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Jason116

Early stages of a possible relationship

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Hello everyone! I'm new here and found your website after some light Googling. I have my own cousin story to tell, and decided to create an account and share it with you all.

I have known my first cousin once removed (her grandmother is my aunt) for the better part of 6 years. We met each other late in life, and only found each other when she sent me a friend request on FB after recognizing my last name.

At first, we really didn't get along. She thought I was fat, quiet, and nerdy, and I thought she was loud, rude, and overbearing. We continued like this for a while, but over time, we got to know each other and eventually discovered there was a person beneath our initial assumptions. I always thought she was gorgeous, but it wasn't until last September that it felt like I saw her for the very first time. Instead of just noticing how beautiful she was, I noticed all of her other qualities and it wasn't long after, that I legitimately fell in love with her. This was the second time in my life that I ever felt about a woman this way, and if anything, it's stronger than the first time.

My love for her inspired me to lose over 160 lbs and get my act together in a way that made me mature as a person and become more confident. I started reaching out to her more, opening up about my past and inner most thoughts, and she did likewise. I started buying her little gifts to show I was thinking about her, never failing to wish her good night on Facebook, telling her how beautiful she is, and never failing to be there for her when she needed me. We grew closer, closer than I ever thought possible. She now invites me over to her place where we spend fun evenings baking, talking, and watching TV. We hug and embrace, I have worked up the nerve to kiss her on the forehead when it's time for me to go home, and we express in words and in writing how much we mean to each other. One night, we stayed in her car and just talked for hours, until 2 AM in the morning.

So far, this is as far as we got. I'm grateful for the progress we made and I don't want to blow it by moving too fast. I'm choosing to let things develop naturally and not force a 'moment' where I finally kiss her and tell her I love her. 

My cousin means the world to me, I place her happiness far above my own, and no matter what, no matter if we don't end up how I would like to, I'll always be there for her.

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Hi and welcome to CC.

You are developing the friendship with your cousin that we  tout here as being the best thing to do!

One can not have too many friends. I  hope things go well for you and your cousin in the days to come.I

 

One idea we give to judge where one might stand with their "object of affection" so to speak is  use

the line "if you weren't my cousin I would date you,,, or "You possess the qualities I look for in a date, mate..."

You use the words that make you comfortable.  If she gives the EWW factor, you have the out of telling her 

" I said IF..."  Something along those lines may give you an insight to what she may be thinking or feeling.

 

I look forward to hearing more of your story as it unfolds.

Best wishes on your journey.

 

 

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It sounds like the stars are aligned for you two. I would just point out that moving too slow can be worse than moving too fast. I'm not saying you should jump in bed with her tomorrow. I'm only saying that moving too slow may cause her to think you are not interested.

And the kiss! The kiss should never be planned. It will come 100 percent natural and at the perfect time. I predict that it happens much sooner than you expect.

When you are in love, you can only stay cool and keep it under wraps for so long.

Being cool is so overrated :D

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At this point don't go too slow... shift gears man and step on the gas a little bit.. ?  i agree with KC. 

 

Pooch

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Thanks for the advice everyone. I do worry about moving too slow, and I'm trying the best I can to get over the idea to her that I'm in love with her without having to say it.

UPDATE:

I have told her that if we had met sooner in life, that she would have been my girl. She giggled and wondered what my dad, her uncle, would have said, and I told her I wouldn't have cared. 

A few weeks later, some friends of ours married and they were in fact, second cousins. She didn't blink an eye at their union, and I used this as an excuse to explain to her that many famous people ended up marrying their cousins. A couple of days after the wedding, we talked about it some more, and she herself said "Well, it would have been like if you and I had hooked up...", which I took as a good sign because if the thought wouldn't had been on her mind, she never would have said anything. Also, the casual way which she mentioned it gave me some encouragement. 

She told me she had always wanted a puppy when she was a girl, so for the Easter weekend, I took her puppy shopping and let her pick out a dog she wanted. $700 later, with an extra $100 for puppy supplies, she now has the dog she always wanted and is totally in love with it.

When I come over to her place, which is often now as she texts me invites, I help her clean. I move her couches and sweep as she focuses on picking up and putting away laundry.

Some loser friend was giving her a hard time over on Facebook and made her upset, so I went the Chuck Norris route. I found the guy, and gave him a black eye. She was impressed. She said she never had anyone who fought or stood up for her. 

Finally, a friend of ours told me that she was talking about me, and she said that "I changed her life in ways I don't even know.", and that she does love and care about me. Not sure about the context, but none the less, still something to be pleased with.

This is where we stand right now. 

My big goal is to kiss her on the lips. I have a feeling when that happens, the dam gates are going to burst and we'll either rise with our emotions or be sunk. I'll be back with updates as they happen.

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You had me hooked on your story, but not sure about the whole "Chuck Norris" part.

I'd say you definitely over-think too many things. Step it up, and take it to the next level. Don't hold back so much.

Every time I thought I was revealing something "too much" to my cousin; and was afraid it would spook her, or something... she always responded that she had felt the same way for as long as I had.

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FURTHER UPDATES

 Well, I did it. After three months of hanging out with her every day, I finally got my courage up to tell her those three little words. 

