So my 2nd cousin is coming out for vacation and we’ve been talking over the phone for the last several months before she gets here to New York. I have a crush on her, but not sure she is interested in me. During our talks she has said she wants to do molly with me and get super drunk. She said that she is down for anything, knows we are going to be sleeping in the same bed when she comes out. We’re both in our late 30’s, and the family is not really a factor. We’ve seen each other maybe a total of four times our whole lives but have always kept in touch
She’s been sending me pics of what she’s going to wear when she’s out here, telling me things like her butt is hanging out of her romper and that she needs help from me zipping her dresses up.
Then there are moments when she completely shuts down and I don’t hear from her for a couple of days. Then she will hit me back up like nothing happened... however yesterday she was extremely short with me, and I didn’t hear from her today. I’m giving her whatever space she needs.
We have already planned a trip for Australia together in the winter and again she knows we’re sharing a bed, and it’s just going to be us and another trip to France in the summer. She says things like “What if you find someone, you won’t want to go with me” and I’ll reply with the same question and she’ll say she never wants to date again
She’s single and I’m single... no kids.
So I guess my question is, does it sound like she’s open to whatever happens when she comes out here? Knowing she is down to drink and do molly with me, staying in the same bed, chatting back and forth etc, or is she just coming out to have a good time? Am I reading too much into the partying aspect of the trip?
She has never alluded to wanting to hook up, but would she? I’ve never alluded either.
So i'm deeply in love with a cousin and im very confused on what type of cousin he may be all i know is that we are related through the same great garndparents for me and for him great great grandparents. So i need help trying to figure it all out. I've been calling him my 4th cousin but i could be wrong (i don't want to be, but its still very confusing) so i'll start with this:
My great grandparents had 11 childern which to him are his great great grandparents.
One of the 11 children was my grandfather and one was his great grandmother (who was older than my grandfather)
my grandfather had 4 children his great grandmother had 4 (i think)
One of my grandfather's children is my mother and one of his great grandmother's children is his grandmother
my mother had 2 children (one of them is me) his grandmother had i think 2 children (could be wrong).
His grandmother is my mother's first cousin.
So what does that make me and him?
Im very confused about it and i haven't been able to figure it out. All i know is that my immeadiate family is against us being together and his immeadiate family is not. All and any advice is greatly appreciated.
----------------------- Much love and thanks
First I'll start with a little backstory...
I'm 35, never married, no kids. She's 33, never married 3 daughters ages 9-16. We live in the same area, about a 15 min drive apart. We've known each other our entire lives but never really got close growing up. As kids we'd only see each other a few times a year on holidays and such. We never really connected back then but we were always cool and had a mutual respect for one another. We lost touch for a few years after highschool because she had good reason to separate herself from the family but we reconnected on social media when I was about 22 and that's when I started thinking of her romantically. To this day I'm the only family member on her dad's side she speaks to. Since then we've very slowly gotten to know each other more as people and friends. It started on social media and text here and there and now I see her maybe 4-5 times a year and we message each other weekly. We talk about what's going on in our lives, relationships a good bit and just normal friends/family chat. There was a conversation recently that sticks out but I'll get to that later... We both went through a hard break at about the same time last year and that really brought us closer together. So, I'll start there..
In May of last year we both went through our break ups. We vented to each other via text and were just kind of there for one another for a while. After that I didn't talk to her much for a couple months until October. She invited me to the movies with her and her daughters and it was nice, we all had fun. After that we started texting a lot more, daily infact, and I would flirt with her but never got a great response. Although at one point she said she wanted to go on a "date" (her words) and we went out in early December. We had dinner, drinks and saw a comedy show. It was great!! On the way home she started telling me what she wanted in a man, for her daughters and so on. I told her that someday I hoped to find the same things and she started saying how someday she hopes to have a place big enough for me to come and visit all my cousins, have dinner and just be a part of their lives. Then we both agreed that the bright side to our breakups that year was the opportunity to get to know each other more. I took her home, she gave me a big hug and we called it a night. We also planned to go out again when we could.
A few weeks after that the texting slowed down untill February when she invited me to a happy hour.
The happy hour was fun, I met a few of her friends, she joked that since it was a "new month" we were scheduled for a hang out and we even talked about another "just us" night out when spring came around.
I haven't seen her since but when talking about relationships a few weeks ago she said something interesting. I'm going to copy and paste the conversation below, I hope it's not too far out of context.
Me: my ex told me I love to strongly
Her: I do too! And im.to.honest and loyal and its a hard world for.us type of people to be in....But on the postive side i always think ull.never find anyone that can love u like i can i strongly believe that lol...and i like to.know im a good person thats the only thing that gives me.peace of.mind sometimes U have a great day to.
Me: Right I don't think I'll ever find anyone that loves me the way I love them and it's a shame because it's a lot of great things going to waste in my opinion.it blows my mind that people don't understand honesty in the consequences of dishonesty. over the years I've explained to honesty to my ex probably a million times she either doesn't understand it or doesn't care to be that type of person. I'm starting to think that most people are 100% selfish and they will put down anyone they have to to get what they want in the moment. Cruel world
Me again: Re read this message. When you say - but on the positive side.. U think that for real? Damn... Love you too. I'll love ya better than anyone else too. So thankful we've grown closer this past year. ❤
Her: No i said it right lol like if ur talkn to.ur.other half hahahah But im thankful we grown closer tooo
Me: I am talking to my other half. ❤. You are too.
(She gave a thumbs up to that, end of conversation)
Since then we've kept in touch on social media and text like always. At one point I offered to stay single until she got a bigger place so a woman didn't get in our way. She said that wouldn't be nessasary because we're family and me being with someone wouldn't change that. (Yes, I offered to wait for her, yes she turned that down)
It's almost summer so I'll be asking her out again soon.
She's moving into a bigger place in about 6 weeks from today.
So I'm just here wondering if others think that she seems interested romantically. Any advice on how to proceed with her in a more romantic way. What's a good way to "test the water" a little more?
I just want a healthy and happy relationship with her. I'd prefer our relationship be romantic but she'd have to want that too.
Thanks for reading, looking forward to any and all comments.
So my first cousin and I didn't grow up together but over the years we've built a relationship through letters he's in prison right now I've always felt like he started with me but I've never really been sure. He would ask me to send him pictures before he went to prison via cell phone, he was married then so I didn't think much of it I just figured because we hadn't seen each other in a while that he wanted to have a picture of me. I didn't feel the same way at first but I flirted with the idea because of the way that he made me feel I didn't feel like anything was wrong with it I honestly and I'm getting more comfortable with the idea of thinking of him sexually. I know for a fact that our family would not approve but lately he's been writing me letters and he always calls me gorgeous and he always tells me I'm beautiful and he wrote me in my last letter about the way my shirt showed my physique and that it was enticing. I don't want to confuse him being incarcerated with him having feeling because I know sometimes people say anything behind bars especially men who haven't seen women in a while but I can say that I felt him flirting with me before this the feelings have just seem to get deeper since we've been writing each other more. I want to express myself because it's killing me to know that someone that I have these feelings for I might not be able to be with but if I feel like he feels the same I wouldn't have a problem expressing myself I'm just not sure so I'm asking in regards to what I should do on my end with my feelings in the situation. I genuinely love him so even if he was repulsed with the idea I wouldn't just leave his side while he's going through this part of his life I genuinely was helping because I wanted to help a family member and I didn't expect to feel the way that I do. It feels impossible that I'm the only one that has these feelings and it's not perverted. I just understand him and I know he understands me please help me