I am recently in a situation (going on two months now) of a mostly text relationship with a second cousin. I am 35 and he is 44. We did not meet until last summer (funny enough it was bc of studying genealogy). I felt an instant attraction to him. We talked sporadically over the next three months through text until one night we admitted a mutual attraction. Since then communication has been practically daily.
From my angle, I live in a city, have no kids, and am not particularly bothered by the fact he’s my cousin. Our families are not close and we did not grow up together. (It would just be a relationship I saw as telling immediate family members and not being open with the public). We share so much in common. It was really like experiencing the male version of myself when I met and talked to him. Views on politics, religion, music, humor. We are very similar.
He says while he is attracted to me he doesn’t see a long term relationship as practical and thinks we should pursue something with an expiration date. He has two kids, lives near immediate family in a small conservative town.
We have discussed the discrepancy in our views (we both enjoy talking and want to get physical) and yet he continues to reach out to me and I continue to reciprocate communication. However, I cannot get physical with him under recreational circumstances.
My question is...has anyone actually seen someone evolve in this kind of scenario? Is it practical to think he may eventually be okay with it down the road (even if in the beginning last time we talked about it specifically he said he saw the chance as slim)?
I have ceased initiating communication with him and it only made him increase his communication even more. I know he likes me...a lot. But so far he hasn’t been able to promise a relationship with any hope for a future.
As of yet, we have not seen each other since admitting mutual attraction over text.
Is this situation with a reluctant potential partner one that anyone has seen or experienced before? Information on a relationship like this is not text book so it’s difficult to find and/or interpret.
Thank you in advance for considering providing any input.
Dear all at cc,
I became member of your website in order to help people who are sentimentally connected with their cousin make their life as much easier as possible by providing them valid information. Hope this will be particularly useful for hellenic (greek) people who want to marry their second cousin or first cousin once removed (defteranipsiòs/defteranipsià in hellenic) but also for non Hellenes who would like to compare the reality towards the cousin marriage in their country with the hellenic one.
First of all, i would like to inform friends here at cc that Hellas (Greece) is certainly one european country where marriage between 4th degree relatives (that is first cousins) is not allowed. Both the Hellenic Orthodox Church (for those who want to have a church wedding) and the State through the National Legislation (for those who want to have a civil wedding) ban the first cousins wedding.
I am quoting the relative hyperlinks right here:
Terms and conditions about the church wedding according Hellenic Orthodox Church:
Terms and conditions about the civil wedding accoding to Astikós Kódhikas (Civil Law-pdf file):
As Civil Law is a whole tome, just focus on articles 1350–1371. The critical article is 1356 which clearly states that the wedding between relatives up to the 4th degree is not allowed (literally stated "the wedding is prevented"). If you ask me, though not allowed, i sincerely don't know if there is legal punishment in case where two first cousins get married in Hellas.
As a general rule for my compatriots who are seeking valid advice… If you are in love with your second cousin (6th degree relation) or with your first cousin once removed (5th degree relation - that is with your dad/mum cousin or the child of your first cousin), then there is no legal or religious obstacle to get married. Any obstacle opposed by families is just a mind job whose foundations are far from scientific proof and Genetics.
After having asked friends who live in Italy, i got the answer that the italian law is similar with the hellenic. I think that many european countries (especially the catholic and orthodox ones) don't allow the first cousin marriage or they do it upon strict conditions. So, just for the sake of precision, Hellas (Greece) is defintely a European country where (first) cousin marriage is not allowed. So, talking about facts about cousin marriage here in the cc webpage
there is room for some revision in fact no3.
With best regards,