This won’t have much substance other than to thank the regular posters and mods for making me feel at home with your intelligence, ultra grammerz, and thoughtfulness that I see throughout each post I have read.
Im a girl with a lifelong puppy crush on a 2y younger male cousin. It has recently turned into something that occupies my mind more frequently, as we have increased personal contact over the summer due to a few family nights out.
(500 mile geographical issue in the USA, been home frequently for my mother’s recent health probs )
We are both in our 30s and I am engaged to someone else. I am not looking to pursue anything romantic, have no idea if it’s even reciprocated.
I am facing family pressure in the sense that his mother encourages time spent together.
I worry that she misunderstands the intention(s) behind the positive effect we have on one another, simply because her culture is 🇵🇭 and I don’t want to let her down if she is caught off guard that this might have developed.
My cousin and I were both raised on the east coast. He’s my only first male cousin and I went to all girls school which might have fueled the crush long ago.
I don’t necessarily feel weird that I think of him in this way. I can be prone to girlish crushes but never act on them.
However! Since our family likes the results of spending time together, I am nervous. I have full self discipline but feel deeply protective of my crush cousin,
and have admitted to myself reading this forum that I would welcome his <hypothetically> less than cousinly advances should I have been single upon this more adult view of our dynamic.
How can I be the best role model type cousin without hurting him or sending creepy (maybe to him?) signals?
I have a very boyish career trajectory and we both have checkered personal pasts (addictions, anorexia, etc) and I have been surprised to feel like I may be more centered and able to be some sort of role model for once in my life, even though he’s doing well enough for himself rn.
I don’t want to let down my aunt who is catholic and Philippine
(dad’s are brothers, that’s the extent of my immediate family)
I don’t want to let him down as a cousin because I want him to feel valued for more than a love interest. ***however***
i spent a lot of time as a stripper in my early twenties so I feel I can sometimes inject too much of my own sexuality with males I care enough about to encourage. In my own mind or in dark humor moments. While this has never failed me I want to protect my cousin from any of that kind of exposure because I’d like him to pursue a woman more wholesome than I am (he has never brought a woman around the family for holidays which is customary with our little clan, he’s the only boy tho)
You guys are all awesome, even the weirdos among us who make weird OP’s 😂. I wanted to say that first and foremost. I’ve never seen a message board with more depth of thought per paragraph than here.
Cheers and love to you all 💕 and I shall resume lurking in ~2018 threads, as admitting this whole subject is new and interesting to me.
Hello, CC. I've been in a relationship with my second cousin (or so that's how I was told we're related.) for almost two years now. While we're still young (between 18-25 years old), this is definitely the most loving, healthy, balanced and caring relationship I've ever been in and she can say the same for herself (I'm a female and she's a MtF transgender. She's on estrogen and testosterone blockers and is infertile as a result). I believe with all my heart that she's the person I was meant to be with. Growing up, we were always told we were second cousins by our family members and when things started getting romantic, we were very relieved that second cousin marriages were legal in every state in the U.S, where we reside. We've both always loved the idea of getting married and having families of our own and when our relationship started to get a little bit more serious, we decided to do our own "homework" so to speak, just to make sure we had the legalities figured out.
Well, apparently, we didn't. Apparently your parent's cousin is your first-cousin-once-removed (1stCOR), not your second cousin. Which is fine, because 1stCOR marriages are legal in every state but 6. We'd statistically be in the clear, right? Wrong. Of course we had to reside in one of those 6 states (Washington). Not to mention, we can't even get married in a state where it's legal and then come back, as the state will consider the marriage void. Now, it's legal for us to be in a sexual/cohabiting relationship. Just no marriage. When I first read that, I first got angry and defensive. How the heck would the state even know? We don't do blood tests or anything so how would they even know? Then I found out when you apply for a marriage license both parties have to record their parent's first and last names on the application. Now, neither of our parents have the same last name, but my girlfriend's mom is my maternal grandmother's sister. They both have the same maiden names. Then my mind started racing and I got anxious, thinking "during the three day waiting period the state must do a background check where they check your family tree to make sure you're not related so if we apply for a marriage license we're gonna get denied and that'll be a whole other level of embarrassment and I can't deal with that."
So now I'm in bed at almost midnight being drinking tea. I'm no longer angry and defensive, and I somewhat understand why the law is in place. It still just sucks and I'm super sad. I just want to marry my best friend. I wish I didn't look it up because at least I could claim ignorance, blame it on the terminology used by my family my entire life. I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to just... get it out? Since I can't talk to my family about it (they know of the relationship but 95% of them are very unsupportive).
This is my first post, sorry if I leave stuff out. I have liked my cousin for a few years now, I have no clue how she feels about me and I have no clue how to tell her I like her. We live in the same state, the state we live in, 1st cousin marriage is legal. I am about 3 years older than her. and we live about half an hour away and see each other about every other month.
By The Riddler
Apologies if I make mistakes, very new here. I’m extremely happy that there is a community like this, in the world we live in.
I need your opinion on my situation.
Off the bat, I’m in love with my first cousin and I’m sure she feels like same but I need to be 100% sure so that I can make a move becoz I intend to.
We are an affectionate family, we all hug and kiss.
I’m 24 (m) and she’s 32(f) married with 2 children who I get along with well. She’s in a toxic marriage that won’t last much longer.
This sexual tension between us has been building over the last 2 years.
Whenever we see each other, we always sit next to each other and our legs touch etc for example she’ll always use my knee as support when she gets up IMO just to touch my leg.
We were recently under a blanket and I made a move to hold her hand but interlocked hand holding which she was okay with. I have hugged her from behind and she likes it.
When I hug her it’s always a bit longer plus my hands are around her waist and our legs always touch, we always give a bit more of a kiss than a usual peck. Not sure if I’m reading too much into it.
When she fixes my pants becoz they falling down she will let her hand run across my bum.
I often pass each other by and give a little shoulder rub or a hand glide on the back.
Im definitely more forward than she is but she has never seemed uncomfortable with the interactions and has initiated some herself. She regularly puts her feet under my legs.
I think she might be holding back for the same reason i am.
What do you guys think and how should I make a move? I’ve already held her hand and now I’d like to French kiss her and cuddling.
Possibly make love if it can get to that. I love her a lot.