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Darkknight1987

New to site aussie couple

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Hi to everyone out there, Im 30 male and my partner is female and 31 we are from australia.We are first cousins and have just gotten into a relationship after a long time of not knowing how we really felt about each other. Weve known each other our whole lives and have been best friends for ages, we have both been in other relationships in our lives but have always loved each other in a way since we where 16 but thought we could never be together because we are cousins.

Weve both been through alot of hard time seperately and lost contact for 8 years because of our lives, both of us split with our ex around 2 months apart without knowing, we got back in contact through a mutual friend and caught up spending the day together talking about how close weve always been and we just connected again on a level neither of us have experienced for anyone else, a few months ago we decieded to move in together and be in a relationship and have since told most of our family and close friends, most of our family are okay with us especially our mothers and grandparents, some just pretend its not happening lol but we are happy. It has caused trouble for me with my ex that i had a 6 year old son with and she wont let him stay with us because we are together.

We decided to join to talk to some like minded people that we can speak freely with without judgement, it was nice to find a place to do so. :)

Edited by Darkknight1987

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Your story sounds similar in some ways to ours. My first cousin and I got together when I was 29 and he was 32. We too had been close since we were kids, except for a few years in my late teens/early twenties when we lost contact. We've been together for three years now, and we got married last spring. This site has been a great resource for me, hope it is for you and your cousin/partner too. Welcome!

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Thanks for the welcome :), its great to hear that there are other couples like us because reading about all the good relationships and how many people there are helped us make the leap together, weve been together for 2 months now but it feels like weve always been together, everything feels natural and normal for us, we are going to get married in the next year or so all going well.

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ok i have to ask... you refer to your cousin as your partner. is your partner also male? and could that perhaps be at least part of why the mother of your child is refusing to let him stay with you? 

regardless, you need to consider whether you want to risk having a permanent separation from your son to get married. i know it doesn't seem fair that you should have to make a choice, but it sounds as though you are in exactly that situation unless you can get your ex to soften up a little.

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Hi LadyC, no shes female sorry for the confusion :P, i have edited my first post, i used to the term partner  as we arent married yet and girlfriend sounds too highschool for me lol.

I still have phone contact with my son, and i am allowed to go to her house and visit him i just have to go alone, i was with my ex for 10 years and the seperation was mutual and amicable so she knows im a good father, she is just in her terms "disgusted" because im with my cousin.

But its not illegal for us to get married in australia so im not sure if she can use that as an excuse, so one day he will be able to come and stay :)

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LOL sorry, yes, i do get how 'girlfriend' can sound like high school! 

so it's good that she still allows you to see your son. maybe things aren't quite as dire as i'd thought at first from what you wrote. still though, she can make things really difficult. do you love this woman enough to fight for both her and your son? no matter how long and drawn out that might be? or how expensive it might get? and does she love you enough to stand by you through the fighting?

so here's the deal... at least here's the deal from my american experience. here in america, even the non-custodial parent has legal rights. if your divorce and custody documents say you get him every other weekend and for summer vacation (or whatever), then your ex can not legally prevent you from having your son at your house. of course, this is assuming that you actually have a court ordered custody agreement. if you don't, then you might want to look into getting one. again, that's time and money, but it might be your only option.

her disgust is irrelevant. you can legally marry. so unless she can prove that you or your significant other are a danger to your son, then she can't use her personal feelings to withhold visitation. but this is going to be something that may take a judge to resolve.

for now, i would sit down with your ex and just tell her that you want more time with him. rely on that amicability that the two of you have had since the break-up and reason with her. but part of that reasoning may be telling her that if she won't budge, that you'll be forced to take this to court... and that she's not going to win this one in a court of law. but stress that you don't want to resort to that because you know it will forever change the way the two of you get along, but  that your son will be a casualty of war, and he will likely resent her as he grows up for trying to come between him and you. 

keep us posted on how things go.

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