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Hello my name is Luna, I'm 30 and my second cousin has always been my first love. Growing up we where both close and we always understood each other. I was the black sheep in my family and was always bullied. Even at a young age I understood what I felt for him wasn't appropriate for family and it was taboo. We can talk about anything and every as kids. When I was in the 6th grade I moved away from the islands and came to the states. I lost all forums of contacts with him. I thought it was safe not to send letters or draw attention that we where writing to each other. My family hated that I had other members on my side. We didn't see each other again till I was 15and he was 17. His brother was graduating high school so his family few in from Guam.All I can say was the chemistry was still there with added teenage hormones. We picked up like old times and the years apart didn't change anything. Nothing major happened, sitting next to him, or our hands touching sent me chilis and I can tell by the look in his eyes he had it to. We where both too afraid to do anything that summer and he left to go back home. 2 years later his family moved state side and a few blocks away from were I lived. We acted normal around family and didn't try to act like we were close, but when we had the chance we found ourselves alone, we would talk, kiss, touch each other. When I turned 18 I found a job and was in my last year in high school, I found a boyfriend to try and distance myself from him, we both did anyways. We still saw each other at family functions and no matter how hard we try to stay away from each other we always end up next to each other. So we didn't fight it. I got married and have 2 kids (not his) and we secretly have sex we with each other till years ago when I moved to a different state. We still keep in contact and send naughty text to each other. Is it normally that I want a life with him? I haven't told him how I truly feel because I'm afraid that it's something he won't want. We both agreed it just sex but what person doesn't get attached to another person having sex with someone. 

Needs advice 

This post is from July 

fyi: I'm not married. I told my cousin how I felt about him.  11/04/17

Edited by Lunarose01

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Not married anymore, my cousin feels like what we are doing is taboo and forbidden. He also says this will eventually end. Am I stupid for falling for him. Should I just be the stronger the person to walk away. I'm so confused because I recently told him I felt even tho I knew he didn't feel the same way. He says he cares for me but not in a romantic way, is it just lust?

 

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you're not stupid for falling for him, but chances are he's being honest about his feelings when he says it will eventually end. it's natural for a woman to fall in love with someone she's intimate with. (and it's normal... not necessarily natural but definitely normal) for a woman to agree in the beginning that the relationship will just be casual sex. the problem is, a woman can't keep that part of her life separate from her emotional part the way a man can. so yes, your feelings have changed. you have become attached. 

it doesn't sound as though he has become attached to you, tho. to him, the forbidden fruit syndrome is probably keeping the sex exciting, but it sounds as though he recognizes that it's purely physiological from his point of view. and when things end, it's very likely that you are going to feel used... and he will feel like you tried to trap him. of course, neither of those two things will be true. you didn't set out to snare him anymore than he intended to use you. it's just that he took you at your word (that you wanted a casual relationship.

 

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51 minutes ago, LadyC said:

you're not stupid for falling for him, but chances are he's being honest about his feelings when he says it will eventually end. it's natural for a woman to fall in love with someone she's intimate with. (and it's normal... not necessarily natural but definitely normal) for a woman to agree in the beginning that the relationship will just be casual sex. the problem is, a woman can't keep that part of her life separate from her emotional part the way a man can. so yes, your feelings have changed. you have become attached. 

it doesn't sound as though he has become attached to you, tho. to him, the forbidden fruit syndrome is probably keeping the sex exciting, but it sounds as though he recognizes that it's purely physiological from his point of view. and when things end, it's very likely that you are going to feel used... and he will feel like you tried to trap him. of course, neither of those two things will be true. you didn't set out to snare him anymore than he intended to use you. it's just that he took you at your word (that you wanted a casual relationship.

 

I get so confused because he was the one that said he missed me first, he also said he loved me, is it all just a fantasy? We hadn't had any coitus since 2013. I feel so lost because I would of never have told him my real feelings if he didn't say he loved me first.

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i can't answer those questions, luna. i'm only taking shots in the dark based on what little information i have... he may have missed you, and maybe he does love you. but it doesn't sound as though the two of you have the same concept of love if he's already trying to brace you for the inevitable end.

i could be wrong, though. and the only way for you to find out is to ask him point blank if he WANTS a future with you. maybe he just thinks it will end because he is scared. if that's the case, then maybe coming here would ease his concerns and pave the way for you two. but if it's set in stone in his mind that the two of you will come to an end, then he's not committed and probably won't become that way. 

sit him down. ask him to define his love for you. does he "love" you? or is he IN love with you and want to grow old with you? "love" to a man can mean many different things. i would definitely recommend you continue keeping sex out of the picture, but seriously.... sexting is just as much of an emotional minefield for a woman as 'coitus'. 

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