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Anna ricci

Can’t get over him, he betrayed me.

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I’m inlove with my first cousin for 2 yrs now 😔 been depressed a lot i have no one to share this pain with cause i think it’s too embarrassing. Where do i start.. i’m 27 he is 25 yes he is younger than me. First met him In our teens he was 14 i was 16 in our my hometown, i grew up abroad, went back to our hometown to study for college, that’s how i met him.. he was really quite, shy type boy, he doesn’t talk that much when i first met him, He was from a broken family, maybe thats why i was so protective and caring when it comes to him as a big sister. So me and my elder sister and brother were living in our grandma’s house while studying for college,  he often comes to visit us everytime cause he enjoys bonding with us untill he graduated hs and started living with us too for college. His father was so against it cause he doesn't understand why does he have to live with us when he has his own place he said he just loved living with us, but anyway he let him. We became really really close, like how any other cousin sibblings are, we’ve shared secrets and stuff, i know all the girls he dated. After i graduated college i had to go back to my parents abroad so i could work. But we did still keep in touch, but not that much. After 3 years decided to take a break from work and took 1month leave, so went back to my hometown to visit my family. I was really happy to see him so as he, but he was so diff. From the lil bro i knew. he became alcoholic, smoker and playerboy like his father. I felt sad that he became that way, he always told me how much he doesn’t want to become like his father. But even though both of us changed a lot our bond still was the same. I could still share all my problems and secrets with him, i could trust him. He was my  bestfriend. He shared to me that he was from a recent broke up with his gf who he wanted to marry. He was so down and depressed, so i invited him and my other cousins  to my outings since it was my vacay and that atleast he could unwind from his problem. We enjoyed a lot, i comforted him everytime he felt sad, and that were it all started. Just stupid. I noticed he was getting weird to me, acting diff., i ignored it at first., untill he became protective to me, i know him when he likes a girl, he doesn’t hide his feelings when he likes someone. Even my other cousins starts to notice it. So i was so embarrased that they might talk about us. so i started ignoring him. He got mad at me for ignoring him. I remember I only have a week left on my vacay for to fly back for work, he told me wanted to meet me before i leave. I wanted to say no. I was so scared that he might confess, but he begged, so i said yes. We met and talked, he asked why was i ignoring him, and does he make me uncomfortable, i told him the truth, i did, cause other people started talking about us. And he said he said that he didnt care, and he shared his feelings for me. He told me he liked me for a long time. That i was the reason why he lived with us on our college days. But he kept it, and now is his chance to confess, he said he will wait for me. I went back abroad, we kept in touch and yeah we started dating, after 4 months of LDR, he told me it wasnt working, he wanted to break up with me and that our family might get mad that no one is gonna approve on on our relationship bla bla, it really tore me really apart, it wasnt my first heart break but, for with him it was a lot more painful i mean he was someone i know so much, i mean he is my cousin my best friend like how im i gonna face him again. And i was sure that after the break up our friendship will be broken. And it was so easy for him to break up with me. The stupidiest i ever done was begged for him not to..i kept calling texting him with no single reply, got tired so i stopped. then after 2 weeks on my birthday he changed his cover photo with his new gf. Like my god on my birthday like...seriously. How could he, i felt that his love for me was a freakn lie,like i was just a rebound from his break up... so i tried my best to move on from him, met a new guy we dated who really liked a lot. A yr after my other female cousin was getting married so she invited me. I wasn't feeling it cause i know i was gonna see him. But i had no choice, so i took a flight back, and yeah i saw him, we said hi to each other like nothing happened haha, i heard from my other cousin that he and his gf just broken up. It was so annoying that we had to sleep in one house for the wedding preparation. I find it awkward everytime we’re in the same room. I kept it cool. I didnt want my other cousins to notice since all of us know how close the two of us were. I didnt want to be left alone with him in one room, so he kept texting me like why are you ignoring me and can you talk to me, and that he was sorry and he missed me a lot. I just keep ignoring his text msgs. I knew i had a great bf but i was so annoyed that i kept thinking bout my cousin, i knew my feelings for my cousin was still there. I also missed him so much. but i was still mad for what he did for me. And now he misses me?? And he just broke up with his gf.. i told my self to ignore him, i didn’t wanted to be a rebound like what he did last time. finally the wedding was over, so i decided to book a hotel, cause i didnt wanted to stay longer in my grandma’s house with them. So i was out going back to my hotel and he was there waiting for me, he said he wanted to talk, so went out for a talk, then he pulled and started kissing me and ugh i kissed him back It felt just right like he was my soulmate, then i rememberd my bf so pushed him started crying. Told him i was seeing someone, he said he knows but still wants a 2nd chance he said he knows that i still have feelings for him and he still feels the same. i went back to the hotel, kept crying.. cause i know how much i loved my cousin, it was annoying me, i know it wasnt gonna work, like my family wont approve it. And how can i forget what he did to me. but i was crazy i called my bf and broke up with him.. decided to get back with my cousin.. we dated been intimate.. i was madly inlove with him. We hid our relationship. which made me sad. But i was thinking as long as were together then we will keep it a secret. After 1 month i had to go back to work, which made me hate it i didnt want to be apart from him, He told me he will look for a job in my place. The first 3 months of our ldr was doing just fine, we kept in touch everyday, while still waiting for a him to get a job near me, untill one morning i opened my fb my other guy cousin posted picture, and he was with him with his ex girfriend. I felt so betrayed he lied to me, he told me they were over, i asked my other guy cousin, he told me that he got back with his ex after the wedding. So he was damn to timing me with this girl. So i broke up with him. He said it wasnt true, that he only met up once, the girl wanted to get back with him. I couldnt heat anything, i just felt broken, He was damn evil. i hate my self so much for making the worst decision ever. Giving him a second chance. I risked a lot for him, i was ready to be disowned by my family for him. Now i end up broken, and its been 10months still cant forget him and what he did. I dont know if i’ll ever fall in love again. i feel so disgusted with myself. So depressed... i need help. need some advice on how to move on with him and end this pain.

Edited by Anna ricci

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Dear Anna ricci,

Wow, you've been through a lot with your cousin.  It sounds to me like he's a womanizer and a cheater, just from what you've written.  Heart break like that is hard.  Maybe he does love you, but maybe he loves access to other women more.  Maybe he's just not ready to settle down to one woman, and maybe he never will be.

You two will always be cousins, but I suggest you make an effort to cut him out of your life as much as possible.  

My life experience has shown me that one makes a choice to fall in love, albeit a subconscious choice.  You need to perhaps, look inside yourself, and see if you can figure out what made you fall in love with him, and then decide that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, and hopefully, that will help you to fall out of love with him, and forget him.

I am so sorry for your heart break. I've had bad heart break and I know how tough it can be.

Take Care,

Ambra

 

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