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Ken

It's not always "just about looks"...

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I get offended when people immediately comment something about looks, when someone posts about their situation. I have seen it so many places online. Not everyone is that shallow.

I fell in love with my 1st cousin. And she isn't "the pretty one" between her and her younger sister. The younger one was always so cute, adorable, pretty, beautiful... from birth to current. She is very active in fitness and has an amazing body. She is a very successful woman, and has a huge heart for helping children in bad situations. So she is a great person. I am so proud of her... but I have never had any fantasies, or attractions towards her.

"L" is a couple years older. And she was always made fun of growing up because she had crazy freckles, crazy frizzy hair, and not very pretty. As an adult she struggles with weight gain, and becuase of how much time she spends outdoors with activities, she has a lot of wrinkles from sun damage. She spends crazy money on treating/colorong her hair to control the natural curl/frizz. She is 5yrs younger than the wife & I but we look 5yrs younger than her.

So, it isn't about the appearance with L & I. We bonded as kids. And we were around both girls the same amount of time. Her & I just ckicked with each other more than any others. And I have 3 brothers.

There was a long disconnect between our family and her family, that started when the girls were mid-teens. Re-connected about 20yrs later, and L & I felt that connection all over again.

So, don't automatically dump everybody into that shallow category of "oh, she must be really pretty"... and I won't ask you if you are from Arkansas! HaHa!!!

Edited by Ken

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ken, just be glad nobody is asking you how hot she must be in bed. (and yes, that has actually been an issue on the past!)🙄

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Of course it's not just about looks. But for guys, it's the first thing that is in consideration. Am I right? A guy won't be like, "Oh man, she is an awesome nuclear physicist!" Uhhh.. Nope. He will be like, "Nice curves! Or I like her smile or I like her eyes". These are the things that guys notices right away -- the outward things, the looks, the physical stuff... We are visual creatures and the natural law. When I first met my cousin, I like her smile a lot! That is outward.

Now some guys get stuck on this... fortunately some doesn't. But point is: we cannot skip this part...because it is necessary.

There's more to this one for sure because it is different when you say, "it is not always just about looks" from "it is absolutely not about looks" for the way you describe her, she's gaining weight, has freckles and so on and so forth...there's a counterbalance of it, you know what I'm saying? There has to be an attraction outwardly then the more you know the person, the more it develops...the more you notices that there are things within her that are pleasing and things of that sort. But we can get into that one as the conversation unfolds..

 

Pooch

Edited by pooch
added some points to avoid confusion
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Apologies are not forthcoming. It's just another rant against "toxic masculinity" and anything that is decent.

If I assumed that your cousin was butt-ugly, would you be less offended? Well I didn't think so. Lighten up or you will give yourself a coronary.

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5 hours ago, KC said:

If I assumed that your cousin was butt-ugly, would you be less offended?

truth lives here.
ken, there's no shame in saying 'yeah, i think she's cute, but it's a whole lot deeper than that' . it doesn't matter if she has a physically prettier sister, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

have you ever watched nature shoes where exotic birds do all sorts of preening and dancing to attract a mate? it is nature as God intended it for His creation to find their mates attractive. 

however, your cousin isn't your mate. and i continually pray that you''ll renew your desire to honor your heavenly Father by honoring your marriage vows, even in your heart.

(you're probably regretting opening that door by mentioning your favorite concerts to attend.)

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18 hours ago, KC said:

Apologies are not forthcoming. It's just another rant against "toxic masculinity" and anything that is decent.

If I assumed that your cousin was butt-ugly, would you be less offended?

First, I was not expecting any apologies.

2nd, Really? A "rant against... anything that is decent"? Wow... I think that is quite a stretch from what I wrote.

And 3rd, how about making NO assumptions about physical appearrance at someone's first post? If someone comes here to express their situation, and are hoping to get some feedback that might help them gain some perspective... maybe leave out the [email protected]$$ comments about what she must look like.

12 hours ago, LadyC said:

(you're probably regretting opening that door by mentioning your favorite concerts to attend.)

I knew exactly what I was doing when I listed some of my favorite bands.

Edited by Ken

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Ken, this post/topic is all about you, not me. What does it show about me? I think it shows that I am just a normal guy.

I am not going to think or write differently (abnormally) just because you think I am a smart arse. You have got me figured all wrong. You aren't the first one to do that. What can I do?

Get it all out of your system in this thread please. 

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4 hours ago, KC said:

I am not going to think or write differently (abnormally) just because you think I am a smart arse.

ahem... cough.. sputter... cough again... 
you ARE a smartass!

 

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11 minutes ago, LadyC said:

ahem... cough.. sputter... cough again... 
you ARE a smartass!

 

Lol! SOME of it is my wry sense of humor. That is my story... 

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i won't tell anybody anything different LOL. 

 

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Let me say it like this: my original intent was to offer a perspective from a new member, just joining, and making a first post. This topic is clearly a difficult one to admit to at first. And I know from experience that it can be hard to put yourself in such a vulnerable position, even in front of strangers online.

Not the first time I've tried to offer such a perspective to a long-term established group, and been dis-missed.

So, as Forrest Gump said "that's all I got to say about that."

@LadyC , thanks for your prayers... much needed & appreciated.

I'll just dust off my sandels here...

Edited by Ken

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This forum is twenty years old. Many of us have known each other about that long.

So you are gonna ride in here and demand that I never add levity to my posts again? I refuse.

Ok take care of yourself.

 

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