I'll keep the explanation brief but I'm an 18 year old girl who had a pretty traumatic past. My parents were both alcoholics, and my father, although he was present for my life, didn't really take up the whole "father" role, if that makes sense. This will become important later.
My cousin... He's a few years older than me and we've always had this sort of connection, of sorts. It was always PERFECTLY innocent, he and I were two of the most intelligent of the cousins, we both had the same sarcastic kind of humor... we just sorta "got" each other, all through our youth.
It sounds goofy, but he was our gardener. Let me explain. Our house had a crazy gopher infestation, and he, being 16 or 17 at the time, was eager to earn a few bucks, and had a knack for gardening. My mom would pay him to come over and help us. Remember how I said that my childhood trauma would become important? Well, my cousin was my stability through most of it. Where most if not all of my male representatives in my life had failed me, he was what "normal" was. Him being around the house so often made me feel safe, like I was protected. Kinda stupid in hindsight, considering we were both children, but hey. I think my crush started way back then.
Our family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, do NOT gather all that often. But when we do, we are just so drawn to each other. Thanksgivings, while the rest of the family would be in the kitchen talking and drinking, you know, having general merriment... we'd be in the living room, talking, or sitting in silence. It was that kind of thing where even if we weren't talking, you could tell that we were comfortable enough just being around each other. Particularly last Thanksgiving, there was a point where I felt comfortable enough to finally talk to him about all the crazy crap that happened when I was young with my parents and the abuse. I felt safe. And he listened, told me how strong I was and how I hadn't deserved to go through all of it alone. I felt SO safe, and warm, like I was finally home. And that's something that's so hard for me to feel, it's impossible to ignore.
Now, here's the thing about my cousin. He's a man of very few emotions, or, at least, he doesn't show them very often. But even all the aunts, uncles, and grandparents know that he's always been very protective of me. We tend to read each other's emotions like a book. We were both raised in a pretty straight-laced, Christian environment and are both still of the faith, and because of this, cousin/cousin relationships are pretty taboo. I know chances are that he doesn't feel the same way about me. But I think that I DO harbor some pretty serious feelings for him.
These feelings became pretty evident, actually, when I met up with my mother a few weeks ago. We had gotten lunch, and I talked about my cousin and how I was so glad that he had been there for me through the hard times, something like that. My mom said, and I quote, "(Cousin's name) is a great man. Really. What a shame that he's your cousin." And my heart stopped. My first thought was "Sh*t! She found me out!" Then I started thinking, "Wait a minute, is that her way of giving support?" And that's really the incident that led me to questioning my feelings and finally ending up at this point, writing this post. Here I am. In love with my cousin. And I'm confused, alone, and scared.
I have a lot of questions that hopefully those in this community could help me answer. For the longest time I had tried to push down these feelings, so forgive me if my questions sound a bit obvious or whatever.
Is there any way to gauge whether the cousin in question returns these feelings?
Is this something that would be easier to ignore and forget about?
Are the whole "cousin couples are bad because genetic deformities happen in their children" thing really as severe as people say?
Is there something wrong with me?
Thank you guys in advance for your responses, I really hope to hear from some of you. Any advice is appreciated.
Im new here. So where to even begin. This feeling of emotion is too strong right. Anyways
So its all begin last december. I saw my distant cousin (the family tree is complex but she is defintely like a 7 or 8 cousin.) But so it had been quite a few months since i last saw her. (She lives about 3 hours away so i only get to see her 3 or 4 times in a year). But when i saw her this december. Everything seemed different. I just dont even know how to describe that feeling. And before you ask my age is 19 while she is 18. So back to the story.
So she came with her family and stayed for 3 days. The moment she walked in that feeling i felt was unusual because i did use to see her before and i had no feelings like this. This was different. I dont even know what to call this love because it was so intense. So nothing really happened after that other then me hanging out with her and her staring quite a bit at me and as well as being playful with. (Bear in mind. She did not do this before as whenever she came she just hung around my other girl cousin and sister and we didnt even talk on social media). So time flew and she went back and i saw that on the final day she was quite sad because i think she didnt want to leave. Also this time she didnt talk to my cousin and sister a lot and instead it was me and her talking and the usual stuff.
So one day went by and i was feeling quite depressed because i was missing her quite a bit. So i texted her and then since then we have talked everyday without missing a single. As we have a lot in common such as interests and hobbies. The texting was quite prolonged and as this progressed my feelings went through the roof. This was our first time texting as before we didnt really click. Now that i know so much about her. I just want to be with her and protect her and make her happy as much as i can. I just think about her 24/7 everyday and it makes sad thinking that it might not work
Well i know my story wasnt too eventful but here is the question. Do you think she likes me?
