Jump to content
Anonymous8

I finally accept that I have feelings for my cousin. What's the next step? (My story)

Recommended Posts

I'll keep the explanation brief but I'm an 18 year old girl who had a pretty traumatic past. My parents were both alcoholics, and my father, although he was present for my life, didn't really take up the whole "father" role, if that makes sense. This will become important later.

My cousin... He's a few years older than me and we've always had this sort of connection, of sorts. It was always PERFECTLY innocent, he and I were two of the most intelligent of the cousins, we both had the same sarcastic kind of humor... we just sorta "got" each other, all through our youth. 

It sounds goofy, but he was our gardener. Let me explain. Our house had a crazy gopher infestation, and he, being 16 or 17 at the time, was eager to earn a few bucks, and had a knack for gardening. My mom would pay him to come over and help us. Remember how I said that my childhood trauma would become important? Well, my cousin was my stability through most of it. Where most if not all of my male representatives in my life had failed me, he was what "normal" was. Him being around the house so often made me feel safe, like I was protected. Kinda stupid in hindsight, considering we were both children, but hey. I think my crush started way back then. 

Our family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, do NOT gather all that often. But when we do, we are just so drawn to each other. Thanksgivings, while the rest of the family would be in the kitchen talking and drinking, you know, having general merriment... we'd be in the living room, talking, or sitting in silence. It was that kind of thing where even if we weren't talking, you could tell that we were comfortable enough just being around each other. Particularly last Thanksgiving, there was a point where I felt comfortable enough to finally talk to him about all the crazy crap that happened when I was young with my parents and the abuse. I felt safe. And he listened, told me how strong I was and how I hadn't deserved to go through all of it alone. I felt SO safe, and warm, like I was finally home. And that's something that's so hard for me to feel, it's impossible to ignore.

Now, here's the thing about my cousin. He's a man of very few emotions, or, at least, he doesn't show them very often. But even all the aunts, uncles, and grandparents know that he's always been very protective of me. We tend to read each other's emotions like a book. We were both raised in a pretty straight-laced, Christian environment and are both still of the faith, and because of this, cousin/cousin relationships are pretty taboo. I know chances are that he doesn't feel the same way about me. But I think that I DO harbor some pretty serious feelings for him.

These feelings became pretty evident, actually, when I met up with my mother a few weeks ago. We had gotten lunch, and I talked about my cousin and how I was so glad that he had been there for me through the hard times, something like that. My mom said, and I quote, "(Cousin's name) is a great man. Really. What a shame that he's your cousin." And my heart stopped. My first thought was "Sh*t! She found me out!" Then I started thinking, "Wait a minute, is that her way of giving support?" And that's really the incident that led me to questioning my feelings and finally ending up at this point, writing this post. Here I am. In love with my cousin. And I'm confused, alone, and scared. 

I have a lot of questions that hopefully those in this community could help me answer. For the longest time I had tried to push down these feelings, so forgive me if my questions sound a bit obvious or whatever. 

Is there any way to gauge whether the cousin in question returns these feelings?

Is this something that would be easier to ignore and forget about?

Are the whole "cousin couples are bad because genetic deformities happen in their children" thing really as severe as people say? 

Is there something wrong with me?

Thank you guys in advance for your responses, I really hope to hear from some of you. Any advice is appreciated. 

 

Edited by Anonymous8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is nothing wrong with you.  If there is, there is something seriously wrong with me because I married my 1st cousin!

There is some good info on this site about the myth of the genetics fear.  Read up, you'll be surprised!

If you're family is so religious, then they should pull out their Bibles and learn the truth about cousin marriages.  The most famous Biblical couple  was Jacob, and Rachel.  (I guess Leah makes them a trio).

The only way to know if your cousin likes you is to do what you would do in any other similar situation:  ask him out for coffee, to a concert or a movie.  Spend time getting to know him.

I'm throwing the rest of this in for good measure because I have children near your age and I guess I feel a little motherly today:  You alluded to past abuse in your life.  Please don't try to over analyze your relationship with men.  If you need help processing the past, then find a good counselor.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so new to this forum that I don't even know how to reply! Hopefully this is it, although I suspect I'm just posting a comment on my original post. Oh well, haha.

