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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Alina

I'm just trying to live happy ever after. What can I do?

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 My cousin and I, are in love! her husband of whom  she is separated with now...is trying to keep the kids from her because he found out about us they live in Ohio where it is not legal. I live in Florida where it is legal. She can't move here for obvious reasons. ( the kids)  I was going to move there but now she's afraid he's going to keep the kids from her and the kids love me  and everything was fine until he found out.  Her lawyer was telling her to stay away from me is there any type of action we can take or is there a lawyer out there in Ohio that would fight this issue. We don't necessarily need to be married but I at least want to live with her and still let her not be from her kids  Please help me. Can we start a petition to make it legal in Ohio. She is my world, I cannot lose her.  It had to become legal in some other state somehow what can we do??

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Her lawyer is telling her to stay away from you because SHE IS STILL MARRIED and needs to do what is best for the kids.  Go screw yourself over the "The kids love me" BS.  You are not their father and never will be so it doesn't matter one iota how much the kids love you.  Sorry not sorry, but you've hit a hot button with me.  As someone who went through a divorce and had her husband live with another woman that "the kids just loved" (they most definitely did not) pre-divorce, I will tell you straight up that you and her are doing these kids no favor.  Why the hell have the kids even met you yet?  Be a man for God's sake and back off the relationship until she is a free woman.  You living happily ever after is of zero importance; these kids are of the utmost importance and the two of you are jeopardizing their happily ever after.  

Do all the petitioning you want to change the Ohio law - but of course if you want to even more negatively affect these kids and not marry, as you said you are not necessarily interested in doing, then you have no worries.  Any other respectable lawyer is going to tell you the same thing this one is:  Cool your jets.  Ultimately, these kids come first - at least they should.  If she is "your world" then you will do what's best for her, which is also what is best for her children.  If you truly love her, then be willing to wait until you are both free and until you can figure out how to navigate this relationship.  This may takes years.  Do you love her enough to do what is right for her, even at the expense of your piddling happiness?

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Wow you totally misunderstood everything! 😂😂😂. I've been through a divorce. You got issues. Hope you see someone about that. For a father to try to keep their kids from their mother.. is no real man in my book. I am waiting for them to divorce. And this is a couple cousins forum. Obviously I've met her kids. Are you mentally challenged? I'm not trying to take the place of their father, nor would I ever. Sorry that you think this is, in anyway similar to your situation, And that your still mourning over a man who didn't want you. But I can see why now

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Mentally challenged? I told you straight up what is what without resorting to name calling.  Seems that makes me a bit more mature than others.

Cousin marriage in OH is not legal.  Are you married to her? No.  Is she STILL MARRIED to someone else? Yes.  Is her lawyer giving her good advice about your relationship? YES.  YOU are the one who said that marriage is not necessarily in the cards for you, so any huffing and puffing that the HUSBAND may do is just that, huffing and puffing - unless of course OH's incest laws cover cousin relations.

Pray tell, why is it obvious that you've met her kids? Because you've been sleeping with their MARRIED mother?  And why is it so important to you that the kids "love you" and why have the kids developed enough of a relationship with you to "love you" if their mother is STILL MARRIED?

Whysoever you may think that I am still pining for a man that treated my children with disregard is baffling.  And though it is of no consequence, I have remarried - to a man who treated my children (nearly grown when we marriedd) with respect and would not have dreamed of sleeping with me if I were still married, as your current lover is.

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no, alina, it is you who is out of line. your cousin is still a married woman, regardless of separation. to HER CHILDREN, there is still the hopeful expectation that mom and dad will get back together and they will be a family again. your intrusion into the mix is just that... an intrusion.

you and she are both being incredibly selfish. neither of you are giving a second thought to what is in the best interest for those children. and right now, you are NOT in their best interest. 

and for the record, i'm not mourning over anybody, so you'll have to do better than your second rate analysis of serendipity. 

maybe, just maybe, you should analyze this. we're not thinking with our dicks. clearly you and your cousin are both thinking with yours.

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Oh, and BTW, I'm the one who kicked my ex's sorry a$$ to the curb.  He was the desperate one who couldn't bear to be alone and found someone else while we were separated but STILL MARRIED.  I was the strong and smart one who waited to get into another relationship.  So, really, you shouldn't comment on things you have no idea about.

