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Hi

I have no idea how to do this so here goes

Ok let me start by saying me and my cousin actually grew up together ,I took care of her and I was her only friend when she was little ( we are a few years apart in age, but nothing to major ) ,we both were young and we never saw each other as anything els than family (except that we loved each other ,I would say more than we loved the other family members) (no we didnt do anything weird when we were kids and didnt have weird ideas, so dont get weird ideas)
I was there since she was born and like I said we grew up together, but when I turned 12 I started avoiding her (I did it bec I was young and starting to get well yea horny) so I had trouble controlling myself and bec of that I started avoiding her and also as I got older I avoided her more and more bec I had trouble controlling myself around her so I did not want to do something stupid bec I was just a young kid and yea young kids do stupid stuff (especially between the ages of 12 - 19) So I reckoned the best would be for me to completely stay away

We are both married today (not the best relationships bec both our partners are horrible to us even thou we love them) also her husband and my wife dont know each other at all
We had a talk not to long ago , she was feeling sad bec her husband is mean to her and the same on my end , so we both were pretty sad 

So we talked and talked and I said some things to make her feel better and she said some stuff to make me feel better and we were pretty serious with what we said and we made each other feel a little better (again we simply gave each other complements and stuff so again nothing weird)
So as we talked more and more as the days went on she started asking questions so I was like screw it lets be honest

So I told her how I think she is beautiful and that I meant it and that I would give anything for a girl like her and she said the same thing to me
So as we spoke more and more we became more and more open (we are also both brutally honest people so when we say something we mean it) I had a dream (a very hot and erotic dream about the 2 of us) yea I told her she actually wanted to know more and more and in more detail so yea I told her in more detail, In the end I was like you yopu probably are mad now and she surprised me by saying well I will take your dream as a massive complement (just because its coming from you)

Ok we started flirting little by little , kinda joking but also serious, so then she asked me why I suddenly left her when we were young , i said be I went to high school (although I was home every weekend)  and she said well she still doesn't understand why I left , so I was like ..... ok I will tell you but please dont hate me , lookk I love you and I didnt want to hurt you or do some stupid holy crapoly! , because I got very very pervy and horny when I turned 12 so bec I love you so much I had to leave bec I didnt wana do something dumb to you and mess up your mind or cause some emotional dammage,
She said: Well it would have been allot better than what happened to me when you werent there (she had a bad time bec she got lonely and depressed ect ect ect and also she got into a bad relationship and was a abused by some kissy-faceing piece of holy crapoly! guy who should burn in hell with his eyes eaten out by scorpions each day !!!) Sorry I get pissed when I think about what happened to her  >:(
So I am feeling a bit angry at myself for not sticking around , anyway getting back to the story
I replied to what she said hey listen I was a bloody perv and I could not controle myself around you ?!?!!!!! do you understand what im saying ????
She: yes I understand perfectly and it still would have been better than what happened 
Me: I love you ,can you imagine what would have happened ? you would have had me doing stuff to you ..... do you understand ??!! I was a perv
She: I dont care it still would be allot better than what happened ! , you love me right , you always took care of me when we were little right ? you never hurt me ever and you were always there when I needed you 
Me: yes
She: well having you do things to me would have been allot better then having that piece of holy crapoly! abuse me
Me: im sorry I never nhew about it , if you simply said something I would have killed him just for touching you (the guy isnt in her life anymore) 
Me: im still sorry but you would have hated me if I stayed 
She : not really 
Me: I was a perv .... I still am a little 
She: well i wish you did stay bec I would have prefered you any day over him
She: also you know that dream you told me about 2 days ago, well I told you I liked it so what does that tell you about me ? if your a perv what does that make me for liking it ?
Me: well ........ ok haha 
We continued flirting and our flirting has been getting a little hotter and we have been getting a little more and more honest with each other 
We have also gotten more honest and we love each other (allot more than we should) , we have felt this for many years but we simply just started talking about this a few weeks ago, so yea .... bec all is out in the open now we are at that point if you put us in a room it wont be long till we go at it like rabbits
But we both are married (both in bad relationships)
We have seen each other naked and we like what we see, yea we exchanged pics
We are both very good looking (infact we are you would say hot) (im not saying that to brag , its a fact , no im not guna share our pics) (think young Roxette and a well built Brad Pitt)
Problem is we love each other more than we should and pretty soon we will see each other (like I said we are guna be at it like rabbits) no we arent planning to be but its guna happen lets be honest

Again we are both married but we also want each other we are closely related , we are both adults ,I love her with all my heart, what should I do ?!?!?!?
Im unsure what to do, I want opinions and advice (please be honest and dont judge me to harshly) should I go thru with it ? should I run away and climb under a rock ? what should I do ?!!??!?!?! she want me to come visit Im afraid of what I might do when I am around her 

Edited by 290

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Again we are both married but we also want each other we are closely related 

so because you're closely related, you think maybe that trumps 'married'?

