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JackQ

What degree of cousin?

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Hello. One of my female cousins and me are like siblings since we grew up together. I was curious to know what degree of cousin would she be? She is the second oldest sister of my aunt (her mom and my mom are both sisters) on my mom's side of the family. Her mom being older than my mom.

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She is your first cousin. Other terms that apply are parallel cousins and maternal cousins.

But she is just your regular 'ol cousin. Probably cute too.

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yeah, and parallel or cross cousins, paternal or maternal, none of those really have any significance in western culture. 

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I keep forgetting that she did tell me that we are first cousins. Sorry for a dumb question. She's pretty. She's in her late 30's close to 40. But, she is sweet. Exactly like my "sister" and "niece". She has 3 children although she is unmarried.

I know that it might be adultery and a sin and I might burn down there in the after life. But, I just never thought that in my entire life that I would develop anything more than a platonic, familial, love towards these girls who are all grown women. I have come to terms of never being able to experience any love with these women as they see me as nothing more than family or a brother and I see them as nothing more than family and sisters. But, I can always dream.

Yes, there are other women out there in this World and this life, but family is a better fit than a stranger that we meet outside of family. Even if those strangers might have the same qualities as family. I do not think that there is anything stronger than a bond with family.

Thanks.

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2 hours ago, KC said:

But she is just your regular 'ol cousin. Probably cute too.

@KC

Why do you find it neccessary to throw out these comments regarding appearance? You did the same thing on my original post. Even though nothing was mentioned about looks in the original comment.

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Ken, relax man. Maybe I should give that line up! I made the remark on the assumption that nobody chases after an ugly cousin.

On second thought, it probably wasn't appropriate.

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jack, what is it you're dreaming of if you only view her as a sister-like cousin? 

i think you're working hard to convince yourself that you don't have a thing for her because you have this misguided idea that it's a sin and you're going to burn in hell for it. but it's NOT a sin. God was ordaining cousin marriages throughout the Bible. 

maybe you should drop a lighthearted "if you weren't my cousin" kind of comment, or "i wish i could find a girl like you" comment and see how she responds. you never know. she may be thinking the same way you're thinking.

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1 hour ago, LadyC said:

jack, what is it you're dreaming of if you only view her as a sister-like cousin? 

i think you're working hard to convince yourself that you don't have a thing for her because you have this misguided idea that it's a sin and you're going to burn in hell for it. but it's NOT a sin. God was ordaining cousin marriages throughout the Bible. 

maybe you should drop a lighthearted "if you weren't my cousin" kind of comment, or "i wish i could find a girl like you" comment and see how she responds. you never know. she may be thinking the same way you're thinking.

I dream of losing purity to these three women. I do not know what these dreams mean. Well, we did grow up as siblings. Although she at first was shocked that I had finally told her about my feelings for our other cousin on my dad's side. But, since then she has been supportive of my decision. I did convince her that cousins are an item after reading articles on this topic. She has been really cool about me and my other sister. But, when I told her that I wished that me and her were not related, she said that she is going to try and help me find another unrelated woman to be in a relationship with.

These cousins are nothing more than sisters to me. One is caring. Another is sweet. I rarely see the third one. I know that none of these women that I fantasize about would never feel the same way as I do for them.

I have treated her out to lunch to talk to her about my one love, but it never got to be only the two of us. It was always other cousins tagging along. I finally broke the story to her about me and my other sister over messaging. Ever since she had children, she had her up and downs with her bf. I have tried to help her in these situations the best I could but I am no therapist. I do talk to her more than I do my other cousin because of the ripples. I understand that relationships can be tough for a couple. But, it was her fault for getting herself in to this relationship in the first place when she was still with her then current bf (now ex bf). I do not accuse her of cheating although she did. In the end, I still support her. She is a good person nonetheless. We're all family and family looks after each other.

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losing your purity? are you still actually a virgin? if you are, that's cool... admirable actually. and amazing in this day and age.

i'm not a dream expert. in fact i really don't put much stock in the meaning of dreams. i think they're just your subconscious processing all the stuff you deal with on a daily basis. that being said, if i were to try and make some cosmic connection between your dreams and your reality, maybe it's that you truly admire these women and would like to fully give yourself to someone with their qualities.

like i said, just a guess.

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33 minutes ago, LadyC said:

losing your purity? are you still actually a virgin? if you are, that's cool... admirable actually. and amazing in this day and age.

i'm not a dream expert. in fact i really don't put much stock in the meaning of dreams. i think they're just your subconscious processing all the stuff you deal with on a daily basis. that being said, if i were to try and make some cosmic connection between your dreams and your reality, maybe it's that you truly admire these women and would like to fully give yourself to someone with their qualities.

like i said, just a guess.

Yes, I am still a virgin. I would like to fully give myself to these original gems and not clones. But, that will never happen. Although, one can dream and maybe dreams do come true.

