So I'm currently in a relationship with my first cousin and he lives overseas I'm 19 and he's 21 and we've been seeing each other for about 9 months now and since them i've been able to seem him twice for two months and he's coming to see me in a few months again. I love him so so much and I've never felt this way about anyone in my life and I've finally gotten to the point where I know I want to be with him and I want to make it work so yesterday I decided to talk to my friend about it and I told her how I felt about him and if she'd support me with my decision to be with him but she kept telling me it was wrong to be with him and that I'd meet other guys and fall in love and that I'm still young and should wait until i'm like 28 to see if I still have feelings for him, but she wouldn't listen to how I feel about him, I've been through so much and dated so many different guys and it's so different to how I am with him. He sees who I really am and we've grown so close and know so much about each other. I can't even imagine being with anyone else in the future and I've thought about the consequences of being with him and people not accepting it and I deal with it everyday, I deal with my own family not accepting it everyday and still I want to be with him. What really hurt me is that she said I wouldn't be able to live here because people wouldn't accept it and that I'd have to live with him in his country but it's completely legal in both our countries. She told me it was my decision in the end and that she'd still support me no matter my decision but it doesn't feel that way. It just feels like it's so hard for me because I have no one to support me and my cousin isn't afraid to tell everyone that he's in a relationship with his cousin because people aren't as weird about it there and he has his mother and his family over there that support him as well as his friends but I don't have anyone. A lot of people at work know I have a boyfriend but just don't know he's my cousin and I know that it hurts him that I don't tell everyone we're cousins but I know that they're going to treat me differently and I've already faced so many obstacles living in Australia.
Hi guys, I'm new to all this cousin stuff. Im from the UK so im well aware of the legal issues on cousins.
To cut a story short, ive always had a hunch that my cousin has liked me since we were young, but these past 4 years i think that shes been dropping hints that she likes me. Im 23 and shes 18, i know thats quite an age gap but the thing is, she is exactly like me when i was that age. We often acknowledge our similarities and we are both always a little shocked at how much we are the same. I should cringe at this but ive never really felt a real connection with anyone until recently. Ive had many girlfriends, but there was never a fulfilling feeling of being with them. but anyway ill cut to the story.
On odd occasions my cousin will ask me to go out and i will always say yes, but if i cant i will always rearrange to see her. When we first starting hanging out she would want me to tickle her arms, so basically she was very touchy feely with me. Then a year passed and she got a boyfriend which i was totally fine with but then they split up and we started hanging out abit more, she seemed more shy around me and was alot less touchy feely. Eventually she got another boyfriend and hes a really cool guy we get on, earlier this year she asked me to go round to her house for a massage and she asked to do a full body massage on me, i said no because i didnt want to feel awkward so i ended up just going with a back massage. she was wonderful at it she is amazing at massaging, but i couldnt help but feel a little aroused by it. so anyway i just put that to the back of my head and thought nothing of it because shes my cousin right? Anyway, when we go out as a family to a meal or something, i always catch her looking at me with such a beautiful grin after shes told a joke, even if im sat doing nothing while everyone is talking, i look over at her to catch her staring at me, we lock eyes and oh man does my heart race. It feels like we are the only people in the room. But this week we went to town and we got drunk, while we was out she was telling me that she gets more energy when there's more people and i understand that, so she invited one of her lad mates out. Before he arrived, baring in mind that she has a bf, she was telling me how nice and hot he was, which is what you do at 18 haha. I was looking forward to meeting him, we got on and he mentioned that he wanted a smoke. so i said we could go back to mine because my parents were on holiday and she was really up for that. so this lead me to think that she wanted to get with her friend.
When we arrived at mine we had a smoke, watched a few films and just generally had a good night then i said i was going to go to bed. as i was going up she asked me for a t-shirt to wear to bed, i was drunk and i took mine off and just chucked it at her as a joke. She laughed and said thanks, so she went off to get undressed and put my tshirt on. when i was in bed she messaged me and asked where i was sleeping, i said in my room and laughed. then we carried on talking but i cant remember what about, but i remember her saying "Let me have a nap first". at this point i was so tired i just fell asleep. eventually i woke up at 3 and could not get back to sleep, so i got up brushed my teeth and went to the living room. she came downstairs curiously in my tshirt so i presumed she slept in it and i asked her if she had done the deed with her friend. she laughed and said no as if it was gross. i was abit confused by this, but then it hit me. Was she downstairs with me at 3AM to finally admit to what she was feeling? I went so quiet i didnt know what to do and i felt a sense of tension between us, she said she was going upstairs to put her phone on charge and i told her to come back after. She did come back but she only sat with me for about 10 mins before going to wake her friend up so we could all sit downstairs together. anyway this is where it gets confusing, i try to message her and she will talk to me for a short while but its always a short while, i dont know if she feels awkward with me, honestly im so lost.
I have no idea what im feeling, what shes feeling i just need your guys opinions on the matter. are these obvious signs shes giving me or am i just getting the wrong end of the stick?
If you need more info just ask :).
By Jordan Colbert
Our story started roughly 2 years ago when my cousin confessed she had feelings for me. At the time she said this is wrong and we should not be doing this. But we continued developing our relationship anyway. We planned of our lives together after marriage, babies, places to visit, things to do and so on. We lived a happy life. Now after two years of constant back and forth of; this is wrong we should not be doing it and it’s ok let’s go ahead with it, she wants to end the relationship but isn’t doing it, just putting a halt to the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect and just wants to be friends. She says, “I should have been the adult in the room. I don’t want to continue doing wrong.” She feels that when we inform our family about our intentions we will end up creating a huge and permanent split in our family. We will be the reason for our family to break apart. People will hate us. Previously at the beginning of our relationship she had said that she doesn’t care about what other people think of her. When I brought this up she said well I do care now. I tried convincing her that I’ll deal with all the heat from the family, you can even say he is the one pushing for it I’m not that interested. I’ll be able to make the family come to terms with us. But she still says even if you convince the family I know it’s wrong and my mind will not be at ease. She says even if we get married I won’t be able to live a happy life because I’ll be disturbed about the fact that we are cousins and we shouldn’t be married. Also whenever she sees other cousins they remind her that we are doing wrong. She feels bad when she sees them. Sometimes she says that I look like her brother and that makes it difficult for her. The thing I don’t understand is that these are issues that were there during the first year of our relationship, why are they becoming unbearable now. She was able to put these thoughts aside then. Why can’t she now? I asked her do you want to end our relationship? Her reply was, “Yes, sometimes I want to end it. But sometimes I don’t. I don’t know.” I said why don’t you end it then. She said, “You’ve done nothing but loved me. And that’s why it’s difficult for me to end it. I’m thinking about our relationship in a realistic way and you think in a hopeful way. There is no way our family will allow us to be together.”
I feel that if I can convince her that we are not doing anything wrong. We love each other and there’s nothing wrong about it, she might change her mind. The thing is I’ve tried everything I could to do that. But she doesn’t accept it. I’ve given her examples of cousin marriages happening for so many decades. Her response is that if people have been doing wrong that doesn’t mean we continue doing wrong.
You may think she does not love me anymore and is trying to find excuses to end our relationship. That’s not how it is. She is a tough independent woman. She does not let other people’s opinions play any role in her decision making. She thinks for herself and sticks to her decisions however painful they may be. I know her very well. She still loves me. Just not enough to marry me.
My cousin just ended our 8 year relationship because she’s afraid that the family will break apart. It was very painful for both us and we cried like never before. We were together in secret all this time but rumor spreading of our relationship made her realize that she could no longer bear the guilt of having to lie to everyone. I’ve tried everything I can to get her to come back to me but she says there’s no turning back. She says that no one will accept us no matter what explanation we give to them. She even threatened with leaving everything behind and starting out from the ground up somewhere where I won’t find her. I’ve hardly eaten anything or gotten any sleep since then. My last hope is convincing someone important in our family that what we have is true love and letting her know not to worry about what the family will say. So here’s the tricky part. The only person that could probably understand what we have is my mother. She and my father got together while my father was still with her sister and they’ve been together for 33 years now. The family took a nasty split when that happened with mostly everyone including her only brother siding with her older sister. Should I tell her about our feelings? Was that relationship taboo enough for them to understand? Or will it backfire and end up losing her love completely for still insisting. After all, my mother already suspected that there was something going on between us.