 

14 hours ago, 290 said:

we are both adults ,I love her with all my heart, what should I do ?

well if you love her, you want to protect her. what do you think her husband will do to her if he finds out she's screwing you? an abusive man isn't going to turn a blind eye to that.

did you ever mean your wedding vows when you promised to love your wife? what a betrayal of her trust. even if you don't have sex with her, you've already broken your marriage vow by having intimate conversation with another woman. 

14 hours ago, 290 said:

should I run away and climb under a rock ? what should I do ?!!??!?!?!

you need to tell your wife you're in love with another woman and don't want to remain in your marriage. and then you need to be fair, even generous, in your divorce settlement. but even then, you need to stay away (FAR away) from your cousin until she is also divorced. honestly, the two of you need to break all communication off completely until you both are free and clear. affairs, even if they are not yet physical, will always muddy the waters in a marriage or in a divorce. neither of you needs to be the reason (or even A reason) for the other getting a divorce.

anything else is pure selfishness, and it doesn't help anybody. 

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12 minutes ago, LadyC said:

so because you're closely related, you think maybe that trumps 'married'?

No1 Why are you putting words into my mouth ?!!! (your being very rude by doing that) I never said I think i trumps being married , it was simply a fact that I was stating that we are closely related

12 minutes ago, LadyC said:

Well if you love her, you want to protect her. what do you think her husband will do to her if he finds out she's screwing you? an abusive man isn't going to turn a blind eye to that.

did you ever mean your wedding vows when you promised to love your wife? what a betrayal of her trust. even if you don't have sex with her, you've already broken your marriage vow by having intimate conversation with another woman.

No2 We have never screwed each other if he do this will be the 1st time and Her abusive husband is a sick kissy-face and actually encourages her to sleep around , but she never has and also he is cheating on her
No3 I meant my love for my wife (we were married in court not in a church so there were no vows) but still I loved her more than you can ever know , but the fact that I found pictures of her that she send some other kissy-faceing guy and pics of him to and conversations on her laptop that they have been having and a pic where she kisses the kissy-faceing piece of holy crapoly! !!! and also the fact that the dates on these pics were 3 months after our marriage , really really breaks my heart and makes me feel like the last 7 years of my life has been a lie !

12 minutes ago, LadyC said:

you need to tell your wife you're in love with another woman and don't want to remain in your marriage. and then you need to be fair, even generous, in your divorce settlement. but even then, you need to stay away (FAR away) from your cousin until she is also divorced. honestly, the two of you need to break all communication off completely until you both are free and clear. affairs, even if they are not yet physical, will always muddy the waters in a marriage or in a divorce. neither of you needs to be the reason (or even A reason) for the other getting a divorce.

anything else is pure selfishness, and it doesn't help anybody. 

No4 We were both in a dark place (depression) until we started talking and infact we are both feeling better since we started talking about our problems and the way we feel ect ect ect

No5 You wana talk about selfishness ? How about this  her husband leaves his wife alone constantly and goes out with some ugly whore and his drunk alcoholic friends all most every night , then comes home and breaks her down by saying mean things to her and then also tries to get her to sleep with other guys (he is into sick holy crapoly! like that = gets turned on at the thought of her sleeping around)
My wife hasent touched me in 2 years (eventhou I have been loyal our entire marriage and many women have been running after me and I have been telling them to kissy-face off just bec I love my wife) (but right now im sad and depressed and lonely and im not one to sleep around), she rather goes out with her friends , we barely talk and when I do try and talk she is always on the kissy-faceing phone , I works 11 hours each day except on Sundays ,I pay the bills, I cook food every day, I clean , I bring her coffee like some kissy-faceing slave I tell her almost every day I love her I tell her she is beautiful, I am never told im beautiful or that she loves me, I try and talk to her but she fights with me ,when I try and kiss her she turns her face away from me when I hug her she get annoyed, when I try and just sit next to her on the couch she will get up and sit somewhere els, When I try and touch her in bed just even to hold her she tell me to move away and over to my side of the bed , I buy her gifts she barely notices, I have remembered ever anniversary we had but she hasent , I have bought her gifts for each one and her birthday and Christmas , you wana know what she did, she bought me a present 2 and a half years ago and just to spite me on my birthday she gave the present to someone els !!!!

