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What direction should our relationship take

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Hi, It's my first time here in the forum?.

First of all, I want to thank everyone who advice other couples to make their relationships work. I guess sometimes you don't know how much you help some folks here.. Secondly, I want to say that English is not my native language (I'm from Brazil), hope that's not a big deal.

So, I have been an anonymous forum user for 3 months now. I found the site while googling if cousins could ever be romantically involved, for my surprise they can??.. 

My situation is: I am 16 and my cousin (female) is 14, we are in a relationship for 2 months now, we are in a stage where it's pretty common for the "love you" texts, and for kisses. But as you might have already realized, we are too young, so family gets in our way and we are not ready to tell them.

She is the sweetest girl in the world and I really like her, but here is my first problem, I am planning to go to England and enroll in a Math Major by the end of this year.. I won't abandon my dreams of studying abroad for staying with my cousin, or at least I plan not to?.

My second problem has to do with my cousin insecurity, I am her first 'boyfriend' and neither of us is experienced in these matters. So, sometimes she asks me if I wouldn't like to be with other girls instead of her or if I am going out with other woman.

I really wished I could be clear with her, I cannot think of anyone else but her. But I don't know how to prove her that. This gets even worse with the fact that our relationship may not stand the distance after I leave Brazil next year.. sometimes I think it's so difficult to be happy with my cousin, but I do love her and we definitely enjoy most of our time together.

Should I continue with what we have and see where life take us? Should I sit with her and try to make her more comfortable with me? Or... Should I break this relationship before our bonds get to strong? (I don't think I can do that, but I don't want to hurt her feelings later on)

Edited by AlmostaCouple

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Hi AlmostaCouple,

I do NOT think that you should break the relationship.  I think it would break her heart, and your heart.  You want to keep the relationship relaxed and loose, if at all possible.  That doesn't mean things won't get difficult at times, but that is better than breaking her heart.

It sounds like you and your cousin love each other, or have a strong attraction for one another.  And you have to try and think of the big picture in life with her.  If you break her heart now, that may very well be something you cannot take back, especially down the road in 5 years when you still find yourself wanting to be with her.

Keep things loose.  If one of you wanders away from one another and dates someone else for awhile, realize that you're both still so young, and you're both exploring life still.  However, that does not mean that in 5 years you won't still love your cousin.  

You and your cousin and probably friends now too, and you also have the cousin relationship, and that cousin relationship will never go away, no matter what you and her do in the future.

As for her insecurities, all you can do is prove your love and your character by being there for her, as much as you can.  Life has bumps, but always leave the door open, because down the road, you two might find the right time to build a stronger, more permanent relationship.

You might also find that you can do the long-distance romance thing pretty well, and that will sustain the two of you for the most part.  You need to take this one step at a time, keeping the big picture in mind.  Because a love like yours, as it appears to be to me, will not go away in the years to come most likely.

We have stories of cousin-couples on this board who marry a non-cousin, but then years later, find themselves wanting to get back together with that cousin-love often from those teen years, as with you two.  

Listen to your hearts, and do the best you can.

Take Care




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Thanks for the response, I really apreciate. I think you are right, I will just try my best to make her happy, I'll probably be okay too. In fact we are to young and I would completely understand if she wants to date someone else (though this is unlikely).

For now, we will try to enjoy our time together and see where life take us. Keepin' things loose

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