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Per

Parents can't accept

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Hello,

I am new here and it's nice to see that I am not alone.

A little less than 2 years ago, I was able to accept the fact that I like my mom's first cousin (first cousin, once removed? He's only couple years older than me). When this became a reality, it was hard because I felt like no one would understand or that my friends would not be able to accept me.  Today, he and I are together and is very happy with each other.  Some of my friends know and they're okay with it. In fact, the love him! My biggest problem now is facing our family members. Sometimes I am filled with doubt if I can handle the anger that my parents will have but what can I do if i love him so dearly?

Please give me advice on how to deal with this situation.  Family is very important to me and I hope that they can accept it in the end.

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Take a look around this site. There's ample evidence - legal, historical, biological and theological - that there's nothing wrong with cousin marriages. Gather the facts and figures that you think you need and arm yourself with education before you tell your parents.

Good luck!

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After to years of being with my cousin which almost 6 years later now my husband, I couldn't take not moving forward with our relationship. So I packed my things from my parents home and moved in with him. We spoke to my parents once and they were very upset and felt disrespected (because my now husband once lived in our home). It took my parents about 7 or so months before they started to speak to me. I did have some family member that were okay with our relationship. We are not the 1st cousins to fall in love and we won't be the last. One word of advice I was given that was important was be sure that you are ready to be with this person for the rest of your life because if you split, you will divide the families. But again we are still together and I knew he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and we now have a handsome son, with no problems what so ever. The seven months of not having me family at my side was hard because I am super close to my parents and sibling and they wanted nothing to do with me when I told them I wanted to be with my cousin. However after things cooled down and we got past the "weird" part about it, everything is great.... Its like nothing ever changed other than I married my cousin.

I think that if both of you are at a point where you want to move forward in your relationship and marriage is your next step. You should tell the families and brace yourselves for the impact. Its not going to be easy but as long as you have each other you can make it. The families will cool off once they see you do love each other and they want you in their lives. 

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per, the title of your post is that your parents CAN'T accept it... but in your post, it sounds like you haven't even given them a chance yet. don't put the cart before the horse. mark and i thought our parents would object too, but they were very supportive and happy for us. (we're also first cousins once removed.)

by the way, how old are you and your cousin?

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Wow, all VERY GOOD advice so far!

I agree with the previous posters: Please don't automatically assume your parents will NOT accept your relationship.  BUT also, do not go into the conversation without knowing that they could very well turn angry and hurt.  I agree you should arm yourself with statistics (especially regarding the falsehood of major genetic issues with cousin couple offspring) and really give yourself some time to prepare for their reaction.  Write a letter first, tell them what you want to say first before you say it.  Think of what they may say or ask and have your answers already ready.  If nothing else, the fact that you put time into being ready for their reaction will give them pause and may help tremendously, short term or long.

I wish you so much luck!  No matter what, believe that you are doing what is best for YOU. 

Love and time can make situations that seem impossible, turn out okay!

Our Cousin Blog: afamilylessordinary.blogspot.com

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Thank you all very much for your advice and warm words.

I was all over the place when I wrote my first post and I guess I just wanted to tell people how happy I am.

Before finding this site, the night before, my parents approached me about it. 

They told me that they can feel that something is "wrong" and that they feel very uncomfortable seeing how close we are. They also said that they don't want to know how I feel about him but they told me to drift away from him because it is a sin and that I will become laughable in our family.  They also said that if I were to end up with him in the end, they could never accept me.

Although they don't know for sure about he and I's relationship, they are giving me a heads up that they can't accept it. It wasn't the first time my parents approached me about it. They probably warn me or remind me that they don't like it about 3 times a year.  Now, it's getting to the point where my parents barely acknowledges him when he is around.

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per, the title of your post is that your parents CAN'T accept it... but in your post, it sounds like you haven't even given them a chance yet. don't put the cart before the horse. mark and i thought our parents would object too, but they were very supportive and happy for us. (we're also first cousins once removed.)

by the way, how old are you and your cousin?

He and I are 23 and 21 respectively.

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then since you're legal adults, live your lives. marry if you wish. sooner or later, chances are VERY high that your parents and hers will accept your choice. many parents do from the very beginning. almost all the rest accept the relationship eventually, once they figure out they can't blackmail their adult children into submission.

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