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    • By RedKirin
      Okay.  So I definitely wouldn't mind some advice/discussion. I'll start from the beginning of it all.
      As I write this, Im 27 and she's 22
      So the earliest I remember meeting my second cousin, she was 2 and I was 7. We played imaginary games, Peter Pan and she was Tinkerbell. Of course at a young age, I always knew I loved her like I was supposed to, but never imagined I'd fall head over heels in Love. Its hard to recollect exactly how I felt at the time, but I know I felt sad when it was time to go home.
      I didn't see her again until I was about 9 (She's 4). I was hanging out with her brother who is a year younger than me. Playing some Nintendo Game, and helping him clean his room. At this point, i didn't get to spend much time with her, but as a kid the Nintendo was an easy distraction. Next time I saw her, I was about 11, (she's 6) I went over with my parents and siblings for a cookout, and everyone was in their little friend groups. I was hanging out with the boy cousins, playing in the yard or whatever. While the other girl cousins all played together in the house. I remember seeing her and had nothing to really say, no way to connect with her at the time. I hardly even got a chance to know who she is yet. All I know is that she used to love Tinkerbell  😅 Well, we ate and left the party eventually.
      Next time i see her, I'm 13, she's 8. It's my older cousins grad party! And it's like we've known each other the whole time, nothing felt estranged. We laughed and played. I gave her a piggy back ride and I knew she was meant to be Soo special to me. I had an amazing time with her all day. 
      Well I didn't see her again for another 2 years. I'm 15, and she's 10. I started seeing her consistently about twice a year, an uncle would always have get togethers and all the cousins my age would come together. we partied in the way kids party. At this point, I'm aware our age Gap was at an awkward phase, where I had to sort of hold back from being too affectionate. It started to make me confused. Last time I saw her, I felt so much love, and it's still there.. but I had to restrain acting on it.
      So for a few years, I found myself in an age limbo. I hadn't really felt "in love" yet. But I definitely enjoyed every moment I had with her. So another party at the same uncles, she was 13, I was 17. Between our birthdays. With all the other cousins, siblings and friends at this party, the sleeping situation became tight. My uncle had to basically assign everyone's spots. It just so happened that me and her ended up on the same mattress, which I was happy about so I could guard her from the other teens at the party.
      Obviously I wasn't going to try anything weird. But we more or less cuddled. I didn't sleep all night, partly because I was driven to protect her all night. Also because she was so beautiful sleeping next to me. I didn't want her to ever leave my side. I still felt conflicted because I was feeling some kind of way. How could I feel something for my little cousin, who was still just growing up? Not to mention I was almost 18, I knew I had to bury this feeling deep in my heart 
      We never really communicated to each other unless it was face to face at this point. So time goes by, we both live our lives. She starts dating a boy, I graduate. I see her at my grad party, but its mostly just small talk, way too much going on  to give everyone much attention. Her grandpa (my grandmas brother) gives me a badass Peavy cab for my graduation gift, (I started getting close with her Grandpa when he found out I played guitar) and I'm playing a concert for my grad party. I really wish I spent more time with her during the festivities.
      More time passes by, I have to be 20, she's 15. My mom and my siblings go on a vacation with her mom and her brother. For spring break, we end up going to Myrtle Beach. Again, I feel this confliction of having to keep my cousin crush not obvious. So I bear with this turmoil of wanting what I'm not supposed to have. The vacation was amazing, but I felt empty afterwards, since I knew it would be a while before I would see her. She was busy with school, but i saw her here and there, depending on the family shenanigans going on.
      I see her here and there at the family events. I'm now 21, she's 16. And the curve balls start coming. We would get a little flirty at these functions. I remember one time she sat on my lap, and I sort of panicked, looking around to see if anyone noticed. No one did 🙈 I immediately felt all the feels coming back tenfold. After that, I was starting to see her about 5+ times a year. She would come hangout with me and my sister. Tricking me into rubbing her feet and giving me every reason to grin ear to ear. We started getting really close.
