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Lavania_waters

In a dilemma

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I found this page two years ago and I hope this will help me a bit because there's no one else I can talk to freely about my problem.
I apologize in advance for my english.


So here's my situation: I was 17 and he 19 when I confessed to my cousin that I had more than a crush on him in December 2015. I've always had a crush on him, I just didn't want to realize it. He then said that he felt the same way about me.  A thing you guys need to know about is that I'm from Austria and my cousin is from Cameroon.The distance between our countries is very huge, which is why we texted each other on the phone every day. We also called and videocalled the other one like three times a week. It was kind of like a distance relationship. This went on for approximately one year, until he texted me that he can not do this anymore because he has a guilty conscience about what we are doing and that he thinks that our family is not going to accept it, he said that he loves me more than anything in this world and that he is doing this for us so that we won't get hurt. After he broke up with me and blocked me on his account, I was so heartbroken that I wasn't able to listen to any love songs cause they would have made me cry. I even looked up ,how to get over your ex' on the Internet where it said that you should delete that persons account whicht I couldn't.  Seventeen days later he texted me and I kind of wanted to block him when I read his text because he didn't even say a word about what happened before, so I told him to back off and that I needed some time to get over him. He told me that he was sorry and that he wants us to be brother and sister and nothing else. That sentence coming from him was so painful that I said  that I can't be his sister right now. His response was him telling me that he is going into a relationship with some other girl to get over me if I'm not going to act like his sister. Something I didn't want him to do, of course. So he literally forced me to get over him and kept texting and calling me from that time on. Not that I didn't like talking to him, it was just so hard for me.

In february 2017 my dad and me went to cameroon because his sister(my cousin's and my aunt) had died. During that time my cousin and me were not talking very much but in the end of the day, we talked things over and it seemed like we were not going to fight anymore. Four months later he told me that he had a girlfriend and he asked me if I was okay with it and I said yes, but I kinda was not, I mean what else should I have replied to that. However, during the summer months I noticed that he distanced himself from me by not replying my texts or not calling me, which went so far that he decided that we shouldn't talk or text at all. Guess what, when my university started, and that was in september 2017, I received several texts about how sorry he was and that he misses me and misses talking to me from my cousin. First, I didn't answer him immedeatly but then I did, and until last month I was texting and writing with him and we became close again. But then I realized that I'm still not over him. Everytime I look at his profile picture with his girlfriend, something inside me breaks, everytime I'm texting him on the phone, I feel used. Sometimes when I listen to some music, I still want to cry, because of him.

We had a strong connection and I didn't want to give that up, so I told myself that I can get over him through trying to see him as my brother which did not work. So last month, I sent him a voice mail where I told him that I'm still not over him and that I needed time for me and that I'm going to block him and that when I'm over him I am going to be there for him as his sister. He is still blocked. The point of this whole story is that I want to unblock him now but I am so scared that he will be angry with me and that we won't be close again. Furthermore I'm still not over him, but I miss him so much and I have the feeling that I will never get over him completely. I know this sounds stupid but when there's a person you are very close to, you feel connected, then you want to hold on to that person, even if that person hurt you in the past.

If I unblock him, he's going to hate me. And if I keep him blocked, he definetely will never talk to me again. What should I do ??

Thanks in advance for your answers.

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My advice to you is to keep him blocked - he has been controlling you AND abusing you.  So he gets angry and hates you if you do block him.  Too bad!  His behavior is rude and unkind.    Take a good look at the way he treats you - as if he is more important than you.  And he has a girlfriend.  You deserve better treatment.

 

Keep him blocked and go on with your education.  Stay busy and things WILL change for you.  Things will get better.

Please come back and tell us how you are doing.  We really care.  HUGS

Nat

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On ‎5‎/‎14‎/‎2018 at 1:02 PM, Lavania_waters said:

If I unblock him, he's going to hate me. And if I keep him blocked, he definetely will never talk to me again. What should I do ??

Not true. If you keep him blocked, he will not talk to you again...UNTIL you unblock him. Hence, keep him blocked... Try no contact for a week and see what happens.

 

Pooch

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My advice is too keep him blocked - it will be hard but don't come crawling back in a week.  You don't need abuse or rudeness and that is all he is giving you.

Be strong and  hang in there.

HUGS

Nat

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