Okay. So I definitely wouldn't mind some advice/discussion. I'll start from the beginning of it all.
As I write this, Im 27 and she's 22
So the earliest I remember meeting my second cousin, she was 2 and I was 7. We played imaginary games, Peter Pan and she was Tinkerbell. Of course at a young age, I always knew I loved her like I was supposed to, but never imagined I'd fall head over heels in Love. Its hard to recollect exactly how I felt at the time, but I know I felt sad when it was time to go home.
I didn't see her again until I was about 9 (She's 4). I was hanging out with her brother who is a year younger than me. Playing some Nintendo Game, and helping him clean his room. At this point, i didn't get to spend much time with her, but as a kid the Nintendo was an easy distraction. Next time I saw her, I was about 11, (she's 6) I went over with my parents and siblings for a cookout, and everyone was in their little friend groups. I was hanging out with the boy cousins, playing in the yard or whatever. While the other girl cousins all played together in the house. I remember seeing her and had nothing to really say, no way to connect with her at the time. I hardly even got a chance to know who she is yet. All I know is that she used to love Tinkerbell 😅 Well, we ate and left the party eventually.
Next time i see her, I'm 13, she's 8. It's my older cousins grad party! And it's like we've known each other the whole time, nothing felt estranged. We laughed and played. I gave her a piggy back ride and I knew she was meant to be Soo special to me. I had an amazing time with her all day.
Well I didn't see her again for another 2 years. I'm 15, and she's 10. I started seeing her consistently about twice a year, an uncle would always have get togethers and all the cousins my age would come together. we partied in the way kids party. At this point, I'm aware our age Gap was at an awkward phase, where I had to sort of hold back from being too affectionate. It started to make me confused. Last time I saw her, I felt so much love, and it's still there.. but I had to restrain acting on it.
So for a few years, I found myself in an age limbo. I hadn't really felt "in love" yet. But I definitely enjoyed every moment I had with her. So another party at the same uncles, she was 13, I was 17. Between our birthdays. With all the other cousins, siblings and friends at this party, the sleeping situation became tight. My uncle had to basically assign everyone's spots. It just so happened that me and her ended up on the same mattress, which I was happy about so I could guard her from the other teens at the party.
Obviously I wasn't going to try anything weird. But we more or less cuddled. I didn't sleep all night, partly because I was driven to protect her all night. Also because she was so beautiful sleeping next to me. I didn't want her to ever leave my side. I still felt conflicted because I was feeling some kind of way. How could I feel something for my little cousin, who was still just growing up? Not to mention I was almost 18, I knew I had to bury this feeling deep in my heart
We never really communicated to each other unless it was face to face at this point. So time goes by, we both live our lives. She starts dating a boy, I graduate. I see her at my grad party, but its mostly just small talk, way too much going on to give everyone much attention. Her grandpa (my grandmas brother) gives me a badass Peavy cab for my graduation gift, (I started getting close with her Grandpa when he found out I played guitar) and I'm playing a concert for my grad party. I really wish I spent more time with her during the festivities.
More time passes by, I have to be 20, she's 15. My mom and my siblings go on a vacation with her mom and her brother. For spring break, we end up going to Myrtle Beach. Again, I feel this confliction of having to keep my cousin crush not obvious. So I bear with this turmoil of wanting what I'm not supposed to have. The vacation was amazing, but I felt empty afterwards, since I knew it would be a while before I would see her. She was busy with school, but i saw her here and there, depending on the family shenanigans going on.
I see her here and there at the family events. I'm now 21, she's 16. And the curve balls start coming. We would get a little flirty at these functions. I remember one time she sat on my lap, and I sort of panicked, looking around to see if anyone noticed. No one did 🙈 I immediately felt all the feels coming back tenfold. After that, I was starting to see her about 5+ times a year. She would come hangout with me and my sister. Tricking me into rubbing her feet and giving me every reason to grin ear to ear. We started getting really close.
