Hi. So, I’m currently 14, and so is my second cousin. (who I’ve known only less than a year now) Now, I know I seem somewhat juvenile for this type of this discussion, but I’m in dire need of help. See, the thing is, nowadays, it’s pretty clear that kids as young as 12 have relationships. Most of the time, they don’t last, it’s obvious, but I have feelings for my second cousin that I’m certain I’ve had for nobody before, nor do I think I can have them for anyone else. She’s beautiful. But that wasn’t the first thing I noticed. We met at an amusement park, when our parents introduced us to each other no less than a year ago. What I noticed first about her was that she seemed bothered. Worried, distressed, and I immediately felt the same way—at least the way that she looked. Now, she lives in the US. I’m US born, but I temporarily live in another country until about 11th grade.
Consider it what you may, a “long distance relationship” or whatever, but this makes me even more distressed. See, this was the day after they’d come from America. They did a lot that day, and maybe, just maybe she was simply exhausted from all the activities they did.
A few days after, they were still here, we met again. She looked the same way through their stay here. She constantly has this look of ponder. This daydreaming sort of physical characteristic. But it doesn’t bother me at all. For all I’m concerned, if something is going with her, I’d stand up for her and protect her from whatever is to happen.
So, as I said it’s only a little less than a year we know each other now. We went to their house in Fl for a few days in December though, I learnt that we’re actually pretty close. Yet, I fear it could be that she only treats me this way because she thinks of me as simply her “cousin” don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about that, it’s just that she might not really feel as a feel for her because of this. I see her as a stranger. A stranger who’s simply disguised as a “second cousin”. This seems to me to be a challenge put in place by fate to exercise my heart in hopes of seeing how strong - willed I really am. Know you must, she’s my only second cousin, who’s my age. Well, frankly she’s my only cousin in general, who is my age. First and second cousins alike.
Cousins are supposed to feel like a distant sibling, there to give advice, moral support, empathy, but she doesn’t only do that. We’ve known each other for a measly 9 months yet, I feel like I can tell her anything. Well, at least almost, everything. I feel as though, if I were to say anything to her about how I feel, our extremely short-lived relationship would come crashing down. Like an ancient stone abode built by hand, but after centuries of love, war, death and well, age. That’s right, I’m comparing a 9-month old relationship with my second cousin to basically any structure in what was the magnificent Pompeii. I’m 14. That’s what I do. Dramatize holy crapoly!.
To extend on that point I made, about her looking somewhat, distraught or maybe distracted by something, god forbid someone, well, my first instinct was to help. I wanted to help her. Hold her. Console her. She always has this look, and I love it. I think I understand now, that it’s most likely the way she acts. It’s an unconscious habit for her. It doesn’t turn me off in the least.
Her entire persona, by the way, hand in hand blends with mine. We’ve texted nearly every second of every day since that last time we met, when I was on Christmas break, at their house in Fl. I didn’t get to hold her, yet every time we say goodbye to each other, she hugs me. SHE hugs ME. I don’t even offer a hug, reason being, if I do, chances are, I’m gonna ask her to marry me. Her hugs feel amazing, yet, totally off-putting. What if it’s because she likes me too? Yay...? Then again, we live like 8,000 miles apart, and when either of us goes away, we go away. For like a couple months. So it’s likely, the hugging could be just a friendly gesture of saying goodbye. Which, without a doubt, sucks.
So we text a lot. We hang out a lot. How do I approach her? ( if I should) See, I’m a afraid she could find a relationship with someone else soon, if I don’t act fast. While she’s single, while she’s young, I want to tell her how I feel. I wish to have my first kiss with her. On sexual terms, maybe even lose our virginities to one another. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Please, help. I need someone to talk to about this.
So i'm deeply in love with a cousin and im very confused on what type of cousin he may be all i know is that we are related through the same great garndparents for me and for him great great grandparents. So i need help trying to figure it all out. I've been calling him my 4th cousin but i could be wrong (i don't want to be, but its still very confusing) so i'll start with this:
My great grandparents had 11 childern which to him are his great great grandparents.
One of the 11 children was my grandfather and one was his great grandmother (who was older than my grandfather)
my grandfather had 4 children his great grandmother had 4 (i think)
One of my grandfather's children is my mother and one of his great grandmother's children is his grandmother
my mother had 2 children (one of them is me) his grandmother had i think 2 children (could be wrong).
His grandmother is my mother's first cousin.
So what does that make me and him?
Im very confused about it and i haven't been able to figure it out. All i know is that my immeadiate family is against us being together and his immeadiate family is not. All and any advice is greatly appreciated.
