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Essex

do i love my cousin or its just how my insecurity expressed and staying in my comfort zone justified?!!

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There is this my nine years younger girl cousin...four years ago when she was 14 and i was 23 she always had this strong eye contacts and laugh hysterically at my chessy jokes and all the signs that she really likes me but at that time i wasn't interested at all ofc coz she was 14 for god sake ...we rarely meet at family gatherings...till recently i really have a strong crush on her for like two years...she grew up and i think we switched roles...but don't know if she likes me or just getting more mature to hide her feelings...we are both very shy btw...but still she gets nervous when she sees me and i catch her with few eye contacts..till i made whoopie up one night and was drunk and got the courage to tell her that i like her..she got really nervous and thought i was joking...then later i told her it was just a mistake (more made whoopie up)...later on everything is normal...we meet at gatherings..simple talks...she get nervous and clumsy when she sees me...i started texted her...this where all this get so confusing...she reply very late with short texts..so i stop..and text her later..same late uninterested replies...then i stop..

Dont know if she likes me and tries to avoid me coz of her excessive shyness...or just can't take the fact that she has a crush on her nine years older cousin (she is a little westernized) and think its disgusting regardless of her feelings...or if all of this is just illusions in my head and her teenager crush was just a period and went away...but i just think of her all the time..should i let her go out of my head or take a more wise approach?!!!...help!!!!

Edited by Essex
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You are 27...and she is 18.... and she is cute... and she looked interested before but now the colors are reversed... I understand the situation man.. 

You know what you should do? Coz I do think that she has a boyfriend.. If this is true, then you gotta move on quick man before your hearts sinks in a quicksand. I want to ask how often do you guys see each other? You said that you guys meet at family gatherings. How often are these? By the way,  a comment on the quoted paragraph below: 

3 hours ago, Essex said:

Dont know if she likes me and tries to avoid me coz of her excessive shyness...or just can't take the fact that she has a crush on her nine years older cousin (she is a little westernized) and think its disgusting regardless of her feelings...or if all of this is just illusions in my head and her teenager crush was just a period and went away...but i just think of her all the time..should i let her go out of my head or take a more wise approach?!!!...help!!!!

Do. Not. Entertain. Them.

She is 18 man. She does not know anything...yet. You are approaching late 20s and would definitely like her. But yeah dude, you gotta stay away. I feel like she is a poisonous apple. The shyness, her being 18, your huge crush, the history and such, and even your personality.... I think it's a poisonous apple for your life.

Now you said that you think of her all the time...and I think that's fine. That's why I want to ask how often do you guys see each other? Are these family gatherings regular?

 

Pooch

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Latest family gathering was couple days ago…im totally introvert and dont give a holy crapoly! abt these gatherings but just went to watch her…dont know…maybe i like her too much coz she really reminds me  of myself…she is really similar to me in many ways…shyness.. awkwardness..it feels so good watching her and understanding her very well and how she reminds me of myself when i was her age...its like i never understood a girl that much regardless of the very few talks we had…plus the strong urge i have that i could support her and give her insights for dealing with herself and the world…or maybe im just in love with the whole scenario…her brother is like my best friend…her parents are so nice i really like them and they already know me and my parents...im totally confused…i just feel that she is mine and i could trust her…never felt that way with any girl before maybe coz she is just my cousin!!!

Ya she is probably poisoning my life..but still sweet poison..lol

Btw..im 29 and she is 20…

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11 hours ago, Essex said:

Latest family gathering was couple days ago…im totally introvert and dont give a holy crapoly! abt these gatherings but just went to watch her…dont know…maybe i like her too much coz she really reminds me  of myself…she is really similar to me in many ways…shyness.. awkwardness..it feels so good watching her and understanding her very well and how she reminds me of myself when i was her age...its like i never understood a girl that much regardless of the very few talks we had…plus the strong urge i have that i could support her and give her insights for dealing with herself and the world…or maybe im just in love with the whole scenario…her brother is like my best friend…her parents are so nice i really like them and they already know me and my parents...im totally confused…i just feel that she is mine and i could trust her…never felt that way with any girl before maybe coz she is just my cousin!!!

Ya she is probably poisoning my life..but still sweet poison..lol

Btw..im 29 and she is 20…

I see.. So your situation is that your family and hers are pretty much close, eh? Does her family and yours live in the same city? What's the situation?

