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Jep2342

At my wits end

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I have been in love with my cousin for 4 years or maybe for most of my life. we live near each other, I see her at most of our family's gatherings, and lately, she goes out of her way to avoid me. I've seen the way she looks at me too I'm not sure why she's being like this. I am 21 and she is 18. i agree she might be too young to understand what she wants I just don't understand whenever I'm around another female she makes sure I'm not looking at them. I think she wants me to only admire her secretly? I want to marry her not right now but I would like to be in her life, I want to be her support. whenever my family and I get to visit my heart, would flutter but not anymore. She uses her family to block me out of her way. it is an ugly thing when your 12-year-old brother cousin is looking at you suspiciously, embarrassing. I have told her that I loved her but she doesn't want anything to do with me but that's not the case I think she likes me, I don't know how much. i think she thinks I'm just trying to use her I'm not sure. i feel like she is just playing with my head. I know she is younger but I knew 18-year-olds at that age who didn't display this type of maturity. I think there is something wrong with her and it hurts me that I can't figure out what it is when she uses her younger brothers as body shields. when we were younger i would bully her and even hit her a decade ago. now if I even have the slightest hint that she is being hurt it would hurt me more. she has blocked me on everything as of right now I'm at my wits end as of now. just finding out that my 12-year-old brother cousin is protecting her sister for no reason like that sickens me. there are things kids should not be involved in and this is one of those things. I am not a bad person my cousin stole my heart I can't help loving her, she doesn't know any better is all. I love her more than anything i dream of her every week or more. if I can forget about her I would but I've tried already now and I think its one of those things that just becomes a part of you like having a kid I would imagine. 

what I ask is advice on what i should do. I think I could be good for her and letting a love like this being in the freezer isn't something that's just going away. should I confess my love for her to her parents especially her father? should I just keep waiting? please help me I just want to be happy with her shes whats missing, she is my why

one last thing something I find funny and amusing. whenever the topic arises of my cousin and I with my sister and mother, they tell me bluntly that she is my cousin, like I didn't know. as if suddenly the spell of love would break and I would snap out of it like a magic word.  I always add in she is my first cousin. Thanks for reading.

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Believe me the only coward here is her she as soon as I eat with her she shuts down goes on her phone and goes outside eventually. I approach at the end of the night sitting across from her. I was thinking what to say next and she calls her little brother over and I just look at her like ok. Next she begins to go outside. Wait a bit, then I go again. After a little bit she sits somewhere else. At this point this point i don’t chase her. I stay inside with her older brother looking at his phone making sure she tells her that I go outside. Oh and I did go try to go secret first but she blocked me anyway. I felt vibes from her I’ve never felt with anyone else I could tell I’m trouble for her she can’t be in the same room as me. She needs to grow up is all. If I could talk to her for bit would be a god send. She is difficult I would say. I just think it would be more respectful to say something to the parents I’m not sure I’m pissed at this point. I agree with the statement any conclusion should be communicated but I’m not sure what to do here. I thinks it’s also good that she is “guarding her feelings” but there’s no need too  me believe me it’s a waste of time.

Edited by Jep2342

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Jep,

You didn't mention whether or not you previously had a romance with her?  From what you've written, it sounds like you've not.  Correct me if I'm wrong.

It sounds like she's found out that you like her, but she's weirded out about it.  Sometimes the cousins involved in a romance are weirded out and try to avoid the relationship.  She is certainly doing her best to avoid you anyways. 

You also never mentioned your ethnic background.  Perhaps her family has let her know they are against the cousin-romance, and she's weirded out about it, and so she's avoiding you.  If you can never talk to her about what's going on, there's not much you can do about her behaviour.

Take Care,

Ambra

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I think she has issues. Those eyes she uses are for romance not brothers. I think they wouldn’t either I’m not sure. I think her father already knows but idk right now im going through a lot right now. They probably see me as some creep after one thing. Should I move on to someone else as well. She doesn’t care about my feelings clearly. I don’t know if it feels wrong or if I should keep waiting but idk i need cool off I hate feeling like this. I just know I would’ve been happy to be around her but idk know anymore. I hate this. Good luck to you

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When I can but I know there’s something there from the few interactions I can get. We’re Hispanic. Her dad is strict with her when it comes to boys. At her 18th birthday party were all female friends and one male friend which was her best friends brother. I think she thinks it’s weird but i think she cares what other people would say. I don’t know it was the last straw when I see my brother cousins getting involved like that I’m not really through yet I think. I’ve just been angry idk know who else to tell. I don’t want to see her right now that’s for sure. Maybe.  I think she would’ve opened up more yesterday but I think she’s just insecure about it. I was pretty confident yesterday maybe that just changed her mood. I’m just done right now I want to stop feeling like this.

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Dude.  You like her.  She doesn't like you.  You think you're in love.  You're not.  Could be that she views you as being a bit creepy (for a lack of a better term).  Following her around and giving her "looks" will just make her think you're creepier.  She has apparently picked up on your crush and has told others.  She is not amused.

