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JolinaBlack

Long Distance relationship with my cousin.. help!

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Hi!

I’m very new to this site but found it while searching for help on my current situation. I ask that everyone who does respond pleaseee be open minded?! I’m not sure how this typically works when a user post a question... but I really require an “outsiders” input. 

I recently reconnected with my second cousin (my grandmothers, sisters- son,) who is 12 years older than me. I had seen him briefly when I was 7-8 years old for very short trips to where that side of the family lives. (15 hours away.) So when we first saw each other 4 months ago, for the first time in 19 years, we were both instantly drawn to each other. The entire side of the family had flown in for a funeral, emotions were high & it was a stressful time. I found myself drawn to him vs my long time boyfriend.. As the weekend progressed we were constantly in each other’s presence, due to the sleeping and lodging arrangements. At one point throughout the weekend my aunt, his first cousin, said “if I didn’t know any better it’d say you too hit it off and have fireworks going!” At the time we were all drinking and laughed it off. He left to go back home the next day..

The next day we started texting, talking on the phone and sending snapchats constantly. It has then progressed to each of us expressing how we feel romantically, physically & emotionally about each other. But neither of us are in positions where we could move to be with each other. I don’t see him as my cousin.. at all. The feelings and desires I have for him are nothing like I feel or have ever felt for any other member of my family. 

He has asked me on a couple occasions if, “I’m ok with this?” I guess I’m not sure how to take that question. We’ve have both expressed the possibility of us ever living in the same state are slim to none. We both do travel for work, to each other’s state frequently (1 / 2-3 months) and I’m able to see him.. we haven’t had any sort of physical relations, but the chemistry is OFF the charts. Like nothing I’ve ever experience. 

Any advise, thoughts or ideas I’d appreciate!

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Welcome to the forum, :)

Hi there

Soooo...

- Guy 12 years older than you.

- You are almost 30, marrying age.

- Have a long time boyfriend

- 4 months ago of off the chart chemistry

- Almost slim to none possibility of being in a long term relationship.

 

 

My first question is therefore, is he cute? Rate it from 0-10 and 10 being Channing Tatum. :P How handsome is he, my friend? Is he sweet and charming?

 

 

Pooch

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@pooch thank you for the response! 

 

Lets see.. I think he’s gorgeous. Channing Tatum?? How about, he’s more of a Johnny depp ? i think no one is a 10.. so he would def be a 7.5-8, it’s what is on the inside that gets me. I could sit and talk with him for hours. I did yesterday actually! 

did I mention I was in a mutually convenient long term relationship.. another long story there. But there’s no lost love, it just what’s best for all parties involved at this time. 

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Welcome to the site. 

First off you are not second cousins, but first cousins once removed. 

As opposed to Pooch, (no offense intended) I fail to see what his looks have to do with the

relationship.  But I do think he makes some valid observations otherwise.

 

My personal opinion, and it is only mine, is there is just infatuation and maybe lust going on here.

You neither one really KNOW the other, and four months is a very short time, being you are  so far apart.

Texting, talking etc.  just doesn't make up for actually spending time in each others presence.

I'm not saying that it isn't possible, but there are other considerations.

If you want to proceed with cousin then it would be best to end it with boyfriend. You then start with a

clean slate and it allows said boyfriend to have one also.  

 

If you and cousin really want to be together, there is always a way to work things out

for being able to live in the same area. Otherwise, to me, this appears to be a FWB type of

thing.  OK, maybe I am wrong about the intentions of  both sides, if I am, sorry I misunderstood.

 

Best wishes as you work thorough this on your journey.

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ditto EVERYthing romalee just said. only i'll stress it a little more, that if you want to pursue something (even short term) with your cousin, you owe it to your boyfriend to end things first. in fact, you really shouldn't be playing with fire like this via text messages and such while you still have a boyfriend. it's unfair to everybody involved. 

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Thank you everyone! 

Oh wow- I didn’t realize we were first cousin, once removed. I will have to research that. 

I was more baffled at the possibility that I had such feelings for my cousin. I wish we lived closer together and had other circumstances surrounding us (I just can’t get into) so that our relationship could progress. Unfortunately, life’s a bitch, and that’s just not going to happen. 