I understand what your feeling man.. If that's the case, then I would say go for it! Sometimes, the sweet poisonous apple makes life more interesting... hehe. So I suggest that you go for it. :) See if she likes you. But you gotta ask first though if she has already a boyfriend or does she like anybody first. Oh, and at the same time be direct... Don't go around the bush -- you are 29, 30 and she is 20?! No need for shyness man... Assert authority and ask, "Hey listen_______. Do you already have a boyfriend?!" Note that she already respects you, you guys have history already and she is comfortable already with you. She will not think of it as anything (unless she likes you too -- which is good, I guess lol) but just a mere question. So just ask, "Hey! Pssst!" (like you calling out your little sista) "Do you have a boyfriend? How is your love life?" And look at her straight in her eyes. Then whatever her reply is, be it a yes or no or a "why?", answer with, "Well.. I just want to know...That's all..No biggie". ;)


Maintain your frame and do not shrink in shyness. Bite your tongue if you must. lol. If you do this, you will have your first bite of your sweet poisonous apple... :D

 

Pooch

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Love ur reply but i have some concerns:

1.wouldn't she think im kinda desperate to hit on my nine years younger cousin?

2.if it doesn't work out.. wouldn't  be so weird dealing with the family especially her brother?

3.i dont think the direct approach of expressing my feelings would work out coz she is very shy and insecure!!

4.Its not only my shyness that is stopping me...its just there are alot of spotlights..and not some random girl i hit on and never see her again.

I really have to settle this down weather it works or not...coz its really consuming my mind...but its not that easy.

Edited by Essex
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3 hours ago, Essex said:

Love ur reply but i have some concerns:

1.wouldn't she think im kinda desperate to hit on my nine years younger cousin?

2.if it doesn't work out.. wouldn't  be so weird dealing with the family especially her brother?

3.i dont think the direct approach of expressing my feelings would work out coz she is very shy and insecure!!

4.Its not only my shyness that is stopping me...its just there are alot of spotlights..and not some random girl i hit on and never see her again.

I really have to settle this down weather it works or not...coz its really consuming my mind...but its not that easy.

1. No she won't. This thought is only on your head. If a girl finds you attractive, then she finds you attractive. The age factor will come in later but since the ball is already rolling, then it's not going to be a big issue. And besides, it's not like you're gonna marry her tomorrow and have 3 kids the next year, eh?! You are just asking whether she has a boyfriend or not! And if you hit on her, then own it in your most subtle way. I'm thinking along the lines of, say she tells you explicitly (or though like) "Are you hitting on me!???" Then have the attitude, by implication, to have the posture of "Yeah.. I am hitting on you. Now, girl whatcha gonna do!?" Boom! There ya go.. Know what I'm sayin? Although you lead the thing, you pass the ball to her to respond. You got nothing to lose... :)

2. If it doesn't work out, who would know!? Would her brother know? Would her parents know? Who would know? The only people who would know is you and her. It's not like she's gonna tell everybody, make an announcement or something and go like "Heeeey everyone! ESSEX is hitting on me!" blah blah blah... There is no possibility that that will happen. lol. So you know... If it does not work out, in other words if she rejects you, then it's going to be between you and her. Now eventually though, some people would know. But then those are still on the long run and besides, it's easy to deny those...so no harm done. :)

3. The direct approach will work because it will "shock" her. Make sure though that you have the right timing. Now I wouldn't know that --- you know when is the best time. I suggest doing it when it's only between the two of you. Maybe when you guys are together in the car or when you guys do errands together or something.. But do it when private and not many people around. The shyness won't be a factor especially if you asked if she already has a boyfriend or not. Make her comfortable....and not accusatory. Ask in a soft but stern way, "Have you been seeing some guys?" or something along those lines.. Basically you want to know her status..her love life.. Or maybe ask her "Are you open for marriage?!" Then follow it up with, "Just kidding." :D LOL. Make it playful, fun and make her laugh....like how you were attracted to her 5 years ago.

By the way, is she working right now? Like in McDonalds or something? If she has a part-time job, then that means she has work experience and have been dealing with people already.. So she may not be THAT shy as you have described.

4. What do you mean spotlights? You are not going to court her ora-mismo, my friend... you know? I'm not saying that you go too strong.. What I'm saying is be direct. Say for example, it came upon your conversation with each other that you guys are talking about how your parents got married or how your parents courted one another... or probably you guys are talking about your friend's boyfriend or girlfriend... anything related to boy-girl-relationships, aight? Then that's the time you drop the bomb: a direct question that will show that you are a guy and that she is a girl. Know what I'm saying?

Don't think too much my friend! Don't analyze things... :) See what works.. When do you think you guys are going to see each other?

 

Pooch

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