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kielan

*IMPORTANT* CALLING OUT ALL FILIPINOS! *IMPORTANT*

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GOOD DAY EVERYONE!
 

Kamusta po kayong lahat? Some of us couples became successful, and some are still waiting.

As you can see on the news right now, our President Duterte said he accept same sex marriage, now he insists marriage equality here at Ph. Wala akong comment about LGBTs, pero there might be a chance na eto na ang upbringing naten. Some of us may mga anak na, syempre lahat naman sa atin gusto magkaroon ng legal basis sa pamumuhay, how about we voice out our concerns? Makita nila na marami tayo? How come that they can accept same-sex marriage while cousin marriage is not? Family code is about to change, the law is about to change. Kailangan nating kumilos, para makita nila ang hinaing natin. Im sure, sa buong pilipinas maraming kaperaho natin, humihingi din ng tulong, natatakot lamang. Actually i have to migrate sa ibang bansa para lang maayos na pamumuhay namin. Pero alam ko this year God will do something. may hinanda na siya, kaya inaanyayahan ko ngayon mga ka cc makapag usap tayo ng mga ideas natin sa thread na ito. We need corporate prayers to make this happen!

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Hi Kielan,

First of all, I really like the good thread that you opened! I will respond muna through housekeeping matters para on-point ang maging thread natin. I can see na Tagalog (Filipino) ang ginamit mong medium. This might dissuade people who cannot speak the language like us. It's up to you though kung strict english or tag-lish okay lang. Anyhow, another point na gusto kong banggitin is since ikaw ang nagopen ng thread, do you want the thread to be more "politically-inclined"? Or depende sa flow ng conversation na lang? Sabi mo kasi,

8 hours ago, kielan said:

pero there might be a chance na eto na ang upbringing naten. Some of us may mga anak na, syempre lahat naman sa atin gusto magkaroon ng legal basis sa pamumuhay, how about we voice out our concerns? Makita nila na marami tayo? How come that they can accept same-sex marriage while cousin marriage is not? Family code is about to change, the law is about to change

Also, I am happy na you come from the Christian perspective. Sige po, usap po tayo dito sa thread and makapagbrainstorm. :) I will respond in more detail sa susunod.

 

Pooch

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Maybe we can start by talking about the Family Code of the Philippines and  how it affects the law and politics. Magandang mag-umpisa doon eh, tama? Uumpisahan ko sa pagpost ng part ng Family Code na may kinalaman sa Cousin Marriages. Under the section (chapter) Void and Voidable Marriages:

Source: www.kapitbisig.com/philippines/the-family-code-of-the-philippines-chapter-3-void-and-voidable-marriages-the-family-code-of-the-philippines_961.html

 
Quote

 

Article 38

The following marriages shall be void from the beginning for reasons of public policy:

  1. Between collateral blood relatives whether legitimate or illegitimate, up to the fourth civil degree;
  2. Between step-parents and step-children;
  3. Between parents-in-law and children-in-law;
  4. Between the adopting parent and the adopted child;
  5. Between the surviving spouse of the adopting parent and the adopted child;
  6. Between the surviving spouse of the adopted child and the adopter;
  7. Between an adopted child and a legitimate child of the adopter;
  8. Between adopted children of the same adopter; and
  9. Between parties where one, with the intention to marry the other, killed that other person's spouse, or his or her own spouse.  (82)

 

Ito ang issue at hand, tama po, ano?

 

Pooch

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20 hours ago, pooch said:

I can see na Tagalog (Filipino) ang ginamit mong medium. This might dissuade people who cannot speak the language like us. It's up to you though kung strict english or tag-lish okay lang. Anyhow, another point na gusto kong banggitin is since ikaw ang nagopen ng thread, do you want the thread to be more "politically-inclined"? Or depende sa flow ng conversation na lang?

Good day pooch! 

I'm sorry man, we have to use english pala, if we cant seek help to fellow filipinos, other cc friends might help us

If only we have someone who has connections with a congressman. Though first thing to do is to have solid group, and let the government recognize us.

Here's what i'm thinking for now

Act as Lobbyist, so that we can influence politicians *Pricey*

Protest once same sex marriage bill became a law
i don't have any against LGBT's, but giving right for them to marry same sex, is something we can't just swallow. It's not that we're jealous, it's because we believe that we have the utmost right to get married in reference to Law of God and how other countries accept first cousin marriage. 

WE WANT CIVIL UNION

Pres. Duterte said he doesn't want oppression, or he can change the law whatever the predilection on human being in regards of marriage.
Now if they keep insisting that same sex marriage is for marriage equality. then what is equality if they left out people like us?

Sure, it's because of genetic issues or inbreeding, tho it's too much exaggerated, there are facts on the internet, scientists have already proven that it's only low risk.
Speaking in reality, the gov't will accept civil union between first cousins if only one or both of the couples are sterile. Although they can be advise to undergo genetic counselling and proceed to marriage. 

Stay positive, it's GOD's APPOINTED TIME for us.

