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Guest A_Tdance

I'm in love with my first cousin

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Hey!

So I've known my cousin my whole life, he might as well have been my brother. We grew up together and I always had a little crush on him but I just thought it was just a little crush. Fast forward years later I still liked him. I would always date guys then compare them to him. To make a long long story short I come to find out that he liked me too and we started a sexual relationship. So I like him, he likes me, what's the problem? I love him now and there's no real reason as to why I love him it's just what I would say as meant to be. I was meant to fall in love with him and I can feel it. But I realized that no matter how much I'm in love with him it couldn't go anywhere. I have a very family-oriented family, we could never date each other and no one could ever find out or I would never be able to see my family again. So yes, I love him and I'm fairly sure he loves me too but we could never be together. My question is whether I should find someone else and move on or should just keep having this quiet relationship with my cousin that no one will ever know about 

We're both young, in our late teens. He's in college and I start 2 falls from now. We're both dependent on our parents basically. He lives in Pennsylvania and I live in jersey but will most likely be moving to New York.

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A little more information would help in the kind of advice you will get.

Such as general ages, location, independence ie, education, employed, self sufficient??

Any present relationships~ married/engaged to someone  else, long term relationship with gf/bf,

You don't have to be specific but you get the idea.

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A_Tdance:

From what you've posted saying that you are both in your late teens I'm going to assume that you are a Junior in HS (since you start college in 2 years) and he is a Freshman/Soph in college (18/19 yrs old).  Is that correct?

To make a long long story short I come to find out that he liked me too and we started a sexual relationship

So yes, I love him and I'm fairly sure he loves me too

Finding someone to love in your teens (or any age, really) is quite exciting.  But let me say that I think you did things in the wrong order. Starting a sexual relationship with someone without the absolute knowledge that you are in a mutually exclusive relationship can cause a lot of confusion.  I do know that hormones are raging at this stage of your life and that it can be difficult to take things slow, but slow is best when it comes to love and sex!  Now you have your emotions all balled up and you can't think clearly because the rush of a sexual relationship has overtaken you.

You need to step back and get to know each other in an intimate (not sexual) way before making any more decisions.  You are in a long distance relationship, which actually might be a good situation for you right now.  You will be forced to talk to each other regularly and really get to know one another.  And the two of you have a lot to talk about, not the least of which is how you are going to handle a relationship with your 1st cousin!

You say that your family will never understand the two of you dating.  Are you sure about that?  When I hear you say you have a "family-oriented family", I interpret that to mean that you are a close knit family, always looking at for each other's best interests.  If this is true, you may be surprised at how accepting your family will be.  And sometimes we think our family will react negatively and they surprise us by reacting with delight (that's the way it was with my family).  Either way, you especially are in a situation where you are obligated to obey your parents.  If your parents say, "Nope.  No way", then you must do what they say - you are their child and are still living at home.  However, just because you can't date him now does not mean that you need to "find someone else".  You have your whole life ahead of you, darling!  Waiting a couple of years will not be the end of the world.

Whatever you do, you should NOT have a secretive relationship with your cousin.  Don't be fooled into thinking that you won't be found out - you will.  And when you are, you will have created a much uglier situation to deal with than you have on your hands right now.

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I think its not bad. I live in India and i am also in same kind of relationship wid mu first cousine. I love her a lot and she too loves me. We both are also in our last teens and didnt have a sexual reltionship yet. Well its right if u love him....

So i wanna say that go for ur bro...

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