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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Ambra_Flows

Talking to our families about our cousin romance

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I wish we could tell our parents but not right now. they are very Christian and would think its so wrong they would probably disown us.. Its been hard trying to secretly love and be in a relationship with your cousin and trying to keep it a secret.idk if we will ever tell our family

We thought that we might be disowned as well but we found that parents still want you to be happy. It isnt against christian belief. Search the site and read up on it. U might check the sticky on how to tell your parents. It has some good tips...

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Our family is just crazy lol. I don't think we are ready to tell them now

Ours is pretty wild as well...

I didn;t realize that this was the "sticky" (I was on my phone and couldnt see it) that I was referring to LOL!

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Lol. its just hard sometimes because he's scared to show affection in public because he knows so many people and no one knows except for a couple of friends. I just want to love him openly !! we aren't scared of what people will think its just we aren't ready to deal with that family drama just yet  I think things will be easier when we get our own place ..it'd be a mad house if my mother found out while living under the same roof..oh lord that would be crazy lol

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Lol. its just hard sometimes because he's scared to show affection in public because he knows so many people and no one knows except for a couple of friends. I just want to love him openly !! we aren't scared of what people will think its just we aren't ready to deal with that family drama just yet  I think things will be easier when we get our own place ..it'd be a mad house if my mother found out while living under the same roof..oh lord that would be crazy lol

Understood. IMHO you need your own place and a little time living together to ensure it is worth opening that can of worms...

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Yes you're right. Did you guys tell your family

She told everyone almost immediatly (after after getting approval from her 2 sons first)...everyone but one was good with it at first...

Then they all talked about it (on both sides) and then there was about 50% for and the other half against it...

Overtime it cooled off and more supported it (about 85%)...

Then we told them we were living together and a few more supporters got upset...then that cooled off back to about 85% support...

THen we told them we were getting married - 3 were steadfast against it but everyone else was good with it...

3 weeks later every single one of them has come to acknowledge it and only 1 says he doesn;t like it but he knows he has to deal with it. All the rest are on board and it is old hat...

THe biggest problem really was only their own embarrassment.

It may have been easier just to get married and avoid throwing gas on the fire everytime our status change was announced...

Either way there was a lot of handwringing in the beginning (speculation of seperation of the family and being outcast but in the end it is all good now.

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If we could choose whom to fall in love with life wouldn't be fun right? It's not ur fault i'm also in d same shoes as u, i'm dyin for her but i'm resistin d tot by stayin away, dat u should cultivate; stay away from her as much as possible, still be friends but don't be beaten by dat feelin.

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I married my First Cousin and talking to the family was no where near as hard as I thought it would be. It's scary, but if it's right, everything will happen! They have all accepted this marriage and are just happy that we have found our true loves. It can be difficult, but well worth it. Stay strong!  TC

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not sure why it's giving a problem. but apparently more than one have had difficulty getting it to display. LadyLucy, can you tell me if you are clicking a link in THIS thread (maybe it's incorrect and i could fix it) or if you're clicking the link directly from the pink "sticky" topics on the Shoot The Breeze board? the one there is working just fine for me... please check for me! but i'm also posting the link here and a copy of the letter. (ps, there is no cuddleinternational.org anymore, so if you use the letter, make sure to delete that link from it)

http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php?topic=1444.0

i drafted this years ago for others to use... edit it as you see fit. i'm stickying it so it doesn't get lost again.

  Dear Mom,

    I have something to tell you that is very important to me, but am having a difficult time knowing how to bring the subject up. I decided that writing it in a letter might make it easier.

    I have fallen in love with the most wonderful person. We share an incredible relationship. We know each other's every thought. We respect each other, understand each other, and give each other unconditional love and support. I have never felt so comfortable in a relationship before. I feel completely at ease with this person, without having to try and pretend to be someone or something which I am not. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is the person I want to share my life with.

    Our choice, however, may be seen as somewhat controversial. In fact, even we struggled with our feelings, knowing we would face opposition. You see, the person whom I've fallen in love with is my cousin. But rather than deny ourselves the chance at happiness, we decided to pursue our relationship very slowly, and with a great deal of caution. It is important to me that you know we seriously considered all aspects of a relationship such as ours after doing a great deal of research on the subject. It is also very important to me that you research the issue of cousin marriage also, before you draw any conclusions.

    What we've discovered in our research is that marriage between two cousins is not nearly as uncommon as people would think. We've also learned that we had preconceived notions about cousin marriage that we have learned from society, but which have no basis of truth. We have learned that cousin marriage is fully supported by the Bible, as well as almost every other world-religion.

    We've learned that the risk of genetic defects is only very slightly higher than any other couple, and in fact much lower than many other couples based on lifestyle choices. We've also learned that genetic counseling is something to be strongly considered if we decide to expand our family in the future. We've looked into exactly what genetic counseling can and can not do, and are confident that a qualified expert could determine if we are at a higher risk.

    We've learned that cousin marriage is legal throughout the majority of the world, including much of the United States. We've even discovered that until about 150 years ago, cousin marriages were common, and much more accepted by society than they are today.

    One of the most important things we have learned is that we are not alone. An average of one out of every 1000 marriages are between two first cousins, and many more relationships occur between cousins that choose not to marry.

    We are both fully aware that marriage is a serious commitment, and that such commitments are not always easy. A strong marriage takes alot of work. There will always be obstacles to overcome, and we realize that social prejudice is adding one more hurdle for us. But we also believe that those who love us will be supportive of our decision once they, too, have looked into the issue and separated fact from myth.

    I love you. We both do. Your acceptance and your blessing are very important to us, but are not required. We are both old enough, mature enough and wise enough to know that true love is something to celebrated, never wasted. With or without your support, we intend to pursue this relationship. I will always value your feelings and respect your opinions, but this is a choice that only we can make.

    I hope that this letter brings you joy and not despair. If you are disappointed, I am asking you to look at a couple of websites which provide an enormous amount of information which is thoroughly researched and documents the sources of the information. Those websites are www.cuddleinternational.org and www.cousincouples.com.

    All my love,

   

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I told my family that I was dating my 1st cousin and that we were both happy. Some familt member were like what ever. My mom and sister completely disowned me told me I was sick and needed to speak help. My mom even went to my work place to let peoplethere know that my cousin and I  are dating. IInfant stop here from saying things because she has a  freedom of speech but it hurts when she calls me whore slut and white trash.  So what can I do to make her see that's its ok for me and him to date?

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Guest BlondeLatina

I told my family that I was dating my 1st cousin and that we were both happy. Some familt member were like what ever. My mom and sister completely disowned me told me I was sick and needed to speak help. My mom even went to my work place to let peoplethere know that my cousin and I  are dating. IInfant stop here from saying things because she has a  freedom of speech but it hurts when she calls me whore slut and white trash.  So what can I do to make her see that's its ok for me and him to date?

Continue to stand your ground. If you know in your heart he is your true love, then no one can get in the way. There are many ignorant and confused people out there, for example your Mom, but you have to accept. This is YOUR CHOICE, YOUR HEART, YOUR LIFE!!! Not your Moms. Forgive your Mom for her vindictive ways, but never forget. The trials you go through will make you and your partner stronger. You have a bond. I till this day, don't understand what is wrong with people who love each other so much that they want to spend the rest of their lives to be with each other and other people seem to have a problem with that. Right away people associate love with sex. Yes sex is a part of expressing one's love, but it's not everything. Couples, who are not cousins, are accepted sexually, but many times they do not have that loving bond. So what then is marriage with accepted sex, but no bond? NOTHING! Your battle against the world will also make your bond stronger with your cousin and you two will never forget the challenges you two faced. TIME WILL HEAL!  Love is a beautiful thing to find in life...sometimes we find it for a short time, and others are lucky to find it to last a lifetime. Feel sorry for your Mother, but rejoice in the life you chose and every time you and your cousin laugh and kiss!

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If we could choose whom to fall in love with life wouldn't be fun right? It's not ur fault i'm also in d same shoes as u, i'm dyin for her but i'm resistin d tot by stayin away, dat u should cultivate; stay away from her as much as possible, still be friends but don't be beaten by dat feelin.

Who says dat? The public reads this, can we gentrify...

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Thank you. This really does help a lot. My cousin and I are together now for almost 2 years but we spent 7 years before that trying to fight the feelings we have for each other. And now that we're together, his mom is starting to notice our "closeness" so I'm getting scared at times but like what my love said we'll pull through this together. Again. I greatly appreciate your advice. Best regards to you.  :cheesy:

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Thank you Ambra, fantastic advice.

Sometimes we find it so difficult to decide what to do about our families.

On my side of the family the ones that are important already know because I told them but on her side my cousins well they are the trouble makers. I think it is because my mother and her sister don't get along very well anyway and my mothers sister just wants something to argue about and she never really cared for her daughter, I am the only one who cares for her and loves her. We are in our 20's and 30's now and old enough to do what we want but still it's a family problem I don't think we will ever fully resolve.

Anyway thanks again for the great advice.

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Ok so my cousin came into town for my graduation. And we stayed up all night talking. And by the end of the night we were holding each other. Then the next day, we went to the movies and had sex. She is married with a child. Her husband is an asshole. We both love each other but she can't get past the guilt of being married. Idk what to do. Help!!

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Ok so my cousin came into town for my graduation. And we stayed up all night talking. And by the end of the night we were holding each other. Then the next day, we went to the movies and had sex. She is married with a child. Her husband is an asshole. We both love each other but she can't get past the guilt of being married. Idk what to do. Help!!

no, you're the asshole because you're having sex with someone who has a husband and child. you have no right to her.

by the way, please start your own thread, don't hijack this one.

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