Move on with your life and be open to the possibility of someone special walking into your life.  You may be missing out by pining for your cousin.

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I am in love I want to share my life with her. I stopped chasing her that night and I think I’m done with her ok she gives me looks too she looked at me Saturday. I think she just got insecure and she played her little game with me and now she feels justified in the way she treated me. I can’t like other people I feel like I’ll miss out if I date someone other than her. The issues I have with her brothers hurts because they’re my favorites. They’re were like my brothers we had so much in common and we’ve always gotten along. Now they see me as a bad guy with bad intentions. I’ll admit I was having an off night. Felt very tired I wasn’t smiling at her I wanted to ask her one thing and get to bed. But she thinks I was making a move because her brother left her. He comes over and they sit for about 5 seconds I have this look of dismay while I process what I say and they leave. This was the second time she does this I stopped going after at this point. I wasn’t aware of all the things being said by her brothers the whole time they were there, the older brothers condenscention and the younger brothers random questions. It hit when she just left like that. The older brother smiling at me like nothing, it’s all idiotic. She likes me she’s just not ready is all. I rarely see her I think I should’ve just went to bed. I just wanted to know her major since she’s in college now, she thinks I’m going to spill my guts right there or try something stupid. I mean I never kissed a girl why would I try something idk. My older sister feeding her mind like that. She doesn’t even know me. She has an accidental pregnancy and she thinks she knows me and everything else in the world. My cousin is naive she just listens to her without question with all her problems including. My uncle once joked she was lesbian but she’s not. She’s needs to grow up and realize I’m the real deal. When she gets that first boyfriend and realize that they all don’t write poems or ask what’s she’s feeling and gets her heart broken. We will see for now, I’m being taken for granted I just hope she wises up now rather than later.

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Dude.  You like her.  She doesn't like you.  My comments still stand.

You are young and think you're in love.

If you don't want advice, then stop clogging up the threads.  

On 9/3/2018 at 2:39 PM, Jep2342 said:

She’s needs to grow up and realize I’m the real deal. When she gets that first boyfriend and realize that they all don’t write poems or ask what’s she’s feeling and gets her heart broken. We will see for now, I’m being taken for granted I just hope she wises up now rather than later.

Actually, you are the one who needs to grow up.  Writing her poems?  No wonder she's creeped out.  She doesn't want to share her feelings with you because she doesn't like you in a romantic way.  The truth is, she may not like you in any way.  I don't know.  But she's giving you plenty of signs that she wants you to leave her alone. And she can't possibly be taking advantage of you; she doesn't want anything from you.

Leave her alone!  Go out and live life.  You never know who might be around the corner.

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Since when are poems childish? I barely even look at her sheez. Oh now you can read her mind now. Whatever go live your life because clearly you’re not. I mean jeez I came here for help because I don’t think it’s a lost cause not feel worse. Good luck to you truly. I want to delete this post I feel like there’s some gender bias. I say the word creep and you just have a field day. Thanks for that, goodness.

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Gender bias?  Okay.... 

I never said poems are childish.  But writing poems to a girl who has made it clear that she has no romantic interest in you borders on the inappropriate.  

You're the one who mentioned googly eyes, poems, her leaving the area and brothers running interference between the two of you.  While I'm no mind reader I am good at picking up on signals.  You don't really need to be a good signal reader to understand what's happening here.

I gave you help:  Move on with your life and make yourself open to the possibility of a relationship.  Once you take the first step, it gets easier.  

But if you want us to tell you how to make her like you, you've come to the wrong place.  No one can do that for you.  And she doesn't like you; that's quite evident.  If you don't move on things are going to get very difficult between the two of you and it won't be her fault.

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Help? I’m not going to spill my guts or list all the evidence that she likes me. If you “helped” you would’ve known but no you read the most recent post I put on this thread and just not cared at all. I did come to the wrong place that’s for sure. This thread was some last resort stuff for me. If you think I could just move on youre wrong. If you think skimming off the surface is your idea of “help” boy I got news for you. 

look I’m not here for trouble. I’ve thought about it since then, I think her brother heavily influenced her decisions. She just got insecure is all. Her brother is very condescending it’s kinda annoying.just tell me what to do next and try and help. I could write an email but it’s kind of a one shot sort of deal. If yes I’ll give you the like depending on your post. If not help me delete this thread. I don’t want this to be a waste of time. Redeem yourself I might turn your D- into D+. 

She made googly eyes to me dummy. 

I am Sagittarius that’s why it seems like I’m seducing her. She seduced me. There is no steps I’m in hell right but I need help getting out is all.

Moving on isn’t an option

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It's not healthy for you, u r thinking too much. 

Don't let your feelings overtake your life! If you want to be happy and come out of this then try controlling your feelings. It does help.

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Thanks imknjbhvgc. I just know if I’m with her I’ll be happy but for now Ima think about myself. This has been a hard week for me. I need to take care of myself more for right now.

i have schizoaffective disorder if that makes sense. 

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Yeh just relax for now, give your brain some rest. Too much stress is not good, live a happy life. By stressing out you are just attracting more problems. 

Take care 

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