She still loves me. Just not enough to marry me.
My cousin just ended our 8 year relationship because she’s afraid that the family will break apart. It was very painful for both us and we cried like never before. We were together in secret all this time but rumor spreading of our relationship made her realize that she could no longer bear the guilt of having to lie to everyone. I’ve tried everything I can to get her to come back to me but she says there’s no turning back. She says that no one will accept us no matter what explanation we give to them. She even threatened with leaving everything behind and starting out from the ground up somewhere where I won’t find her. I’ve hardly eaten anything or gotten any sleep since then. My last hope is convincing someone important in our family that what we have is true love and letting her know not to worry about what the family will say. So here’s the tricky part. The only person that could probably understand what we have is my mother. She and my father got together while my father was still with her sister and they’ve been together for 33 years now. The family took a nasty split when that happened with mostly everyone including her only brother siding with her older sister. Should I tell her about our feelings? Was that relationship taboo enough for them to understand? Or will it backfire and end up losing her love completely for still insisting. After all, my mother already suspected that there was something going on between us.