We need bright minds to share their ideas, little conversation creates miracle! ;)

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Maybe we can start by talking about the Family Code of the Philippines and  how it affects the law and politics. Magandang mag-umpisa doon eh, tama? Uumpisahan ko sa pagpost ng part ng Family Code na may kinalaman sa Cousin Marriages. Under the section (chapter) Void and Voidable Marriages:

Source: Family code of the Philippines, chapter 3, Voidable Marriages

Quote

 

Article 38

The following marriages shall be void from the beginning for reasons of public policy:

  1. Between collateral blood relatives whether legitimate or illegitimate, up to the fourth civil degree;
  2. Between step-parents and step-children;
  3. Between parents-in-law and children-in-law;
  4. Between the adopting parent and the adopted child;
  5. Between the surviving spouse of the adopting parent and the adopted child;
  6. Between the surviving spouse of the adopted child and the adopter;
  7. Between an adopted child and a legitimate child of the adopter;
  8. Between adopted children of the same adopter; and
  9. Between parties where one, with the intention to marry the other, killed that other person's spouse, or his or her own spouse.  (82)

 

Ito ang issue at hand, tama po, ano?

 

Pooch

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9 hours ago, kielan said:

Good day pooch! 

I'm sorry man, we have to use english pala, if we cant seek help to fellow filipinos, other cc friends might help us

If only we have someone who has connections with a congressman. Though first thing to do is to have solid group, and let the government recognize us.

Here's what i'm thinking for now

Act as Lobbyist, so that we can influence politicians *Pricey*

Protest once same sex marriage bill became a law
i don't have any against LGBT's, but giving right for them to marry same sex, is something we can't just swallow. It's not that we're jealous, it's because we believe that we have the utmost right to get married in reference to Law of God and how other countries accept first cousin marriage. 

WE WANT CIVIL UNION

Pres. Duterte said he doesn't want oppression, or he can change the law whatever the predilection on human being in regards of marriage.
Now if they keep insisting that same sex marriage is for marriage equality. then what is equality if they left out people like us?

Sure, it's because of genetic issues or inbreeding, tho it's too much exaggerated, there are facts on the internet, scientists have already proven that it's only low risk.
Speaking in reality, the gov't will accept civil union between first cousins if only one or both of the couples are sterile. Although they can be advise to undergo genetic counselling and proceed to marriage. 

Stay positive, it's GOD's APPOINTED TIME for us.

We need bright minds to share their ideas, little conversation creates miracle! ;)

One at a time Kielan... :D

You have so many ideas right away. Let's take it piece-by-piece. We will figure out the details (ie. the acting as lobbyist or the group or anything along those lines) later. I believe that we need to establish our identity first. So let me respond,

You said,

9 hours ago, kielan said:

Protest once same sex marriage bill became a law

For the sake of the readers of this thread, what is the process that you are thinking of when the bill becomes a law? Has a bill been passed on already? If so, what are the details of the bill? And what does the bill say? How long does the bill become law? Matagal na proseso kasi yan eh and hindi naman yan basta-basta (This process is long if we want to make it legal). But of course we are willing to give it a try, as long as it takes, so that it will be legislated. 

If somebody is a political science student, kindly fill it in since I have no idea on the process. All I know that a bill becomes a law, but the debates that will take place for it to happen, all the steps needed for it to be passed, I leave it to the experts.

Also, when same-sex marriage bill is passed, it attacks the family code of the Philippines. I mean, do we really want to do that?? I am skeptical about opposing the family code of the Philippines as it is the fabric of society. The family code of the Philippines is like the Constitution 1987 of the country -- hindi madaling tanggalin yun unless cha-cha. And so for me, personally, as much as possible, I don't want to attack the family code of the Philippines. A revision or an update might help though -- but not to attack it altogether. I am in favor of reform -- not a complete overhaul. What same-sex marriage does is a complete overhaul and I feel that I cannot be a part of their agenda if that's what they are doing... In other words,  maraming sasagasaan eh. :(

I will reply to the CIVIL UNION heading sa susunod....

 

Pooch

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17 hours ago, pooch said:

For the sake of the readers of this thread, what is the process that you are thinking of when the bill becomes a law? Has a bill been passed on already? If so, what are the details of the bill? And what does the bill say? How long does the bill become law? Matagal na proseso kasi yan eh and hindi naman yan basta-basta (This process is long if we want to make it legal). But of course we are willing to give it a try, as long as it takes, so that it will be legislated. 

Basing on how things were acting here at our country, the bill is actually feasible.
Eto na nga ata ang pinaka matinding banat sa family code ng bansa natin e. Hahaha

17 hours ago, pooch said:

Also, when same-sex marriage bill is passed, it attacks the family code of the Philippines. I mean, do we really want to do that?? I am skeptical about opposing the family code of the Philippines as it is the fabric of society. The family code of the Philippines is like the Constitution 1987 of the country -- hindi madaling tanggalin yun unless cha-cha. And so for me, personally, as much as possible, I don't want to attack the family code of the Philippines. A revision or an update might help though -- but not to attack it altogether. I am in favor of reform -- not a complete overhaul. What same-sex marriage does is a complete overhaul and I feel that I cannot be a part of their agenda if that's what they are doing... In other words,  maraming sasagasaan eh. :(

Don't get me wrong my friend, i don't support same sex marriage. Nung narinig ko nga iyon, nagpantig ang tenga ko e. it's just that, something crossed my mind, if they allow this, we can freely rise up and seek acceptance. Frankly speaking, compare same sex to first cousin marriage. The catholic church is against on both (ayon sa canon law nila), the society keeps on qouting the Bible that same sex marriage is a no-no. Kaya nasa magandang timing na tayo, masasabi pa kaya nila na bawal ang magkasintahang mag pinsan? Alam naman natin na sa Bible hindi pinagbabawal. The problem is how, how to make them recognize us?


