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Yankeeshakes4313

Going to have a talk with her Dad

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Hey everyone... It's been awhile since I made a post because I've been busy with school and taking care of other things... But lately I am stuck in a jam and I need some advice on how to handle this situation... Is it going to be a long story because I'm going to give you the background of it and I'm going to give you the details of what's going on right now. 

The background is that me and my second cousin and conversations about being in a relationship for months... We get on the phone and talk for hours and hours about how we going to be together and things of that nature... And it was wonderful. But her dad find little bit about it and she got discouraged because her dad tell her no... My parents found out about it and I told them that I'm okay with it... Because common sense is that it's legal in the United States to marry your second cousin... I'm not going to act like it's wrong when it clearly shows that is not illegal... Is not even immoral wrong because a lot of people do in this world and most of them don't even know it... Because we all technically cousins... But anyway and that her dad find out she stopped talking to me because of that... But then for a guy with a kind heart I be optimistic about it and hope one day that we can start over and have a relationship... But I have to get through the dad... Her dad... 

 

And speaking about her dad... Last month he post something on Facebook and he's a pastor.. he posed something that says " if the boat is sinking look for the voice of guy"... Now obviously it's most likely seem like a metaphor..  but I asked a simple question of why not using a tool to stop a boat from sinking instead of looking for a voice to a lot of people is not going to hear... He got pissed and decided to block me on Facebook and technically threaten me by saying that he's going to tell my dad because I asked him a simple question and claiming that I lack respect... And tell my dad and my dad checked him is saying that how is my son like respect that he asked you a simple question in the past they apologized for me on the phone... It happen in November...

 

So my dad told me that one day me and the past is going to have a conversation together to understand our different perspective... I am a agnostic atheist and he's a Christian pastor... I went to explain to him that it's okay for me and his daughter to be in a relationship... I don't want to mess it up because I got one shot to do this right in my opinion... I believe that if he's okay with it and allow his daughter to do what she wants to do and encourage her for that... I believe that she will come around and we start a new slate... She's 20 and I'm 21...

Any advice would really help... Even if all of y'all say that Leviticus show you that you can be in a relationship with your cousin is true.. but it's how do you deliver the message to his ears for him to give the thumbs up... 

I have not talked to her since July and I have been patiently waiting to have this conversation.. thanks

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the cousin thing isn't going to be the obstacle for you. i'm really not trying to rain on your parade, but her dad isn't just a christian, he's a pastor, which means he holds a deep conviction that people should not be unequally yoked, meaning that a believer should not be in a relationship with a non-believer. don't take this personally... because he would object to ANY non-believer dating his daughter. so the cousin thing is the least of your problems.

on the other hand, she's an adult and can make her own decisions. you just have to accept the fact that you will not have his blessing.

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On ‎12‎/‎18‎/‎2017 at 1:26 AM, Yankeeshakes4313 said:

Hey everyone... It's been awhile since I made a post because I've been busy with school and taking care of other things... But lately I am stuck in a jam and I need some advice on how to handle this situation... Is it going to be a long story because I'm going to give you the background of it and I'm going to give you the details of what's going on right now. 

The background is that me and my second cousin and conversations about being in a relationship for months... We get on the phone and talk for hours and hours about how we going to be together and things of that nature... And it was wonderful. But her dad find little bit about it and she got discouraged because her dad tell her no... My parents found out about it and I told them that I'm okay with it... Because common sense is that it's legal in the United States to marry your second cousin... I'm not going to act like it's wrong when it clearly shows that is not illegal... Is not even immoral wrong because a lot of people do in this world and most of them don't even know it... Because we all technically cousins... But anyway and that her dad find out she stopped talking to me because of that... But then for a guy with a kind heart I be optimistic about it and hope one day that we can start over and have a relationship... But I have to get through the dad... Her dad... 

 

And speaking about her dad... Last month he post something on Facebook and he's a pastor.. he posed something that says " if the boat is sinking look for the voice of guy"... Now obviously it's most likely seem like a metaphor..  but I asked a simple question of why not using a tool to stop a boat from sinking instead of looking for a voice to a lot of people is not going to hear... He got pissed and decided to block me on Facebook and technically threaten me by saying that he's going to tell my dad because I asked him a simple question and claiming that I lack respect... And tell my dad and my dad checked him is saying that how is my son like respect that he asked you a simple question in the past they apologized for me on the phone... It happen in November...

 

So my dad told me that one day me and the past is going to have a conversation together to understand our different perspective... I am a agnostic atheist and he's a Christian pastor... I went to explain to him that it's okay for me and his daughter to be in a relationship... I don't want to mess it up because I got one shot to do this right in my opinion... I believe that if he's okay with it and allow his daughter to do what she wants to do and encourage her for that... I believe that she will come around and we start a new slate... She's 20 and I'm 21...

Any advice would really help... Even if all of y'all say that Leviticus show you that you can be in a relationship with your cousin is true.. but it's how do you deliver the message to his ears for him to give the thumbs up... 

I have not talked to her since July and I have been patiently waiting to have this conversation.. thanks

Hi there,

Why date somebody who is also an atheist like you? Or somebody who would share your situation. Would not that make your life easier? I dunno man.. Coz if I were on your shoes, I will run away from her because it is like a ticking time bomb.. It is not a good situation for you to be in, I think... Even though she talks with you on the phone for countless hours, I do believe you won't make any progress with this girl, my friend...

 

Pooch

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Are you sure that there is not more to the FB story?  Have you been antagonistic toward him in the past?  It's not likely that the reason you've given is why you've been blocked from his FB; this rings of having a history of confrontation with the man.  You're being an atheiest....are you SURE that you haven't made other religious jabs at him?

Look, if you want the girl you MUST be at least polite to her father.  And in your situation, I'd say you have to play extra nice right now.  It was a bone-headed thing for you to reply to the father's FB post the way you did.  I'm not debating religion here; I;m talking about the art of getting the girl.  You KNEW how her dad felt about her being in a relationship with you and yet you chose to be a smart a$$.  Not smart.  YOU should be the one to apologize to him.  Don't let your father do your dirty work.  The first step in showing her father that you are a man worthy of his daughter is to take responsibility for your own actions.

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Hey I have been busy with school and everything else... That's why it took me a long time to respond and also know I'm not doing... And I wanted to have a respectable conversation with the man face-to-face about the situation and doing it in a manly way... The problem is that her father is too much of a coward to do so... And I'm not being a smart-arse I'm just asking the real questions about their religion... And it should be respectful enough for people to hear other people's interpretations about other religions rather than just jumping to conclusions of the individual that believes or doesn't... I know I have a problem if I date somebody that's in a religion or not... I will give her an another chance if it works out... We're not talking right now for months... And I'm just sharing my story with y'all on here to hear y'all feedback... LOL the final decision is going to be on me either way... I hear you and I respect your response but trust me I would love to have a respectable conversation with her father... I'm not going to act like I did something wrong when I clearly didn't... I asked him a simple question about a post he posted on Facebook and he had a nasty attitude... He put something like if the plane was falling look for the voice of God... And I simply put why not use a tool... I have friends that are pastors as well and they don't have a attitude because of that... I'm not the one who's throwing the salt here he is... Plus I know atheist and goes out with Christians anyway... It's alright if it turns out okay or not... But I'm not Going to cry over spilled milk... I have more important things to focus on then to soak and mope about if she's going to ever talk to me again... If I have a nickel of every time I say that about people is not going to talk to me again...they end up showing up in my life at a later time and start talking again... So I'm okay about it... I can't soak about it... 

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