Jump to content
Essex

do i love my cousin or its just how my insecurity expressed and staying in my comfort zone justified?!!

Recommended Posts

There is this my nine years younger girl cousin...four years ago when she was 14 and i was 23 she always had this strong eye contacts and laugh hysterically at my chessy jokes and all the signs that she really likes me but at that time i wasn't interested at all ofc coz she was 14 for god sake ...we rarely meet at family gatherings...till recently i really have a strong crush on her for like two years...she grew up and i think we switched roles...but don't know if she likes me or just getting more mature to hide her feelings...we are both very shy btw...but still she gets nervous when she sees me and i catch her with few eye contacts..till i made whoopie up one night and was drunk and got the courage to tell her that i like her..she got really nervous and thought i was joking...then later i told her it was just a mistake (more made whoopie up)...later on everything is normal...we meet at gatherings..simple talks...she get nervous and clumsy when she sees me...i started texted her...this where all this get so confusing...she reply very late with short texts..so i stop..and text her later..same late uninterested replies...then i stop..

Dont know if she likes me and tries to avoid me coz of her excessive shyness...or just can't take the fact that she has a crush on her nine years older cousin (she is a little westernized) and think its disgusting regardless of her feelings...or if all of this is just illusions in my head and her teenager crush was just a period and went away...but i just think of her all the time..should i let her go out of my head or take a more wise approach?!!!...help!!!!

Edited by Essex
Better topic name

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You are 27...and she is 18.... and she is cute... and she looked interested before but now the colors are reversed... I understand the situation man.. 

You know what you should do? Coz I do think that she has a boyfriend.. If this is true, then you gotta move on quick man before your hearts sinks in a quicksand. I want to ask how often do you guys see each other? You said that you guys meet at family gatherings. How often are these? By the way,  a comment on the quoted paragraph below: 

3 hours ago, Essex said:

Dont know if she likes me and tries to avoid me coz of her excessive shyness...or just can't take the fact that she has a crush on her nine years older cousin (she is a little westernized) and think its disgusting regardless of her feelings...or if all of this is just illusions in my head and her teenager crush was just a period and went away...but i just think of her all the time..should i let her go out of my head or take a more wise approach?!!!...help!!!!

Do. Not. Entertain. Them.

She is 18 man. She does not know anything...yet. You are approaching late 20s and would definitely like her. But yeah dude, you gotta stay away. I feel like she is a poisonous apple. The shyness, her being 18, your huge crush, the history and such, and even your personality.... I think it's a poisonous apple for your life.

Now you said that you think of her all the time...and I think that's fine. That's why I want to ask how often do you guys see each other? Are these family gatherings regular?

 

Pooch

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Latest family gathering was couple days ago…im totally introvert and dont give a holy crapoly! abt these gatherings but just went to watch her…dont know…maybe i like her too much coz she really reminds me  of myself…she is really similar to me in many ways…shyness.. awkwardness..it feels so good watching her and understanding her very well and how she reminds me of myself when i was her age...its like i never understood a girl that much regardless of the very few talks we had…plus the strong urge i have that i could support her and give her insights for dealing with herself and the world…or maybe im just in love with the whole scenario…her brother is like my best friend…her parents are so nice i really like them and they already know me and my parents...im totally confused…i just feel that she is mine and i could trust her…never felt that way with any girl before maybe coz she is just my cousin!!!

Ya she is probably poisoning my life..but still sweet poison..lol

Btw..im 29 and she is 20…

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Essex said:

Latest family gathering was couple days ago…im totally introvert and dont give a holy crapoly! abt these gatherings but just went to watch her…dont know…maybe i like her too much coz she really reminds me  of myself…she is really similar to me in many ways…shyness.. awkwardness..it feels so good watching her and understanding her very well and how she reminds me of myself when i was her age...its like i never understood a girl that much regardless of the very few talks we had…plus the strong urge i have that i could support her and give her insights for dealing with herself and the world…or maybe im just in love with the whole scenario…her brother is like my best friend…her parents are so nice i really like them and they already know me and my parents...im totally confused…i just feel that she is mine and i could trust her…never felt that way with any girl before maybe coz she is just my cousin!!!

Ya she is probably poisoning my life..but still sweet poison..lol

Btw..im 29 and she is 20…

I see.. So your situation is that your family and hers are pretty much close, eh? Does her family and yours live in the same city? What's the situation?

I understand what your feeling man.. If that's the case, then I would say go for it! Sometimes, the sweet poisonous apple makes life more interesting... hehe. So I suggest that you go for it. :) See if she likes you. But you gotta ask first though if she has already a boyfriend or does she like anybody first. Oh, and at the same time be direct... Don't go around the bush -- you are 29, 30 and she is 20?! No need for shyness man... Assert authority and ask, "Hey listen_______. Do you already have a boyfriend?!" Note that she already respects you, you guys have history already and she is comfortable already with you. She will not think of it as anything (unless she likes you too -- which is good, I guess lol) but just a mere question. So just ask, "Hey! Pssst!" (like you calling out your little sista) "Do you have a boyfriend? How is your love life?" And look at her straight in her eyes. Then whatever her reply is, be it a yes or no or a "why?", answer with, "Well.. I just want to know...That's all..No biggie". ;)


Maintain your frame and do not shrink in shyness. Bite your tongue if you must. lol. If you do this, you will have your first bite of your sweet poisonous apple... :D

 

Pooch

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Love ur reply but i have some concerns:

1.wouldn't she think im kinda desperate to hit on my nine years younger cousin?

2.if it doesn't work out.. wouldn't  be so weird dealing with the family especially her brother?

3.i dont think the direct approach of expressing my feelings would work out coz she is very shy and insecure!!

4.Its not only my shyness that is stopping me...its just there are alot of spotlights..and not some random girl i hit on and never see her again.

I really have to settle this down weather it works or not...coz its really consuming my mind...but its not that easy.

Edited by Essex
Forgot something

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Essex said:

Love ur reply but i have some concerns:

1.wouldn't she think im kinda desperate to hit on my nine years younger cousin?

2.if it doesn't work out.. wouldn't  be so weird dealing with the family especially her brother?

3.i dont think the direct approach of expressing my feelings would work out coz she is very shy and insecure!!

4.Its not only my shyness that is stopping me...its just there are alot of spotlights..and not some random girl i hit on and never see her again.

I really have to settle this down weather it works or not...coz its really consuming my mind...but its not that easy.

1. No she won't. This thought is only on your head. If a girl finds you attractive, then she finds you attractive. The age factor will come in later but since the ball is already rolling, then it's not going to be a big issue. And besides, it's not like you're gonna marry her tomorrow and have 3 kids the next year, eh?! You are just asking whether she has a boyfriend or not! And if you hit on her, then own it in your most subtle way. I'm thinking along the lines of, say she tells you explicitly (or though like) "Are you hitting on me!???" Then have the attitude, by implication, to have the posture of "Yeah.. I am hitting on you. Now, girl whatcha gonna do!?" Boom! There ya go.. Know what I'm sayin? Although you lead the thing, you pass the ball to her to respond. You got nothing to lose... :)

2. If it doesn't work out, who would know!? Would her brother know? Would her parents know? Who would know? The only people who would know is you and her. It's not like she's gonna tell everybody, make an announcement or something and go like "Heeeey everyone! ESSEX is hitting on me!" blah blah blah... There is no possibility that that will happen. lol. So you know... If it does not work out, in other words if she rejects you, then it's going to be between you and her. Now eventually though, some people would know. But then those are still on the long run and besides, it's easy to deny those...so no harm done. :)

3. The direct approach will work because it will "shock" her. Make sure though that you have the right timing. Now I wouldn't know that --- you know when is the best time. I suggest doing it when it's only between the two of you. Maybe when you guys are together in the car or when you guys do errands together or something.. But do it when private and not many people around. The shyness won't be a factor especially if you asked if she already has a boyfriend or not. Make her comfortable....and not accusatory. Ask in a soft but stern way, "Have you been seeing some guys?" or something along those lines.. Basically you want to know her status..her love life.. Or maybe ask her "Are you open for marriage?!" Then follow it up with, "Just kidding." :D LOL. Make it playful, fun and make her laugh....like how you were attracted to her 5 years ago.

