Jump to content
Seline

Why is my 1st cousin avoiding me?

Recommended Posts

If anyone can answer me this I'd very much appreciate it. 
My first cousin and I were very close back in our younger years. We would hang around many times and have lots of fun going out to clubs etc.. One time, when I was 20 and he was 19 (he's one year younger) he came on to me. He was inexperienced at the time and was holding in I guess his feelings for too long so he must have lost control of his hormones. I admit I panicked and pushed him away. He didn't say anything. I remember his face after rejecting him-he seemed disappointed and embarrased. We just carried on from that day as if nothing happened though.
Nevertheless, when one day I decided to move to Canada, he never came to see me at the airport as he had promised so. Three years later, when he found out I was getting married and saw a photo of the man who I was going to marry, he called me at work to tell me what the hell was I doing with this man and that I was making a mistake. I called my aunt (his mother) and asked her why did he do this? and she told me ''because your cousin loves you honey''...:o I was stunned hearing this and confused not knwoing what my aunt really meant. Was she telling me that my cousin loves me as his cousin or was it something else?..In any case, it turned out he was right.
The man I married was a monster..So years passed being unhappy though I'd still talk with my cousin once in a while over the phone. Then I met my second husband or second nightmare that is.
I remember when my cousin called me again after seeing me in a photo with my 3 year old daughter to tell me how good and beautiful I still looked but I still thought he was just being nice and all. After my second divorce, I reunited with him. We hadnt seen each other for nearly 20 years altogether.
He was excited to see me and he would come and sleep on my aunt's uncomfotable couch even though he had a very nice place of his own. One day his girlfriend showed up and she'd be all over him but he would not touch her (at least in front of me). Few days later we had our first argument and I was shocked to hear him say that I made a big mistake moving to another country and about marrying the men I did..I was hurt but he was so right...
Later, I tried putting all the pieces together wondering if my cousin was in love with me and simply cared for me deeply. I was quite prudish at the time and taboos were still an issue. After our arguement, we stopped seeing each other and we met again three years later at my uncle's funeral (his father). I walked into the church to see him wearing black shades standing alone in a corner.
I went to him and just hugged him cautiously feeling unsure about his response. Ill never forget how tight he held me, as if he needed to feel my body next to his. At least, that was my interprentation. After the funeral, we all met at my aunt's house for coffee and he was avoiding me most of the time. Only when I got up to leave my cup at the sink, he told me 'take mine too'...
My aunt reassured me he is holding no grudges against me and she has been telling me many times to just go and visit him at his office. I did. He was warm with me. We talked. I noticed right away, that he was fidgeting and shaking his leg nervously. He asked how have I been doing and told him about my new job while also stupidly mentioning I was seeing a man though not in a serious relationship.I was thinking that we are grown people and he wouldn't judge me negatively about this. Surprisingly, our meeting was short and he wouldn't even treat me to a cup of coffee, something he always used to do! Upon leaving, he caressed lightly my cheek and gave me a soft hug. That was it.
He's been asking my aunt how am I doing but he has never called me once since then. Is it that I have disappointed him in some way? Why is he avoiding me so much?? Btw, he has never married neither does he have any children. He has had many relationships but never stayed faithful to any of the women he dated...Now more than ever, I think about him very intensely realising he must have loved me at a time..So sad..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

maybe he's just afraid of being rejected by you again in favor of someone else. if you want to pursue a relationship with this guy, this time it is going to be up to you to make sure he knows it. and that means no subtle hints... men don't get subtlety. you're going to have to open your mouth and say "will you go out with me?" you're going to have to be the one to kiss him first. you're going to have to be the one to take the lead. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Similar Content

    • By Grind544
      First I'll start with a little backstory...
      I'm 35, never married, no kids.  She's 33, never married 3 daughters ages 9-16.  We live in the same area, about a 15 min drive apart.  We've known each other our entire lives but never really got close growing up.  As kids we'd only see each other a few times a year on holidays and such.  We never really connected back then but we were always cool and had a mutual respect for one another.  We lost touch for a few years after highschool because she had good reason to separate herself from the family but we reconnected on social media when I was about 22 and that's when I started thinking of her romantically.  To this day I'm the only family member on her dad's side she speaks to.   Since then we've very slowly gotten to know each other more as people and friends.  It started on social media and text here and there and now I see her maybe 4-5 times a year and we message each other weekly.  We talk about what's going on in our lives, relationships a good bit and just normal friends/family chat.  There was a conversation recently that sticks out but I'll get to that later...  We both went through a hard break at about the same time last year and that really brought us closer together.  So, I'll start there.. 
       
