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Jah

Is my cousin attracted to me?

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Hi there. 

This’ll be my first post on this forum. 

So to start....some brief backstory: 

Firstly, my cousin and I are not related by blood. I’ve known her for my entire life. We are both in our 20’s. 

We were close as young kids. But then, grew apart and had not been in contact again until our early teens. During this time, we were more considered acquaintances. You know, the casual message on MSN, see each other at Christmas and birthdays kind of thing. 

In 2014, she moved to a different state to live with her boyfriend. In the span of 2014 up until now we have become very close. Chatting back and forth each day, messenger calls, etc. 

Currently her relationship with the boyfriend is on the rocks I guess you could say. She left her life here behind to move in with him and is regretting it now. 

She talks to me about everything and has said things like: “I can talk to you about anything.” “You’re the only one I’ve got” “If you move down here let’s move in together” “You’re so important to me.” “I miss you” Keep in mind these are also followed by kiss and heart emoji’s. It’s not like that all the time though. For the most part conversations are fairly casual.  

I myself have been attracted to her for a while now. I just want to make sure if I confront her on this whether the feeling is mutual or not. I feel as if I’m a potential crush or just a shoulder to cry on? 

 

Thanks guys. 

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2 hours ago, Jah said:

Hi there. 

This’ll be my first post on this forum. 

So to start....some brief backstory: 

Firstly, my cousin and I are not related by blood. I’ve known her for my entire life. We are both in our 20’s. 

We were close as young kids. But then, grew apart and had not been in contact again until our early teens. During this time, we were more considered acquaintances. You know, the casual message on MSN, see each other at Christmas and birthdays kind of thing. 

In 2014, she moved to a different state to live with her boyfriend. In the span of 2014 up until now we have become very close. Chatting back and forth each day, messenger calls, etc. 

Currently her relationship with the boyfriend is on the rocks I guess you could say. She left her life here behind to move in with him and is regretting it now. 

She talks to me about everything and has said things like: “I can talk to you about anything.” “You’re the only one I’ve got” “If you move down here let’s move in together” “You’re so important to me.” “I miss you” Keep in mind these are also followed by kiss and heart emoji’s. It’s not like that all the time though. For the most part conversations are fairly casual.  

I myself have been attracted to her for a while now. I just want to make sure if I confront her on this whether the feeling is mutual or not. I feel as if I’m a potential crush or just a shoulder to cry on? 

 

Thanks guys. 

Welcome to the forum, :)

To answer: If I were in your situation, but with my mindset, I would go 30% potential crush and 70% a shoulder to cry on. Not good, but that's my opinion. Hence, you have to be careful with your heart my friend.

I will definitely keep my distance with her until you know that she is really 'worth it'. You know? She moved in with her boyfriend and she gives affection to other guys (ie. you) during this time? It's a turn-off for me. Again, that's for me, so take my bias for what it's worth. lol. In the end, I feel like you will be her sponge... Her eyes are wet with tears and she will cry and cry and cry on your shoulders thinking about her ex. She risked quite a lot for her ex and now she needs somebody to save her in that situation. If you bring yourself in that relationship, I dunno man (and she is your cousin!?) you will have a hard and very rough life ahead of you -- assuming you want a long term relationship and is serious with her, which reasons I will not get into at the moment. You know? I mean, I really do hope that I am wrong and all of that. But yeah, as I have said, I am 30%-70% on this one.

Here's my suggestion though: Again, if I were you (which you are not me and I am not you, lol) I would help her as a "regular cousin"...not the romantic cousin. Be with her as a friend. Yes, I will say it bluntly to friendzone her in this context. In this way, you will help her get up on her feet but at the same time save your heart emotionally for the right person (again, if it's her, then it's her..know what I'm sayin?) Lessen the texts and the DMs for now... Try not to be a sponge where you "soak up" her tears. But rather be a "crutch" so she can stand up again and be by herself so she can figure things out. Be careful not to fall for her though so I said in the beginning to watch out for your heart. She may not like you romantically but when you do it the right way, I believe you will gain a friendship which both of you will treasure forever.

Sounds about right? ;)

 

Pooch

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It does sound like she has a thing for you. The question should be : what are you going to do about it? Or do you want to do anything at all. 

Life is not a rehearsal. You get one shot at this. 

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On ‎3‎/‎7‎/‎2018 at 5:51 AM, Jah said:

Firstly, my cousin and I are not related by blood.

Ok, this has me confused. Guess I am being a little slow this morning.

Are one of you adopted? Please explain "not related by blood".

 

Thank you.

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biological cousin or not, you need to be really careful. i'm with pooch on this one.

if you were geographically closer to her, whether you moved in with her or not, chances are that an emotionally confusing maelstrom would would ensue. you might think you were getting exactly what you want, but rebounds never last. so definitely keep her in the friend zone! maybe after she's been single for a year or so and is completely over her ex, you might consider broaching the subject of how you feel about her. but to do so now would inevitably end in disaster.

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