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Deeply in love with my Cousin Ken. Always have been.

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Where is it do I begin?  What a joy to have found a website where I can express how I feel and what I have felt for 41 plus years. This first cousin love story began at a mere age of 14.  It was the very first time, I met my cousin Kenny.  Wow!  I couldn't believe, I had met this first cousin who looked so handsome and from that moment on, I was smitten. I was visiting his home with another relative,when this 17 year old opened his front door to enter his home.  He came in with his then girlfriend Chris. After that night, I knew in my heart I would see him again, but never knew when or what was in store for the two of us.  As faith would have it,  a couple years went by and my parents decided to move to the city where Kenny was living with his family.

I got to see Kenny more and more and this feeling inside me was growing. This feeling of wanting to be near or around him took over me.  I even tried to hook him up with a friend of mine just to be near him.  My friend and he never were to meet. Thank goodness!  

We had an Uncle who held get together's at a hall where there was a live band and Kenny and I would dance together.  We melded well.  We hung out on a Friday or Saturday night at a local fireman's hall.  Kenny would stop there before heading to work on his third shift job.  We were attracted to one another no doubt about it.  One evening, during one of these hall functions, I needed a ride to my home to get a house key from my parents so, I could come home at a later time that night.  My parents refused to give me a key and told me, I was to come home at a reasonable time.  Kenny was the man to give me a ride in his gold Chevy. When I got into the car, I was so upset.  I explained to Kenny that my parents wanted me home that night at a reasonable time and how I thought, it wasn't fair that, my brother got to do everything and I couldn't do anything.  Kenny reached over and slid me over to him near the driver's side.  He comforted me and I felt secure in his arms. Before going back to the hall, Kenny went for a drive down to a local amusement park that was closed that night but, you could drive through.  He stopped the car and kissed me.  I seen stars. What I had wished for all along, happened.  After that night, I knew we just clicked.  He also had a girlfriend named Linda who became pregnant.  They were to marry and I was crushed. At that wedding, how I longed to be that bride.  How I hurt inside knowing,  it was not me that was saying, I do's to Kenny.  Why?  Why couldn't it had been me?  

Well as it turns out,  Kenny and I started seeing each other about a few months after he married on the sneak.  We both knew it was wrong, but the attraction we felt was real. He was my everything, I wanted him more and more.  Something happened that changed everything.  His daughter, his first born died after just a year old.  Everything was happening so fast within this short 1.5 year period that it made my world spin.  I found out just after his daughter died, I was pregnant with our baby.  Not knowing what to do, I was informed by my doctor, that I could deliver a very normal, healthy child. We monitored the pregnancy and it was very normal from start to finish.  I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on October 11, 1977.  He was my world now, because his father left to join the military.  He sent for Linda and his other son who was 10 months older than our son.  This man, I was so in love with broke my heart.......

I was close with my Aunt, which was Kenny's  mother and over the years,   He married a total of 3 times and had 1 more daughter with his second wife who he lost to gambling issues, as well as his third wife.  I waited for this man for 7 years, hoping he would come back to me and our son.  I completely loved this man.  Everything about him made me feel so complete. As it was meant to be, I finally met a man who was to become my Husband and we were married for 26 years.  He knew of Kenny and what had transpired.  It didn't matter to him.  He wanted to be a good husband to me and be a father our son deserved.  We were married for 26 years before God called him home in 2015.

Fast forward now to July 2017.  A call comes from Ken's daughter in Nevada to our Son in Ct.  Discussing how Ken wanted to reconnect.  Well he did just that.  After not conversing  with his mother for 28 years, Ken was now in RI.  Come to find out, he was here last year to look us all up, but could not find us.  Reuniting with his mom was incredible.  They talked and talked and keep in touch with each other every week.  For Ken and I, I am not sure.  We had not seen each other in 33 years.  Age had definitely caught up with both of us.  Graying in our hair, wrinkles starting to set in....the spark I felt was still there.  He made me feel like a giddy school girl all over again.  He still looks so handsome.  He is tall............He still has my heart.  How can this be?  We celebrated my birthday while he was here visiting for a week.  He stayed at a local hotel.  Yes, we kissed, we had a brief dance in the rain.  I believe in my heart,he still has that same attraction that I do all over again.I believe in my heart, that God has brought us two together again for a reason.  Why after all this time? After his 3 marriages, my husband's death? Am I reading to much into this?  His Mom (my Aunt) who has lived with my deceased husband and I for 14 years because of health issues, will be on a plane in May to visit him in Nevada.  After talking with Ken, if this visit goes well and we like it there, he has offered to open his home to us to live.    I have told him how I still am in love with him and he tells me when we talk, which is not everyday, that he loves me too.  But I am really not sure if his love is as deep and strong as mine was or is now.  

Just know, this website has taken a load off my mind and chest.  I never knew it existed.  I shared my life with complete strangers tonight.  It was the best thing I have done for it was the right place to be.  A place where no one would think, what my first cousin and I had/has was disgusting.  I am not, nor will I ever be ashamed or embarrassed over my love for this man, I call Kenneth.

Kenneth, this is our love story.  There was a beginning, a middle and now hopefully, a very happy ending.  Only God knows what the next chapter of our books will read.

Will 2018 be our year?  A "US"? Will we be finishing our remaining years on this earth as one?  Husband and Wife?  It's not impossible.  If we love each other enough and we have each other, that's all we need.  I would tell you Ken that I love you from the bottom of my heart, but for you my heart has no bottom.

I love you Kenneth.  Always have, Always will till my dying day.

Your one and only, Debbie







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