• We've known each other since I was 5 and she was three. She lives out of state and just happened to be at my great aunt's. We didn't start talking everyday until I was 12 and she was 9. And every day until now we've talked, which now I'm 25 and she's 22. I say talked because she lives in a state over. She is my first and probably only best friend. Out of everyone I know, she comes out on top. I've never had an attachment to anyone this strong, ever. I wish I could give her everything she deserves. I wish I could make her life better. She's been looking for the right person forever and can't seem to land a good person. She is the only girl I have ever and will ever love. My stubbornness and feelings are probably why I never moved on when I thought she changed her mind on us being that way a lot because she's admitted she feels the same way. I have never and will never want anyone else. And to my shame it weighed on me so much and it keep getting brought up that I avoided her some days. It wasn't her fault, it was mine. I just didn't know how to say, I was in love with her and not make it awkward, weird, and sad as hell because at the time I thought she saw me as more of a brother. Not knowing if my feelings would be reciprocated played a factor as well. That last on actually scared the living hell out of me. And when I'm scared, I keep quite. I'm what you would call a useless man, if you could even call me a man. I keep thinking she could do a hell of a lot better, because she really could. I was just trying to look past my wants and needs and focus on hers. She needs a financially supportive partner, I am not that. Me thinking like this is the reason I never spoke out about my feelings often. I would throw a hint here and there, or someone else would bring it up, but the conversation would never go anywhere go anywhere. But that's how it's always been. My life has a way of dangling my dreams in front of me, then slaps me with it and and says I can't have it. I just can't take not having anything anymore. I get enough to suffer, that's about it and that's how I know it will be until I die. But even if it some how miraculously happened would we be happy or just sad? Why...just why did we have to be related? Does life enjoy torturing me to the very end? Constantly giving me hope that maybe we could be, then spitting in my face. I just want her to be happy. This situation is one of the main reasons why I'm always depressed and sad it's because my damn soulmate is my cousin. I've witnessed proof of this time and time again. We like the same things, we think the same things so much we are literally saying the same things at the same time all the time, and we enjoy simply taking to each other for literally hours a day for 13 years. I would chop a certain part off and stick the wound in fire ants just to have a chance to be with her. Doesn't even have to be a sure thing, just a chance. I want to be with her so bad it hurts. I hurt when she hurts, I hate hearing her down there so unhappy, knowing I can't do a damn thing to help her because I'm ao useless. I wish I could be everything she needs and wants. I wish I could give her what she wants, when she wants. I wish we weren't family so we could be a family. But that will probably never happen, because we're cousin's. I can't even think of suicide (I'm a coward when it comes to that so don't worry) because she keeps talking of killing herself if I die, and that scares me worse than my own death. I don't want her to kill herself over me. I just want her happy. But we never are. I just love her so much. Is that really so repulsive to society? That is the only thing stopping us. What people would think. And it does help the fact that people relentlessly remind me of it by teasing us, because even they can see how close were are. I just wish I could have this one piece of happiness but life denied it in the worst way and now I'll never be able to love again. You may say I will but you don't know me. I've been stuck on her for over a decade they rest or my life seems worth it. She says I will too but I know I won't. Trying to find love somewhere else just seems wrong and I don't want to. That's why I've accepted that I'll die alone because if it's not with her I don't want love. Doesn't stop it from hurting like hell though. I've used to cry nightly over this but know I just fall in a depression pit and only cry every so often because I'm used to emotional pain now but I'll be damned if it makes me stop talking to her or anything. I've got too few friends for that and she's the oldest and most precious one. I just wish there was some way to be with her. But keep on dreaming I guess. I don't get along with very many girls. Just her actually. So I'm positive I'll die alone without love. I can't be with anyone else. My mind won't let me. I've had a few encounters with other girls but everytime it gets to the point of them try to flirt with me I feel guilty. Like even them saying stuff like that to me is a betrayal even though we aren't that way with each other. And I can't and don't want to change that. Because to be honest I would rather die lonely than be with someone else. Sorry about the bad, repetitive writing and the 'woe is me' story. I just have literally no one else to talk about this to.
I am recently in a situation (going on two months now) of a mostly text relationship with a second cousin. I am 35 and he is 44. We did not meet until last summer (funny enough it was bc of studying genealogy). I felt an instant attraction to him. We talked sporadically over the next three months through text until one night we admitted a mutual attraction. Since then communication has been practically daily.
From my angle, I live in a city, have no kids, and am not particularly bothered by the fact he’s my cousin. Our families are not close and we did not grow up together. (It would just be a relationship I saw as telling immediate family members and not being open with the public). We share so much in common. It was really like experiencing the male version of myself when I met and talked to him. Views on politics, religion, music, humor. We are very similar.
He says while he is attracted to me he doesn’t see a long term relationship as practical and thinks we should pursue something with an expiration date. He has two kids, lives near immediate family in a small conservative town.
We have discussed the discrepancy in our views (we both enjoy talking and want to get physical) and yet he continues to reach out to me and I continue to reciprocate communication. However, I cannot get physical with him under recreational circumstances.
My question is...has anyone actually seen someone evolve in this kind of scenario? Is it practical to think he may eventually be okay with it down the road (even if in the beginning last time we talked about it specifically he said he saw the chance as slim)?
I have ceased initiating communication with him and it only made him increase his communication even more. I know he likes me...a lot. But so far he hasn’t been able to promise a relationship with any hope for a future.
As of yet, we have not seen each other since admitting mutual attraction over text.
Is this situation with a reluctant potential partner one that anyone has seen or experienced before? Information on a relationship like this is not text book so it’s difficult to find and/or interpret.
Thank you in advance for considering providing any input.
Dear all at cc,
I became member of your website in order to help people who are sentimentally connected with their cousin make their life as much easier as possible by providing them valid information. Hope this will be particularly useful for hellenic (greek) people who want to marry their second cousin or first cousin once removed (defteranipsiòs/defteranipsià in hellenic) but also for non Hellenes who would like to compare the reality towards the cousin marriage in their country with the hellenic one.
First of all, i would like to inform friends here at cc that Hellas (Greece) is certainly one european country where marriage between 4th degree relatives (that is first cousins) is not allowed. Both the Hellenic Orthodox Church (for those who want to have a church wedding) and the State through the National Legislation (for those who want to have a civil wedding) ban the first cousins wedding.
I am quoting the relative hyperlinks right here:
Terms and conditions about the church wedding according Hellenic Orthodox Church:
Terms and conditions about the civil wedding accoding to Astikós Kódhikas (Civil Law-pdf file):
As Civil Law is a whole tome, just focus on articles 1350–1371. The critical article is 1356 which clearly states that the wedding between relatives up to the 4th degree is not allowed (literally stated "the wedding is prevented"). If you ask me, though not allowed, i sincerely don't know if there is legal punishment in case where two first cousins get married in Hellas.
As a general rule for my compatriots who are seeking valid advice… If you are in love with your second cousin (6th degree relation) or with your first cousin once removed (5th degree relation - that is with your dad/mum cousin or the child of your first cousin), then there is no legal or religious obstacle to get married. Any obstacle opposed by families is just a mind job whose foundations are far from scientific proof and Genetics.
After having asked friends who live in Italy, i got the answer that the italian law is similar with the hellenic. I think that many european countries (especially the catholic and orthodox ones) don't allow the first cousin marriage or they do it upon strict conditions. So, just for the sake of precision, Hellas (Greece) is defintely a European country where (first) cousin marriage is not allowed. So, talking about facts about cousin marriage here in the cc webpage
there is room for some revision in fact no3.
With best regards,