Im ok with that, I understand that I would never be able to be with him publicly. I just wanted clarification on how I could feel like this about my cousin. And why my feelings would be so strong towards him, vs any other boyfriend previously or other male cousins. I guess I don’t understand why him. 

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1 hour ago, JolinaBlack said:

@pooch thank you for the response! 

 

Lets see.. I think he’s gorgeous. Channing Tatum?? How about, he’s more of a Johnny depp ? i think no one is a 10.. so he would def be a 7.5-8, it’s what is on the inside that gets me. I could sit and talk with him for hours. I did yesterday actually! 

did I mention I was in a mutually convenient long term relationship.. another long story there. But there’s no lost love, it just what’s best for all parties involved at this time. 

Hah! Even better. :D

If he is an 8, then hmmm.. Let me think about what should I comment to you on the next post. lol :D

 

Pooch

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1 hour ago, Romalee said:

Welcome to the site. 

First off you are not second cousins, but first cousins once removed. 

As opposed to Pooch, (no offense intended) I fail to see what his looks have to do with the

relationship.  But I do think he makes some valid observations otherwise.

 

My personal opinion, and it is only mine, is there is just infatuation and maybe lust going on here.

You neither one really KNOW the other, and four months is a very short time, being you are  so far apart.

Texting, talking etc.  just doesn't make up for actually spending time in each others presence.

I'm not saying that it isn't possible, but there are other considerations.

If you want to proceed with cousin then it would be best to end it with boyfriend. You then start with a

clean slate and it allows said boyfriend to have one also.  

 

If you and cousin really want to be together, there is always a way to work things out

for being able to live in the same area. Otherwise, to me, this appears to be a FWB type of

thing.  OK, maybe I am wrong about the intentions of  both sides, if I am, sorry I misunderstood.

 

Best wishes as you work thorough this on your journey.

Of course there's none.... But don't be too serious my friend Romalee. lol!

Howerver, our new forumer here seems like she's enjoying the high of his charm though... Let her ride the roller coaster. Remember when we were young and we first rode the roller coaster? We went "Weeeeeeeee!!!"

 

:D

 

 

Pooch

 

We'll deal with the heartaches and the cryings later on. lol

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Pooch, why do his looks have  to have a bearing on how you comment.

LOOKS are the last thing to consider, unless one is so shallow to think that is

most important in a relationship.

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Just now, pooch said:
37 minutes ago, LadyC said:

ditto EVERYthing romalee just said. only i'll stress it a little more, that if you want to pursue something (even short term) with your cousin, you owe it to your boyfriend to end things first. in fact, you really shouldn't be playing with fire like this via text messages and such while you still have a boyfriend. it's unfair to everybody involved. 

Yeeep!

Hence, my suggestion is to...... **drumrolls**

 

Tell us this,

12 hours ago, JolinaBlack said:

I found myself drawn to him vs my long time boyfriend..

if you don't mind.....?

 

 

Pooch

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31 minutes ago, JolinaBlack said:

 

Im ok with that, I understand that I would never be able to be with him publicly. I just wanted clarification on how I could feel like this about my cousin. And why my feelings would be so strong towards him, vs any other boyfriend previously or other male cousins. I guess I don’t understand why him. 

for the record, i see no reason why you could never be with him publicly. i've been married to my first cousin once removed for 19 years. and in your circumstances, apparently at least one family member that noticed the connection between you two has no problem with it.

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5 minutes ago, Romalee said:

Charms don't necessarily have to do with looks!

Oh I see.. Well, I just lumped them all into one. lol :D You know..  You can add "zodiac signs" here as well.. :P (I dunno...for some people for some reasons unknown, this is important to them...and soo... shrugs)

 

Pooch

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you do seem a little hung up lately on hearing others describe physical appearance and sometimes other things, pooch... 

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37 minutes ago, JolinaBlack said:

Thank you everyone! 

Oh wow- I didn’t realize we were first cousin, once removed. I will have to research that. 

I was more baffled at the possibility that I had such feelings for my cousin. I wish we lived closer together and had other circumstances surrounding us (I just can’t get into) so that our relationship could progress. Unfortunately, life’s a bitch, and that’s just not going to happen. 

Im ok with that, I understand that I would never be able to be with him publicly. I just wanted clarification on how I could feel like this about my cousin. And why my feelings would be so strong towards him, vs any other boyfriend previously or other male cousins. I guess I don’t understand why him. 

