• Announcements

    • KC

      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
AnonyCouple_him

Sharing Feelings with a Cousin

63 posts in this topic

[glow=green,2,300]How To Share Your Feelings w\Your Cousin?(If You're Having Trouble)![/glow]


?[glow=green,2,300]But cousin love is a strange and intense one at that! If "love at first sight" were ever to be true, it would have to be referring to cousins, the most![/glow]?

  MySecret  (CC.com member)      (http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2621.msg23319.html#msg23319)


Cousin-love is indeed the most AMAZING, intense love anyone has ever felt.

Why?  We may never be able to fully understand it enough to answer that question.

But, one thing is certain?A love  that REALLY moves your heart is worth fighting for!  If you find yourself held back by fear, here's some inspiration:

  • "Life is not a rehearsal" (Tremain, Rose); We often get only one bite at the apple...SO TAKE A BITE ALREADY! :-)
  • We often regret the things we didn't do...NOT what we did.
  • Your cousin may TRULY need you as much, or more, than you need him or her...Don't leave them in the cold.
  • (The romance of someone you/your cousin really knows, and can truly trust, is more peaceful than that of a complete stranger)

     

For some, telling your cousin you love them may seem like a scary thing at first.

Most of the fear comes from being aware of the preconceived notions that most people (mostly Americans) have against cousins falling in love.

The GREATEST SOLUTION to dispelling those preconceived notions?and the fear created by them?is to know the TRUTH!

[glow=red,2,300]Be ARMED with the FACTS[/glow]

  Never go in "empty-handed"...

      (Here are the links to some of the BEST information you can  find)

(Many rejections of love by another cousin, in America, seem to have been caused to the "ick" factor.

Without INFORMATION & FACTS to show them otherwise...the other cousin may not get past thinking that having romantic feelings for a cousin is wrong.  :cry:

However, many successes have come from sharing the FACTS with the cousin being approached! :ok: )








Sharing your feelings with your cousin isn't hard for everybody.  But, if YOU are finding it difficult, or don't know where to start, then here are some...

[glow=blue,2,300]...Things to consider if you're having trouble telling your cousin about your romantic feelings:[/glow]

[glow=yellow,2,300]THIS IS IMPORTANT[/glow]?[glow=green,2,300]Let?s do it right[/glow]!

The bond you have with your cousin is worth preserving, so it?s important to share your feelings with your cousin in such a way that your friendship will remain intact, regardless of how he or she chooses to handle your feelings for them.

Here are a few wise words about cousin-relationships:

  • "[glow=green,2,300]What separates them and makes them different or "special" is that they've often known one another a lot longer than the average couple and they have that involuntary familial bond - the "for better or worse" part is there forever even when they don't end up married.[/glow]"

            ColoradoMarried  (CC.com member)      (http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,1602.msg16212/topicseen.html#msg16212)

There are many ways to share your feelings?

What is being offered here are simple tips...[glow=red,2,300]This is NOT not an exact prescription[/glow].

(But, there are great examples, mentioned at the bottom of this article, of successful scenarios from some of our happy cousin-couples, here on cousinCouples.com!)

[glow=red,2,300]1.[/glow]      [glow=yellow,2,300]Educate[/glow] your cousin on the [glow=red,2,300]FACTS[/glow]

    a.      THIS CANNOT BE EMPHASIZED ENOUGH?

    b.      If YOUR cousin thinks it?s ?wrong? for two cousins to have romantic ?feelings? for one another then he or she will most likely have DIFFICULTY accepting the feelings YOU have for them.

    c.        The greatest cure for this problem of non-acceptance is education!

[glow=red,2,300]2.[/glow]      [glow=green,2,300]Re-assure them[/glow] of the value you put on your [glow=green,2,300]friendship[/glow]

    a.        Let them know that no matter choose to do, or  how they choose to handle your feelings for them?You don?t want to EVER lose  the current BOND\FRIENDSHIP that you both have for one another.

    b.        Assure them that you will still remain their friend, and that you will NOT let your feelings for them become an issue.

[glow=red,2,300]3.[/glow]      [glow=green,2,300]Allow[/glow] them to say ?[glow=yellow,2,300]no[/glow]? to you

    a.      ?No? is not the end?often, it?s just the beginning.

    b.      Many cousins have had their significant other (cousin) ?no?, or ?I don?t feel the same way?, at first.  (Patience and staying true to their word about honoring the existing BOND between them, paid off!)

    c.        Give your cousin time to let it all sink in?Don?t they deserve that much?

