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Hasan

Please answer...

Question

I am 16 and my female cousin is 20

i really love her 

we used to talk normal and i think she likes me (not sure)

how can i tell her that i love her

But she is elder...

plzzz telll me what should i do 

i really love her

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Welcome to the forum, Hasan!  You may find good answers to your question in the "Shoot the Breeze" or "Help/Advice" forums on the page.  There are some pinned posts at the top of those forums and many people have also asked this question and received some really good answers.  Honestly, it's hard to say for every situation, but at 16, you're a little young to start a relationship with her, especially if she's 20.  I'd say you're at least two to four years away.  Also, I do not know where you are or your family or religious background, and these definitely play a major part in how you should approach discussing this with her.  If I had one piece of advice that's universal, I'd say treat her as your best friend and become her best friend by being a person she can talk to who listens.  You have to be willing to listen to anything she talks about (even other guys) without giving any judgment or advice unless she specifically asks for it.  I hope that helps give you some direction.

God Bless & Best Wishes,

CM

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45 minutes ago, Hasan said:

Thanks!! 

I really want to marry her how can i tell??

plz replyy?

Have you asked her? If so, what did she tell you?

 

Pooch

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7 hours ago, Hasan said:

Thanks!! 

I really want to marry her how can i tell??

plz replyy?

You're going to have to be patient.  I know, telling a 16-year-old to be patient is like telling a puppy to wait for a treat that you're holding six inches from its nose, but consider that picture.  Right now, you're full of emotions, desires, and a desire to grab life and run with it.  That's a VERY GOOD thing!  However, I don't know where you are in life.  In some places, 16 is old enough to get married, start a profession, and raise a family.  In others (America and Europe), 16 is considered "childhood" and marriage is supposed to be set aside for after you complete your primary and secondary education (and many would argue, post-secondary as well, whether that be university, community college, or trade school).  In my view, it's good to know what you want - I *knew* I wanted to be married from a very young age and it was just a matter of finding the "right" girl and doing the work to be a good husband.  Of course, at 16, I had no *real* idea what any of that meant!

My grandmother used to call the emotions I felt for girls in my youth, "puppy love".  Yup!  As I look back, that's exactly what it was (though the term used to irk me terribly).  So, now let me get to your question:

"How can I tell her?"  Well, again, that depends on your own family and cultural surroundings.  I would have been absolutely terrified to say such a thing to my cousin with I was 16 for fear of being utterly rejected AND humiliated before the entire family.  I did, however, float the idea to her once when we were quite young (15 and 13) in the form of a joke - "you know it's legal for us to get married in New York?!?"  At the time, that was the only state I had heard of where such a thing was legal and I truly did think it was a joke - had NO intention of pursuing that, even if I did find her cute as could be.  Needless to say, she gave the expected, "ewww, you're gross!" and then we resumed whatever we were doing, picking on one another and just generally hanging out.

Fast forward almost five years, when we were 20 and 18, and we actually had a conversation on the phone one night where we discussed boyfriends and girlfriends, as we usually did over the previous five years, and she asked if I'd ever wondered what it would be like to kiss her.  Needless to say, that conversation escalated as we ended up asking one another a lot more questions than that.  Over the years we had confided our deepest, darkest relationship secrets in one another.  It turned out that we were each the "model" against which we always measured others and so, naturally, we had both wondered, on some level, what a relationship would be like, even if we supposedly knew it was impossible.  When we next saw one another in person, it was a bit awkward but very "electric."  Well, five months after that conversation, we were married!  That's not to say that you will end up married to this girl of your dreams in five months but rather to say that the best approach to finding out *if* she finds you at all interesting in that way may be the subtle approach. 

Find out what she looks for in a boyfriend.  What does she say the ideal man should be?  Does the man she describes sound at all like you?  Find out what you *should* look for in a girlfriend from her perspective and let her know that you think she's the ideal and you'd love to find a girl just like her someday.  Does the ideal girl for you, from her perspective, sound at all like here?

I haven't asked, but do the two of you come from families that you believe would be accepting of you getting married?  In my case, the answer was an emphatic "no".  Some folks on here are from families that not only support it but even encourage it.  Others are in between.

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8 hours ago, ColoradoMarried said:

You're going to have to be patient.  I know, telling a 16-year-old to be patient is like telling a puppy to wait for a treat that you're holding six inches from its nose, but consider that picture.  Right now, you're full of emotions, desires, and a desire to grab life and run with it.  That's a VERY GOOD thing!  However, I don't know where you are in life.  In some places, 16 is old enough to get married, start a profession, and raise a family.  In others (America and Europe), 16 is considered "childhood" and marriage is supposed to be set aside for after you complete your primary and secondary education (and many would argue, post-secondary as well, whether that be university, community college, or trade school).  In my view, it's good to know what you want - I *knew* I wanted to be married from a very young age and it was just a matter of finding the "right" girl and doing the work to be a good husband.  Of course, at 16, I had no *real* idea what any of that meant!

My grandmother used to call the emotions I felt for girls in my youth, "puppy love".  Yup!  As I look back, that's exactly what it was (though the term used to irk me terribly).  So, now let me get to your question:

"How can I tell her?"  Well, again, that depends on your own family and cultural surroundings.  I would have been absolutely terrified to say such a thing to my cousin with I was 16 for fear of being utterly rejected AND humiliated before the entire family.  I did, however, float the idea to her once when we were quite young (15 and 13) in the form of a joke - "you know it's legal for us to get married in New York?!?"  At the time, that was the only state I had heard of where such a thing was legal and I truly did think it was a joke - had NO intention of pursuing that, even if I did find her cute as could be.  Needless to say, she gave the expected, "ewww, you're gross!" and then we resumed whatever we were doing, picking on one another and just generally hanging out.

Fast forward almost five years, when we were 20 and 18, and we actually had a conversation on the phone one night where we discussed boyfriends and girlfriends, as we usually did over the previous five years, and she asked if I'd ever wondered what it would be like to kiss her.  Needless to say, that conversation escalated as we ended up asking one another a lot more questions than that.  Over the years we had confided our deepest, darkest relationship secrets in one another.  It turned out that we were each the "model" against which we always measured others and so, naturally, we had both wondered, on some level, what a relationship would be like, even if we supposedly knew it was impossible.  When we next saw one another in person, it was a bit awkward but very "electric."  Well, five months after that conversation, we were married!  That's not to say that you will end up married to this girl of your dreams in five months but rather to say that the best approach to finding out *if* she finds you at all interesting in that way may be the subtle approach. 

Find out what she looks for in a boyfriend.  What does she say the ideal man should be?  Does the man she describes sound at all like you?  Find out what you *should* look for in a girlfriend from her perspective and let her know that you think she's the ideal and you'd love to find a girl just like her someday.  Does the ideal girl for you, from her perspective, sound at all like here?

I haven't asked, but do the two of you come from families that you believe would be accepting of you getting married?  In my case, the answer was an emphatic "no".  Some folks on here are from families that not only support it but even encourage it.  Others are in between.

 

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