Charter change is actually on the way too, our president is planning to transit the government to federalism type one, syempre kinagalak to ng karamihan, this will be implemented before his term ends, as said by his cabinets. Ang pinagtataka ko lang, why bother changing the law now? (Sa same sex marriage na tayo napunta haha)

Anyway, sa status ng bansa ngayon, federalism lang ang solusyon. 
At bawat estado dito sa pilipinas ay may sariling batas, some may accept cousin marriage, some may not. Pero okay na yon, atleast nasa Pilipinas parin


Matanong ko lang, nasa ibang bansa ka ngayon pooch?
 

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43 minutes ago, kielan said:

Basing on how things were acting here at our country, the bill is actually feasible.
Eto na nga ata ang pinaka matinding banat sa family code ng bansa natin e. Hahaha

Don't get me wrong my friend, i don't support same sex marriage. Nung narinig ko nga iyon, nagpantig ang tenga ko e. it's just that, something crossed my mind, if they allow this, we can freely rise up and seek acceptance. Frankly speaking, compare same sex to first cousin marriage. The catholic church is against on both (ayon sa canon law nila), the society keeps on qouting the Bible that same sex marriage is a no-no. Kaya nasa magandang timing na tayo, masasabi pa kaya nila na bawal ang magkasintahang mag pinsan? Alam naman natin na sa Bible hindi pinagbabawal. The problem is how, how to make them recognize us?


Charter change is actually on the way too, our president is planning to transit the government to federalism type one, syempre kinagalak to ng karamihan, this will be implemented before his term ends, as said by his cabinets. Ang pinagtataka ko lang, why bother changing the law now? (Sa same sex marriage na tayo napunta haha)

Anyway, sa status ng bansa ngayon, federalism lang ang solusyon. 
At bawat estado dito sa pilipinas ay may sariling batas, some may accept cousin marriage, some may not. Pero okay na yon, atleast nasa Pilipinas parin


Matanong ko lang, nasa ibang bansa ka ngayon pooch?
 

Nasa Canada ako ngayon pare. I have been here since 2003, hindi pa nakakauwi sa atin. Maraming priorities eh. Lots of reasons. Pero kami na ng cousin ko kahit bago pa lang nagmigrate ang family ko dito sa Canada. We were so young back then. lol. Pero kami pa rin. Both of us are here now in Canada.

But then I really feel for the ones na nasa ganitong relationships na nasa Pinas. Alam mo yun? Naranasan ko rin kasi eh. Mahirap kaya. Then LDR. Then the social stigma. The legal barriers. Whole nine yards. So alam mo yun, I'm quite active here in this forum. hehe. :)

 

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50 minutes ago, kielan said:

Basing on how things were acting here at our country, the bill is actually feasible.
Eto na nga ata ang pinaka matinding banat sa family code ng bansa natin e. Hahaha

Who will propose the bill if ever? Or puro mainit na hangin lang ito? Yes it may be feasible pero sus di ako masyadong kumbinsido sa attack sa family code eh. Wala akong nakikitang progress doon kahit pa isulong nila ang same-sex. I am kind of pessimistic about it. Ikaw? Anong tingin mo? Say for example a bill is passed. Syempre babasahin yan para pagdebatehan, diba? Dadaan sa legal na proseso yan bago maging talagang batas. If halimbawa same-sex will go through, cousin marriages advocates eh pwedeng makisakay. Maraming makikisakay and it will ruin the marriage institution itself kasi magiging slippery slope. Bad idea. But I think it can get done kung makakalusot ba eh. hehe.

56 minutes ago, kielan said:

Frankly speaking, compare same sex to first cousin marriage. The catholic church is against on both (ayon sa canon law nila), the society keeps on qouting the Bible that same sex marriage is a no-no. Kaya nasa magandang timing na tayo, masasabi pa kaya nila na bawal ang magkasintahang mag pinsan? Alam naman natin na sa Bible hindi pinagbabawal. The problem is how, how to make them recognize us?

The same way siguro sa kung anong gagawin ng same-sex advocates. Makikiangkas lang tayo. Then we can provide the stats, the scientific findings and even religious findings. How society views it will follow kagaya rito sa Canada. Dito sa Canada, ang treatment ay indifference eh. Alam mo yun, parang wala lang. *shrugs*. Sa tate ang medyo mixed. Pero still frowned upon. Pag nagfederalismo, magiging kagaya ng tate ang lalabas....

Ano na bang development sa same-sex bill? Tingin ko matagal pa yan eh... May media coverage na ba?