[glow=red,2,300]4.[/glow]    [glow=green,2,300]Allow[/glow] them some [glow=green,2,300]space to think[/glow]

    a.        Don?t crowd them, or hurry their decision?it?s THEIR decision! :-)

    b.        Give your cousin some space and time until they are ready, until they are READY to address the situation...They need time to think about things and re-evaluate how they might really feel about you.

    c.        Asking them how long they need might be good.

[glow=red,2,300]5.[/glow]      But, [glow=red,2,300]Don?t[/glow] [glow=yellow,2,300]abandon them[/glow]

    a.        Getting scared after sharing your feelings is a BAD idea?Don?t do it.

    b.        Be confident in the knowledge that you have done NOTHING WRONG?it's okay that YOU LOVE THEM!

    c.        Stand your ground?and do it with LOVE!

[glow=red,2,300]6.[/glow]      And, [glow=red,2,300]Don?t[/glow] [glow=yellow,2,300]change[/glow] how you interact with  them

    a.        Not changing how you communicate or act around them will offer assurance, and PROOF, that no matter what, you will be the same cousin that they have come to love?even if they don?t realize how much they love you :-)

    b.        Continue your joking, caring, and all of the other things you have been doing until now?THEY NEED THAT!

    c.        They will know that you have feelings for them and that you want them to understand that if they don't return the same feelings that it is [glow=green,2,300]ok[/glow] for them to feel that way. You are not demanding that they have to return the same feelings. :wink:

[glow=red,2,300]7.[/glow]      [glow=red,2,300]Never[/glow] [glow=yellow,2,300]apologize for your feelings[/glow]

    a.      Apologizing for how you feel is a way of backing down.  It?s like saying ?I made a mistake??Don?t do that!

    b.      You can say ?I?m sorry for how this made you feel.??but NEVER apologize for having the feelings that you do.

    c.      It?s best to remind them that it would NOT have been fair for you to keep your feelings a secret from them.

Read these success  stories:

http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,1944.msg20864.html#msg20864

      (notice that the FACTS were shared with her FIRST...and they have done the same with ALL of their family and friends)

<MORE STORIES TO BE POSTED...SOON>

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

[glow=yellow,2,300]MORE COMPLETE LIST OF RESOURCES...to share with others:[/glow]

(Read them for yourself first...never share what you haven't read)

Remember...

Everybody who has a "problem" with a cousin relationship--[glow=red,2,300]including any of the cousins themselves[/glow]--probably needs to be "educated" on the TRUTH about the topic.

Dating A Cousin:

Christian Perspective:

Genetics:

(Scientists say that there is really NO SIGNIFICANT risk in birth defects.  They are virtually unrelated)

Media:

USA State Laws:

What is provided above deals with 1st cousin relationships, mostly...(the most questioned)

Some of it does mention 2nd cousins as well...But, it's not necessary, because, 2nd cousins are EVEN LESS RELATED...Consequently, they are even more okay! :-)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Testing The Waters"

You can "test the waters" yourself before diving in...Simply say things like:

  • You know...We DO make a great couple! :-)   (smile really big, and/or laugh)
  • I wouldn't mind dating you...If you weren't my cousin. (key phrase)
  • Would you date a guy like me...If you weren't my cousin?
  • How would you rate me, on a scale of 1 to 10...If you weren't my cousin?
  • (If they compliment you) Are you flirting with me? :-)  (another REALLY big smile)

If you get positive results, then look for ways to approach the topic of how you feel, or keep dropping hints about how you feel until you feel confident enough to tell her DIRECTLY.

God speed! ;-)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here are the links to reference each of the above messages, directly

(...for the purpose of sharing this with other people on this site)

Main Post: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2663.msg23587.html#msg23587

More Success Stories: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2663.msg23677.html#msg23677

More Informational Resources: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2663.msg23712.html#msg23712

Testing The Waters: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2663.msg23743.html#msg23743

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The following information can be found in one the links above, but I felt like it needed to be [glow=yellow,2,300]highlighted[/glow]:

(http://www.ehow.com/how_2064394_date-cousin.html)


How to Date a Cousin

For some who find themselves deeply in love with a first cousin, they must contend with the aura of taboo surrounding a cousin relationship. Although it is legal to marry your first cousin in Europe, Canada and in 26 states, many people are prejudiced against such unions. The romantic cousin relationship can be one of passion and shared values, but it brings special stresses to courtship.

