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I can officially say I'm becoming crazy day by day, I have no one to talk to.

I'm doing everything to divert my attention my feeling (no flirting though, I still can't do it) but to no avail. I still cry almost everyday, I still feel heavy every single second of my life. I laugh, I go out, sometimes I feel like I can make through this, that I can be a happy and independent person again but the tears keeps flowing, I'm still broken.

I already told myself and accepted the fact that my cousin will never come back to me, that my cousin will never ever love me again, not anymore. My cousin is happy without me and the emotional trauma and hurt I still keep recieving from being totally ignore and despise will never heal because I still love my cousin with all my heart and life and my cousin have no plan on fixing our broken relationship, not as lover, not as cousin, not as friends.

It's very sad that no one wants to lend an ear. My aunt tells me she feels for me, that she cares for me but she doesn't wanna hear me share or see me cry. That I'm being stupid and dumb for still loving my cousin after being played and left behind. While the other thinks that I'm being a "villian" for loving or still loving my cousin because this type of relationship will never work and it's plain wrong. That my cousin is being the "savior" by ending our relationship. That my cousin is saving us from going straight to hell and commiting sins.

Not expecting any reply. I just really need a place to vent before I start thinking of ending myself again.

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Me and my 2nd cousin have been dating on and off for 8 months now. He broke my heart for a few days and i have broken his. It is a terrible pain and i can't imagine going through it again. It is one of the most worse break ups. I felt like biggest piece of me was missing and i had never felt numb before that time period in my life. And with your family i know how your feeling, when these two times happened my parents and some friends acted like they were happy and trying to tell me negative things about him when they didn't even now him. (family fuid a longggg time ago, back before my boyfriend was born). I would tell me myself hey, well now i can find someone i can actually have around in my parents home again and live life easier. But i knew not even an easy life was better than being with him.

Well enough about me, sorry. Just take it day by day, maybe he will wake up and realize like my cousin/boyfriend did. But if he doesn't, all i can say is time really does heal all and he just wasn't the one. :(

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