By Jordan Colbert
Our story started roughly 2 years ago when my cousin confessed she had feelings for me. At the time she said this is wrong and we should not be doing this. But we continued developing our relationship anyway. We planned of our lives together after marriage, babies, places to visit, things to do and so on. We lived a happy life. Now after two years of constant back and forth of; this is wrong we should not be doing it and it’s ok let’s go ahead with it, she wants to end the relationship but isn’t doing it, just putting a halt to the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect and just wants to be friends. She says, “I should have been the adult in the room. I don’t want to continue doing wrong.” She feels that when we inform our family about our intentions we will end up creating a huge and permanent split in our family. We will be the reason for our family to break apart. People will hate us. Previously at the beginning of our relationship she had said that she doesn’t care about what other people think of her. When I brought this up she said well I do care now. I tried convincing her that I’ll deal with all the heat from the family, you can even say he is the one pushing for it I’m not that interested. I’ll be able to make the family come to terms with us. But she still says even if you convince the family I know it’s wrong and my mind will not be at ease. She says even if we get married I won’t be able to live a happy life because I’ll be disturbed about the fact that we are cousins and we shouldn’t be married. Also whenever she sees other cousins they remind her that we are doing wrong. She feels bad when she sees them. Sometimes she says that I look like her brother and that makes it difficult for her. The thing I don’t understand is that these are issues that were there during the first year of our relationship, why are they becoming unbearable now. She was able to put these thoughts aside then. Why can’t she now? I asked her do you want to end our relationship? Her reply was, “Yes, sometimes I want to end it. But sometimes I don’t. I don’t know.” I said why don’t you end it then. She said, “You’ve done nothing but loved me. And that’s why it’s difficult for me to end it. I’m thinking about our relationship in a realistic way and you think in a hopeful way. There is no way our family will allow us to be together.”
I feel that if I can convince her that we are not doing anything wrong. We love each other and there’s nothing wrong about it, she might change her mind. The thing is I’ve tried everything I could to do that. But she doesn’t accept it. I’ve given her examples of cousin marriages happening for so many decades. Her response is that if people have been doing wrong that doesn’t mean we continue doing wrong.
You may think she does not love me anymore and is trying to find excuses to end our relationship. That’s not how it is. She is a tough independent woman. She does not let other people’s opinions play any role in her decision making. She thinks for herself and sticks to her decisions however painful they may be. I know her very well. She still loves me. Just not enough to marry me.
My cousin just ended our 8 year relationship because she’s afraid that the family will break apart. It was very painful for both us and we cried like never before. We were together in secret all this time but rumor spreading of our relationship made her realize that she could no longer bear the guilt of having to lie to everyone. I’ve tried everything I can to get her to come back to me but she says there’s no turning back. She says that no one will accept us no matter what explanation we give to them. She even threatened with leaving everything behind and starting out from the ground up somewhere where I won’t find her. I’ve hardly eaten anything or gotten any sleep since then. My last hope is convincing someone important in our family that what we have is true love and letting her know not to worry about what the family will say. So here’s the tricky part. The only person that could probably understand what we have is my mother. She and my father got together while my father was still with her sister and they’ve been together for 33 years now. The family took a nasty split when that happened with mostly everyone including her only brother siding with her older sister. Should I tell her about our feelings? Was that relationship taboo enough for them to understand? Or will it backfire and end up losing her love completely for still insisting. After all, my mother already suspected that there was something going on between us.
So 17 and i'm from New York. I went to Colombia for about 2 months to visit family that i haven't seen for years. I used to live in Colombia when I was younger but I moved to the United States when I was about 4. When we were children, my cousin Lucas and I were best friends... but that was 13 years ago and we haven't spoken since. Anyways, my first week in Colombia, I shared a room with my cousin. it was just a small room with two twin sized beds and we each slept in one. We had stayed up all night talking and playing games we remembered playing as kids. We then started talking about our memories together and he brought up one that i could never forget; The day i kissed him when we were kids. We both started laughing and we started playing thumb wrestling. I won and he then asked me if I remembered why I had kissed him when we were young. I said "no," and he told me "you got so excited about beating me at a thumb war that you just grabbed my face and kissed me,". I started blushing and I looked down at our hands that were still holding onto each other although the game was over. I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed it softly and he smiled. We realize it was already 4am and we each got into our beds but continued talking. I asked him if he was cold and he said yes, so I got out of my bed and walked over to his and put another blanket over him. He told me I was sweet and that I should crawl into his bed to warm him up. I laughed and about 5 minutes later, I took his suggestion and we were both laying underneath the 4 blankets on his bed. We just cuddled all night and talked until 7am when we heard our mothers walking around the house and I went back to my bed and we fell asleep.This was the start of it all. The following night we went star gazing and we kissed. We were inseparable throughout the rest of my trip. He made me feel so alive. one night our family went out for dinner and a show and i got pretty drunk and afterwards we went for a walk. We smoked a little bit and he made me feel so safe. he held my hand he made me feel so calm even though i'd normally feel paranoid while that intoxicated. I was so high but everything with him was so clear. I told him I loved him and he told me he felt the same way. I've never felt this way about anybody but him. I know that I am in love with him. Anyways, we were basically in a secret relationship for two months and we even had sex. It was both of our first time. I don't know what to do because I just left two days ago and I miss him so much. Im going back to Colombia in four months to visit again and my mother has been considering movie back there which I would be 100% on board with. I love it so much more there and I genuinely feel at home.It would also be so nice to live closer to Lucas. I really don't know what to do. We were both in relationships, but I broke up with my boyfriend (for unrelated reasons) before i got intimate with my cousin. My cousin is still with his girlfriend but he told me they aren't that serious and that it's temporary. We've decided to keep this all low-key for now because neither of us are sure about how serious we should let this get. Also our parents always joke about us being in love with each other because of how close we are and I honestly dont think they would be that surprised if they found out about our feelings for each other
Just found this site. And honestly its nice to know there are a lot of people out there. In in love with my 1st cousin once removed and have been since I was 15. I'm 20 now. My mom knows and doesn't agree but she doesn't argue or ask questions. But they live a good distance away. Its easy when I'm there but he says stuff like he wants to marry me. Is it really worth the family uproar? We got caught at 16 doing stuff and it caused a lot of trouble and we didnt talk for about a year. The whole family freaked out. Why does it make me feel so bad and wrong when it really shouldnt feel that way?
Thanks for having me. I joined this group because my mother dated her first cousin, and although some may think it's a a weird thing to do, she was really happy, and I was happy for her! It made me think, why is this such a taboo thing when it isn't wrong AT ALL? So I've decided to do something to help "normalize" cousin relationships in a big way.
I'm a professional stand up comedian and will be filming a comedy special/documentary in March of 2018 in Los Angeles. I am looking for cousin couples who are dating, married, etc. or relatives of cousin couples - basically, anyone who is connected to a cousin relationship who is willing to speak about it on camera. My goal is to inform my audience about the statistics, facts, and normalcy of cousin relationships in a funny way (not making fun of it, speaking positively about it), in order to help attract the positive attention it deserves. It would be a short interview, a chance to tell your story. I'll be interviewing my mother as well! It will be distributed via a major company/network.
I will be holding pre-interviews in February of 2018. If you, or anyone you know, may be interested, please have them contact me for more information: firstname.lastname@example.org