Difficulty: Challenging Instructions

Step 1: [glow=green,2,300]Approach your cousin gently and tell her your feelings.[/glow] Chances are, you have some knowledge that the attraction is mutual. If she is uncertain, don't be pushy. You will always have a relationship with her, so time is on your side.

Step 2: [glow=yellow,2,300]Take it slow.[/glow] Holding off on intimacy until you have established a solid foundation is especially necessary when dating a first cousin. Should the two of you decide that the relationship is not going to work out, there will be fewer hard feelings.

Step 3: Be honest but discreet about the first cousin relationship. You should not lie to your family, but neither is there a need for full disclosure, especially in the beginning. Allow your families to witness that the two of you are close before making an announcement.

Step 4: [glow=green,2,300]Show that you are proud of your feelings.[/glow] If you love him, there is no reason to hide from the world. Cousins have been getting married since time immemorial. Radiating confidence proves to others that there is nothing "icky" about a relationship with a first cousin.

Step 5: [glow=red,2,300]Do some research about first cousin relationships.[/glow] [glow=green,2,300]This will come in handy when discussing it with friends and family.[/glow] For instance, you might want to point out that the risk of genetic disease in children of first cousins is much lower than previously thought. Also, that Charles Darwin married his first cousin.

Step 6: [glow=green,2,300]Give your family time to come around to the idea.[/glow] [glow=yellow,2,300]As you establish yourselves as a couple, you may run into fear and resentment.[/glow] But if your relationship is strong and you want to continue, do so. [glow=green,2,300]Your family will have a hard time condemning a loving relationship.[/glow]

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have to agree and disagree with this post.

4.    Allow them some space to think

7.      Never apologize for your feelings

Agree! Your reasons are already good.

2.      Re-assure them of the  value you put on your friendship

6.      And, Don?t change how you interact  with  them

The problem with this is that love is not about friendship. Ok, it's about support, and caring about your partner, but that's different. If you're really serious about romance, my advice is forget about mere friendship and entertain only two possibilities: romance or nothing. If they reject you and make very clear they don't like your advances, don't wait around and say, "I'm your friend. It's ok." That's a great way to never get anywhere. Just leave, break off contact, and try again later after a good while.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

khin,

I appreciate your feedback...

Numbers 2 and 6 assumes the person sharing their feelings IS having trouble sharing their feelings because they DON'T want to lose the wonderful relationship they currently share with their cousin.

If someone is able to "Just leave" and "break off contact", then they probably won't be reading this article with the same level of NEED as the person who, quite frankly, is AFRAID of losing the one person in their life that truly makes them happy.

(The validity of that fear becomes reduced if they share the FACTS at the time of the disclosure of their feelings)

While I can understand WHY you suggested what you did...I see the approach you mention here more like "emotional blackmail."

(To withhold your friendship--and love IS about friendship too--until the other person "gives in," is an action that would be seen as unhealthy and manipulative among current psychological groups.)

Sincerely,

Mark

I have to agree and disagree with this post.

4.    Allow them some space to think

7.      Never apologize for your feelings

Agree! Your reasons are already good.

2.      Re-assure them of the  value you put on your friendship

6.      And, Don?t change how you interact  with  them

The problem with this is that love is not about friendship. Ok, it's about support, and caring about your partner, but that's different. If you're really serious about romance, my advice is forget about mere friendship and entertain only two possibilities: romance or nothing. If they reject you and make very clear they don't like your advances, don't wait around and say, "I'm your friend. It's ok." That's a great way to never get anywhere. Just leave, break off contact, and try again later after a good while.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah my favorite cousin, and hence my cousin love broke off communication with me, and took back the I love you too. Blamed it on shock. I realize we are both married, and that probably had a lot to do with it, but I wanted him to know that he was special to me, even though I never had the guts to tell him before. So what do you do when they don't want to ever talk to you again? Just wait? I want my friend back. =( This sucks. I feel like he betrayed our family connection by in affect disowning me. And how on earth did I merit that just from sharing my feelings for him? I didn't actually DO anything. I'm trying not to but I feel angry, hurt, and betrayed. He is still my family, but he acts like he's not. What are the odds that this will ever change? I kind of wish I hadn't told him. At least I'd still have my buddy.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

God can fix any situation...

