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Young and Afraid

How Do I Tell My Family?

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My name is Rave.. I don't feel comfortable sharing my age nor my real name.. I'm a girl.. And I'm in love with my 1st cousin. He knows and he reciprocates the feeling. All is well.. Him and I have been together for about 9 months and we're doing really okay. We've talked about our future and where to move and where to marry.. Our only problem is our family. My father is his mother's brother.. My aunt is his mom and his uncle is my dad. Anyways, we disagree a lot on how/when to tell our family. I say we straight up tell them and hope for the best but prepare for the worst. He says we should just run and drop contact. I don't know what to do because now it's a sore subject for both of us. I wish I knew our family would be accepting. But honestly I think they'll hate us, I just don't want to live in fear and constant curiosity of how it would go.. Am I wrong? Any advice on what I should tell them when the time comes? 

Thank you,

~ Rave.~

Edited by Young and Afraid

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Hi Young and Afraid,

Welcome to the forum. :)My situation is the same....except that I am the guy. May I ask how old is he and how old are you two? Are you guys still studying? 

 

Hopefully it gets better on your end,

Pooch

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Hi Pooch, 

Uhm I don't know how comfortable I am with that, although I will say there is quite an age difference between him and I.. May I ask what you mean by "still studying"? 

Thank you very much Pooch. 

~Rave.~

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3 hours ago, Young and Afraid said:

Hi Pooch, 

Uhm I don't know how comfortable I am with that, although I will say there is quite an age difference between him and I.. May I ask what you mean by "still studying"? 

Thank you very much Pooch. 

~Rave.~

Hey, don't worry about it! You are anonymous here. I don't know you... and you don't know me. That's the beauty of this forum. Unless you reveal yourself, there's no way anybody will know who you are.. Know what I'm saying? But even with the anonimity, I do hope that I can relate to your situation and to whatever that you guys are going through.. After all, we are in this kind of unique relationship.. You know?

But then, if you really don't want to say how old you guys are, then it's up to you.... I just thought I should ask..

When I asked if you guys are still studying, I asked that because the sound of your post seems like you guys are still under your parents roof -- in which from that I deduced that either you guys are still in high school or college. But then of course that's a long shot! lol. To a culture like mine for example, I highly value my parents blessing regarding my relationship and so I really take good consideration of them.

 

Pooch

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8 hours ago, pooch said:

Hey, don't worry about it! You are anonymous here. I don't know you... and you don't know me. That's the beauty of this forum. Unless you reveal yourself, there's no way anybody will know who you are.. Know what I'm saying? But even with the anonimity, I do hope that I can relate to your situation and to whatever that you guys are going through.. After all, we are in this kind of unique relationship.. You know?

But then, if you really don't want to say how old you guys are, then it's up to you.... I just thought I should ask..

When I asked if you guys are still studying, I asked that because the sound of your post seems like you guys are still under your parents roof -- in which from that I deduced that either you guys are still in high school or college. But then of course that's a long shot! lol. To a culture like mine for example, I highly value my parents blessing regarding my relationship and so I really take good consideration of them.

 

Pooch

Yeah.. It is really cool to be anonymous and stuff.. We all are, yeah...

I will say he is in college and I am in high school.. I really want my father's blessing (my mother's out of the picture) and I really want to have relatives for my future family but I'm just so scared they'll hate us..

At one point I told my cousin we should never speak again just because I know how much his family means to him.. They've mentioned many times that cousins marrying cousins are disobedient and disgusting.. To which I have spent many nights wondering if we really should be together.. It's hard ya know? 

Sorry I kinda just spit all that out lol..

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Hi there,

Knowing that you are still in high school and your cousin-bf is in college is already sufficient. :) Anyhow, how come your mom is out of the picture? Is it because she approves or is it because you think that she is not going to be a 'problem'? You see, I think it's should be that both your mom and your dad should approve. However, I do think that that's the least of your concern at this point. You know why I said that? It's because him being your cousin is not a huge factor at this point. If I am not going to be mistaken, he is your first boyfriend. Am I right? 

You mentioned that you told him that you guys should never speak again. What did he say? How did he respond? And most important of all -- what is your current status now? Like, are you guys still together or have you guys broken up...? What's the situation?

You guys are 9 months and still going? Or did you guys cool off? Let me know.

 

Wishing you the best,

Pooch

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On 2/18/2018 at 8:54 PM, pooch said:

Hi there,

Knowing that you are still in high school and your cousin-bf is in college is already sufficient. :) Anyhow, how come your mom is out of the picture? Is it because she approves or is it because you think that she is not going to be a 'problem'? You see, I think it's should be that both your mom and your dad should approve. However, I do think that that's the least of your concern at this point. You know why I said that? It's because him being your cousin is not a huge factor at this point. If I am not going to be mistaken, he is your first boyfriend. Am I right? 

You mentioned that you told him that you guys should never speak again. What did he say? How did he respond? And most important of all -- what is your current status now? Like, are you guys still together or have you guys broken up...? What's the situation?

You guys are 9 months and still going? Or did you guys cool off? Let me know.

 

Wishing you the best,

Pooch

My mom's been out of the picture for about 6 years now.. She was a big problem and cause of my issues.. He is.. He's my first ever boyfriend.. I've had small talk with others but never this serious. He basically told me I'm being irrational and shut me up.. Right now we're still together.. Yeah we're on 10 now.. Also, I'm sorry for the late reply, life's been.. Life hah. 

~Rave.~

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On ‎2‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 11:12 PM, Young and Afraid said:

I wish I knew our family would be accepting. But honestly I think they'll hate us

 

11 hours ago, Young and Afraid said:

He basically told me I'm being irrational and shut me up.. Right now we're still together..

Hi there YaF,

I want to ask how was his relationship with his uncle (ie. your dad)? You see, I feel like he is in the same situation like me... Anyhow, is his relationship with him relatively okay or... what? And how about vice versa? What is the personality of your dad that makes you think that he might not accept his nephew (your bf) as your boyfriend? Does your bf respects your dad? You don't have to go to many details or examples -- I just want to get a general gist of your impression with the relationship between your dad and him. I want it from your dad's POV. For example, does he find your bf a responsible person...or a good person in general and so forth? How about you and his mom?

Now he said that you are being irrational and he shut you up. I believe that you were hurt a little bit. But don't let that deter you from bringing up the subject matter again. Try to do it again next week and let us know how it goes. The earlier you figure this one out, the better it would be for you. You know what I'm saying? Press him if you must. Since he is your first bf, you have every right to know! Ask him, what the deal is... If you are more comfortable through text, then do it through text. If in person, then fine. But make sure that you trust him... That you guys are in this together if both of you want a long term relationship with each other.  May I ask you as well if you are his first gf? Or does he have a past already?

And as always, keep us updated...

 

Pooch

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