      It wasn't long before she had a new boyfriend, however.At this point, my crush was overwhelming. But obviously there was nothing I could really do about it. Kept in touch, ya know, nothing really unusual going on. We would hangout when she wasn't busy. I was definitely afraid of losing her to anyone, but as long as she is happy.
      So now she graduates and we throw a banger party for her at my house. One of the best parties I've been in so far. She's 18, I'm 23. At some point, she sits on my lap again and I know my poor heart can't take it. 😩 I'm losing control of this secret crush.
      More or less we would hang out every few months, going to beaches, eating at restraunts, more parties and stuff. I would do anything she invited me too. Still had our family events to meet at, and every second I spent with her, I'd have a dumb smile. My family is big, and we had alot of birthdays/graduations/weddings as an excuse to see her.
      So then I get a phone call from her. (She's 19, I'm 24) and she wants me to go with her to California for a week. Just me and her 😁😁😁❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗
      We stayed at a cousins house who hosted us, and I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be exploring a new place with my heart and soul! Since that vacation, we've spent more time together. At this point I know that I love her unconditionally. She's my favorite person in the world. My Moon and my Stars. We hang out maybe twice a month nowadays, and we communicate nearly daily. Saying "I love you" before goodnight. We try to have a lunch or dinner on Sunday if we have the chance. Especially at her favorite places 😋 When she stays the night, she sleeps in my bed with me and we cuddle.
      She's still with her boyfriend of 6 years, but that doesn't stop me from showering her with affection any chance I get. I love her infinitely, and all I truly want is for her to be happy. I just wish I could express my love in it's entirety. It drives me crazier everyday.
      So, if you stuck it out and read up to this part, you're probably wondering what I'm getting at. I've written her songs and poems and showered her with gifts and affection, and it's never weirded her out/scared her off. Although she has said that "incest is gross". With all the flirtatious signals (which there's a bunch I left out) and her current relationship... I'm just wondering if I should directly confess my love? Would it be better to stay on the sidelines, knowing nobody will compare to her? Dooming myself to never have my true desire? Or risking it all for my dream come true, potentially falling into eternal turmoil?
      I'm so lost, she's always on my mind
    • By xxxuire
      Hello, CC. I've been in a relationship with my second cousin (or so that's how I was told we're related.) for almost two years now. While we're still young (between 18-25 years old), this is definitely the most loving,  healthy, balanced and caring relationship I've ever been in and she can say the same for herself (I'm a female and she's a MtF transgender. She's on estrogen and testosterone blockers and is infertile as a result). I believe with all my heart that she's the person I was meant to be with. Growing up, we were always told we were second cousins by our family members and when things started getting romantic, we were very relieved that second cousin marriages were legal in every state in the U.S, where we reside. We've both always loved the idea of getting married and having families of our own and when our relationship started to get a little bit more serious, we decided to do our own "homework" so to speak, just to make sure we had the legalities figured out. 

      Well, apparently, we didn't. Apparently your parent's cousin is your first-cousin-once-removed (1stCOR), not your second cousin. Which is fine, because 1stCOR marriages are legal in every state but 6. We'd statistically be in the clear, right? Wrong. Of course we had to reside in one of those 6 states (Washington). Not to mention, we can't even get married in a state where it's legal and then come back, as the state will consider the marriage void. Now, it's legal for us to be in a sexual/cohabiting relationship. Just no marriage. When I first read that, I first got angry and defensive. How the heck would the state even know? We don't do blood tests or anything so how would they even know? Then I found out when you apply for a marriage license both parties have to record their parent's first and last names on the application. Now, neither of our parents have the same last name, but my girlfriend's mom is my maternal grandmother's sister. They both have the same maiden names. Then my mind started racing and I got anxious, thinking "during the three day waiting period the state must do a background check where they check your family tree to make sure you're not related so if we apply for a marriage license we're gonna get denied and that'll be a whole other level of embarrassment and I can't deal with that."