It wasn't long before she had a new boyfriend, however.At this point, my crush was overwhelming. But obviously there was nothing I could really do about it. Kept in touch, ya know, nothing really unusual going on. We would hangout when she wasn't busy. I was definitely afraid of losing her to anyone, but as long as she is happy.
So now she graduates and we throw a banger party for her at my house. One of the best parties I've been in so far. She's 18, I'm 23. At some point, she sits on my lap again and I know my poor heart can't take it. 😩 I'm losing control of this secret crush.
More or less we would hang out every few months, going to beaches, eating at restraunts, more parties and stuff. I would do anything she invited me too. Still had our family events to meet at, and every second I spent with her, I'd have a dumb smile. My family is big, and we had alot of birthdays/graduations/weddings as an excuse to see her.
So then I get a phone call from her. (She's 19, I'm 24) and she wants me to go with her to California for a week. Just me and her 😁😁😁❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗
We stayed at a cousins house who hosted us, and I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be exploring a new place with my heart and soul! Since that vacation, we've spent more time together. At this point I know that I love her unconditionally. She's my favorite person in the world. My Moon and my Stars. We hang out maybe twice a month nowadays, and we communicate nearly daily. Saying "I love you" before goodnight. We try to have a lunch or dinner on Sunday if we have the chance. Especially at her favorite places 😋 When she stays the night, she sleeps in my bed with me and we cuddle.
She's still with her boyfriend of 6 years, but that doesn't stop me from showering her with affection any chance I get. I love her infinitely, and all I truly want is for her to be happy. I just wish I could express my love in it's entirety. It drives me crazier everyday.
So, if you stuck it out and read up to this part, you're probably wondering what I'm getting at. I've written her songs and poems and showered her with gifts and affection, and it's never weirded her out/scared her off. Although she has said that "incest is gross". With all the flirtatious signals (which there's a bunch I left out) and her current relationship... I'm just wondering if I should directly confess my love? Would it be better to stay on the sidelines, knowing nobody will compare to her? Dooming myself to never have my true desire? Or risking it all for my dream come true, potentially falling into eternal turmoil?
I'm so lost, she's always on my mind
hey everybody it's been a hot minute since i was on here but i had a question to ask and an update
to begin is there anything in the bible that any says cousins in our degree can't marry? i keep reading and it doesn't say but list certain family members who you can't be with. Any advice? any and all is greatly appreciated. this is for 2nd and 3rd cousins
Also me and my love are about to celebrate our first year of being together. most of it has been secret but we have made it here and hope to go farther and get married one day despite the oppisotion we will eventually face. He didn't graduate BCT and they sent him home after he was gone for 5 months. we kept in contact through letters. But needless to say he does want to go back and try again if things work out in the future. Now for me i graduated high school and started my college. My love comes and sees me on the weekends and and we spend nights together. WE've talked a lot about our future plans and if things work out for us we want to get married after i finish college and move to a different state. But i personaly am hoping to graduate in 3 years.
Hello, CC. I've been in a relationship with my second cousin (or so that's how I was told we're related.) for almost two years now. While we're still young (between 18-25 years old), this is definitely the most loving, healthy, balanced and caring relationship I've ever been in and she can say the same for herself (I'm a female and she's a MtF transgender. She's on estrogen and testosterone blockers and is infertile as a result). I believe with all my heart that she's the person I was meant to be with. Growing up, we were always told we were second cousins by our family members and when things started getting romantic, we were very relieved that second cousin marriages were legal in every state in the U.S, where we reside. We've both always loved the idea of getting married and having families of our own and when our relationship started to get a little bit more serious, we decided to do our own "homework" so to speak, just to make sure we had the legalities figured out.