      In May of last year we both went through our break ups.  We vented to each other via text and were just kind of there for one another for a while.  After that I didn't talk to her much for a couple months until October.  She invited me to the movies with her and her daughters and it was nice, we all had fun.  After that we started texting a lot more, daily infact, and I would flirt with her but never got a great response.  Although at one point she said she wanted to go on a "date" (her words) and we went out in early December.  We had dinner, drinks and saw a comedy show.  It was great!!  On the way home she started telling me what she wanted in a man, for her daughters and so on.  I told her that someday I hoped to find the same things and she started saying how someday she hopes to have a place big enough for me to come and visit all my cousins, have dinner and just be a part of their lives.  Then we both agreed that the bright side to our breakups that year was the opportunity to get to know each other more.  I took her home, she gave me a big hug and we called it a night.  We also planned to go out again when we could.
      A few weeks after that the texting slowed down untill February when she invited me to a happy hour.
      The happy hour was fun, I met a few of her friends, she joked that since it was a "new month" we were scheduled for a hang out and we even talked about another "just us" night out when spring came around.
      I haven't seen her since but when talking about relationships a few weeks ago she said something interesting.  I'm going to copy and paste the conversation below, I hope it's not too far out of context.
       
      Me: my ex told me I love to strongly
      Her: I do too! And im.to.honest and loyal and its a hard world for.us type of people to be in....But on the postive side i always think ull.never find anyone that can love u like i can i strongly believe that lol...and i like to.know im a good person thats the only thing that gives me.peace of.mind sometimes U have a great day to.
      Me: Right I don't think I'll ever find anyone that loves me the way I love them and it's a shame because it's a lot of great things going to waste in my opinion.it blows my mind that people don't understand honesty in the consequences of dishonesty.  over the years I've explained to honesty to my ex probably a million times she either doesn't understand it or doesn't care to be that type of person.  I'm starting to think that most people are 100% selfish and they will put down anyone they have to to get what they want in the moment. Cruel world
      Me again: Re read this message.  When you say - but on the positive side.. U think that for real?  Damn...  Love you too. I'll love ya better than anyone else too.   So thankful we've grown closer this past year.  ❤
       
      Her: No i said it right lol like if ur talkn to.ur.other half hahahah But im thankful we grown closer tooo
      Me: I am talking to my other half.  ❤. You are too.
      (She gave a thumbs up to that, end of conversation)
       
      Since then we've kept in touch on social media and text like always.  At one point I offered to stay single until she got a bigger place so a woman didn't get in our way. She said that wouldn't be nessasary because we're family and me being with someone wouldn't change that.  (Yes, I offered to wait for her, yes she turned that down)
      It's almost summer so I'll be asking her out again soon.
      She's moving into a bigger place in about 6 weeks from today.
      So I'm just here wondering if others think that she seems interested romantically.  Any advice on how to proceed with her in a more romantic way.  What's a good way to "test the water" a little more?
      I just want a healthy and happy relationship with her.  I'd prefer our relationship be romantic but she'd have to want that too.
       
      Thanks for reading, looking forward to any and all comments.
       
    • By Guest Of CC
      My first cousin crush was my 2nd crush.
      We did a staring contest and got too close, And made things awkward.
      I don't know how this happen but I get cousin crushes more often.
    • By Yankeeshakes4313
      I'm going to share and express my thoughts about cousin marriages... Stay tuned... Good subscribe to Sage Nation.... The episode will come in two weeks... I'm going to start my podcast again on Thursday March 15th.... Please subscribe and support my channel
    • By Casting Love is Love
      We are looking for cousin couples, kids of cousin couples, friends of cousin couples, 1/2 a cousin couple, etc. who are in the Los Angeles area to take part in the documentary Love is Love. Individuals will be compensated $50 (couples $100) for their time and interview. The shoot will be in Encino on Saturday, March 10 and interviewees will be asked to stay for a 30-45 minute interview.
      Love is Love is a project bringing cousin love to a positive light by way of stories, interviews, and statistics. These interviews will be heartfelt, meaningful and we can’t wait to bring these wonderful stories to life.
      The producer is a child of cousin love, and hopes to bring to light her Mom’s story, along with others, in hopes of challenging society’s view of cousin love. 
      Please contact us today if you, or someone you new would be a great fit to have their story documented: [email protected] 
×
×
  • Create New...