I am 16 years old, and I was 11 when I first met my cousin. In fact, she is my mother's cousin, which makes us perhaps second cousins? Whatever. She is from another country and she hadn't come to my country since she was 15, before I was born. So, she came to visit the part of her family that is from my country. At the time, I was staying at my grandparents' (I live in another part of the country, in the countryside). I was very shy to people I didn't know (and still am), and I used to be extremely bothered by kissing (in my country it's the norm to kiss female friends, family members, and people who you just got to know, if in an informal context, on the cheek), my parents would try to get me to kiss people from my family, and I'd refuse (thus seeming rude). That is probably a reason why I am not very liked by my family (except for my close relatives). Anyway, when she first got to my grandparents', I was awed, she was stunning, and even her voice sounded sexy. That had never happened to me before. She was one of the nicest people i had ever met, and she seemed to like me. I think she was impressed by my general knowledge, and lack of interest in stuff that kids did (I have always been kind of an outsider). A few days after that (I wanted to go home and my mother couldn't go there to get me) she agreed to take me home, since on the way there is the highest mountain in my country, and she wanted to go there before returning to her country. She borrowed a car from my aunt, and we spent the day together. I showed her the way, and I showed her the small town where I live (it is a historic town, and it has one of the oldest castles in my country). She stayed at my house and she had to stay in my room, so we slept on the same bed. She fell asleep before I did, I got a boner, and I fapped while looking at her. She returned in the next day, and I was really sad. After she had returned to South America, I sent her a homemade gift, and that's when we started talking a lot. I thought that crush I had on my cousin would disappear, but it has not so far. A year after that, shd moved to another country in Europe, and I was the first person she told that. She came back to visit our family a few times, I'd get super excited when she did, and super sad when she left. She would also bring me stuff that she knew I liked whenever she visited. Last year, I managed to persuade my mother to visit her (my mum had never been to where my cousin lived). We all were really happy, I had the greatest time of my life. But, that's when something strange happened. I was taking a shower and she entered the bathroom (I am almost sure she knew I was there). She said sorry, quickly left, and never spoke of it again. She came back to visit a few weeks after that, and told me about her problems (like intimate stuff, such as arguments with her boyfriend, and she is not on speaking terms with her father). When we were at a family lunch, we went to the couch to watch TV (she was wearing a cute dress) and I my phone fell. While I was getting it (from under the couch), I looked up and I saw that she had no underwear (saw her soft kitty, warm kitty). I immediately got hard. About 6 months after that, my mother allowed me to visit her again (this time alone), and one day we pulled an all nighter to watch Game of Thrones. So, that's my story.
I'm sorry for the big text.
I know many (if not most) of you will not believe that, but there's nothing I can or want to do about it. Believe whatever you want.
I'm not even sure what to ask...I've told this only to a few trustable friends, and I needed to share this with someone, because 5 years have passed and I still think about her everyday.
I want to get closer to her. We don't text much, although she tells me everything when I'm with her, and I'd love us to text often. I know she likes me a lot (even my mother says so), but I would like us to be sort of "best friends" (or something like that). I know that a relationship is nearly impossible, but I find her so attractive!
So, in short my questions are:
1- How do you think I can get closer to my cousin?
2 - How can I start a conversation with her?
3 - Should I tell her?
4 - Do you think it is possible that something (sexual) happens between us in the future?
5 - What would you do if you were me?
Please don't make fun of me. If you want to help, please go ahead; if you don't, then get lost!
So here it goes, I have a cousin who lives in the US, she’s half american half filipino. She’s 14 years old and I’m 23. I finished my bachelors degree in nursing. I don’t have a boyfriend as of now(by choice). It came to a point that we became really close with this cousin of mine, we talked about problems, family , dreams, anything under the sun. Until we came into a point when she started kissing me, I was shocked! And acted that it never happened since we promised each other not to do it again. Days have passed until I got really drunk, we sleep in the same bed, I closed my eyes, and she started kissing me, really hard. I was really dizzy and tired at that time so I just let her, Until she touches me below the belt and I said stop, the next day she was embarrassed with what she did and acted like it was a dream so I confronted her, until she said sorry. I told her that I won’t let that thing separate us, and I forgave her and put everything behind. I also told her that I am willing to do it over and over again so that she will not feel guilty because I dont want to lose ny cousin. I did exactly what she did that night and ended up doing it over and over again. We asked our selves if it’s right. She told me it’s not, but its not wrong either. What we did is a choice we both consented.
