soulfighter

Pls. help me :cry:

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:cry:

Yesterday, I talked to my cousin through cellphone. I want him back in my life, I want the old happy us to be back again. I just wanted to ask him how he was doing, but to him I am just now a nuisance. He said the most horrible things you can ever imagine learning from the person you love the most. He blames me now for everything that has happened to us in the past, how we were, how I've hold him and how we kissed. He told me I was beginning to get crazy, that I was the only one running after him. That I have no shame. He told me it was only my own doing. That he was only a man, and I'm a woman. He does not have anything to do with everything, it was only my hallucinating everything for us. And that if our family knew, he'd be afraid because he respects our family, and we being together will only cause an embarrassment in the family. But the most biggest reasons why he does not want to be with me is because he does not love me.

So even after how many times I did everything to make him stay, I have finally decided to let him go and move on for good. I decided to close the doors for good. And that I will not disturb his peace anymore. I HOPE I Am DOING THE RIGHT THING. PLS. HELP ME HOW TO MOVE ON WITHOUT RUINING MYSELF. I know to myself if I listen to what I'm saying, I sounded like a obssessive-crazy person running after her first cousin because I'm madly in love with him.

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soul fighter,

you sound like a person going through a break up, not a crazy person. the best thing to do is let him be. I've had to do this, myself. It's not easy but you'll survive without him. i'm sure you'll still feel a certain way about him but it's best to let him be. If he contacts you fine but keep it short and simple. When I went through this with my cousin is that I threw myself into anything and everything I could think of. Sports, college, hanging out with friends, traveling here and there around the city. IT DOES GET BETTER. If you feel like calling him and texting him don't. When I wanted to call or text my cousin, I would write out what I wanted to say and wait ten minutes. If I felt it was important enough, i'd send it. If I felt I could go on without it  and it was something that I hadn't said to him before I would said it. If it got too bad for me i'd have to start counting and just focusing on numbers like starting from 100 and working my way down. 100, 99, 98. if I thought about him i'd stop and start over. I also focused on what was infront of me. I've had to do this for a while before I started to feel better. If I felt like I needed some help I would go see a friend. it's going to be ok. JUST BREATHE and focus on you. Also, if you have pictures of each other just remove them for the time being.  If you need some one to talk to we are here for you!

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I'm going through the same thing, My 2nd cousin and i were together a lil short of a year, we were engaged, planning our future together. But i had done alittle flirting on the side and he found out. I never cheated just talked a lil more than i should've, honestly i don't know why i did it. He lost a lot of love and respect for me, but most of all trust. Things got way different and i realized he didn't want to hold on but i did. So i broke it off with him, i hve been the one upset and feel like death for the past two weeks, while him in two weeks has realized how happy he was with me, fell out of love with me, infact he states he doesn't love me at all, and he doesn't care about me at all. He has gotten a new girlfriend who has a child, when he didn't even want children, and she lives in his development. The only thing that came out of it good is my families happy cause i'm not dating someone they never excepted. I've been mad, sad, and now mad again. I hate my family for i feel this is all there fault cause they prayed we wouldn't be together and never treated us like normal people. This is the worst pain i've ever been in, i've never loved someone so much, never. and btw he's 22 and i'm 20.

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Pwitty93 That's kind of funny in the sense that my cousin didn't want kids either and now he's dating some woman with 2 of them. but I feel your pain. It will get better eventually. just try to stay busy. honestly he probably does love you but the feeling he had is replaced with anger and pain more than anything. that girl is a rebound. regardless. Let him do what he needs to do . If it's meant to be he'll come back if not. wish him the best and move on... DO NOT sit and wait for him though.

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Thanks for your concerns. i just can't get over asking myself why he has to say all those painful things to me like he's exactly the opposite of the person I knew. He bad mouth me. And the worst part is telling me he does not love me at all. And I can't seem to accept it, because when we were together before, I can feel that he really loved me by the way he treated me, its not just me. We kissed before, and he let it happen, now he's throwing it to me like it's my fault and its all because of my own doing, i was the only one kissing him like that, it really bugs me because I really felt a mutual connection, and i think he's lying to himself because he's afraid. He's afraid if our family would find out and the shame we will place our family and he sees that its wrong for us to be together because we're cousins. So what he did was hurt me, insisting me that he does not love me the way I want him to love me, I think it's his way to escape everything, because to him what's the point of telling me if he will stilk only end it? Atleast that's what I interpret it, but I don't want to assume either. Even if it's true, what else can I do if he doesn't want it anymore? He just want me to forget. And for not having anything else to do anymore, I just told him goodbye, i said, "I NEED A LOT OF TIME TO LET YOU GO AND MOVE ON. I JUST WISH AND I PRAY THAT SOMEDAY I WILL MEET A GUY WHO WILL LOVE ME THE WAY I WILL LOVE HIM, WHO KNOWS HOW TO TREAT ME RIGHT. WHO IS AFRAID TO LET GO. AND IS MORE AFRAID TO LET ME GO." That's all i can say, like I've finally given up. And its thr only way i can defend myself from defeat, hoping for something that has not yet to come. I just let God to be my guide now, I know he still have plans for me. I'M COUNTING ON IT, AND I JUST HOPE IT WILL REALLY BE WORTH IT.

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Thank you so much Caro, I'm trying very hard. This Friday will be a month since the break up and so far nothings been easier. As for you Soulfighter, i wish you the best.

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Pwitty,

It took me around almost 6 months before I came close to being myself again. 3 months to start sleeping decent... My best advice is just to completely lose yourself and keep yourself busy with activities and surround yourself with people that love you... Just know that something better will come along.

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I find physical activity helps a great deal. I know it is really hard to get motivated to go and do something strenuous when you're feeling down, but I guarantee that you that after a strenuous workout you'll come away feeling much better and happier than you were before. Even if you don't get that great feeling, at least you're doing your body a favour  :wink:

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