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Unhappily lost

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I've been in love with my cousin for almost 20 years, she used to act like she liked me too. But she really doesn't any more and I never see her. I'm too afraid to tell her, but I would if she ever asked. I know I'll never have her, and it really hurts. I don't, I can't shake the feelings. Everyday is misery.

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    • By CatchyEyes
      So, here's my story. Me(21) and him(26) are cousin. He knows me inside out. And the other way around. We are like made for each other. In the meaning, i have what he dont. And he have what i dont. Its like we are not going to have preference nor personality arguing.
      We rarely meet. Since we are basically live in different country. We meet at least every 2 years or more. Back then, we rarely chat to each other. We start to chat intensely last year since we have a trip plan together this year. 
      We are both were so distantly back then. We were never touch each other since we feel uncomfortable with that. 
      He came to my country last week. And i was so shocked by his change. since in the 3rd day he started to ask my hand(he says that he is cold. Yet his hands are warm to hot.) on the 4th day, he even hold my hand almost 24 hours. He even complain that his hand is burning. But he wont let go of my hand. He even do it in publicly like in a mall when we are with his good friends.
      Not only that. He likes to hug me(purposely or not). He tries to sit on my lap whenever i sit beside him. He forcely asked me once to sit on his lap. But i hold my weigh since im. . .well kind of obesity and he's all boney lol.
      In the 5th day. I felt something wrong with our relationship. So i asked my friend that he also willing to hold hand with(i think because he find her has the same vibe as me). And actually i want to pretend that im jealous. But in the middle, my insecure(i have this belonging guard insecure) got me lol. So i kept say "who are u? Do i know u? Dont touch me" a few times in a day. He said "why'd u say that. Im feeling sad. But I LIKE YOU". 
      And then i need to take my leave for school in other city. I felt guilty over what i did to him. I was thinking that im not even his gf. But it always happends to me. Either to girl or boy friends. 
      After i departed in my school's city, i tried to apologize to him. Via chat(because my conversation in english is not that good yet). But he insisted to call me for answer my apology. It turns out that he also think about me all day. And he almost cry because of it. 
      SO MY QUESTION IS. What kind of LIKE he mentioned here? Im afraid he is going to romantic road.
      My friend said that we have a displacement possibility. Since he had someone he like. But got rejected before he say it. 
      But. . .what kind of brother sister relationship i have here? He even try to hold my hand and place it in his groin a few times when we have random chat while watching tv.
      When i said my insecurity, he said that i must say what i like, or not from what he done. So he can change it to the way i want. What kind of brother would do and ask that thing to his first cousin sister?
      Yesterday he caught a bad cold. And i came home just because he wont drink his medicine. As i remember he WILL listen to me. And yes. He listened me lol
      The first time i came home, he said that he's so happy to see me. And he said i must know the reason. But i said that i dont. And he cutted the chat about it. We chat alot after that. He even say that i should not date a boy(idk if its a joke or not. Because he said he might be jealous)
      He had a glance at my new headphone. He asked if its new. So i tell him that its from someone. He insisted i must tell him. So i tell him that its from someone who like me. And then he kept silent for a few moment while hold my shoulders from behind and then answer "but i like u too. But a different like ya?(idk if its a question or not)" the way he hold me was like trying to block my view of him.
      For some reason i feel uneasy to leave that thing like that. So i tell him that actually im scared of that guy who gave me the headphone. 
      After that we were cuddling until bed time. We cuddling, holding hand, jokes and laughs at nothing all the time.
      But he says that im his close friend and family. Does it mean he. . .doesnt realize his true feeling, trying to hide it in the name or family, feel confused because im his cousin or im really are a displacement of someone he like?
    • By mohammed.hussain
      i am 22 years old and am studying medicine at imperial college london. i have a cousin who is studying dentistry in london as well she is 21 and is extremely hot and kind and caring and generous and smart. we are first cousins and our fathers are brothers, however they dont have a good relationship. i first started getting these feelings when i was 17 and we were both studying our a levels in the same subjects so we grew closer as we spent a lot of time together. over time i fell in love with her and think the world of her. the only thing i wish for is to get married to this girl and have children with her. she and my mother spend a lot of time together and are really good friends who get along with each other. my father also gets on well with her, so my parents would approve of her. i dont know what to do, from what i have witnessed i think she is interested in me too and is attracted to me but im not 100% sure. we text and as we both live in london in student accomodation she texts me and asks if i want to pop over to her place and spend some time together so i visit her regularly and she loves spending time with me, i make her laugh and we talk for hours on end, sometimes we would just talk for 4 or 5 hours straight. we both get on with each other and are perfect for each other. however there is a lot of dispute going on between our families over land in pakistan. however this hasnt affected our relationship and my cousin still gets on perfectly fine with my family. i havent told anyone yet and dont know what to do. should i wait until the dispute is over and tell her and my parents? or should i persue a private relationship with her now? i dont know what to do. help me.