Okay, let me comment in a more serious tone as I detect something here that is "more than a high school crush"... The redded part is what I am worried about..

It seems to me that the redded part is more than semi-serious...You want this relationship to progress...? Now this is now getting scary..and you may be going off the rails to an unwanted territory.

1. You don't have a relationship...at least yet.

2. Progress? Progress to what though? Err.... Maybe see-how-it goes-kinda progress is what you mean?

 

Pooch

 

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18 minutes ago, LadyC said:

you do seem a little hung up lately on hearing others describe physical appearance and sometimes other things, pooch... 

Lol.

Yes and no. Yes coz I want to test the forumers post first hand.. They would always want to put the situation on the best light as possible so I want to "flank my comment" sometimes.. But then at the same time, No because I will deal with it in a more serious tone later on. lol... (after more information surfaces, that is..) Sometimes, the outward can tell what's on the inside right away (of course faulty but it's worth it when tried. lol)

For example, she said,

13 hours ago, JolinaBlack said:

So when we first saw each other 4 months ago

Quote

 

did I mention I was in a mutually convenient long term relationship.. another long story there. But there’s no lost love, it just what’s best for all parties involved at this time. 

 

 

I read it as something is going on between her long time bf during the past 4 months... And so suddenly there's a crush. Which ok fine, normal and all that...but then when she spoke about "our relationship could progress", now the fun is over because she really would want to go forward with this perhaps in a very strong manner... and yes, avoid talking about the long term current boyfriend... or maybe ex-boyfriend since she used the past tense was.. the plot thickens.. Yikes..  Now it's trouble. lol

 

Pooch

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As I read through this, the thing that stuck in my mind is his question, "are you sure you're okay with this" (or something like that - sorry, too lazy to scroll back up! LOL).  I don't remember seeing anything explicitly stating that you're BOTH single.  Is that the case?  Are there any kids involved for either of you?  If he's asking that, I suspect he's gauging to see if he can move this to the next level, which would probably be a lot more intimate, or at least as intimate as two people can be over remote distance.  The Internet has certainly closed some of those gaps with things like Skype, FaceTime, SnapChat, WhatsApp, and the like.

My only advice, if that is the case, is to be very careful with what you share of yourself and how.  If you both have strong romantic feelings toward one another, I'd say continue exploring this through friendship.  Develop a strong friendship and get to know one another much more deeply.  What motivates each of you in life?  What are each of your life's dreams and goals?  How do you see things in terms of world view (politics and religion)?  On what points do you agree and disagree?  These things seem small and insignificant when two people are in that initial stage that feels like "in love" but they balloon into "irreconcilable differences" when not resolved early on.

Distance is negotiable.  One, the other, or even both of you may at some point decide that a relationship and life together trumps whatever you have that's keeping you in your current location doing whatever you're currently doing.  But before you get to that point, exercise great patience and get to know one another on levels beyond what you presently think possible.  Win, lose, or draw, in ten or twenty years from now, you'll be glad you did.

Best wishes and God bless,

CM

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2 hours ago, ColoradoMarried said:

Distance is negotiable.  One, the other, or even both of you may at some point decide that a relationship and life together trumps whatever you have that's keeping you in your current location doing whatever you're currently doing.  But before you get to that point, exercise great patience and get to know one another on levels beyond what you presently think possible.  Win, lose, or draw, in ten or twenty years from now, you'll be glad you did.

Hi CM,

I would like to comment on the redded part though...because I don't think it is. Is distance really negotiable? We are told that the chances of them living on the same state is slim to none. I don't think they want to be together though at least not in the short while. If she has a long-term bf and at the same time in the same place with her versus a cousin who is on a different state, only 4 months and stuff... The deck is stacked against him. However, she might have emotionally-cheated already.

15 hours ago, JolinaBlack said:

It has then progressed to each of us expressing how we feel romantically, physically & emotionally about each other

No judgments though, it is what it is....especially with the defensive comment of

15 hours ago, JolinaBlack said:

we haven’t had any sort of physical relations,

Just sayin that I think what Jolina wants is really a short-time fling, like what Romalee said, a FWB thing... At least that's my conclusion in the moment. And if it is, then we need to know her situation with the current (or ex?) boyfriend.... Still waiting.