Just keep praying for God to soften his heart with forgiveness and compassion, and wait & see what the Lord can do ;-)

-Mark

Yeah my favorite cousin, and hence my cousin love broke off communication with me, and took back the I love you too. Blamed it on shock. I realize we are both married, and that probably had a lot to do with it, but I wanted him to know that he was special to me, even though I never had the guts to tell him before. So what do you do when they don't want to ever talk to you again? Just wait? I want my friend back. =( This sucks. I feel like he betrayed our family connection by in affect disowning me. And how on earth did I merit that just from sharing my feelings for him? I didn't actually DO anything. I'm trying not to but I feel angry, hurt, and betrayed. He is still my family, but he acts like he's not. What are the odds that this will ever change? I kind of wish I hadn't told him. At least I'd still have my buddy.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Mark just wanted you to know that I'm still waiting and still praying. I'm coming up on an event that I was supposed to attend with him, and I'm very depressed about going now. Trying to get into the right frame of mind so I can at least enjoy it. I'm still hurting. I have cried every day for the last 3 months.

This cousin is as much a part of me as an arm or a leg. We've been close since we were babies. We are 360 days apart, and were raised together. He was my little duck who followed me everywhere. He was almost like my twin. I am miserable. I want my cousin back. Let our entire family chaperon us if they need to I don't care. I just want/need him in my life. On a positive note my Aunt talks to me about once a week so I do thank God for that. I really miss my buddy. =( I don't care if they have to sew my frigging legs together! Or have my sex removed completely! We never did anything. I just shared that I had feelings for him. ARGH.  I just want him back in my life! I need a hug lol.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

WOW ... I thought I was the first guy to have feelings for his first cousin!!

Wrong again huh ?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

don't forget to flirt a little first, no matter how strong your feelings its best to test the waters first, as with any potential relationship.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am really confused and want to not mess up a situation. I currently have very strong feelings for my second cousin. I am 46, she is 35.We have always been very close and have always cared deeply for one another but these  romantic feeling really started to surface in the last two years. We have so very much in common, but I never pursued the feelings I felt beyond the love as my cousin I felt for her. We have both been through a lot of the same problems in life so we have always leaned on each other and have always been able to talk to each other about anything. We have always been incredibly close. I visited her about 2 months ago and she was feeling really down about recently finding her grandmother (my aunt) being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We both have in the last few years lost our mothers about the same time (her mom was my 1st cousin), and both lost a spouse about the same time 3 years ago. We were there for each other as always and helped each other through these times. We have in the past both had bouts with depressing and substance abuse. I lost my father to Alzheimer's 10 years ago so we have shared some tough situations and understand each other very much. She was hurting and one thing led to another as we talked and i tried to comfort her. we started out just hugging and it led to kissing then finally sleeping together. Two weeks later when I visited we were intimate again just talking,cuddling and kissing ,but short of sex. We have this incedible connection and I love her dearly as cousin but also so strongly romantically. We talk on the phone daily. We live about 350 miles apart.I have loved her so much from the time she was a little girl and I don't want to loose that but I love her so much romantically as well. There is no one on earth outside immediate family I love more.I really want this to work but am so afraid it could affect the friendship we've had for so many years. She doesn't deny feeling this way about me but is afraid of family disproval. I don't care. I truly love her and want to be there for her and be with her. How can I delicately handle this without jeopardizing the close friendship and bond we share. I will be seeing her again this weekend. I want this so much and I believe she does as well but how should I procede? I don't think it can be wrong for two people to love each other this much.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

jdt, I don't have any answer for you at this time.

I mainly wanted to point that if her mom was your first cousin, then you are first cousins once removed not second cousins.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you Romalee. I wasn't sure how that once removed stuff works but it doesn't change the situation or my feelings. I thought, until discovering this site, that me and my cousin were the only ones this had ever come up between. I really need some advise from people with experience in this situation. I truly love my cousin more than anything or anyone on earth. I absolutely adored her when she was a little girl, she has been my best friend for many years as an adult and I've been in love with her for a few years now. I want this love to continue but I would die if it affected our lifelong friendship. I need advise from people who have experienced this and been able to preseve both love and friendship. Thank you.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe try posting in the shoot the breeze or help/advice section.

Those are read more often.

Hope you get the help you seek to help you.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey.

I just wanted to let you know.

Your god.

Thanks for sharing this.  :girl_haha:

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry guys, but I already broke some of these rules. Not when telling her I'm "in love" with her thank goodness, but in an overall relationship. Yeah....

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aw honey - I wouldn't worry about it :). In fact - don't worry about it. Most people don't even have a clue who their third cousins even are! I think you're just fine there.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor