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Before I talk about the trip of all trips, I will give a bit of a back story. My mom moved away from her family for work and so ever since I was little, we only visited that side of the family twice. The last time I saw my cousins was when I was around 7 years old. So when I was given the opportunity to go on a trip to Mexico and hang with some of my cousins, I was beyond pumped.  At this time I was 21, dating a man who was my absolute world and just up for a fun break after going to Univ. When I landed at midnight, a family friend drove me to the rental property which was just beautiful. It was part of a huge private community with pools, hot tubs and gorgeous views.  Everyone was asleep when I arrived, it was 3 of my girl cousins and 1 guy cousin.

The next morning, I got ready with my girl cousins and was really enjoying catching up. I was walking from my bedroom to the bathroom where suddenly appears a guy shirtless in a white towel.. We will call him JAY. Being my typical outgoing self,  I get all friendly and said that I’m his long lost cousin. He was probably a bit startled by my energy and appeared pretty quiet. From first glance, he was in great shape, amazing body and it is hard to turn your mind back to remembering he IS your cousin {granted he WAS in a towel so that isn’t much help}. Any way for the next few days we ventured around Mexico and did some fun outings.  During one of those days, I ended up getting thrown around during surfboarding and cut myself bad, and Jay literally picks me up out of the water and rushes me to shore while strangers on the beach are just staring. I remember in that moment, kind of taking in the thought that he was my man hauling me out and how beyond strong he is. Again, it was a passing thought because how could I think like that. I continued to draw close to him when we hung out because I love being active and all my girl cousins would want to sit and tan.. meanwhile I am wanting to swim and toss the football which is up his alley. We tried to involve everyone but found ourselves having a blast exploring. 

So let's cut to the night when it became more...

It was in the evening and we start playing some drinking games with everyone and eventually the girls get tired and head to bed. So here I am wearing my hideous university oversized sweater and shorts, but I feel when he looks at me, it is more of a intense desiring look. I kept questioning myself because no way would he think of me as more (plus I am not looking all that hot). It's 1am and we decide to go for a walk to the beach, we fill up our drinks and I put on a bathing suit under my hoodie. At this point, I am feeling the alcohol (I am tiny and rarely drink as is) so I was kinda wanting to test out the waters with him. I was forgetting the fact that we were related and wanting to just go with my feelings. I remember that we were walking along the water and saw this creature pop up and I reached for his hand but he didn't react. In that moment I completely turned off my attraction knowing that he didn’t see me in that light. So we started walking back home, and Jay saw this massive hotel that had a walk through entrance onto another private mini beach.. how we managed to pass by the reception I have no idea. It was dark out and the stars were out. We lay side by side and I am thinking, if I was single and he wasn’t my cousin I would make a move. But the last move I tried didn’t work in my favor so I kind of just zoned out. I just remember turning my head to him and see him looking deeply and seriously at me. I am so out of it that I just start running my finger from the top of his head down to his lips for no reason what so ever. I laugh and he is smiling at me. Im closing my eyes and just keep doing it, and after a couple of times when my finger landed on his lips he opens them a bit more so then I could feel the curves in his lips more. I keep repeating the motion and he eventually takes my whole finger into his mouth and sucks on it. I am soo incredibly turned on at this point and cannot believe it is happening at the same time. My eyes are closed and I clench my other hand into the grass trying to contain myself. It felt surreal. Then I eventually turn to the side to look at him when he is doing it, and he is looking dead straight into my eyes as he sucks me. I know… sucking on a finger for a girl, how is that a turn on?! But at the time it was what I needed.. and if it involves a tongue, im sold. Then what came as a COMPLETE shocker, I find him ontop of me and we are making out. It was probably the best makeout ever. I remember pausing him saying “were cousins!! We can’t be doing this” and then back to making out just not thinking of things rationally. I don’t know how long it was for, all I know was that it was 4am and we were on our stroll back. I was at this point sobering up fast from the situation and confused. I tried to rationalize it with us both in serious relationships {me especially} and he was supportive. I think the whole situation sobered us up quick and he spent his time convincing me that I’m not a bad person and it was a one time thing. I am definitely not one to do this sort of thing and have always been the 'good girl' my entire life. Then he confessed that he was crushing on me the moment he saw me but knew it was wrong but was hard to control himself especially on the beach. Me being the realist, I made him promise that it won’t happen again and he agreed. So we ended up walking along this trail to calm ourselves down And one thing leads to another and BAM we are back on the grass going at it.. It doesn’t help that he is telling me that a girl has never turned him on this much - what all of us girls love to hear haha. So realizing it was 5am, we headed back home and passed out.