 

Pooch
 

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My current BF, is my daughters father. Which is also the reason why I will not move to another state. I won’t separate my daughter from her father strictly bc I want a relationship. Later in life? Possibly. 

The “story for another day, or long story” comment I made was about my current BF in reference to my daughter. 

I just wanted insight into having feelings for someone who is suppose to be your “family.” Like I stated, I don’t see him as my family, but it’s taken me by such a surprise that I don’t know what to do. 

He also has children where he lives, but has no wife, girlfriend. He has custody of his children; and they’re awesome. 

I love talking to him, and I am drawn to him. But will not uproot my daughters life for him while she still needs both of her parents present. 

I don’t know if I only want is just a short fling, because I believe I would miss him. Flings can get messy and dramatic ? 

But he stirs my insides... but he also makes me smile, makes me think, pushes me forward.. 

Edited by JolinaBlack
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(Let me call him "Johnny Depp" if you don't mind, aight? ;))

Hi again Jolina,

Johnny Depp is not courting you, is he? When he asked you "if you are okay with this", does it refer to what you guys are doing or does it refer to your situation in general (ie. you guys are living apart and would want to be together someday)?  I mean, for the 4 months of reconnection, how do you feel he was really treating you? Do you feel like he treats you as his girlfriend and you treat him as your boyfriend? Like, of course you can only speak for yourself, but whenever you guys text thru social media, was there a "boyfriend-girlfriend flavor"?

I think I know what this means:

16 minutes ago, JolinaBlack said:

just wanted insight into having feelings for someone who is suppose to be your “family.” Like I stated, I don’t see him as my family, but it’s taken me by such a surprise that I don’t know what to do. 

For usually, with other cousins and other relatives, you don't feel that attraction, you know? It is only with him that you felt like "Hmm..." and I would way that it is normal... family or not. I am not sure where but I read that the "aversion" to attraction more likely only comes to relatives who grew up together and so with 'family' whom you haven't had any connection at all (say 19 years in this case) is also like meeting a stranger. I am not sure how evolution kicks here but it's a reason why siblings are not attracted to one another (coz more likely they grew up together) and stuff like that... But in your experience of 19 years being apart, I think I can relate that you would treat him not as family. On his POV, however, the social convention of (cousin = family) is there so pretty much he asked you "if you're okay with this".... But take my comment with a grain of salt though. On to another comment,

21 minutes ago, JolinaBlack said:

I don’t know if I only want is just a short fling, because I believe I would miss him. Flings can get messy and dramatic

Hmm.. Then it means you don't miss him now. If that's the case, I would guard my heart against Johnny Depp. You haven't fallen yet soooo.... just watch yourself, know what I'm sayin? :P

 

Pooch

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3 hours ago, pooch said:

Johnny Depp is not courting you, is he? When he asked you "if you are okay with this", does it refer to what you guys are doing or does it refer to your situation in general (ie. you guys are living apart and would want to be together someday)?  I mean, for the 4 months of reconnection, how do you feel he was really treating you? Do you feel like he treats you as his girlfriend and you treat him as your boyfriend? Like, of course you can only speak for yourself, but whenever you guys text thru social media, was there a "boyfriend-girlfriend flavor"?

Soo it’s def a conversation that progressed from.. “hope you’re doing well” “how was your flight home”    vs now our conversations start with a “good morning ‘beautiful, sweetie, babe, hun, baby cakes’. “How’s your day?” “How’s ***** today? (My daughter)” “I hope you’re not wearing my favorite dress!” Followed up with- “ugh you’re killing me I wish I was there!” 

Now I know I 100% flirt back, it feels so natural. He’s currently having teenage problems with one of his older children and he called earlier today for my advice and we sat and talked for aprox 45 mins on the subject... punishment vs no punishment. He just texted and said that he took my advise and did “our course of action” and that his son responded really well and that we’d made a “good team.” 

 

I dont know what im doing.

i lie. 

I’m having an emotional relationship with my cousin and it feels so right. 

& I’m still hung up on how this could have happened! I understand what you said about the distance & not seeing each other for so many years. But we have a huge family! I didn’t see his brothers, or his first (not removed) cousins for the same time frame- and I feel NOTHING for them. 

