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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Shyam Shivakumar

Im in love with my first cross cousin..

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Hi all Im Shyam Shivakumar from Kerala, India.. Im first of all thankfull to who ever made this helpful website to help out cousin couples.. So my story is that Im deeply in love with my father's sister's daughter..N she too loves me a lot.. We started having affection for each other since our childhood..she is 1 yr younger to me..N it was during my 5th grade i met her..But our actual relation kick started when we reachd our teens..we had it for 3 yrs..(frm my 10th to 12th).. Then jst b4 my 12th end i gained all courage to brk up with her fearing family problems in the future..she was heartbroken to say the least..thn aftr we both graduated..ie now..i spoke to her a lot n i told her i cant be single anymore n tht i love her a lot tht i want a life with her till death..n she was more thn happy for tht..also the thing is we only meet during family reunions.. n so our relation is purely long distance..which hurts bt we r strong enuf to wait for time..i hv finally told my own sister tht this relation is reaaallly serious n she ws disturbed to hear this at frst..she thn said tht nw u guys just focus on ur careers n post graduatn..thn in the future i will support u both for marriage..bt im really am tensed bout our parents when they hear this..i dunno hw they gonna react..secondly is first cross cousin marriage illegal wrt kerala?? I dunno.. But we love each other soo damn deeply..we cant imagine to brk up once more..so pls can anyone tell its legal details n bout how to convince parents..im verrry happy tht my sister will support us n so does our other cousins..

Edited by Shyam Shivakumar

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There are some folks from India who chime in here every now and then.  I'm afraid I won't be much use to you as far as legalities are concerned but can only empathize with you and encourage you to do what you can to keep your love alive.  Good luck!

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Shyam,

 We aren't lawyers, and don't give legal advice here in the US, where the laws vary widely. We certainly could not do so for you in India. However, that said, this is certainly NOT the first time this has came up. My understanding is that there are different marriage laws for the major religions in India. For Islam, and Christians, it is legal everywhere. There IS a HUGE bias against it, (other than within the Muslim community) but for those two, it's legal. Catholics would have a hoop or two to jump through, but it is possible. However, I'll assume you two are Hindu. There's where it gets sketchy.There is the Hindu Marriage Act. You would be well advised to get your hands on a copy. My understanding is, that parallel cousins are prohibited everywhere in India, but CROSS cousins are permitted in South India. Here is where my clue ends. Where the distinction between North and South India is, is WAY beyond my knowledge. I did wiki your town, and to my untrained eye, it does look to be well in the South half of your country.

 I also believe your sister have given you very sound advice. She has managed to hit my standard advice perfectly. Focus on school and getting your careers started. Perhaps find somewhere between the families to look for work. I know family, and honoring and obeying them is HUGE in India, but at some point, you really do have to make your own way. If the drama is too strong, I advise leaving. go to another Asia/Pacific country. Australia would be my first pick, but, they've tightened their immigration policy of late. Next would be New Zealand, but I'm not sure how easy it would be to get in their either. Again, all of this is if it is illegal where you are, and even if it is legal, and you are far enough south, but family threatens you. You CAN most likely expect that. LOTS of crying, lots of cajoling, lots of drama. And then, if those don't work, threats of violence to themselves or you. Better have your plan in place, and your big boy pants on..... ;)

 

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