Question: Why do you seem to be the on judging me so harshly and calling me selfish and putting words into my mouth ? what did I ever do to you to deserve such negativity and negative judgment ? Do I seem like the piece of holy crapoly! in this story ? do I need to be abused more by the one I love who I waisted over 7 years of my life with ? honestly how am I the bad guy here??? buy coming here and telling my story and asking for honest opinions not to be judged negatively !

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Hey... Chill down my friend. Nobody here is messing up with you. You said,

18 hours ago, 290 said:

I want opinions and advice (please be honest and dont judge me to harshly) should I go thru with it ?

And that was LadyC's two cents. Take it for what its worth. But be open at the same time. I do believe that this is the essence of her advice:

4 hours ago, LadyC said:

honestly, the two of you need to break all communication off completely until you both are free and clear

My take is that because everything is going well, you think that it will only get better. Actually, in the long run, the trampoline will only get you to a certain height. Gravity will still win. Know what I'm sayin'? In other words, that fling will always remain to be a fling. Nothing more. So let me ask you. What really is your plan with your cousin? You are the man here, my friend. I mean, is she a long-term relationship woman for you or just a fling? Both actually won't end well.... It is, however, your life and your decision. The former is more improbable than the latter though, in my opinion. 

Now having said that, perhaps I should ask a different question. Why not work on your marriage instead? I know that this will be out of the scope of the thread nor your concern, but what about your marriage, man? For example, you said,

3 hours ago, 290 said:

No3 I meant my love for my wife (we were married in court not in a church so there were no vows) but still I loved her more than you can ever know , but the fact that I found pictures of her that she send some other kissy-faceing guy and pics of him to and conversations on her laptop that they have been having and a pic where she kisses the kissy-faceing piece of holy crapoly! !!! and also the fact that the dates on these pics were 3 months after our marriage , really really breaks my heart and makes me feel like the last 7 years of my life has been a lie !

Hmm.. It sounds to me that although you love her, you haven't forgiven her. Of course, I don't know your situation man. It may be true that she really did messed up during the early parts of your marriage. Perhaps, she "extended her bachelorette life" until 3 months after with you, I dunno, but that's not the point though. My point is that I hope that I am not wrong if I say that this would be merely an excuse on your part that you are bringing up something that happened more than 5 years ago, your wife has absolutely no idea that you still feel this way, and because you are having a good time with your cousin. Grass is always greener from the other side, eh?

Anyhow, that's just my 2 cents, my friend. And as always, welcome to CC forum. :)

 

All the best,

Pooch

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in case you failed to read my signature line, let me quote it here.

Quote

I don't mince words. I don't babysit. I might sound like a mean old bat at times, but it's never because I think you're not worthwhile. To the contrary... I believe you ARE worthwhile. And if it means thumping you on the head to get the point across, it's because I really do give a darn.

let those words sink in. i'm blunt. i don't give pats on the back. i come across sounding harsh BECAUSE you're in a dark place and you need a reality check so you can see that there IS light out there... but it's not going to be found in the arms of a married woman. (nor would it be found in the arms of any single woman, because you have a wife.) 

yes, as pooch said, the essence of my advice is that you need to cut all ties and communication with your cousin until you (and she) have dissolved your respective marriages. because having an affair, whether physical or emotional, is not fair to either of you. not one little bit. UNDERSTAND THIS... as long as you "belong" to another woman (because you are married, and yes, you took vows even in a courthouse wedding ceremony because that's what the marriage license is... a vow. a contract. a promise.) sorry, let me repeat that, as long as you belong to another woman in marriage, your cousin is getting the short end of the stick. likewise, as long as she belongs to another man in marriage, you're getting the short end of the stick. it's simply unfair. it's unfair to your respective spouses, and it's unfair to each other. 

and love is not about being unfair. it's about protecting someone. this affair you are having does not protect anyone. and yes, it's an affair even if it hasn't been physical yet. you have a lot of excuses for what you're doing, but you're not seeing the reality of your choices... and that is that in the long run this will end badly unless you stop it in its tracks until you are both free to pursue a relationship.

i'm blunt because i give a darn. nobody in your shoes has ever been helped by someone coddling them. you want advice, that's what i give. if you can't accept honest advice meant to actually help you, then you're in the wrong place.

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      Is there any way to gauge whether the cousin in question returns these feelings?
      Is this something that would be easier to ignore and forget about?
      Are the whole "cousin couples are bad because genetic deformities happen in their children" thing really as severe as people say? 
      Is there something wrong with me?
      Thank you guys in advance for your responses, I really hope to hear from some of you. Any advice is appreciated. 
       
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