Thank you so much for responding, Serendipity. My cousin is actually in town this week, and I invited him to get lunch with me. He said yes! Hopefully I'll be able to gauge slightly where we stand, but for now, I'm just glad to spend time with him.

And that's another thing that's fascinating to me... the religious aspect. Biblical marriages were FULL of cousin (and sometimes closer) couplings... when on earth did it become taboo? How strange. 

Your last comment hit me pretty hard, but in a good way, because you're absolutely spot on haha. The abuse of my past (thankfully) got no further than the alcoholism in my family and neglect. And you're absolutely right, I do tend to overanalyze my relationships with men... it's a bit of a curse. I'm getting better, though. Therapy has helped so much with that. 

Thank you again Serendipity for your response!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can answer a few of your questions. First, there is nothing wrong with you. Most marriages, historically, have been between cousins. We should be asking what the heck is wrong with the rest of the world! Why do people believe stats from crazy Aunt Maud who doesn't know the difference between a gene and a genie?

It's funny how everybody turns into a genetic expert the moment they think you may be interested in a cousin. Check out the rest of the site for some solid info.

Look, if you can ignore and forget about your cousin, I suggest that you do. You would actually be considered very smart in my book. I feel that too many in the West suspend their critical thinking skills as soon as they feel that they may be in love.