Other the staring and being playful with me. With regards to text. I am getting some mixed signals so first when i text her about like actresses or any other girl. I get weird responses like lol and ok then. I feel like she doesnt want me too talk about other girls to her. Also she has told me about literally everything about herself and half of the things even my sister doesnt know. So i assume she does trust me a lot from. And there is this other thing. I once told her i liked girl with short hair upto the shoulders and what you know after a week she cuts her hair to that length. Also we literally never end our texting. It just keeps on going. Whether day or night. Also we both compliment each other quite a lot and she is quite shy so i cant expect her to make the first move.
So to end. What do you think i should do. I obviously want a relationship and i already know my parents or her should not say anything but i dont know how to tell her.
Sorry for a long story but had to get it off my chest somewhere so i could have some peace.
Thanks for any replies
do i love my cousin or its just how my insecurity expressed and staying in my comfort zone justified?!!By Essex
There is this my nine years younger girl cousin...four years ago when she was 14 and i was 23 she always had this strong eye contacts and laugh hysterically at my chessy jokes and all the signs that she really likes me but at that time i wasn't interested at all ofc coz she was 14 for god sake ...we rarely meet at family gatherings...till recently i really have a strong crush on her for like two years...she grew up and i think we switched roles...but don't know if she likes me or just getting more mature to hide her feelings...we are both very shy btw...but still she gets nervous when she sees me and i catch her with few eye contacts..till i made whoopie up one night and was drunk and got the courage to tell her that i like her..she got really nervous and thought i was joking...then later i told her it was just a mistake (more made whoopie up)...later on everything is normal...we meet at gatherings..simple talks...she get nervous and clumsy when she sees me...i started texted her...this where all this get so confusing...she reply very late with short texts..so i stop..and text her later..same late uninterested replies...then i stop..
Dont know if she likes me and tries to avoid me coz of her excessive shyness...or just can't take the fact that she has a crush on her nine years older cousin (she is a little westernized) and think its disgusting regardless of her feelings...or if all of this is just illusions in my head and her teenager crush was just a period and went away...but i just think of her all the time..should i let her go out of my head or take a more wise approach?!!!...help!!!!
So 17 and i'm from New York. I went to Colombia for about 2 months to visit family that i haven't seen for years. I used to live in Colombia when I was younger but I moved to the United States when I was about 4. When we were children, my cousin Lucas and I were best friends... but that was 13 years ago and we haven't spoken since. Anyways, my first week in Colombia, I shared a room with my cousin. it was just a small room with two twin sized beds and we each slept in one. We had stayed up all night talking and playing games we remembered playing as kids. We then started talking about our memories together and he brought up one that i could never forget; The day i kissed him when we were kids. We both started laughing and we started playing thumb wrestling. I won and he then asked me if I remembered why I had kissed him when we were young. I said "no," and he told me "you got so excited about beating me at a thumb war that you just grabbed my face and kissed me,". I started blushing and I looked down at our hands that were still holding onto each other although the game was over. I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed it softly and he smiled. We realize it was already 4am and we each got into our beds but continued talking. I asked him if he was cold and he said yes, so I got out of my bed and walked over to his and put another blanket over him. He told me I was sweet and that I should crawl into his bed to warm him up. I laughed and about 5 minutes later, I took his suggestion and we were both laying underneath the 4 blankets on his bed. We just cuddled all night and talked until 7am when we heard our mothers walking around the house and I went back to my bed and we fell asleep.This was the start of it all. The following night we went star gazing and we kissed. We were inseparable throughout the rest of my trip. He made me feel so alive. one night our family went out for dinner and a show and i got pretty drunk and afterwards we went for a walk. We smoked a little bit and he made me feel so safe. he held my hand he made me feel so calm even though i'd normally feel paranoid while that intoxicated. I was so high but everything with him was so clear. I told him I loved him and he told me he felt the same way. I've never felt this way about anybody but him. I know that I am in love with him. Anyways, we were basically in a secret relationship for two months and we even had sex. It was both of our first time. I don't know what to do because I just left two days ago and I miss him so much. Im going back to Colombia in four months to visit again and my mother has been considering movie back there which I would be 100% on board with. I love it so much more there and I genuinely feel at home.It would also be so nice to live closer to Lucas. I really don't know what to do. We were both in relationships, but I broke up with my boyfriend (for unrelated reasons) before i got intimate with my cousin. My cousin is still with his girlfriend but he told me they aren't that serious and that it's temporary. We've decided to keep this all low-key for now because neither of us are sure about how serious we should let this get. Also our parents always joke about us being in love with each other because of how close we are and I honestly dont think they would be that surprised if they found out about our feelings for each other
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