----------------------- Much love and thanks
First I'll start with a little backstory...
I'm 35, never married, no kids. She's 33, never married 3 daughters ages 9-16. We live in the same area, about a 15 min drive apart. We've known each other our entire lives but never really got close growing up. As kids we'd only see each other a few times a year on holidays and such. We never really connected back then but we were always cool and had a mutual respect for one another. We lost touch for a few years after highschool because she had good reason to separate herself from the family but we reconnected on social media when I was about 22 and that's when I started thinking of her romantically. To this day I'm the only family member on her dad's side she speaks to. Since then we've very slowly gotten to know each other more as people and friends. It started on social media and text here and there and now I see her maybe 4-5 times a year and we message each other weekly. We talk about what's going on in our lives, relationships a good bit and just normal friends/family chat. There was a conversation recently that sticks out but I'll get to that later... We both went through a hard break at about the same time last year and that really brought us closer together. So, I'll start there..
In May of last year we both went through our break ups. We vented to each other via text and were just kind of there for one another for a while. After that I didn't talk to her much for a couple months until October. She invited me to the movies with her and her daughters and it was nice, we all had fun. After that we started texting a lot more, daily infact, and I would flirt with her but never got a great response. Although at one point she said she wanted to go on a "date" (her words) and we went out in early December. We had dinner, drinks and saw a comedy show. It was great!! On the way home she started telling me what she wanted in a man, for her daughters and so on. I told her that someday I hoped to find the same things and she started saying how someday she hopes to have a place big enough for me to come and visit all my cousins, have dinner and just be a part of their lives. Then we both agreed that the bright side to our breakups that year was the opportunity to get to know each other more. I took her home, she gave me a big hug and we called it a night. We also planned to go out again when we could.
A few weeks after that the texting slowed down untill February when she invited me to a happy hour.
The happy hour was fun, I met a few of her friends, she joked that since it was a "new month" we were scheduled for a hang out and we even talked about another "just us" night out when spring came around.
I haven't seen her since but when talking about relationships a few weeks ago she said something interesting. I'm going to copy and paste the conversation below, I hope it's not too far out of context.
Me: my ex told me I love to strongly
Her: I do too! And im.to.honest and loyal and its a hard world for.us type of people to be in....But on the postive side i always think ull.never find anyone that can love u like i can i strongly believe that lol...and i like to.know im a good person thats the only thing that gives me.peace of.mind sometimes U have a great day to.
Me: Right I don't think I'll ever find anyone that loves me the way I love them and it's a shame because it's a lot of great things going to waste in my opinion.it blows my mind that people don't understand honesty in the consequences of dishonesty. over the years I've explained to honesty to my ex probably a million times she either doesn't understand it or doesn't care to be that type of person. I'm starting to think that most people are 100% selfish and they will put down anyone they have to to get what they want in the moment. Cruel world
Me again: Re read this message. When you say - but on the positive side.. U think that for real? Damn... Love you too. I'll love ya better than anyone else too. So thankful we've grown closer this past year. ❤
Her: No i said it right lol like if ur talkn to.ur.other half hahahah But im thankful we grown closer tooo
Me: I am talking to my other half. ❤. You are too.
(She gave a thumbs up to that, end of conversation)
Since then we've kept in touch on social media and text like always. At one point I offered to stay single until she got a bigger place so a woman didn't get in our way. She said that wouldn't be nessasary because we're family and me being with someone wouldn't change that. (Yes, I offered to wait for her, yes she turned that down)
It's almost summer so I'll be asking her out again soon.
She's moving into a bigger place in about 6 weeks from today.
So I'm just here wondering if others think that she seems interested romantically. Any advice on how to proceed with her in a more romantic way. What's a good way to "test the water" a little more?
I just want a healthy and happy relationship with her. I'd prefer our relationship be romantic but she'd have to want that too.
Thanks for reading, looking forward to any and all comments.
Please give me support
What an incredibly supportive and amazing group!
Please forgive my intrusion. My name is Beth and I'm a features writer with That's Life - a national magazine that tells real-life stories in Australia and New Zealand.
We share unique love stories in the first person and in a completely non-judgemental way. All of our interviewees receive full copy approval.
I'm posting as I'd love to find an Aussie or Kiwi couple who'd be willing to speak to me. I think that it's really important that we tackle the stigma associated with dating/marrying your cousin. It is, after all, completely legal!
The only way we can do that, though, is by people coming forward to share their stories, openly and candidly.
If you are interested, please drop me an email at *************@***********.com.au.
Thanks very much,