 We were standing outside as I was getting ready to go home, it was night time. I had her face me, took her hands in mine, looked her in the eye, and told her "I love you.". I swear to God, her eyes seemed to sparkle and grow larger. She smiled, lowered her head, and said, "I know you do.".

 I didn't want to pressure her for a reply, so I placed my arms around her, and told her she was the only woman I ever wanted, that she is what makes me happy in life, that no matter what, I will always love her and always be there for her. I bought her in close, held her tight, kissed her on the forehead, and did the head nuzzle thing.

 We then had a talk about me moving in with her, that if I wanted, I could have the finished basement as my own mini-apartment. 

 Two days went by. I got a little bolder. I asked her if I could kiss her. On the lips. She giggled, she smiled. She said, "No, not yet. Later. I need time, okay? I just need time. Later you can.".

 We talked more about the future, I told her if she needed anything, to ask me and it's hers. She said she didn't want to take all my money, and I told her, "It's not my money, it's our money.", and she said no one ever told her that.

 I left and she said to message her to make sure I got home safe. I messaged her good night, and that I loved her so much. Her reply was "Good night" with a heart emoticon and kissy face.

 Opinions everyone? Am I doing anything wrong? Does it look like things are progressing? I feel that they are. I feel that me and her are on the cusp of having a bonafide romantic and happy relationship.

 

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honest opinion? this is the stuff movies are made of! i don't know how i missed your story all this time until today, but when ken posted and bumped it back to the top, i started reading. i hope you'll continue to post updates every once in a while. i'm serious, i think this is the best romance i've ever read on this site, and i've been here for nearly 20 years. 

oh, and WOW! 160 lbs? congratulations! that's commitment! and everything you've written, the way you treat her, the way you take your time, everything... your girl is one lucky woman and i'm betting she knows it. 

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Thank you. She means everything to me. I know this might sound crazy, but there are times when I'm by myself and I think about her, and I get choked up with emotion as I simply can not process all that I'm feeling for her. She's simply the best, in everything. She's funny, she's smart, she's independent, she's fierce, she's kind, she's grounded, and yes, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. When I'm with her? I'm happy. When I leave her for the day? I want to get back to her as soon as I can.

I know she feels the same way about me. I text her often that "You're the best.", and she replies back, "No, you are.". I reply back, "If I'm the best, it's only because you showed me how to be.". She hates it when I have to leave, and her one friend told me that she feels blessed to have me.

 I am so lost in love with her. I could never imagine myself with anyone else. I'm hers, mind, body, and soul.

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UPDATE

 Well, it happened.

After a long journey, after being there for her, supporting her, tending to her needs, and showing her she could rely on me, she finally told me that she loved me. It was small at first. When I had finished spending the one night at her place, I put my arms around her, kissed her on the forehead, and I told her that I loved her. She responded back with a barely audible, really timid, "love you too". I couldn't believe my ears, but she said it. For the first time, she said it. She said the magic words I've been dying to hear.

As the days went by, I gave her the space and time she needed to examine her feelings, and her confidence grew. Soon it was naturally coming from her mouth, those three little words, "I love you.". I get texts all the time now, I'm spending a lot more time with her, she stood up for me when her one friend was running me down, it's crazy to think that everything I dreamed about was coming true. I then wrote her an honest to goodness love letter where I completely bared my heart and soul on paper and told her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her.

A few days later after she read the letter, we made love for the first time.

Without getting too graphic, the first time was awkward, nervous, anxious... we had to learn each other's rhythm and find out what each other's needs were... then we had to face the huge taboo of "Ooh, what are we about to do!" The first time wasn't magic, no. Definitely not.

Around about the third or fifth time however, it was pure bliss and she is honestly the best lover I ever had. She drives me CRAZY! She says I satisfy her and so far, she's always smiling afterwards lol So I guess I'm doing something right ?

We have successfully transitioned from cousins to lovers. We don't act like cousins anymore, instead, we act like a couple. Our next goal is to have a long and healthy relationship, and my own personal goal? I want to marry her. My state does allow cousins to marry, and after some time together, I fully intend to propose and make her my wife, if she'll have me. 

There is the huge question about what to tell the members of our family. To be honest? There already has been some talk. A lot of gossip has been made by what I'm doing over at her place all the time, why am I always buying her stuff, why is she so happy when I'm near, why we both stopped dating people... yeah, it's not exactly a top top secret. I honestly don't know what's going to happen when we "come out" so to speak. I know there will be fallout and I'm prepared to face the worst, which could end up being pretty bad. I'm fully expecting us to be disowned. We told some of our friends, and some of our friends were very understanding and supportive, and some laughed and said it was gross. At the end of the day, we still have each other, and that's enough for us.

To any reading this, I have this to offer if you too are in love with your cousin: If you love them, if you really, really, love them... don't ever give up. Never fail to spend time with them, show them attention, prove you'll be there through good times and bad, shower them with affection and praise, always build them up, become their best friend first, then maybe... slowly... begin to show them just how much you feel about them. Give them time, space, and room to grow, and if it's meant to be, and if they feel anything for you, even if it's only the tiniest spark? You just might be surprised at where it leads. 

 

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Who are the important people that you feel you should know or you care that they know? Of course, first thing is her parents...but other than that, are there any others?

I wish you the all the best. :)

 

Pooch

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