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8 hours ago, LadyC said:

for the record, i see no reason why you could never be with him publicly. i've been married to my first cousin once removed for 19 years. and in your circumstances, apparently at least one family member that noticed the connection between you two has no problem with it.

Thank you for stating this!! Not sure if you saw but I have a daughter who I won’t uproot from both of her parents here which is why i say we couldn’t work right now. He also has children where he lives (he’s not in any relationships) and he has full custody of his kids. 

So it’s just not the correct timing I suppose? How did you know your cousin was the ‘one?’

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3 hours ago, JolinaBlack said:

Soo it’s def a conversation that progressed from.. “hope you’re doing well” “how was your flight home”    vs now our conversations start with a “good morning ‘beautiful, sweetie, babe, hun, baby cakes’. “How’s your day?” “How’s ***** today? (My daughter)” “I hope you’re not wearing my favorite dress!” Followed up with- “ugh you’re killing me I wish I was there!” 

Now I know I 100% flirt back, it feels so natural. He’s currently having teenage problems with one of his older children and he called earlier today for my advice and we sat and talked for aprox 45 mins on the subject... punishment vs no punishment. He just texted and said that he took my advise and did “our course of action” and that his son responded really well and that we’d made a “good team.” 

May I ask how regular is this? And by regular I mean everyday regular with 100 texts per day or 5-10 exchanges per day? I mean, the subject matter and the flirtations varies from time to time of course but does the flirtation escalates or is pretty standard and just as how you flirt with any other guy? The reason I ask is because if you keep up with this habit, you definitely will fall for him (if not you have already). But I still do think that you are 'still safe'...circling around the well...although only time will tell when you will fall on the hole....

Having said that though, perhaps it's better if you let him do his thing...Let him do the work.. For every 10 times he initiates the text, try to just initiate once. The experiment might show how much is he into you. You know what I'm saying? For all we know, he is also dating somebody or whatever so just chill and not go too fast. Let it still simmer for 8 more months until we see in a year what happens. In the meantime, try to busy yourself with your work and everything... ^__^

3 hours ago, JolinaBlack said:

& I’m still hung up on how this could have happened! I understand what you said about the distance & not seeing each other for so many years. But we have a huge family! I didn’t see his brothers, or his first (not removed) cousins for the same time frame- and I feel NOTHING for them. 

 Oh, this is easy... Coz he is freaking Johnny Depp man! :P lol. Half-kidding.

But seriously though, I think the reason is because you find him cute and vice versa. And pretty much it just flowed from there. You didn't mind that he had his older teenager around the time when you are on your current age. Then both personalities clicked and confirmed it. Sooo now ya got fireworks... The other cousins probably didn't even looked at you in that kind of way unlike him. Oh, and the fact that you guys are cousins sometimes immediately have that implication that you guys have already something in common -- hence to be friends with each other is easier... But regardless of the reason though, I do hope that he is a good guy...and I wish you happiness..with whatever you guys have right now. :P

 

Pooch

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16 hours ago, JolinaBlack said:

I dont know what im doing.

i lie. 

I’m having an emotional relationship with my cousin and it feels so right. 

jolina, there's the kicker... you're having an emotional relationship. you're just a half-step away from acknowledging it for what it actually is... you're having an emotional affair... which is being unfaithful to your boyfriend. now, you're not married, so it's not adultery, but it is unfair to the boyfriend. i get that it's tough to make a break from someone you share a child with, but maybe it's time to consider co-parenting without co-habitating? (assuming you're living together)

16 hours ago, JolinaBlack said:

Thank you for stating this!! Not sure if you saw but I have a daughter who I won’t uproot from both of her parents here which is why i say we couldn’t work right now. He also has children where he lives (he’s not in any relationships) and he has full custody of his kids. 