 

Pooch

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15 hours ago, pooch said:

Who will propose the bill if ever? Or puro mainit na hangin lang ito? Yes it may be feasible pero sus di ako masyadong kumbinsido sa attack sa family code eh. Wala akong nakikitang progress doon kahit pa isulong nila ang same-sex. I am kind of pessimistic about it. Ikaw? Anong tingin mo? Say for example a bill is passed. Syempre babasahin yan para pagdebatehan, diba? Dadaan sa legal na proseso yan bago maging talagang batas. If halimbawa same-sex will go through, cousin marriages advocates eh pwedeng makisakay. Maraming makikisakay and it will ruin the marriage institution itself kasi magiging slippery slope. Bad idea. But I think it can get done kung makakalusot ba eh. hehe.

Naisulong na actually, plenary decisions nalang. Haha, i'm not actually sure how it will turn out, but if cha cha is on its way, they should not focus on things like this.
Cousin couples have the utmost right to married than them e, kaya dapat ipaglaban kung ipasa nga nila.
 

15 hours ago, pooch said:

The same way siguro sa kung anong gagawin ng same-sex advocates. Makikiangkas lang tayo. Then we can provide the stats, the scientific findings and even religious findings. How society views it will follow kagaya rito sa Canada. Dito sa Canada, ang treatment ay indifference eh. Alam mo yun, parang wala lang. *shrugs*. Sa tate ang medyo mixed. Pero still frowned upon. Pag nagfederalismo, magiging kagaya ng tate ang lalabas....

Pag nag federalismo, the chances are higher na ma entertain ang cousin marriage advocacy. Every state has different family code.
I know cousin marriage is just a social issue. If only government would allow us. Kase yun naman yun e, nasa tao na yun kung gusto nila

15 hours ago, pooch said:

Nasa Canada ako ngayon pare. I have been here since 2003, hindi pa nakakauwi sa atin. Maraming priorities eh. Lots of reasons. Pero kami na ng cousin ko kahit bago pa lang nagmigrate ang family ko dito sa Canada. We were so young back then. lol. Pero kami pa rin. Both of us are here now in Canada.

But then I really feel for the ones na nasa ganitong relationships na nasa Pinas. Alam mo yun? Naranasan ko rin kasi eh. Mahirap kaya. Then LDR. Then the social stigma. The legal barriers. Whole nine yards. So alam mo yun, I'm quite active here in this forum. hehe. :)

Wow, good for you pare, you can settle yourselves there. I'm planning to work there actually, skilled worker class nalang, para madali ang ayos ng visa, tapos convert to permanent residency visa, then i-sponsor nalang si cousin for visit then marriage na. I'll try to register it to ph consular, maybe makalusot, if ever na hindi, we have to live there permanently. But easier said than done.

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9 hours ago, kielan said:

Naisulong na actually, plenary decisions nalang. Haha, i'm not actually sure how it will turn out, but if cha cha is on its way, they should not focus on things like this.
Cousin couples have the utmost right to married than them e, kaya dapat ipaglaban kung ipasa nga nila

Haha! Tumpak! Mas maraming dapat asikasuhin! lol. :D

9 hours ago, kielan said:

Pag nag federalismo, the chances are higher na ma entertain ang cousin marriage advocacy. Every state has different family code.
I know cousin marriage is just a social issue. If only government would allow us. Kase yun naman yun e, nasa tao na yun kung gusto nila

Hmm.. Tingin mo maililipat yun sa bawat estado? May mga bagay-bagay na centralized kapag federalism eh. Halimbawa at yung Militar atsaka Edukasyon. Although may ilang bahagi ang magiging espisipiko sa respective state, definitely di-hamak na mas malaking bahagi ng Family code will encompass the entire nation. Ang sitwasyon nga lang ng US though is that nagkakaroon ng "erosion" sa unity ng states kaya nagiging hiwa-hiwalay. Pero ang Pinas, Pilipino eh Pilipino yan eh. Iba ang kultura natin eh. Kahit pa sabihin na nating malaking influence ang pagiging regionalistic natin (which is di naman kataka-taka yun dahil hiwa-hiwalay tayo sa 7100 islands), iba ang nationalism natin kahit papaano ah....And so pagdating sa family code, I think ito ang pinakahuling dapat magalaw.

9 hours ago, kielan said:

Wow, good for you pare, you can settle yourselves there. I'm planning to work there actually, skilled worker class nalang, para madali ang ayos ng visa, tapos convert to permanent residency visa, then i-sponsor nalang si cousin for visit then marriage na. I'll try to register it to ph consular, maybe makalusot, if ever na hindi, we have to live there permanently. But easier said than done

Oo... Kung makahanap ka ng skilled worker halimbawa, mas madali makakuha ng visa. PR ang next step then tsaka mo sponsor gf-cous mo. Pero sabi mo nga, easier said than done. Iba't-iba rin kasi ang sitwasyon natin eh, no? Di talaga ganun kadali... Pero keep your eyes open pare. Pag may oportunidad, sunggaban agad. :)

 

Pooch

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On 1/9/2018 at 9:12 AM, pooch said:

Oo... Kung makahanap ka ng skilled worker halimbawa, mas madali makakuha ng visa. PR ang next step then tsaka mo sponsor gf-cous mo. Pero sabi mo nga, easier said than done. Iba't-iba rin kasi ang sitwasyon natin eh, no? Di talaga ganun kadali... Pero keep your eyes open pare. Pag may oportunidad, sunggaban agad. :)

Sorry pooch, di ako nakapag online recently

I'm with my gf cous ngayon, after 2 weeks uuwi na ulit siya sa kanila. Alam na ng mga magulang namin, nakuha na rin namin ang blessings nila haha. Pangako lang daw namin na aayusin namin, makapag karoon ng legal na kasulatan etc. Kaya pagkatapos ng bakasyon namin ngayon, kayod nanaman sa buhay, hanap nanaman ng paraan hahaha (dito kase sa pinas, money answers anything parin e). Sarap sana pag legal dito sa pinas e. Kumbaga ang proproblemahin mo nalang kung paano mag confess sa lahat.



But i think, if ever na mauna ang same sex marriage sa federalism, madali nalang galawin ng estado ang family code, mas mataas na ang participation ng citizens. Syempre military na ang prioritize, kumbaga, whatever wlll be, will be na ang state in terms of other laws, katulad ng sa marriages. When will be that time kaya?

 

Edited by kielan

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On ‎1‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 10:46 PM, kielan said:

Sorry pooch, di ako nakapag online recently

I'm with my gf cous ngayon, after 2 weeks uuwi na ulit siya sa kanila. Alam na ng mga magulang namin, nakuha na rin namin ang blessings nila haha. Pangako lang daw namin na aayusin namin, makapag karoon ng legal na kasulatan etc. Kaya pagkatapos ng bakasyon namin ngayon, kayod nanaman sa buhay, hanap nanaman ng paraan hahaha (dito kase sa pinas, money answers anything parin e). Sarap sana pag legal dito sa pinas e. Kumbaga ang proproblemahin mo nalang kung paano mag confess sa lahat.
 

I admire your courage brad... Wow.

I am longing for that day din sa aming dalawa. Mabigyan lang kami ng blessing ng mga magulang naming, that will be the happiest day of our lives na. hay.. Nag-aantay pa rin kasi kami ng tamang panahon eh. And at the same time, marami ring priorities. So tiyaga-tiyaga lang.. Magkasama naman kami eh. :)

@topic:

Quote


But i think, if ever na mauna ang same sex marriage sa federalism, madali nalang galawin ng estado ang family code, mas mataas na ang participation ng citizens. Syempre military na ang prioritize, kumbaga, whatever wlll be, will be na ang state in terms of other laws, katulad ng sa marriages. When will be that time kaya?

Oh yes. Definitely. Mas madali na nga talaga galawin ang family code once that happens. And of course, we will seize that opportunity! Sunod-sunod yan panigurado. And guess what? CBCP might even support us (lolz) at di lang basta civil union (although it is good in itself na)! Demographically, that's going to be huge.

Pero regardless, kung civil union man, kelangan pa rin ba ng may magaact na lobbyist?

Gano ba ka-pricey?

 