    • By Taylor
      Hello!
      So here it goes, I have a cousin who lives in the US, she’s half american half filipino. She’s 14 years old and I’m 23. I finished my bachelors degree in nursing. I don’t have a boyfriend as of now(by choice). It came to a point that we became really close with this cousin of mine, we talked about problems, family , dreams, anything under the sun. Until we came into a point when she started kissing me, I was shocked! And acted that it never happened since we promised each other not to do it again. Days have passed until I got really drunk, we sleep in the same bed, I closed my eyes, and she started kissing me, really hard. I was really dizzy and tired at that time so I just let her, Until she touches me below the belt and I said stop, the next day she was embarrassed with what she did and acted like it was a dream so I confronted her, until she said sorry. I told her that I won’t let that thing separate us, and I forgave her and put everything behind. I also told her that I am willing to do it over and over again so that she will not feel guilty because I dont want to lose ny cousin. I did exactly what she did that night and ended up doing it over and over again. We asked our selves if it’s right. She told me it’s not, but its not wrong either. What we did is a choice we both consented. 
       Is it wrong? Is it immoral? We’re pretty surewe’re straight, but why do we keep on doing this? 
       Am I inlove with my cousin?
    • By nora.gris
      Ok so I'm new and I really need an advice because I'm so confused.
      So my cousin lives in another country (where my parents are originally from) so we really didn't have that much of a contact besides summer, bc we go to visit our family.
      I'm born and raised in an european country, where I currently live.
      A few years ago, when we were preteens, it was the last time we met (before this year) and we didn't even talk, he now says it was because he was shy. Obviously we know each other since we were little kids and we would always play together and have fun, but as we grew up, we started falling apart and didn't talk at all when we visited them. I had this little feeling for him but I always wanted to hide it, because I grew up in Europe, where marriage or romantic relationships between cousins is seen as incest even though it's legal, but still, it's a huge social taboo.
      So fast forward to this year. I'm 19 and he is two years older than me. We are young adults. Keep in mind that all this years I was trying to make my own life and we didn't have any contact at all.
      So we go on vacation there and we meet. Throughout the whole journey we didn't talk that much. I was really nervous but I also didn't want to create any sort of relationship between us so I kept it polite but I still was kind of playful, if that makes sense. Oh let me tell you that in this country, marriage between cousins is very common, and normalized, so in that aspect we don't have any problem.
      Ok, so the thing is, then he got my social media and when I went back to my country, we started talking. He wanted to know whether I was in a relationship or not and we started knowing each other really well for the first time. After a few weeks he asked me if I liked him or if I could like him one day, because I previously told him I didn't want any relationship with someone from the family. I told him yes and we continued to talk (everyday for HOURS till we go to sleep) and just know each other.
      As a person I really really really like him. He is such a nice, sweet, funny and open-minded person. I was NOT expecting it. We talk every day and we talk about everything. Physically I am very attracted to him, since forever actually. And he also likes me. He even told me that he sees us together forever. 
      Now here's the problem. I'm so afraid about what people will say.
      But when I start to analyze things, it's not even that deep. My family will probably 100% approve it, as I told you it's very normal for us in our culture. My friends, they were a little surprised at the beginning when I explained it to them, but quickly went to tell me that I should do what I felt and they are really supportive and encourage me. Legally, it's totally fine and legal in the country I live and basically throughout the whole continent. So the only problem I have is my fear and my thoughts about what others will say.
      The thing is both of our fathers are brothers, so we have the same surname. In the country I am from, married women don't take their husband's last name, so if people see we have the same surname they will definitely notice we are related. Also, kids take both surnames, from the father and the mother, so technically they will have the same surname TWICE.
      I mean, I know it's the most stupid reason I could come up with, but I really care about what other think about me or us in this case, and this is really destroying our, let's say, happiness, because I'm constantly thinking about this and can't seem to get over it.