      So now I'm in bed at almost midnight being drinking tea. I'm no longer angry and defensive, and I somewhat understand why the law is in place. It still just sucks and I'm super sad. I just want to marry my best friend. I wish I didn't look it up because at least I could claim ignorance, blame it on the terminology used by my family my entire life. I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to just... get it out? Since I can't talk to my family about it (they know of the relationship but 95% of them are very unsupportive).
    • By Ben1
      This is my first post, sorry if I leave stuff out. I have liked my cousin for a few years now, I have no clue how she feels about me and I have no clue how to tell her I like her. We live in the same state, the state we live in, 1st cousin marriage is legal. I am about 3 years older than her. and we live about half an hour away and see each other about every other month.
    • By Vinegar
      Context: 
      Typical Male/female, young childhood and into early teens (friendship with romance)(*yeah we kissed and Stuff) Spent everyday together. Listened to each other, lived, laughed together, think happy children and broody early teens. We have Strict parents who weren’t entirely comfortable with the romance element but were supportive of our friendship(always warned us not to be kissing etc* they didn’t know also). We were best friends. We often just held each other and watched Cartoons. We done some experimenting but I was too weary and alert to our parents and what other people might think for it to have properly lead to sex. We got bullied by nasty kids on our block because we were always together and they made insinuations and it got her down. She said as we finally decided to cool off from one another and go our separate ways because of the social attitude, she said and I know that we were both young maybe 11 or so she said that we’d run away with each other when we’re older. And that was that. We were always happy to see each other but that barrier we erected when we were younger stayed up. It created awkward silences and created an air of frustration which loomed and brought a certain sadness. We grew apart. 
      Skip on a few years and we’re in our early twenties attending a family event. Her boyfriend is not present. What’s also really important for me to mention is that her boyfriend looks really similar to me. So we’re at a family event without her bf and things just started to happening. We made each other laugh like we used to. She was staring at me ,fidgeting with her hair touching me on my arm making really high pitched sounds when she was with me or whenever I came into the room. But here’s the catch this happens on and off like such hot and cold. She even caressed my younger cousin and looks my way as if to say, yo dude I do this to everyone. Who knows maybe she does? Her boyfriend is quite weary or cold to   me and I to him. We show each other respect but I dislike him. She always leaves in a hurry with him if the three of us meet etc. 
      So what I want to discern is am I looking too much into these little things? Should I ever bring up the past with her. We’re not in contact with each other and definitely live separate lives. When we see each other we’re with other people. But I can’t shake the feelings I have for her. It’s like lightening running through my veins or when the sun emerges from behind a cloud. Nobody makes me laugh like her and she really brings out the best in me. What should I do? 
    • By StarTrek80
      So my 2nd cousin is coming out for vacation and we’ve been talking over the phone for the last several months before she gets here to New York. I have a crush on her, but not sure she is interested in me. During our talks she has said she wants to do molly with me and get super drunk. She said that she is down for anything, knows we are going to be sleeping in the same bed when she comes out. We’re both in our late 30’s, and the family is not really a factor. We’ve seen each other maybe a total of four times our whole lives but have always kept in touch  
      She’s been sending me pics of what she’s going to wear when she’s out here, telling me things like her butt is hanging out of her romper and that she needs help from me zipping her dresses up. 
      Then there are moments when she completely shuts down and I don’t hear from her for a couple of days. Then she will hit me back up like nothing happened... however yesterday she was extremely short with me, and I didn’t hear from her today. I’m giving her whatever space she needs.
      We have already planned a trip for Australia together in the winter and again she knows we’re sharing a bed, and it’s just going to be us and another trip to France in the summer. She says things like “What if you find someone, you won’t want to go with me” and I’ll reply with the same question and she’ll say she never wants to date again  
      She’s single and I’m single... no kids.
      So I guess my question is, does it sound like she’s open to whatever happens when she comes out here? Knowing she is down to drink and do molly with me, staying in the same bed, chatting back and forth etc, or is she just coming out to have a good time? Am I reading too much into the partying aspect of the trip? 
      She has never alluded to wanting to hook up, but would she? I’ve never alluded either.
       
       
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