So it’s just not the correct timing I suppose? How did you know your cousin was the ‘one?’

it's such a long story!! Mark and i had grown up together more or less. we weren't ever close, but we lived in the same school district, we were in the same high school band (for one year, anyway, before he graduated), all my friends thought he was dreamy back in high school. i didn't think of him in those terms at all. then he graduated and moved and married and divorced and remarried and all that jazz...

and then i grew up and graduated and married and moved and had 2 daughters and divorced and all THAT jazz... 

and then we reconnected (at the stereotypical family reunion) when i was 34-ish... plus or minus a few months. it was instant attraction. we spent the whole reunion sitting under a tree talking. it was an attraction that was more than just skin deep, it was this feeling like i'd finally arrived home.

now, backing up, here's a little irony. i don't know if you believe in God or not, but i do. and back in november of the previous year i had a long conversation (i.e. prayer) with God and basically said i was tired of trying to find someone to meet my expectations. i was ready to have a man in my life... someone to help me raise my girls and someone to grow old with. spring would be nice. may, maybe. could God bring him to me by may? well, that family reunion was on the last day of may.

meanwhile, also in november of the previous year, Mark had filed for divorce from his second wife. no children involved, no hatred or anger, just issues that the two of them couldn't overcome. and in may, he decided that he would attend the family reunion for the first time in many, many years. his reason was so he could see his grandmother. but he always told me, even on that day, that he'd found himself hoping that i would be there. he didn't have a clue why i had even entered his mind, but he'd hoped to see me.

anyway, i totally believe it was a God thing... He brought me His very best for my life... and even did it  within the time frame that i'd requested, LOL... barely! and he definitely didn't fit any of my own personal prerequisites for a soulmate. he still carried baggage from his first two marriages/divorces, he had a history with substance abuse, he was not (at the time) likely to be any sort of "spiritual head of the household" because he really wasn't giving much thought to God back then. he wasn't likely to be serenading me by candlelight, strumming his guitar and singing pretty love songs like i was hoping for. but i hadn't asked for God to fulfill my wish list, i'd asked Him to bring me His best for my life. and i sincerely believe that was the prayer God answered.

so we became instant best friends. we talked daily, we saw each other on weekends, we went places and did things together like best friends, but there was always that interest in pushing it further. and then finally it became vocalized. "if you weren't my cousin, i'd marry you in an instant". well what  the heck? could you do that? and then i started doing my homework and found out that we could... legally, and morally from a biblical standpoint. and so we married on january 1 of 1999.

and that's it in a nutshell!

funny thing though. you asked how i knew he was the one. i remember one time my mom said something to me... she said she knew that this was really the one for me, because i was so calm about it. i didn't really understand what she meant so i pushed a little bit and she explained (i can't remember what words she used though) that i wasn't on some emotional high of infatuation, but that it was just a deep, steady abiding kind of love that seemed to keep me grounded. 

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oh, and because i know what the next questions are probably going to be... my ex husband lived in the same state as i. he never gave us any hassle about the fact that the guy i was about to marry was my cousin (once removed). he never even talked negatively to our daughters about it... that's probably the ONLY thing he's never found a way to use as a weapon where the girls are concerned, as a matter of fact.

and our family was all surprisingly supportive on both sides. 

there did come a time when we moved out of state, and spent a decade living in nevada while the girls were still young, but my divorce had given me sole right to determine residency, which meant that my ex couldn't do a thing about it even if he'd wanted to. he wasn't really much of a father to them though, so i don't think it bothered him too much... although when we first moved away, i let my youngest stay with him for a month before joining us, and i showed up early and unexpectedly to take her back with me because she'd told me on the phone that her dad was getting her a passport so they could go live in mexico or something. i don't know if he really would have. he denies it to this day. but i wasn't taking that chance.