Well, apparently, we didn't. Apparently your parent's cousin is your first-cousin-once-removed (1stCOR), not your second cousin. Which is fine, because 1stCOR marriages are legal in every state but 6. We'd statistically be in the clear, right? Wrong. Of course we had to reside in one of those 6 states (Washington). Not to mention, we can't even get married in a state where it's legal and then come back, as the state will consider the marriage void. Now, it's legal for us to be in a sexual/cohabiting relationship. Just no marriage. When I first read that, I first got angry and defensive. How the heck would the state even know? We don't do blood tests or anything so how would they even know? Then I found out when you apply for a marriage license both parties have to record their parent's first and last names on the application. Now, neither of our parents have the same last name, but my girlfriend's mom is my maternal grandmother's sister. They both have the same maiden names. Then my mind started racing and I got anxious, thinking "during the three day waiting period the state must do a background check where they check your family tree to make sure you're not related so if we apply for a marriage license we're gonna get denied and that'll be a whole other level of embarrassment and I can't deal with that."
So now I'm in bed at almost midnight being drinking tea. I'm no longer angry and defensive, and I somewhat understand why the law is in place. It still just sucks and I'm super sad. I just want to marry my best friend. I wish I didn't look it up because at least I could claim ignorance, blame it on the terminology used by my family my entire life. I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to just... get it out? Since I can't talk to my family about it (they know of the relationship but 95% of them are very unsupportive).
I've been sat for an hour reading all posts and stories etc and it's made me want to ask for help and advice..
I'm seeing my 3rd cousin. It all started as she split up with her bf and I wanted to be there for her to help her and make sure shes happy. But then eventually the feelings came for both of us and we started seeing each other nearly everyday. It was great and I've never felt so happy. I mean she just walks in and I instantly cant stop smiling! Everything she does makes me smile. From the way she talks to the ways she looks and the way she smiles with her dimples, most importantly the way she is and who she is.
But I've recently started working a lot due to it being high season where I am, so we dont get to see each other as much. We both still made the effort and the time to see each other as and when we could though. But now all of a sudden shes started backing of and worrying about people finding out that were cousins and what crap we may or may not get.
I've told her I ain't bothered as long as she is happy but that doesnt change anything. All I care about is the things family and close friends will say but her parents and mine no something is happening as they keep dropping hints waiting for us to admit it. But they havent once warned us off or tried to stop it etc. Which leads me to believe they wont be bothered about it.
Were from the UK shes 20 and I'm 28..
Any help would be great. I just want to show her that we dont know what will happen in the future until we get there. It could be good it could be bad or it could be great. (Peoples reactions)
What can I do?
Truthfully I can’t believe I have made an account...or am even making a post. Maybe cause it’s almost 4 am? Or maybe cause I’m finally tired of bottling it up. This may be long, just a warning.
I’ve had a crush on my cousin since the day I came into this world, believe it or not. The majority of pictures from my childhood are by his side. It actually became a joke between the adults in the family that the two of us were “in love”. And a part of me believes that’s true. But maybe I’m crazy.
The problem was that we live in different countries and although I used to visit every summer, the older I got, the less my parents took me to visit. Granted, that’s only due to the increase of risk in traveling to that country. The less frequently I visited, the harder it was for him and I to pick up where we left off on our friendship.
Currently he’s 23 and I recently turned 18. I know I’m young, so people automatically take what I say as a joke. But every time we wind up in each others presences, theres some sort of tension- like when in movies there’s a separated couple that still have feelings for each-other. As strange as it may seem, my grandmother supports this and wants my cousin and I to be together, as she tells my mother. My parents, however, either get very angry or exaggeratedly laugh at the sound of it.
Him and I remain social media friends, and I don’t want to ruin anything in the family- but I can’t help but feel like a part of me will always be wanting to know if he really did and still does feel the same. Or if there’s a chance we could be together. I constantly find myself unconsciously comparing all my “boyfriends” and flings to him, as if I know no one will ever be enough. I just can’t imagine how I would tell him.
if you actually took the time to read this- thank you. If you have any advice- thanks in advance.