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Im sorry if this is a long story.

Throughout my childhood I always met my cousin every summer vacay and he was like a best friend. During our teens we lost contact then we started talking on facebook for a year and discovered that we had feelings for each other.That summer of that year we were both 18, we reunited in our homeland(we both live in diff countries) and we were both so happy and excited ,he would always message me and ask where I was so he would come see me. Even just talking to each other we were so happy and our convos would never end in family gatherings and eventually our families knew. Both of us are not religious because I was born and raised in canada and he was born and raised in france but our families in our country were, so they wouldnt let us be alone together or even talk. even though we both knew it was forbidden(no relationships before marriage), we still kissed and made out every time we had the chance and we were alone. Summer ended and he went back to france and i came back to canada, we promised we will keep in touch and that he will come to canada and we will get married, he talked about it to his father ( my uncle), that was the plan.

When I came back to canada it was my first year in uni, i met guys and dated a few and i partied alot and eventually  i broke up with him. He never gave up he would always try to call me , message me and tell me he would give me a second chance. I knew I loved him deep down and  was the only guy i loved, my first kiss and everything but i was denying it and i was convinced he would never come and tht he cheated on me cause he was always telling me and sending me screen shot of girls that want him. He kept messaging me for two years to keep in touch and i never messaged him first he always did, but when he did it meant the world to me. Fast forward two years of being apart, we were both 20, he decided to get married and he did to a french girl. I heard from my mum not him. A part of me died when i heard the news because i thought somehow we will eventually end up together.During his marriage he would still message me telling me he still has feelings for me and asked me to never lose contact with him ,to never forget himm, and that he will visit canada (cuz he worked and has enough money saved) and that if i get married he doesnt want to hear it and he wished i was his wife but he would also tell me he is happy with his wife.fast forward 2 yer later, our grandmother passed away, me and him messaged each other and it helped us heal together then he started telling me that he misses me. I am happy for him that he is happy but now i have to look after myself, i still only want him and i havent even kissed or been with a guy for years cuz i only think of him.I decided to block him of all social media,  i know it will hurt him but he moved on i didnt, i need to help myself now, is that selfish of me? i hate keeping in touch with him becaause he always starts talking about our past and at times he would get frustrated and tell me its my fault that we didnt work out and we would have been so happy together. i hate and i cant hear that thats why i blocked him. i hope he understands.

its been 4 years since i saw him but i love him that as much as that first time and i always think about the maagical moments we had together, is it possible i will move on like he did?

i feel like i want to explode because i cant talk to anyone about it

 

Edited by mariamm

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Hey thanks for your supportt !!

and YES!! my mum ALWAYS updates me  about how he is happy and successful he is with his frenchie wife ( she doesnt know what happened) and i have to act liikke idc but inside i have mixed emotions. but atleast its good to know i will never see him again in my life.

Gurl at least yours isnt married, i know this will sounds cheesy but it helps keep me with finding self- peace, if its meant to be the universe will work it ways to make it happen.

 i guess now that i blocked him completely from my life its easier.

 

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