I wake up the next morning thinking it was a dream. I still remember the feeling. I laid in that top bunk looking at the ceiling, not able to move, trying to understand it. I was starting to feel unsure about it all and whether he was just drunk last night or maybe it was just in the heat of the moment. So we all headed out to another family outing.. I am sitting on a table bench and Jay comes over and asks how I’m feeling. He assured me he meant every word last night and even though alcohol was a part of it, he was happy it happened. There was so much hot tension going on throughout the day.. I would catch him looking, he would catch me giving the eye. But we would never make it obvious, ever. We hated being separated but knew we had to so that people wouldn’t think of us as more.What I loved about him was he was more of the reserved type, doesn't want to be the main attention but when you get to know him, his personality is hilarious. Just such an easy going and adventurous guy.

Over the next few nights, we were able to sneak away to the beach here and there. We found this hidden beach that was unreal and got messy in the sand. He wore these hoodies that would highlight his arms and chest.. I couldn't handle it.  He would always squeeze me when he had to control himself and not go further than making out mentioning how much he wanted to go all the way. I was basically the one holding us back with that as I have control and am not one to give in unless its a long term commitment.  

The last night, my aunt says one of her friends are staying over and needs Jays room since its the biggest and asked if Jay can take my bottom bunk. … GREAT….. because it is not hard to resist as is.  It is past 10 and everyone is settling in and we decide that we want to watch the movie 300 in the room. For the first 10 minutes I swear, we were genuinely watching. He is on the top bunk, I am on the bottom. There are two large mirrors as closets so I can see him lying on his side looking at me and smiling. There is literally SO much intensity in the small room and it being dark does not help. Well eventually he starts sitting up and going down the stairs of the twin bunk. I keep telling him no and that we have to be good as ANYONE could open the door at any time. He doesn’t see the risk and comes into my bed anyway. Obviously won't get into details, but we definitely did some foreplay and the fact that the door was unlocked and anyone could come in was more exciting.. just to be completely quiet. The next morning,  I sat in the room packing up all my stuff. He laid on the bed watching me pack in silence, texting me that he was going to miss me.. we snuck in a kiss and I headed to the airport after giving all my hugs.

And so that was the trip. Shortened this story as I know this was incredibly long as is. It's been over 6 years now and I clearly can think straight back to that trip. We have different lives and still live far apart. We still will bring up this trip every once in a while in conversation because it was the craziest experience for both of us. But I am in such a good space with my now husband and we have built a life together over the past (almost) decade that I can't picture being without him. I am blessed to have such an amazing partner, so it is hard to ever think of trying to explore things with Jay. I will admit that I do struggle regularly to not take things further with Jay in our relationship.. mainly because I have built a family and that is important to me. My husband does know about the trip (I of course didn't go into detail but stated that we did have a physical romance, etc) and I think honesty is what has helped us through this time. It's hard to take Jay completely out of my life because I have always craved extended family as a kid + teen and now that I have someone amazing like Jay too, I can't seem to let it go.

Anyway, that is my story. I hope it encourages someone to know that it is not shameful to experience this with your cousin - and that chemistry is chemistry.. with whoever it may be. 


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That's a pretty amazing story.  Because you are now married, I don't suppose I have to caution you but will anyway - be VERY careful because your cousin is still in your life and you are still tempted.  Your marriage is young and the real challenges to it are just around the corner.  In those moments when you are frustrated or even furious with your husband and not feeling loved at all, you may feel tempted to talk with your cousin.  After all, he is also a good friend and confidant.  Unfortunately, that's also a recipe for disaster.  He cares for you at least in some way and any advice he gives designed to help your marriage in that circumstance is almost certain to backfire and cause you to fall head over heels for him in some way.  Of course, for as long as you can resist that and maintain a close and trusting relationship with your husband (and the fact that he knows actually reinforces that trust - bravo you because that's courage!), you'll also be able to hold these memories with some degree of fondness and I can think of a lot worse things :)

Thanks for sharing, best wishes, and God bless!


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