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Cas

Advice please!

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I’m glad that I found this site and that there are others in similar situations as me. 

 I’m 20 years old and I’ve liked my cousin since I met him.  Our moms are sisters. My aunt moved out of state when my mom was a young teenager. They kept close contact with each other over the years and didn’t see each other again up until eight years ago. That’s when I finally got a chance to meet my cousins. During this visit,  my cousin who is the same age as me, started to become close to me. Two years later, while visiting them in California, he finally kissed me and told me that he liked me. After, I didn’t get to see him until our high school graduation party, four years later. This is when I noticed that I was still completely in love with him and my thoughts over the years hadn’t changed. It wasn’t till recently when his mom and step dad moved closer to me that we started talking again. I finally got the courage to tell him how I felt about him since we met. About a month later in December 2017, he asked me why I liked him and told me that I’m the first person to like him for who he is. This is when we started flirting and expressed our desire to be together. That all came to an end when my parents found out. At first, they thought it was awkward but now they see how happy I was during that time. They’ve been a little hesitant to let me go visit him because his parents don’t know about it. My cousin has told me that he doesn’t want his parents to know since, he isn’t close with them and that they would more than likely not accept this. And my parents won’t let me visit until his parents know my reasoning behind why I want too. Ever since we stopped flirting, I’ve realized that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and I don’t know what to do. I now have nothing holding me back in my home state and the more I’m apart from him makes me know that I don’t feel happy at all. 

Sorry about the long story. I just need some advice on what I should do now. Any help would be greatly appreciated. 

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i've seen much longer stories, trust me! you do realize that at 20 years old, your parents don't get to dictate who you see and who you don't, right? 

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Thank you for the response. Yes, I do realize that. For the most part now they’ve been accepting of this. I still live with my parents but I’m financially doing good for my age. 

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then if you want to go see him, go. you don't have to submit to your parents "terms of visitation". however, they may ask you to move out if you're not going to do their bidding. now listen carefully here, that's not such a bad thing... on the one hand, your parents have a right to lay down "house rules", pertaining to anything that occurs in their home... but that shouldn't include telling you who you're allowed to see outside the house. on the other hand, you're 20 years old and doing financially well for someone your age. to ME that means that you are financially sound enough that you should no longer be living with your parents and letting them support you. 

i don't understand this new generation's choice to let their parents support them after the age of 18 or so, unless they are helping you out while you go to college. you're an adult now. get your own place or share expenses with a roommate and set your OWN rules. we were never meant to be beholden to our moms and dads during our adult years.

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LadyC, 

My parents are the type of parents that have been overprotective of my sibling and I. Because they never want to see us hurt. Which I can understand their reasoning behind that. My sister moved out of the house when she was my age,  but I’m still here because they’re helping me out with college. 

On the other hand, my cousin is also 20 and he just moved in with his grandparents after his parents moved across the country. The cost of living there is high for him to be able to afford on his own. 

My aunt and uncle will be visiting us this weekend. That would make for an awkward visit if I told them. But I wouldn’t want to for a fear of possible disagreement. And my parents don’t want me to either. 

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Ur Story Similer to my story.. Nice to see another Parallel cousin couple here..we are also a parallel cousins..our moms were sisters.. Go ahead.. best Of Luck !!

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Nick, 

Thank you! :) It’s nice to know that there are others in similar situations as me. I just realized that I commented on your other post. 

Good luck to you too. 

 

Edited by Cas

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I figured I should do an update since it’s been awhile. In January, during a visit with my aunt and uncle, his mom told me that she might not have the same dad as my mom does. It is believed that her dad would be a brother of my moms dad. Our moms were younger when their parents divorced and they hardly know either of us. With that information, I told my cousin and he doesn’t care that we’re related even though, we both like each other. Sometimes, it’s just so irresistible to want to flirt with each other.  We have flirted about wanting to have sex together. 

Recently, our great grandpa just died at the age of 91. I was very close with him and got to visit a lot. My cousin was the one to comfort me by telling me he’s in a much better place and free of any pain. He truly made me feel a lot better. His parents could only come for the funeral this past weekend and they left on Monday. During this time, I told them that I talk to their son a lot and that we’re close and we want to hang out. They responded by telling me that I can go visit with them in mid April for the week. When I told my mom about this she liked the idea of me going with them. However, my dad thinks if I go out there that I won’t come back. My dads first wife took off with their daughter when she was little and hasn’t got to see her since then. I feel he is just scared that can happen again but with me. Even if I love it and want to move there, I would at least come back and say bye to my relatives and friends. My dad also just doesn’t want me to quit college for this since I have worked hard. I try to tell my parents that credits can transfer and I would still want both an education and a relationship. 

I just can’t imagine my life with anyone else. He makes me feel so complete. And every day seems like eternity since I saw him last. 

Any advice would be greatly helpful to me. :) 

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i imagine your dad does have some fear left over from having lost contact with his daughter. but she was a child when her mother took off, and she probably has very little (good) memories of him left. it's pretty likely that she has been poisoned against him for her entire life by her mother. 

remind your dad that it's a whole different scenario now. you have grown up your entire life loving him, and no matter how far away you might ever travel (short or long term) you'll never stop being his little girl.

hope things work out for you!!

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