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Am I fighting a losing battle

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Good day to all.

I’m in love with my cousin who happens to be my best friend as well.

Just to give a little background, me and my cousin was not that close during our childhood. When I was about 21 years of age and she was 19 years of age we both started working at the same company to do our auditing clerkship. At this point I needed out of my parents’ house and she suggested I move in to one of the flats my aunt has on her property. This let to me driving to work with her every day, eating together and me visiting her allot. Then after 2 year of staying within 20 steps of her she came to visit me one day and we started talking about this guy she dated who could kiss to save his life as any older cousin with do I told her kiss me and let me evaluate. We kissed and immediately we lost control that let to us sleeping together for the first time. We were both shocked and ashamed after word because of our strong conservative Christian beliefs and morals. Then things when back to normal and after a year she got a new boyfriend, I was instantly jealous of this guy and could take it when he touched her but I kept my composure and in the end she realized that she neglected our relationship for a guy who did treat her right. She broke up with the boyfriend after 3 months and immediately came to visit me to tell me she’s sorry for not talking to me etc. While she was busy talking I grabbed her and kissed her and we ended up sleeping together again. After this she would come and visit me like every 2 to 3 months and we slept together for me at the time I did make anything off it because I think I was in denial to what was happening to us. Then 7 years went by with us being each other’s strengths through bad times and good times. In the meantime my aunt who owns a manufacturing business lost her brother to cancer in 2016 and in May of 2017 she hired a young guy to help with the extra work. She invited him to about every dinner or family gathering because she felt sorry for him and because he didn’t know anybody. My cousin started her exams in September where I didn’t see her a lot and when September ended I started with my own exams in October. I knew she and this guy went out but she told me he was just a nice friend. Then one day during my exam my friends phoned me to tell me they see on facebook that my cousin and this guy is no officially in a relationship! This shocked me to the bone and after about a week of seeing them together I slipped into the deepest depression of my life still are. She then realized I was not acting the same as always and came to visit me one day. I completely lost it and told her that I’m in love with her and have been for the longest time I just never realized it and that I don’t want to lose her to this guy. She said she loved me and was circumstances different she would have picked me because her mother will write her off if she picks me. I then proposed we try to be together under the radar but she said that she was in love with this other guy and was confused regarding what to do and her feelings. Meanwhile my aunt I suspect have noticed my sudden changes and jealousy towards the new guy in my cousins life. Since then she takes every opportunity to rub their relationship in my face, by telling me this is going to be here new son in law and that she can’t wait for them to have babies and what a good guy he is. She goes out of her way to ensure my cousin is visiting him and keeps on asking my cousin when she is going out with him.

My cousin keeps on inviting me to go out when she and this new boyfriend is going out where every time I feel sick when I see him touching her.

The question I would like to ask is do I still go to events where my cousin and her BF are present or should I try to stay as far away as possible from being around them?

Then there is the other matter of were me and my cousin is supposed to go on Europe tour together in December for 2 weeks only me and her what to do?

I know this guy is not right for her, he never really reach out to her and he has the emotional side of a rock. For the records my mother knows and is 100% supportive of the relationship, she argues you can’t choose who you fell in love with.


If anybody can please give any advice.  

Edited by RJ54
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  • Liaison


First of all dude, I want tonsay I feel yah..and welcome to CC.

Secondly, I really have nothing to say substantial at this point but I would pop in here and there as I will follow this thread..

But then regardless, it is really difficult if it is on the matter of the heart, eh? ??

Wishing you the best,


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  • Old Timer

Sleeping with someone always makes things so much harder :/

The societal and family backlash is the most common reason a lot of cousin relationships never tend to go anywhere and unfortunately if she can't get passed that then there isn't much you can do.

Now I think you should make room for a lot of you time and when you are on your path to healing, which may take time, you can decide how you would like to approach staying in touch with your cousin. I believe she does love you and doesn't want to lose you so I don't think you should completely cut her out of your life but for yourself and her you'll have to make it clear that you can't go back to how things were because of your past with one another. If she does care about you then she should be understanding of your feelings and what you're going through right now. 


Hoping for the best. 

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Thanks you guys for the response.

This site really helped me realize I'm not the only one who feels this way.

There are other cousins who struggle with the same situation I found myself in.

As for my cousin I congratulated her on the new relationship and wished her all of the best and that I only wants her to be happy.


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