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re-united after 20 years - are we moving too fast?

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I will try to keep this short :) As you read thru, know that i am looking for advise. 

We are first cousins, My mother, is his fathers sibling. We are in our early 30's. I have been married but now divorced mother of 2 young children, he is never married no children. We live in 2 different states, 2500+ miles away.

We were both very close growing up, spending all our summers together, as we lived in two different states, till we were 14ish. During this time we formed a bond, he was there for me in ways that simply cant be understood by most. We had a very "friendly" grandpa and  I was his "favorite"  for almost 15 years. Our last summer together, we would stay up late talking about how we wanted to run away together, how we wished we weren't related, yes we were young but there was something there for both us.

His parents divorced that summer and with that we slowly drifted apart.

Fast forward 20 years. 

I am sitting on my couch, having a glass of wine, just put my kids down for bed, when i my phone starts to go off. It is messages from him. He found me via social media. We texted that night for over 4 hours. Like no time had passed, filling each other in on the missing 20 years, towards the end, he asks if he can be open with me. I of course say yes, To which, he simple says, for the last 20+ years you have always been my first thought when i wake up in the morning, i picture your smile and how you always seemed to be "my safe place", i no longer think what we have is wrong. I paused for a few minutes re reading this over and over. I simply replied, you took the words right out of my mouth. As, i grew up i would always ask my mom if she knew where he was, how he was doing etc and she had also lost contact with her brother, so she did not know.

We continued to text for several weeks, then mid text one night he facetime'd me, he said he had to see my face, my smile, hear my voice, we spent the next 4 hours, smiling, crying, talking about what we have been searching for in life partners, but in the end, no of them compared to each other. His voice, smile, and how we could end each others sentences, how we know each other like no other.... it led to us sharing a  intimate moment together via facetime of all things lol

We talk and text everyday, He is on my mind even more now then before. Last night he told me, there is no one else for him, but me, And i feel the same. He told me he will give up everything, we can move to a state that will legally let us be a family, start a new together. I cried, that is what i want more then anything. My kids father is completely out of the picture, so me moving is not an issue and our employers will let us work from any location. But i know doing this, i will loose my extended family. That is my only pause. but i feel like this is our chance to finely be happy. we have both been thru so much, no one else can understand.

I just booked a trip to spend a week with him at his place, as a first step. Since i am mother first, i need to move slowly my children come first in all things. But at the same time, we feel robed of 20 years and dont want to miss anymore time. Our close friends will understand, we are both very open minded people and so are our close friends. A very, you do what ever makes you happy, social norms or not.  He wants me to meet his best friend the first day i am there, not as his cousin, but his partner who just happens to also be his cousin.

Part of me still thinks, no one can know we are related we dont look alike at all so this should be easy, what will people say, we both want more kids, what happens if we have children together.. my mind is running thru a million things at once. But when i take a deep breath, i know this is simply not a lust issue, there is something there, something neither one of use can explain. 

1) Is it OK to feel as we do?

2) Are we moving too fast? Or should we just let this flow as it will?

3) How can we navigate coming out to family? Knowing we will most likely be shunned.


I am scared, scared that this may come out and the backlash from our families and society but even more scared to spend anymore time without him by my side......




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Yours is a great story! Congratulations!  Finding love is always a blessing !

It certainly is okay to feel as you do.  Cousin marriage is okay in the Bible, see the Book of Leviticus, and read the parts of this website that may address that question for you.

You are probably not moving too fast, but of course, continue to be aware of your children and how this all affects them :)

Again, read things on this website to address your third question.  There are some items posted at the top of the forums that will help you with that.

Read posts by other people and as much of the website material that you can.  Families can be somewhat difficult to deal with, but neither of you are teenagers, and your family should be respecting that you're adults, living your own lives at this point.

Don't just walk away from this love because of the potential difficulties.  Life is short and you will probably never forget your great cousin love.  He has certainly not forgotten you over these years.

We have cousin married couples on this board, like Romalee, LadyC, and others who I forget, that have been married to their cousins for a long time. 

We also have widows and widowers who lost their cousin-spouse, and now long to see them, once they join the afterlife.  Me included.  My cousin-love died 34 years ago this year, and I have never forgotten him, and still long to be with him, which I hope to accomplish once I move on to the afterlife.

Treasure your love and take care !




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