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Kallia

Desperate!!!Please help!!

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Hello everyone

I will explain my story which is not too short.. I am 36 years old from Greece and I am in a romantic relationship with my first cousin the last 2 years.His mother was (she is not alive)my father's sister.

My family like all the families in Greece is too close with relatives but this cousin grew up in another country so we didn't grow up together.

I have always remembered myself in love with him.I met him only in summer and I was really happy to see him.From the age of 9 I started telling everyone that I love him and I will marry him one day.

At the age of 13 I kissed him.We were at my parents bedroom and he asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told him not but I love someone.when he asked me who I loved i told him that I love him and I kissed him.

After that In four years time he got married and he had a child.Then he came to Greece and we spent the summer together.We were crazy in love and we didn't care about anyone.He told me that he really loves me but we can't be together.I was so much in love with him.After 3 months he left back to his country and after a week I realised I was pregnant..

I was devastated.I called him and he told me to keep the baby.I was mad and scared.I told him that it was his fault and he should leave me alone.I was very young.17 years old,alone,with no money and any doctor to accept the abortion.My best friend helped me and we finally found a doctor who did the operation.

After that I was never the same person..Everything changed.I was broken in hundred pieces.I started blaming myself.I was thinking it was my fault.How did I let it happen.I was mad with me.He didn't try to reach me then until the next summer after the abortion when he came to Greece and he tried to find me but I avoided it.I avoid seeing him for 17 years.I spent 17 years of my life blaming myself for what happened.

I felt guilty to my parents eyes and I didn't feel ok with myself because I had sex with my first cousin.I was very young to control all these emotions and the result was to make it seem bigger than it was.If I had someone to advice me then I would not torture myself so much all these years concerning the guilts.

Almost 2 years before our favourite aunt my father's second sister died.I tried to do everything not to go to the funeral because I knew that I would see him.Unfortunately  I couldn't avoid it and after 17 years I had to face it.

When I got off my father's car all the relatives were at the yard.The only person I saw was him.Everyone was like wasn't there.i couldn't see anyone,only him.Very strange.Like a movie.when you freeze the screen and no one moves.Only me and him.I approached him and I told him hello cousin we haven't seen each other for so many years and I feel sorry that we are meeting under these circumstances.He didn't speak.He couldn't say a word.He lost his voice.

We went to the funeral and then we went to my village.when we stayed alone he told me that he wants to talk about the past.I told him that i didn't remember anything from the past.He asked my nieces my Facebook account because I had a secret name and he couldn't find me and next he sent me a friend request.I didn't accept at first.The next day he was flying back to his country.He sent me messages all the time on messenger.He was telling me that he has always loved me.He had a shock when he saw me.He was thinking of me all these years.

The result is that we are in a romantic relationship now and I don't know what to do.in these 2 years he broke up with his wife.He has 3 children.He wants to live together.He wants to tell everyone the truth.He says that he can't handle to lose me for a second time because of fear.

I really know that my father will die if I told him.I am sure that he knows about the past.he never talked to me but I know.The only thing he told me was that I can't marry my first cousin.My cousin came to Greece for the summer now.he stays to my home.no one knows that.

 yesterday another cousin got married and I called my father to tell him to go to the marriage with my female cousin and him.He got so mad.He told me why with him!you can come with us.Finally i decided to go to the marriage with my female cousin but something bad happened.When my cousin left my home he crashed with a taxi driver and his car is now broken.Fortunately he is ok and noone discovered the truth that he was in my home but i feel that my father knows the truth.In addition I realised that my father doesn't even want to hear that I will have a coffee with him!not to mention a romantic relationship.I am very scared.I don't know what to do.I am scared if anything bad happens with his health if he finds out about all these.I need your advice.I am very confused.

My description was very detailed,I am sorry if some of you got tired but I needed it so much.

Edited by Kallia

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Check out the information at the top of the forums, some of which addresses how to talk to family about your cousin-romance.  Also read as much as you can on this website, which hopefully give you some insight on how to deal with your family about this issue.

If your Dad does know about your cousin-romance, it hasn't killed him so far, so you may be able to get thru to him. Also scroll down on your post to see posts similar to yours.

Take Care,

Ambra

 

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2 hours ago, Ambra_Flows said:

Check out the information at the top of the forums, some of which addresses how to talk to family about your cousin-romance.  Also read as much as you can on this website, which hopefully give you some insight on how to deal with your family about this issue.

If your Dad does know about your cousin-romance, it hasn't killed him so far, so you may be able to get thru to him. Also scroll down on your post to see posts similar to yours.

Take Care,

Ambra

 

Thank you very much for the reply Ambra_Flows.When i discovered the existence of this site a year ago i felt relieved firstly due to the fact i wasn't the only person in the world in this situation and secondly i read many articles which helped me a lot till now.I will search more carefully the rest of the articles and the advice.

I feel I am in front of a crossroad and I don't know which road to select .The loss will be great from both sides and I am so confused.He hurt deeply in the past and I don't know if he is capable to support this war for me.He says he is ready.For me he has nothing to lose because he doesn't live close to the relatives.I live close to them and with them all these years so the pressure will be on me.

I am scared.

I really appreciate your answer.Thank you very very much again.

Kallia 

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What a winding road you have walked! I am saddened to hear of your earlier romance and how you were made to fend for yourself. You were so young. I say never second-guess yourself when you are in dire straits.

Your cousin really whimped out the first time. If your dad dispises him, that is totally to be expected. Maybe it's not so much about the cousin thing but about how your cousin treated you in the past.

You shoiuld make your cousin speak to your dad, make amends and ask for your hand. I'm sure you dad will tell him what's-what. It would be good therapy for both of them.

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On 8/30/2018 at 10:14 AM, Ambra_Flows said:

Huggs Kallia, things will be okay, and we're always here for you :)

Huggs to you too Ambra_Flows.I deeply thank you for the support☺

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On 9/1/2018 at 4:18 AM, KC said:

What a winding road you have walked! I am saddened to hear of your earlier romance and how you were made to fend for yourself. You were so young. I say never second-guess yourself when you are in dire straits.

Your cousin really whimped out the first time. If your dad dispises him, that is totally to be expected. Maybe it's not so much about the cousin thing but about how your cousin treated you in the past.

You shoiuld make your cousin speak to your dad, make amends and ask for your hand. I'm sure you dad will tell him what's-what. It would be good therapy for both of them.

First of all thank you very very much for the support and the reply.☺

All these years were really difficult for me.I really tortured my soul and I shouldn't.

My father never discussed with me about the past but i have the feeling that somehow he knows the truth.He also used to tell me to stay away from him because he is a liar when I was young.

The past facts also make me feel that i can't trust him with all my heart.That's my problem too.He treated me so hard and with such selfishness.

Maybe if I was sure about him I wouldn't be so afraid to tell it to my father.Deeply inside my heart there is a feeling that he would betray me again.I don't know if it is true or i feel like this due to the past.

Sometimes I think that I am 36 he is 45,he had a failed marriage, I suddenly appeared in his life he remembered the past passion and he wants to play with me again to satisfy himself and other times that he really loves me.

I feel so confused and i don't know exactly how to act.Maybe I should let the time show me the truth.

I really thank you again KC and I am sorry for the delay of my answer.

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