Hello all, thanks for stopping by. First off, thanks for all the great advice, stories, and posts on here, and special thanks to the creators and admins. This has been bugging me for a while, and I was so glad to discover this place, I really felt welcomed and moved by some of these stories, but most of all, hopeful. I truthfully am a forum noob, and have never really posted anything on a public board before, much less this topic. The reason I started this topic is because most of the threads I came across seemed geared to very young people, and while other posts did offer some insight, I decided to try my luck here, hoping for a more custom tailored response, respectably.
Straight to the goods then. I'm 'Andy' and soon to be 35, she's ‘Cindy’, in her 40s, and we are both single and 1st cousins. I have had a crush on her as far back as I can remember, our families were close when we were kids, and often spent weekends together. Because of our age gap at the time, her being a rebel teen who idolized Madonna and me with my Transformers and GI Joes, we were not very close. We hung out like average cousins, nothing special. Over the years she was always close to my thoughts, plus we stayed in touch on social media, but again noting special. Fast forward a little over two decades, during which we would occasionally see each other at large family gatherings, but no major contact beyond that. Next time, it was special, it felt different. Recently, for an outdoor family reunion, it just so happened that we were seated together and we practically spent the whole time chatting exclusively. I really love to make her laugh and I was doing just that, and so was she. Every now and then I'd get from her, what was probably a wholly innocent gesture, an arm touch and smile. I still refuse to read too much into this, this is uncharted waters and I know better than to treat it like the average crush. At one point during the party, a relative approached us and exclaimed to my cousin Cindy, "oh my, I thought this man was your boyfriend!" Our mutual relative was a little surprised when she realized it was me, but did not make a big deal or read too much into it. This made me back off, obviously my body language or a combination of ours both suggested we were a couple to anyone who did not know better. Cindy's reaction was amazing though, smiles and blush galore, she didn't even make an "Eww face" at the remark. Anyway, since then we have been texting occasionally, every other day, very short conversations because I know she is busy and a single mother. I remember one text she wrote, "I miss you." We exchange our problems and offer advice. On more than one occasion she mentioned how she just wants to be with a nice guy who accepts her, and how hard it is for her to find someone, I responded truthfully, that I'm pretty much in the same situation, looking for "Miss Right" and all that. We even spoke on the phone briefly, this is where it escalates a tiny bit.
Here is where it gets good, but really scary for me. This Saturday we have a date, for lack of a better word, or more accurately dinner and a movie. Yup, I went for it and she said yes! Holy holy crap! What do I do? I kind of have the evening planned, dinner at a nice restaurant, but I'm hoping to sub the movie with something romantic, like somewhere with a nice view of the city. I really just want to talk with her and spend time alone, and gauge her feelings a bit more. Anyway, I am out of my element here. I'm hoping someone reading this has been in a similar position. I am totally patient and would rather something happen organically on her end, than me trying to force it and be selfish. I would love tips for our date though, I will be myself of course, but I’m wondering if there’s little things I could say or do to hint at my romantic interest in her. I'm kind of nervous and don't want to make a fool of myself.
I have strong feelings for Cindy. She's amazing in terms of her fortitude, strength, and outlook on life. She is beautiful inside and out, she makes me laugh, and is always on my mind lately. A part of me believes we don't choose who we fall in love with, and it's not often a girl makes me feel this way. There's definitely some magic there, I just can't tell if its of the romantic kind or not.
Any advice from people who have been in similar situations, and my age group would be preferred, but all thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly in advance!