Pooch

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      (IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THE WHOLE STORY THEN PLEASE AT LEAST READ THE LAST 3 PARAGRAPHS OR SO, THANKS)
      This is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my life, as I'm usually good at logical decision making, but for some reason this is the first time I don't know what to do.  I figured I needed to get this off my chest somewhere and talk about this a bit more openly, as there's no one I know that can help me with my situation and this seems to be an accepting community and I really need the advice. I signed up using an alias and a spam email I made a long time ago, solely for the reason of trying to hide any possible identity to myself (and the possibility of being hacked). As it stands, I currently am in love with my first-cousin, but I'm struggling with our currently relationship- but I think I should try to explain the the whole story for a better understanding as to why I'm struggling, and I want to explain my cousin's situation.
      My cousin has lived and grown up in Hawaii, while I live in Canada. We don't get to see each other often, in-fact throughout most of our lives there was a big gap that we never saw each other. The only time I have ever been able to see my cousin is during holidays, specifically Christmas. When we were kids (around the age of 7 or 8)  [my brother and] I met her for the first time, well we did meet when we were younger but we had no memory of it as we were like 3. Anyways, my cousin grew up with an alcoholic and abusive mother, with her father leaving for another woman. Eventually at the age of thirteen she was taken away from her mother as she was too dangerous and reckless, but her father didn't want her to become a foster (don't get it wrong, he didn't REALLY want her, he only did it so other people wouldn't judge him for leaving his daughter), so he took her in with his new wife. From the stories I hear from my cousin the family is her father, his wife, and their daughter (currently age 11 or 12, she was around 5 or 6 maybe when she moved in, I "think"), but it doesn't get any better here. The wife was the decision maker of the family and was power-driven, meaning that she had full control and that the husband (her father) was more passive and let her make all the decisions. She had full influence, and she took a grudge against my cousin as she was the daughter of another woman, only making it a horrible situation for her and favoring their daughter a lot more. Because of this she never got to experience a real life, she was always blamed on things she didn't do, she was yelled at, she was constantly grounded, never had her own privileges and access to her own things (such as her bank account), and was never allowed to leave the house except for school (and her job when she got one later on), but they would always praise their daughter and let her do whatever she wanted. 
      Summing up this back-story, the people she lived with never really cared for her and hated her, but were forced to have her, because of this they discovered the great idea of flying her away for a few weeks so that they could have a vacation of their own without her. To do this they did it during holidays so it seemed natural, which typically was Christmas. Because of this I began to see my cousin every Christmas ever since she was thirteen, which made me really happy, but that was the only time I was ever able to see her.
      The first Christmas we met it was somewhat awkward, but it was an ice breaker. We found ourselves able to get along really well. In our Christmas visits most of our relatives were in there 20's, meaning my cousin, brother, and myself were the only ones around our age group. My cousin was a year younger than me, while my brother was two years younger than me, but we grew up together and we were always around each other (although my brother didn't like me very much though).  During that first visit it was hard to get used to having a female around constantly, and both me and my brother were in our hormonal stages, so it was a given on how we saw the situation. My brother and I never felt a romantic love or connection of the sort with the cousin at the time, but just natural want for a female affection in general that we couldn't control, and we didn't see any problem with it at the time (this was before we knew how the western-culture was with romance between relatives). Unfortunately that first Christmas my cousin got much closer to my brother than me, as she would always try to be around him and would whisper with him all night long when we would all sleep together in the same room, there was even a few occasions where she would try to sit near my brother so she could fall asleep on him. It made me extremely jealous, it's not that I was quiet or awkward, but my cousin or brother would always try to push me away when I tried to get involved with their conversations.
      The second time we met it was still somewhat awkward for the first half of the visit, but after that we grew very found of each other. This visit turned out a lot better, as half of it was because my brother got into a stage of being constantly grumpy and rude, meaning my cousin was uncomfortable around him and his attitude. Because of this my cousin came to me a lot more in this visit, eventually she began to whisper and talk to me all night, and we began pushing my brother away with his moody attitude. It was the same scenario as before, except my brother and I reversed our roles. In the last few days of my visit my cousin got especially close with me, although I don't think she really mean to, but I think she just got more comfortable around me. During the last few days she would be more touchy-feely with me, we never held hands or anything, but she would often make things up to make a physical interaction with me, which was mainly just trying to tickle me because she was "bored". During this visit there was a moment when we were both alone eating lunch (being alone with my family during the holidays is extremely rare, so this was a first) but she brought up a conversation in which she had asked when I would "finally get a girlfriend", which was followed by a small story about how she just got into a relationship. I had just happened to get into a relationship just a few weeks before her visit too (Remember, at this point in time I didn't have any affectionate feelings for my cousin, just a natural want for female attention like any other boy, but nothing special) so I told her about that, which made me comfortable as I never had anyone I could really talk to about my romantic relationships (as my friends hadn't really gotten to that level and family were out of the question as they didn't want me to date at my age). We were sad when she had to leave back home, but we often talked to each other almost every day constantly for a few months.
      On her third visit it was probably the most quiet of the most, but I never thought anything of it at the time. She wasn't very touchy this visit and she didn't go out of her way to do things with my brother and I, she still did things- but she wasn't willing to drag me around. My cousin and I never talked about our relationships this time around, but I had recently been going over a break-up so any kind of romance was nonexistent in my head for most of her visit. I snapped out of it on the second half of her visit and started wanting to be around her a lot for a reason I didn't know why and I couldn't explain at the time. I tried to get close to her but she seemed to distance herself a bit during the visit, near the end she opened up, but it wasn't nearly as much as last year. 
      On her fourth visit she came during the summer for my sisters wedding, during this visit she was a lot better, she was in a better mood overall and she was back to her normal self. She was touchy and fun again and we did our usual shenanigans of hanging out together and talking all night. She never got super close to my brother and I, but she was very open with us. It wasn't until this visit that I began to notice my feelings for my cousin, as I always wanted to be around her and I was always happy when I was with her. I didn't want to accept my feelings for her as I knew they were wrong, but I began to get that typical awkwardness and embarrassment when you're in love with someone, and I only got it with her. Near the end of the trip was when I accepted it, as I understood that it was similar and even much stronger than the feelings I had felt in my previous two relationships. In the end of her visit I tried to get close to her, but she kept her range when it came to certain activities and things, and she tried to not stay alone with me or my brother. We still had the same sadness when she left, but it hurt my more as I had to watch someone I just fell in love leave. 
      Fast forward over a year till her next visit during Christmas, just this recent Christmas actually. This visit was her longest, as she was here for almost a whole month, at this point in time I am nineteen and she is eighteen. At this point I have moved in with my uncle and aunt while I start my first year of university, while she is just getting through the end of her last high school year. This visit was our closest, as she came a few days before the rest of the family, so we spent a few days together alone- we got very close to each other quickly, it was almost like we had just picked up from the last place we left it off. I had tried to make a promise with myself to not see our time together as a way of trying to make it "more" and tried to not see her as someone I had affections for. I did well in the first few days, but the time we spent alone in the first few days broke me and I couldn't help it. During her whole visit we stuck together like glue, rarely ever being away from each other. My cousin got extremely touchy with me quickly this time, trying to tickle, bump and lean on me almost every hour. I thought that maybe this was my moment and that possibly she had the same feelings as I did, as I had never seen her so open, friendly, inviting, and happy towards me. All of this shattered when I discovered she had a boyfriend, which I found out because she would face-time him for hours almost every night for the first week she was here, which eventually died down, but she still face-timed him every once in awhile. We followed each other on social media and she would sometimes post things about her boyfriend there, but I would always try to ignore her personal life as it would only make me more attracted to her, which I had set against before she visited. This made me extremely sad and to be honest I would've stopped myself there and would've held my feelings back and not be in this dilema- I would've kept my emotions bottled up inside never to tell anyone, but the rest of the trip made that impossible. I was prepared to be the "best friend", also known as the title of ultimate rejection when loving someone, and I was guaranteed that I would only be seen like this ever since I found out about her boyfriend. As the trip went on we got extremely close, we always sat beside each other, chilled in a sauna alone together, watched movies together while sometimes she leaned on me, and after a few days we slept together in my bed (as it was very big and was warmer than the bed she was given, as she was always very cold- and no, we didn't "sleep" together sexually). It was because of all this that I decided to keep going for it, even though I knew she had a boyfriend, I still felt like I had a chance. This was most definitely without a doubt the closest I've ever been with her in my life, and she wasn't trying to keep herself away from me even though she had a boyfriend this time (she had one before a few years back, but that relationship only lasted 2 months, while this one has been going on for over a year). Looking back I feel foolish for trying to "beat" her boyfriend, especially when they had been dating for a year and a half, but i couldn't control myself.
      In the last week she was here she began to play with my hair one night, and that's when I truly thought there was some sort of chance, as the last thing I remembered from that night was passing out on her in that bed. The next day she said I had to repay her by playing with her hair, which ended up happening while we watched a movie. She had her head relaxed and on me for almost two hours, sure my hands were dead at the end of it, but she really enjoyed it. The following day was completely unplanned as we managed to get our hands on some liquor and pot, yes I know we shouldn't have been doing it but we weren't able to celebrate New Year's due to travelling, so we wanted a way to make up for it. We got lightly drunk, but we got very high that night. We had planned to get "smashed" because we missed our New Years, only to find out my mom (the last of my family besides my cousin that was still visiting) was too tired to leave that night and decided to stay over, which was a major problem. We lost most control of ourselves that night, but we couldn't let our mom know what we did so we were confined to my room. All we ended up doing was laying together in that bed. We originally had plans to go in the sauna again that night together while we lightly drunk, but my family didn't approve of it for obvious reasons as they found out we were drinking earlier, so we were a bit bummed out about that. Because I was high I got the munchies, so I was constantly leaving the room for food, but I remember one time I came back to the room to find my cousin had switched her clothing. She had switched her long pants for these extremely small shorts that exposed half of her backside, which could've been mistaken for underwear, and she was lying under the covers with them. This was unusual as she was from Hawaii so she wasn't used to our Canadian winters, and even a room set at 30 degrees Celsius was still cold for her, so for her to change her clothes into something more free and cool didn't add up. I remember I was flirting with her all night and I couldn't hold myself back, there were points where points where she would lightly flirt as well. Whenever it got to points that it seemed obvious I was making a move on her she would just comment saying I was stupid or ridiculous in a funny and somewhat sarcastic and embarrassed  tone (I don't know how to explain, but you've all heard it before). There was one point that night where she took off my glasses and said I was a lot better looking without them off and put them to the side- and of course after saying that I didn't put them back on for the rest of the night, and shortly after got me to lay my head on her as we were lying down. Later on my aunt walked into the room and told us that my mom had apparently been over hearing some of the things we were saying in the next door room and was uncomfortable that we were alone in a room saying these things after knowing we had some drinks (she didn't know we were high though). Once we found this out I told my cousin I had to hangout with my mom in the other room to reassure her we weren't doing anything weird, but she didn't come with me as her eyes were bloodshot red from being so high. After this she stopped flirting with me, and when I came back later to tell her my mom had went to bed she said she was too tired to do anything and immediately crashed, she even refused to do any of our random shenanigans (like a light tickle, poke, or head rest) that night- she also changed her clothes back to before. I was extremely confused by this, as she was flirting with me and seemed like she was in an affectionate state earlier, only to be the complete opposite now. I just assumed she had possibly tried to get close to me but got a little too close and didn't notice it as the drinks and all that made it easy for her to go with whatever, and that alert from my aunt was a call for her to draw back and stop. I remember waking up in the middle of the night with my arm on her chest. I was still high at the time so I didn't see it as a problem, I then tried to do some sort of poking as a joke only to find that she was out cold, naturally as a guy I got somewhat curious and poked away for a bit, I began to get touchy but my cousin was still out cold and I felt it was a bit too much at that point, so I just went back to sleep. 
      The next day was her last, for most of the day we watched movies and she made me play with her hair again, except it was for over three hours straight- sure my arms and hands were dead but it was worth it to see her in such a relaxed state, as even in my past relationships I had never felt that feeling of relaxing someone on your lap/chest while they close their eyes and enjoy it- it's almost as if you can feel it too. When we went to bed that night she begged me to play with her hair even more that night, but she got extremely comfortable as we were lieing down. She wrapped her arms around me and held me as she lay her head on my chest and fell asleep on me as I rubbed her head and neck and played with her hair. She woke up an hour later and we talked for a bit, she said she had a bad dream and I consoled her and told her it would be okay and all that. She then proceeded to say that it was my turn to relax and encouraged me to lay on her. I wrapped my arms and held onto her this time as I laid my head on her chest, I had never been so happy and relaxed in my life. It was hard for me to enjoy the hair massage because my heart was beating so fast, but she talked to me all night and I calmed down and we had a very close talk. I told my cousin that I had poked her inappropriately the night before when she was out cold and how guilty I felt about it, I apologized to her and told her I shouldn't had violated her body even as a joke. I explained that I was high so I couldn't control myself and I took it too far, but I felt guilty about it even though she had no clue about it. She took what I said lightly and didn't get angry, in fact she almost seemed happy I was honest with her and forgave me. Honestly, that moment was the one where I have ever been so close and open to someone before, I don't think any other time in my life can compare. I passed out on her, but only for around 10 minutes, as my alarm sounded shortly afterwards. We had to get up extremely early to get my cousin to an airport so she could get on her flight. We spent some time together at the airport talking, but she could tell I was depressed that she was leaving, as well as still feeling bad for what I had did to her before. When she left we hugged and all that, but it was short and sweet- she never turned around or waved us goodbye from afar after we said our goodbyes. She still had to wait a few hours to actually board her flight as she was travelling internationally, but she had to go ahead to an area that we couldn't get to as we didn't have tickets. Soon after we left she instantly texted me, we talked back and forth, we messaged each other nonstop until she was finally able to board her flight, and when she landed she messaged me immediately and we still messaged each other quite a bit. It's been a few days since then and we haven't been talking as much, only sending a few messages a day, I try to talk to her as much as possible but she doesn't answer very often. I know she's busy with studies like me but she's also dealing with a job and I know she has a boyfriend back home. I'm beginning to think she's distancing me again now that she is physically able to be with her boyfriend again, but I can't really tell. 
      When she left I was super depressed, I felt empty inside. I didn't start classes for three more days, but during those days I almost didn't do a single thing. On the first day I took it slow and relaxed because I knew I would feel this way, but on the second day I tried to ignore it by doing other things such as cleaning up the leftover mess from the holidays and I also cleaned myself up a bit. I still felt depressed no matter what I did, I couldn't distract myself no matter what I did. I tried watching movies, playing games, talking and hanging out with friends and family (was extremely hard because I didn't want to interact with anybody), sleeping, and just doing any of my usual hobbies. On the third day I was surprised I still felt the way I did, that's when I knew it was genuine and I wasn't just making my feelings up in the moment. The depression I got afterwards hit me like a massive brick and it has been a reminder of how deep my affection for my cousin has grown, especially over this Christmas holiday- but it only took her to leave until I finally noticed how much I love her. I don't know what to do with these feelings or how to deal with them, I haven't told my cousin how I feel but now I'm seriously debating it because of the strong emotions I'm feeling. I've fell in love before and been in relationships, I have asked girls out and been rejected, so don't mistake my feelings as "my first time blindly falling for someone", I've also been rejected- so please don't think I'm afraid of that.  I don't know if I should tell her how I feel or not, I just don't want to ruin our relationship and I'm afraid that if I tell her we may never be as close again. Honestly I would've told her how I felt just the other day after recovering a bit, but the fact that she has a boyfriend she loves scares me too much to have done it. She was so close to me when she was here even though she had a boyfriend, but I know she still has strong feelings for him as she would always bring up things they would do together or how they would move together and do things together in the future- it hurt when I heard it but she always opened herself up to me still- I'm so confused about the whole situation I don't know what to do or say. Normally I'd feel like she's giving me an upper hand over her boyfriend and that possibly she likes me more but when I look at all her social media all I see is just pictures of her and her boyfriend, both recent and old- and always constantly with each other. They constantly were messaging when she was here and there isn't a moment that seemed like she wasn't in communication with him besides when she was in bed with me.  If it wasn't for her boyfriend I would've thought she had fallen for me or something, but I'm not sure anymore. I don't know what I should do, should I risk our current relationship and tell her how I feel about her even though she has a boyfriend? Or should I wait it off a bit even though it seems almost impossible to live on without her.. I know looking at it realistically I have almost nothing to gain here, logically I don't stand a chance- I can really only lose from this situation- but I'm still at a lose as to what to do.
      Some advice and/or help would be greatly appreciated!
      (Sorry for the long read, I just wanted to get the whole story off my chest..)
    • By CousinsInWA
      We are first cousins living in WA state where it is illegal for first cousins to marry. We also are self-employed and need affordable health insurance. (And we need it. I have a chronic illness.) Have any of you managed to get your cousin covered as a partner if not married? I'm not sure if the health exchange policies will go for that, but I'm trying to find out now. I'm afraid two individual insurance policies might be $1400-$2000+ per month, but maybe a family policy might be cheaper...
      Thanks!
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