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Guest concerncuz

My 1st and 2nd cousin

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Hi i want to share this story about my 1st cousin who i grew up with and about our second cousin who we just met years ago.

I'm not in love with my cousins but one of mine is. My 1st cousin is in love with our second cousin and she confessed to me last month that they did share a relationship for years but is now over because our second cousin left her months ago. It surprised me since she never opens up serious things to me. I told her what happened wasn't a big deal for me and that i still love them equally just like before. Although i didn't know the whole story i still said to my first cousin that it was a good thing the relationship has ended because it will never work out for a lot of huge reasons. That by the time she gets over it, she will just laugh at it. I also pointed out that our second cousin doesn't seem to care, that is now with someone new and looks happy and in love with this new girl. She asked me if i think our second cousin is now laughing at her and at what their relationship and i said maybe, yes.

They were odd to many people including some of our relatives but i ignore them, they were so nice specially our second cousin. But now everything made sense to me, why they were so close to the point that every person who meets or sees them thinks they were a couple. Why all of a sudden they stopped talking and separated their ways when back then they were literally inseparable. Why my first cousin looks so tired, cries most of the time and is always absent minded even if she smiles and laugh with us, i always thought it was because of her family. My cousin is an odd person, sometimes she seems like a cold hearted person and sometimes she's so nice to the point that just hearing us gossip about other people makes her sad. She loves bringing everyone together but she's detach. She's kind and never forgets to help people but there's always something about her that will make you feel cautious and intimidated. Reading her is very difficult, even if we grew up together and knowing her secret i still feel like they are only a small portion of who she is and how she really works. I proved it when just recently my cousin tried to end her life.

She was alone in our house one day and when i arrived i found her lying on the floor with a blooded pulse and a bottle of sleeping pills. As soon as i understand what happened i hit her to bring her consciousness back and yanked her to make her spill out all the medicine she took, it was a good thing she throws up up the pills.

Although I'm very piss on what happened i kept these to our family because i don't want it to cause us trouble specially her and our second cousin. I asked her again and again why she's becoming like these but her only response was "she was always like this and she hates it, but no one will understand unless we walk at the same path she's walking and with the same emotions she has" She says it with no emotions just like a lifeless person. She made me angry because that felt like an insult to us, her family but when i think of how she grew up: outcasted, unloved by her parents and brother, battered child, always or prefers to be alone, it suppressed my anger.

Is cousin relationship really this strong that it can break a person like these? Because i know my cousin had her share of exes and admirers and she always looked cool and wise so i thought she can handle this just like how she handled the other people she loved. But seeing her so helpless and vulnerable makes me doubt she can handle this.

I hate these kind of complications but as a cousin it bothers me that while my cousin on the brink of breaking down, our second cousin looks happy and contented. And it also makes me sad that it seems like the reason that made her like this is her love for our second cousin. How can i say that? Because before my 1st cousin was a strong independent woman who doesn't need anyone to be happy or to survive but now i can say that in reality she's just a fragile egg inside a boiling pot. She's too emotional, too close for the kind of life she has. These may not sound awful but i really pity her. She truly looked so happy when they were together. They never left one another (or more like she's the one who's been left). I hope I'm wrong but base on what i saw and her actions, i think the only person who can truly save her from her hell hole and from herself is our cousin. I think even if she survive this, she'll just fall back to the person she used to be and hates. I hope someone can enlighten me on how this kind of relationship really works so i can help her more, because my cousin, makes me feel that she's not afraid to die.

Sorry if i don't make sense. I still don't understand them and their story but it's clear that she needs help and i can't help her. I don't want to sell them out but this a heavy serious matter that i can't keep to myself.


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