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he's not worth it serendipity. don't waste your time defending your life choices. you made the right ones. he's making the wrong ones. the ones that say "i'm entitled". the ones that say "my gratification supercedes the emotional health and well-being of innocent children who have no choice but to be treated as though their feelings are irrelevant, because the kids are really nothing more than inconvenient obstacles to getting what he wants. he is not the first adulteror to come here thinking that we'll pat him on the back because his affair is with his cousin.

7 minutes ago, Serendipity said:

Oh, and BTW, I'm the one who kicked my ex's sorry a$$ to the curb.  He was the desperate one who couldn't bear to be alone and found someone else while we were separated but STILL MARRIED.  I was the strong and smart one who waited to get into another relationship.  So, really, you shouldn't comment on things you have no idea about.

 

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Oh my goodness!! Really? I know her kids because they are my cousins! Ughhh and they are going through a divorce not because of me! because he hadn't shown her any love, he slept on the couch every night. She asked him to go to marriage counseling years ago and he refused. He has a very bad temper and I've heard him screaming at her and calling her just the worse names ever. Don't come at me when neither of you know the full situation. We have not even slept together FYI!! So there goes your thinking with my shriveled appendage scenerio. We are waiting till the divorce is final. Because there is a bit of respect and decency In my morals. But you two ladies act like y'all are the queen pins of this site. Well I think it sux.  I thought I could get on here and maybe get some help, but apparently if someone is getting divorced, their not allowed to get with their cousin afterwards.... because yeah nobody ever gets divorced in this world. And if they do then there not aloud to get with thier cousin afterwards my bad I'm sorry. 

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23 hours ago, Alina said:

 My cousin and I, are in love! her husband of whom  she is separated with now...is trying to keep the kids from her because he found out about us they live in Ohio where it is not legal. I live in Florida where it is legal. She can't move here for obvious reasons. ( the kids)  I was going to move there but now she's afraid he's going to keep the kids from her and the kids love me  and everything was fine until he found out.  Her lawyer was telling her to stay away from me is there any type of action we can take or is there a lawyer out there in Ohio that would fight this issue. We don't necessarily need to be married but I at least want to live with her and still let her not be from her kids  Please help me. Can we start a petition to make it legal in Ohio. She is my world, I cannot lose her.  It had to become legal in some other state somehow what can we do??

any misconception is squarely on YOUR shoulders. you didn't come here saying 'my cousin's husband has a bad temper, they're going through a divorce, and i want a future with her and her children but we are waiting patiently until the divorce is final before we sleep together". 

you came here saying 'we're in love, she's married, he's being a shriveled appendage because he found out about us and is trying to use the kids as a weapon to keep us apart, and oh, i don't care if i marry her i just want to live with her, so how can we do it?'

ring ring ring telephone line.... i'm sorry, but you have reached a conservative message board. please engage your brain before you open mouth and insert foot.

it doesn't change anything. you're still just thinking about yourselves and not what is in the best interest of the children. if you truly want to be selfless, then you will break off ALL intimacy. you act as though the only form of infidelity is putting a penis in a hole. newsflash, until the ink is dry on the divorce papers, she is being unfaithful to her marriage every time she confides in you, every time you whisper sweet nothings in her ear over the telephone, every time you talk about a future together, every time you skype, every time you sext. 

we believe in cousin marriage here. but first and foremost, we believe in the sanctity of marriage. you're not getting any advice that we haven't given countless others over the years... stay completely out of the picture until the divorce is final. if you are anywhere in the picture, even on the sidelines, then you become one of the reasons for the divorce. no, more than that. you become the frame. period. that is black and white and set in stone, no matter how you try to muddy the lines. 

yes, people get divorced. it's true. heck, i've even been divorced. and you know what the cause of divorce is 100% of the time? it is selfishness. it doesn't matter who is to blame initially, in the end both are thinking more of their own desires than about the commitment they made to forsake all others til death do them part. 

but fyi, if you had joined this board and explained things in a more thought out manner, we might have given you the same consideration. wouldn't have changed our position, but we probably would responded in a way that didn't step on your toes quite so hard. but don't take that as an apology. when you act like a selfish jerk, you get treated like one.

 

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A point of clarification for anyone reading this thread: while it is not legal to marry your cousin in Ohio, you can be married in a state that does allow cousin marriage, and Ohio will recognize that marriage.

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55 minutes ago, MissPrice said:

A point of clarification for anyone reading this thread: while it is not legal to marry your cousin in Ohio, you can be married in a state that does allow cousin marriage, and Ohio will recognize that marriage.

right. but neither state (or any other in the nation) will recognize bigamy. had they both been single, we'd have given different advice.

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