Is it wrong? Is it immoral? We’re pretty surewe’re straight, but why do we keep on doing this?
Am I inlove with my cousin?
• We've known each other since I was 5 and she was three. She lives out of state and just happened to be at my great aunt's. We didn't start talking everyday until I was 12 and she was 9. And every day until now we've talked, which now I'm 25 and she's 22. I say talked because she lives in a state over. She is my first and probably only best friend. Out of everyone I know, she comes out on top. I've never had an attachment to anyone this strong, ever. I wish I could give her everything she deserves. I wish I could make her life better. She's been looking for the right person forever and can't seem to land a good person. She is the only girl I have ever and will ever love. My stubbornness and feelings are probably why I never moved on when I thought she changed her mind on us being that way a lot because she's admitted she feels the same way. I have never and will never want anyone else. And to my shame it weighed on me so much and it keep getting brought up that I avoided her some days. It wasn't her fault, it was mine. I just didn't know how to say, I was in love with her and not make it awkward, weird, and sad as hell because at the time I thought she saw me as more of a brother. Not knowing if my feelings would be reciprocated played a factor as well. That last on actually scared the living hell out of me. And when I'm scared, I keep quite. I'm what you would call a useless man, if you could even call me a man. I keep thinking she could do a hell of a lot better, because she really could. I was just trying to look past my wants and needs and focus on hers. She needs a financially supportive partner, I am not that. Me thinking like this is the reason I never spoke out about my feelings often. I would throw a hint here and there, or someone else would bring it up, but the conversation would never go anywhere go anywhere. But that's how it's always been. My life has a way of dangling my dreams in front of me, then slaps me with it and and says I can't have it. I just can't take not having anything anymore. I get enough to suffer, that's about it and that's how I know it will be until I die. But even if it some how miraculously happened would we be happy or just sad? Why...just why did we have to be related? Does life enjoy torturing me to the very end? Constantly giving me hope that maybe we could be, then spitting in my face. I just want her to be happy. This situation is one of the main reasons why I'm always depressed and sad it's because my damn soulmate is my cousin. I've witnessed proof of this time and time again. We like the same things, we think the same things so much we are literally saying the same things at the same time all the time, and we enjoy simply taking to each other for literally hours a day for 13 years. I would chop a certain part off and stick the wound in fire ants just to have a chance to be with her. Doesn't even have to be a sure thing, just a chance. I want to be with her so bad it hurts. I hurt when she hurts, I hate hearing her down there so unhappy, knowing I can't do a damn thing to help her because I'm ao useless. I wish I could be everything she needs and wants. I wish I could give her what she wants, when she wants. I wish we weren't family so we could be a family. But that will probably never happen, because we're cousin's. I can't even think of suicide (I'm a coward when it comes to that so don't worry) because she keeps talking of killing herself if I die, and that scares me worse than my own death. I don't want her to kill herself over me. I just want her happy. But we never are. I just love her so much. Is that really so repulsive to society? That is the only thing stopping us. What people would think. And it does help the fact that people relentlessly remind me of it by teasing us, because even they can see how close were are. I just wish I could have this one piece of happiness but life denied it in the worst way and now I'll never be able to love again. You may say I will but you don't know me. I've been stuck on her for over a decade they rest or my life seems worth it. She says I will too but I know I won't. Trying to find love somewhere else just seems wrong and I don't want to. That's why I've accepted that I'll die alone because if it's not with her I don't want love. Doesn't stop it from hurting like hell though. I've used to cry nightly over this but know I just fall in a depression pit and only cry every so often because I'm used to emotional pain now but I'll be damned if it makes me stop talking to her or anything. I've got too few friends for that and she's the oldest and most precious one. I just wish there was some way to be with her. But keep on dreaming I guess. I don't get along with very many girls. Just her actually. So I'm positive I'll die alone without love. I can't be with anyone else. My mind won't let me. I've had a few encounters with other girls but everytime it gets to the point of them try to flirt with me I feel guilty. Like even them saying stuff like that to me is a betrayal even though we aren't that way with each other. And I can't and don't want to change that. Because to be honest I would rather die lonely than be with someone else. Sorry about the bad, repetitive writing and the 'woe is me' story. I just have literally no one else to talk about this to.
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