As for this older woman, she is in a relationship with her bf with whom she has three kids with. She once told me that her main focus is her kids and that he is a manipulative person. Reading what she told me, it sounded like she would rather be back in the relationship with her ex-bf of ten years rather than this man that she had kids with. She has told me that one time he tried to add her on social media but she blocked him. They live together still to this day. Despite livong together, I think she might still have feelings for her ex because at one point when she was telling me things going on between her and the current bf, I asked her if she might still feelings for her ex and she told me no. I then told her that even though she might not harbor any feelings for the ex, she might have thought of the characteristics of the ex were to be the same as the current bf.

I still supported her decision and her choices that she makes in her life. But, it would have been best if she had fixed what ever problem that caused her and her ex-bf to break up in the first place since I also have known him for a good part of my life and he is a much better person than the current bf.

Her ex is now a happily married man and also owns a business. I believe it is too late to go back in time.

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It is much more than sex. The cousin, her ex-bf, and current bf are all unrelated if you all were wondering or did not know. She'll be gone for a month and as for the other cousin, she moved and I do not see her very offen becuase of school. I also do not think that wanting sex from my cousins has anything to do with my porn watching. I guess it stems from curiosity of what it is like to do the activity.

I think about them a lot. I do not think it is an obession. I think it has to do with the way or type of person that they are. Both are attractive, good hearted, humorous and tall. Taller than me.

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On ‎5‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 9:11 PM, KC said:

Ken, relax man. Maybe I should give that line up! I made the remark on the assumption that nobody chases after an ugly cousin.

On second thought, it probably wasn't appropriate.

Exactly! Who will chase after an ugly one!? ? Whether cousin or not, we chase after the pretty ones, eh? The Miss Universe ones or whatever. lol.

Hooowwweeevvveerrr,, you know what though? I think the attraction happens when you guys did not grow up together. Hence, you might be incorrect KC that he will find her cute in that kind of a way generally speaking. Remember he said,

On ‎5‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 4:27 PM, JackQ said:

Hello. One of my female cousins and me are like siblings since we grew up together

 The cuteness happens generally speaking when the narrative is like you guys know one another but lost in touch for 20 years or whatever...then for some reason facebook or a reunion brought you guys together,...then something clicked. Generally speaking, there is some sort of repulsion romantically to the ones we grew up together with. :D

 

Pooch

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@pooch yeah! studies have suggested exactly what you are saying. When we grow up together, a built-in mechanism usually stops us from becoming romantically involved.

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41 minutes ago, KC said:

@pooch yeah! studies have suggested exactly what you are saying. When we grow up together, a built-in mechanism usually stops us from becoming romantically involved.

Yep. Indeed. That's why we are not attracted to our siblings for example, or to anybody whom we grew up together...Most of the time, even childhood best friends have that sort of repulsion. I am not sure how the evolutionary model fits in this but from the point of view sociologically, it may be the case that the familiarity with the person eschews the romantic idea.

Now is it the case that childhood best friends doesn't end up together? Of course that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that the attraction is more "forced" and "logical" compared to a lady that you see the first time and you find her hot. 

Am I on the right track, bro?

 

Pooch

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At first, I thought that it was gross and it is wrong. Secondly, I had to look up if it was wrong or right to develop romantic feelings towards my own kin, cousins who are like sisters to me. When I read that it is okay to date and marry a cousin, I was happy. But, deep down, they are like actual sisters and nothing more.

I am glad to be able to let all of my feelings out and told them how I felt about one and then I never would have thought of the other as anything more than a sister but I told her, too. They are such beautiful women.

I know I have beaten this horse dead but the pain will never go away. It will only come and go. Be a distant memory. But never forgotten.

I am very happy to share with you all even though it is more than you might have asked for and I might even be identified with all the info I have shared.

Ah, well. Life is only once. Thank you.

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@pooch I wonder about childhood friends too. I have read that best friends have been looked at genetically and are typically found to be more similar genetically than random pairing. Most of these studies support positive assortative mating. Does the same mechanism cause us to find a woman 'hot'? I bet it is! I'm not certain if that has ever been studied precisely. I would like to do that study. It might teach us something profound about ourselves.

 

 

It looks like @JackQ is oddly somewhere in the middle, being pulled in different directions. I can see how this would be terribly confusing. 

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KC,

The living situation of man is pretty much different unlike today. For example, in the tribal system, people will mate the people of their own tribe. There is not much communication overseas nor travel. You are born, be raised, work, retire then die pretty much on the same vicinity. And this is parallel to childhood best friends. The neighbor whom you played hopscotch with before on the afternoons may not be your relative, distant or otherwise, not your first cousin or whatever, but because you live closeby, have sleepovers and whatnot, this childhood neighbor is part of your tribe. 

Seeing her everyday, you will sense some repulsion to her romantically and it will take an amount of "force" or "logic" to feel attracted to this person. It is totally different when say you go to a place and saw a girl of a different tribe....there's no force needed, immediately there's the attraction... a "love at first sight" of some sort. lol :D

And so I think that you are right.. That is the exact same mechanism that we found a woman to be 'hot'. Of course, it is not scientifically proven and for sociology, it might just be a theory. However, if empirical stuff backs us up, then it is what it is... *shrugs*

lol

 

Pooch

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Yes I am being pulled in both directions. It is difficult. I am sure they both are in happy relationships. I am happy for them and I also respect their decisions.

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