• We've known each other since I was 5 and she was three. She lives out of state and just happened to be at my great aunt's. We didn't start talking everyday until I was 12 and she was 9. And every day until now we've talked, which now I'm 25 and she's 22. I say talked because she lives in a state over. She is my first and probably only best friend. Out of everyone I know, she comes out on top. I've never had an attachment to anyone this strong, ever. I wish I could give her everything she deserves. I wish I could make her life better. She's been looking for the right person forever and can't seem to land a good person. She is the only girl I have ever and will ever love. My stubbornness and feelings are probably why I never moved on when I thought she changed her mind on us being that way a lot because she's admitted she feels the same way. I have never and will never want anyone else. And to my shame it weighed on me so much and it keep getting brought up that I avoided her some days. It wasn't her fault, it was mine. I just didn't know how to say, I was in love with her and not make it awkward, weird, and sad as hell because at the time I thought she saw me as more of a brother. Not knowing if my feelings would be reciprocated played a factor as well. That last on actually scared the living hell out of me. And when I'm scared, I keep quite. I'm what you would call a useless man, if you could even call me a man. I keep thinking she could do a hell of a lot better, because she really could. I was just trying to look past my wants and needs and focus on hers. She needs a financially supportive partner, I am not that. Me thinking like this is the reason I never spoke out about my feelings often. I would throw a hint here and there, or someone else would bring it up, but the conversation would never go anywhere go anywhere. But that's how it's always been. My life has a way of dangling my dreams in front of me, then slaps me with it and and says I can't have it. I just can't take not having anything anymore. I get enough to suffer, that's about it and that's how I know it will be until I die. But even if it some how miraculously happened would we be happy or just sad? Why...just why did we have to be related? Does life enjoy torturing me to the very end? Constantly giving me hope that maybe we could be, then spitting in my face. I just want her to be happy. This situation is one of the main reasons why I'm always depressed and sad it's because my damn soulmate is my cousin. I've witnessed proof of this time and time again. We like the same things, we think the same things so much we are literally saying the same things at the same time all the time, and we enjoy simply taking to each other for literally hours a day for 13 years. I would chop a certain part off and stick the wound in fire ants just to have a chance to be with her. Doesn't even have to be a sure thing, just a chance. I want to be with her so bad it hurts. I hurt when she hurts, I hate hearing her down there so unhappy, knowing I can't do a damn thing to help her because I'm ao useless. I wish I could be everything she needs and wants. I wish I could give her what she wants, when she wants. I wish we weren't family so we could be a family. But that will probably never happen, because we're cousin's. I can't even think of suicide (I'm a coward when it comes to that so don't worry) because she keeps talking of killing herself if I die, and that scares me worse than my own death. I don't want her to kill herself over me. I just want her happy. But we never are. I just love her so much. Is that really so repulsive to society? That is the only thing stopping us. What people would think. And it does help the fact that people relentlessly remind me of it by teasing us, because even they can see how close were are. I just wish I could have this one piece of happiness but life denied it in the worst way and now I'll never be able to love again. You may say I will but you don't know me. I've been stuck on her for over a decade they rest or my life seems worth it. She says I will too but I know I won't. Trying to find love somewhere else just seems wrong and I don't want to. That's why I've accepted that I'll die alone because if it's not with her I don't want love. Doesn't stop it from hurting like hell though. I've used to cry nightly over this but know I just fall in a depression pit and only cry every so often because I'm used to emotional pain now but I'll be damned if it makes me stop talking to her or anything. I've got too few friends for that and she's the oldest and most precious one. I just wish there was some way to be with her. But keep on dreaming I guess. I don't get along with very many girls. Just her actually. So I'm positive I'll die alone without love. I can't be with anyone else. My mind won't let me. I've had a few encounters with other girls but everytime it gets to the point of them try to flirt with me I feel guilty. Like even them saying stuff like that to me is a betrayal even though we aren't that way with each other. And I can't and don't want to change that. Because to be honest I would rather die lonely than be with someone else. Sorry about the bad, repetitive writing and the 'woe is me' story. I just have literally no one else to talk about this to.
I am recently in a situation (going on two months now) of a mostly text relationship with a second cousin. I am 35 and he is 44. We did not meet until last summer (funny enough it was bc of studying genealogy). I felt an instant attraction to him. We talked sporadically over the next three months through text until one night we admitted a mutual attraction. Since then communication has been practically daily.
From my angle, I live in a city, have no kids, and am not particularly bothered by the fact he’s my cousin. Our families are not close and we did not grow up together. (It would just be a relationship I saw as telling immediate family members and not being open with the public). We share so much in common. It was really like experiencing the male version of myself when I met and talked to him. Views on politics, religion, music, humor. We are very similar.
He says while he is attracted to me he doesn’t see a long term relationship as practical and thinks we should pursue something with an expiration date. He has two kids, lives near immediate family in a small conservative town.
We have discussed the discrepancy in our views (we both enjoy talking and want to get physical) and yet he continues to reach out to me and I continue to reciprocate communication. However, I cannot get physical with him under recreational circumstances.
My question is...has anyone actually seen someone evolve in this kind of scenario? Is it practical to think he may eventually be okay with it down the road (even if in the beginning last time we talked about it specifically he said he saw the chance as slim)?
I have ceased initiating communication with him and it only made him increase his communication even more. I know he likes me...a lot. But so far he hasn’t been able to promise a relationship with any hope for a future.
As of yet, we have not seen each other since admitting mutual attraction over text.
Is this situation with a reluctant potential partner one that anyone has seen or experienced before? Information on a relationship like this is not text book so it’s difficult to find and/or interpret.
Thank you in advance for considering providing any input.