This site is for the people who cannot forget or ignore their cousin lol ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By Swaggy83
      Where do i begin we have always had a thing for eachother just never addressed it to eachother until about 3 months ago. But, shortly after knowing how we both feel about eachother she kicked me out and i havent heard from her since ?.??!!! What does this even mean ?, im so confused, somebody please help me understand. Feel free to ask me questions i will answer
    • By CatchyEyes
      So, here's my story. Me(21) and him(26) are cousin. He knows me inside out. And the other way around. We are like made for each other. In the meaning, i have what he dont. And he have what i dont. Its like we are not going to have preference nor personality arguing.
      We rarely meet. Since we are basically live in different country. We meet at least every 2 years or more. Back then, we rarely chat to each other. We start to chat intensely last year since we have a trip plan together this year. 
      We are both were so distantly back then. We were never touch each other since we feel uncomfortable with that. 
      He came to my country last week. And i was so shocked by his change. since in the 3rd day he started to ask my hand(he says that he is cold. Yet his hands are warm to hot.) on the 4th day, he even hold my hand almost 24 hours. He even complain that his hand is burning. But he wont let go of my hand. He even do it in publicly like in a mall when we are with his good friends.
      Not only that. He likes to hug me(purposely or not). He tries to sit on my lap whenever i sit beside him. He forcely asked me once to sit on his lap. But i hold my weigh since im. . .well kind of obesity and he's all boney lol.
      In the 5th day. I felt something wrong with our relationship. So i asked my friend that he also willing to hold hand with(i think because he find her has the same vibe as me). And actually i want to pretend that im jealous. But in the middle, my insecure(i have this belonging guard insecure) got me lol. So i kept say "who are u? Do i know u? Dont touch me" a few times in a day. He said "why'd u say that. Im feeling sad. But I LIKE YOU". 
      And then i need to take my leave for school in other city. I felt guilty over what i did to him. I was thinking that im not even his gf. But it always happends to me. Either to girl or boy friends. 
      After i departed in my school's city, i tried to apologize to him. Via chat(because my conversation in english is not that good yet). But he insisted to call me for answer my apology. It turns out that he also think about me all day. And he almost cry because of it. 
      SO MY QUESTION IS. What kind of LIKE he mentioned here? Im afraid he is going to romantic road.
      My friend said that we have a displacement possibility. Since he had someone he like. But got rejected before he say it. 
      But. . .what kind of brother sister relationship i have here? He even try to hold my hand and place it in his groin a few times when we have random chat while watching tv.
      When i said my insecurity, he said that i must say what i like, or not from what he done. So he can change it to the way i want. What kind of brother would do and ask that thing to his first cousin sister?
      Yesterday he caught a bad cold. And i came home just because he wont drink his medicine. As i remember he WILL listen to me. And yes. He listened me lol
      The first time i came home, he said that he's so happy to see me. And he said i must know the reason. But i said that i dont. And he cutted the chat about it. We chat alot after that. He even say that i should not date a boy(idk if its a joke or not. Because he said he might be jealous)
      He had a glance at my new headphone. He asked if its new. So i tell him that its from someone. He insisted i must tell him. So i tell him that its from someone who like me. And then he kept silent for a few moment while hold my shoulders from behind and then answer "but i like u too. But a different like ya?(idk if its a question or not)" the way he hold me was like trying to block my view of him.
      For some reason i feel uneasy to leave that thing like that. So i tell him that actually im scared of that guy who gave me the headphone. 
      After that we were cuddling until bed time. We cuddling, holding hand, jokes and laughs at nothing all the time.
      But he says that im his close friend and family. Does it mean he. . .doesnt realize his true feeling, trying to hide it in the name or family, feel confused because im his cousin or im really are a displacement of someone he like?
    • By TheLordStark
      I am 16 years old, and I was 11 when I first met my cousin. In fact, she is my mother's cousin, which makes us perhaps second cousins? Whatever. She is from another country and she hadn't come to my country since she was 15, before I was born. So, she came to visit the part of her family that is from my country. At the time, I was staying at my grandparents' (I live in another part of the country, in the countryside). I was very shy to people I didn't know (and still am), and I used to be extremely bothered by kissing (in my country it's the norm to kiss female friends, family members, and people who you just got to know, if in an informal context, on the cheek), my parents would try to get me to kiss people from my family, and I'd refuse (thus seeming rude). That is probably a reason why I am not very liked by my family (except for my close relatives). Anyway, when she first got to my grandparents', I was awed, she was stunning, and even her voice sounded sexy. That had never happened to me before. She was one of the nicest people i had ever met, and she seemed to like me. I think she was impressed by my general knowledge, and lack of interest in stuff that kids did (I have always been kind of an outsider). A few days after that (I wanted to go home and my mother couldn't go there to get me) she agreed to take me home, since on the way there is the highest mountain in my country, and she wanted to go there before returning to her country. She borrowed a car from my aunt, and we spent the day together. I showed her the way, and I showed her the small town where I live (it is a historic town, and it has one of the oldest castles in my country). She stayed at my house and she had to stay in my room, so we slept on the same bed. She fell asleep before I did, I got a boner, and I fapped while looking at her. She returned in the next day, and I was really sad. After she had returned to South America, I sent her a homemade gift, and that's when we started talking a lot. I thought that crush I had on my cousin would disappear, but it has not so far. A year after that, shd moved to another country in Europe, and I was the first person she told that. She came back to visit our family a few times, I'd get super excited when she did, and super sad when she left. She would also bring me stuff that she knew I liked whenever she visited. Last year, I managed to persuade my mother to visit her (my mum had never been to where my cousin lived). We all were really happy, I had the greatest time of my life. But, that's when something strange happened. I was taking a shower and she entered the bathroom (I am almost sure she knew I was there). She said sorry, quickly left, and never spoke of it again. She came back to visit a few weeks after that, and told me about her problems (like intimate stuff, such as arguments with her boyfriend, and she is not on speaking terms with her father). When we were at a family lunch, we went to the couch to watch TV (she was wearing a cute dress) and I my phone fell. While I was getting it (from under the couch), I looked up and I saw that she had no underwear (saw her soft kitty, warm kitty). I immediately got hard. About 6 months after that, my mother allowed me to visit her again (this time alone), and one day we pulled an all nighter to watch Game of Thrones. So, that's my story.
      I'm sorry for the big text.
      I know many (if not most) of you will not believe that, but there's nothing I can or want to do about it. Believe whatever you want.
      I'm not even sure what to ask...I've told this only to a few trustable friends, and I needed to share this with someone, because 5 years have passed and I still think about her everyday.
      I want to get closer to her. We don't text much, although she tells me everything when I'm with her, and I'd love us to text often. I know she likes me a lot (even my mother says so), but I would like us to be sort of "best friends" (or something like that). I know that a relationship is nearly impossible, but I find her so attractive! 
      So, in short my questions are: 
      1- How do you think I can get closer to my cousin?
      2 - How can I start a conversation with her? 
      3 - Should I tell her?
      4 - Do you think it is possible that something (sexual) happens between us in the future?
      5 - What would you do if you were me?
       
      Please don't make fun of me. If you want to help, please go ahead; if you don't, then get lost!
×
×
  • Create New...