      I really like him, I actually think I feel way more for him than just like him and whenever he messages me I become the happiest person on Earth. But I'm constantly seeing comments of people saying it's incest, it's wrong, it's disgusting, bla bla bla and it makes me really confused and uncomfortable.
      Once I arrived to the point of saying, you know what, I can't continue with this "relationship", I'll just block him everywhere but something kept me off from doing it. 
      I really thought of just hiding it and not tell anyone about it, I mean the fact that we are cousins, but they will eventually find out one way or another, and that terrifies me.
      What should I do? He will get tired of this at the end, because he tells me repeatedly that we shouldn't care about what others think but it's not easy to do it when you live in a society where for loving someone you're considered weird and mentally ill.
      If you arrived till here, thank you and I hope to hear from you. Kisses 😘
      Nora 
    • By MadMax007
      Hello all, thanks for stopping by. First off, thanks for all the great advice, stories, and posts on here, and special thanks to the creators and admins. This has been bugging me for a while, and I was so glad to discover this place, I really felt welcomed and moved by some of these stories, but most of all, hopeful. I truthfully am a forum noob, and have never really posted anything on a public board before, much less this topic. The reason I started this topic is because most of the threads I came across seemed geared to very young people, and while other posts did offer some insight, I decided to try my luck here, hoping for a more custom tailored response, respectably. 
      Straight to the goods then. I'm 'Andy' and soon to be 35, she's ‘Cindy’, in her 40s, and we are both single and 1st cousins. I have had a crush on her as far back as I can remember, our families were close when we were kids, and often spent weekends together. Because of our age gap at the time, her being a rebel teen who idolized Madonna and me with my Transformers and GI Joes, we were not very close. We hung out like average cousins, nothing special. Over the years she was always close to my thoughts, plus we stayed in touch on social media, but again noting special. Fast forward a little over two decades, during which we would occasionally see each other at large family gatherings, but no major contact beyond that. Next time, it was special, it felt different. Recently, for an outdoor family reunion, it just so happened that we were seated together and we practically spent the whole time chatting exclusively. I really love to make her laugh and I was doing just that, and so was she. Every now and then I'd get from her, what was probably a wholly innocent gesture, an arm touch and smile. I still refuse to read too much into this, this is uncharted waters and I know better than to treat it like the average crush. At one point during the party, a relative approached us and exclaimed to my cousin Cindy, "oh my, I thought this man was your boyfriend!" Our mutual relative was a little surprised when she realized it was me, but did not make a big deal or read too much into it. This made me back off, obviously my body language or a combination of ours both suggested we were a couple to anyone who did not know better. Cindy's reaction was amazing though, smiles and blush galore, she didn't even make an "Eww face" at the remark. Anyway, since then we have been texting occasionally, every other day, very short conversations because I know she is busy and a single mother. I remember one text she wrote, "I miss you." We exchange our problems and offer advice. On more than one occasion she mentioned how she just wants to be with a nice guy who accepts her, and how hard it is for her to find someone, I responded truthfully, that I'm pretty much in the same situation, looking for "Miss Right" and all that. We even spoke on the phone briefly, this is where it escalates a tiny bit.
      Here is where it gets good, but really scary for me. This Saturday we have a date, for lack of a better word, or more accurately dinner and a movie. Yup, I went for it and she said yes! Holy holy crap! What do I do? I kind of have the evening planned, dinner at a nice restaurant, but I'm hoping to sub the movie with something romantic, like somewhere with a nice view of the city. I really just want to talk with her and spend time alone, and gauge her feelings a bit more. Anyway, I am out of my element here. I'm hoping someone reading this has been in a similar position. I am totally patient and would rather something happen organically on her end, than me trying to force it and be selfish. I would love tips for our date though, I will be myself of course, but I’m wondering if there’s little things I could say or do to hint at my romantic interest in her. I'm kind of nervous and don't want to make a fool of myself. 
      I have strong feelings for Cindy. She's amazing in terms of her fortitude, strength, and outlook on life. She is beautiful inside and out, she makes me laugh, and is always on my mind lately. A part of me believes we don't choose who we fall in love with, and it's not often a girl makes me feel this way. There's definitely some magic there, I just can't tell if its of the romantic kind or not. 
      Any advice from people who have been in similar situations, and my age group would be preferred, but all thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly in advance!
       
      Andy
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