By the way, is she working right now? Like in McDonalds or something? If she has a part-time job, then that means she has work experience and have been dealing with people already.. So she may not be THAT shy as you have described.

4. What do you mean spotlights? You are not going to court her ora-mismo, my friend... you know? I'm not saying that you go too strong.. What I'm saying is be direct. Say for example, it came upon your conversation with each other that you guys are talking about how your parents got married or how your parents courted one another... or probably you guys are talking about your friend's boyfriend or girlfriend... anything related to boy-girl-relationships, aight? Then that's the time you drop the bomb: a direct question that will show that you are a guy and that she is a girl. Know what I'm saying?

Don't think too much my friend! Don't analyze things... :) See what works.. When do you think you guys are going to see each other?

 

Pooch

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Similar Content

    • By Will Percy
      So my girlfriend mentioned that he had an older brother which turns out his cousin, they grew up together since they were kids in province. She mentioned about sharing a bed, when they were kids but now my girlfriend and her family lived at the city so it's kilometers away from his brother/cousin. So every summer vacation the always went to their province and also have a house there, but my girlfriend always sleeps at the house of his brother. And in the room of his brother only two of them uses the room and they shared a bed until now. His brother is 20y/o and both of us is 19y/o. And our last date she also said that one time she just wear bra inside his brother's room and both of them are in the room. She said it's okay because it's his brother/cousin and her cousin is an open minded so no "worries"
      Goodness I don't know if it is normal or what? Maybe I'm just paranoid about my uncle who had children with their first cousin? But still I don't know if sharing a bed is normal or what? Please help me my mind is about to blow.
    • By Deku
      Im new here. So where to even begin. This feeling of emotion is too strong right. Anyways
      So its all begin last december. I saw my distant cousin (the family tree is complex but she is defintely like a 7 or 8 cousin.) But so it had been quite a few months since i last saw her. (She lives about 3 hours away so i only get to see her 3 or 4 times in a year). But when i saw her this december. Everything seemed different. I just dont even know how to describe that feeling. And before you ask my age is 19 while she is 18. So back to the story.
      So she came with her family and stayed for 3 days. The moment she walked in that feeling i felt was unusual because i did use to see her before and i had no feelings like this. This was different. I dont even know what to call this love because it was so intense. So nothing really happened after that other then me hanging out with her and her staring quite a bit at me and as well as being playful with. (Bear in mind. She did not do this before as whenever she came she just hung around my other girl cousin and sister and we didnt even talk on social media). So time flew and she went back and i saw that on the final day she was quite sad because i think she didnt want to leave. Also this time she didnt talk to my cousin and sister a lot and instead it was me and her talking and the usual stuff. 
      So one day went by and i was feeling quite depressed because i was missing her quite a bit. So i texted her and then since then we have talked everyday without missing a single. As we have a lot in common such as interests and hobbies. The texting was quite prolonged and as this progressed my feelings went through the roof. This was our first time texting as before we didnt really click. Now that i know so much about her. I just want to be with her and protect her and make her happy as much as i can. I just think about her 24/7 everyday and it makes sad thinking that it might not work
      Well i know my story wasnt too eventful but here is the question. Do you think she likes me? 
      Other the staring and being playful with me. With regards to text. I am getting some mixed signals so first when i text her about like actresses or any other girl. I get weird responses like lol and ok then. I feel like she doesnt want me too talk about other girls to her. Also she has told me about literally everything about herself and half of the things even my sister doesnt know. So i assume she does trust me a lot from. And there is this other thing. I once told her i liked girl with short hair upto the shoulders and what you know after a week she cuts her hair to that length. Also we literally never end our texting. It just keeps on going. Whether day or night. Also we both compliment each other quite a lot and she is quite shy so i cant expect her to make the first move. 
      So to end. What do you think i should do. I obviously want a relationship and i already know my parents or her should not say anything but i dont know how to tell her. 
      Sorry for a long story but had to get it off my chest somewhere so i could have some peace.
      Thanks for any replies
×