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      So I'm currently in a relationship with my first cousin and he lives overseas I'm 19 and he's 21 and we've been seeing each other for about 9 months now and since them i've been able to seem him twice for two months and he's coming to see me in a few months again. I love him so so much and I've never felt this way about anyone in my life and I've finally gotten to the point where I know I want to be with him and I want to make it work so yesterday I decided to talk to my friend about it and I told her how I felt about him and if she'd support me with my decision to be with him but she kept telling me it was wrong to be with him and that I'd meet other guys and fall in love and that I'm still young and should wait until i'm like 28 to see if I still have feelings for him, but she wouldn't listen to how I feel about him, I've been through so much and dated so many different guys and it's so different to how I am with him. He sees who I really am and we've grown so close and know so much about each other. I can't even imagine being with anyone else in the future and I've thought about the consequences of being with him and people not accepting it and I deal with it everyday, I deal with my own family not accepting it everyday and still I want to be with him. What really hurt me is that she said I wouldn't be able to live here because people wouldn't accept it and that I'd have to live with him in his country but it's completely legal in both our countries. She told me it was my decision in the end and that she'd still support me no matter my decision but it doesn't feel that way. It just feels like it's so hard for me because I have no one to support me and my cousin isn't afraid to tell everyone that he's in a relationship with his cousin because people aren't as weird about it there and he has his mother and his family over there that support him as well as his friends but I don't have anyone. A lot of people at work know I have a boyfriend but just don't know he's my cousin and I know that it hurts him that I don't tell everyone we're cousins but I know that they're going to treat me differently and I've already faced so many obstacles living in Australia. 
    • By DF
      Hi everyone!
      Thanks for having me. I joined this group because my mother dated her first cousin, and although some may think it's a a weird thing to do, she was really happy, and I was happy for her! It made me think, why is this such a taboo thing when it isn't wrong AT ALL? So I've decided to do something to help "normalize" cousin relationships in a big way. 
      I'm a professional stand up comedian and will be filming a comedy special/documentary in March of 2018 in Los Angeles. I am looking for cousin couples who are dating, married, etc. or relatives of cousin couples - basically, anyone who is connected to a cousin relationship who is willing to speak about it on camera. My goal is to inform my audience about the statistics, facts, and normalcy of cousin relationships in a funny way (not making fun of it, speaking positively about it), in order to help attract the positive attention it deserves. It would be a short interview, a chance to tell your story. I'll be interviewing my mother as well! It will be distributed via a major company/network. 
      I will be holding pre-interviews in February of 2018. If you, or anyone you know, may be interested, please have them contact me for more information: delaniefischer@gmail.com
      Thank you!
      Delanie
      www.delaniefischer.com 
    • By Emma_1
      Sorry for the long description but I need some advice.
      My maternal first cousin recently had a bad separation. His ex cheated on him and broke his trust. Although he told me he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore I think he hasn't moved on completely yet. The reason I say this because I've accidentally found her picture in his wallet.
      Anyway, so I met my cousin after 7 years. We had a thing 7 years back but that didn't last for some reason. Now, that I met him again the spark started to return.  We both are deeply attracted to each other and sexual tension is massive. As we didn't want to be in a relationship for a reason we agreed to be fwb. 
      I lost my virginity to him and the sex was freaking awesome. He just LOVED sex with me. The sex had always been passionate and hot. He's obsessed with me. He had always wanted to make love to me. He even told me I turn him on like he never thought was possible and to him I was irresistible. He even said he never felt this chemistry with anyone else. I had given him massive turn offs at times yet it didn't stop him from wanting me. Not to mention he genuinely cared a lot about me. He loved taking me out and spending time with me. Used to get offended if I didn't join him while eating. And felt twinge of jealousy if I talked to other guys.
      I ended the fwb relationship with him for a reason and told him. He was deeply hurt, I could see a certain pain in his eyes. He reluctantly agreed without wanting to know the reason. And from that day he has become aloof and distant. He still cares about me and talks to me but he's toned down. 
      Is it how fwb supposed to feel when the relationship is over? Why is my cousin behaving like this? He's a very experienced man and compared to him I am a novice who can't even give a proper bj, what's so sexy about me that used to turn him on like crazy?
    • By Broski
      So, a couple of years ago, I started having feelings for my cousin, however, we hadn't seen each other too much and even though we talked a lot over text we lived on opposite sides of the world. Now, to be with family, me and my mother moved to the same country as her and our family lives. This means that I have seen her quite a lot, sometimes as much as more than once a week. But instead of trying to pursue my feelings, I thought I would try and get over it, and have even had a relationship in the mean time, however, that hasn't worked out and now I find myself right where I started, somehow still with strong, if not stronger, feelings for my cousin. We text each other and muck around as good friends do to an extent, but deep down I want it to be as more than just friends. My friends have seen how we text each other and say we seem almost too close and it seems kind of flirty, but I'm not sure, especially because that's how we've talked a lot of the time, although it feels a bit more prevalent now. I'm not sure what to do in this situation, so any advice would be appreciated. I am 17 and she just turned 20 if age is of relevance. There are many more things I could say but they don't really come into relevance context wise.
      Thank you for your help.
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