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baal

Me and my cousin have been going around and around

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So me and my female cousin (20's) have been going back and forth for the last two years. We talked about messing around and a relationship a few different times when I was living in a different city, I would come visit her and sext fairly often. There were a few times where she would end our sessions after meeting someone but then would come back after they were out of her life or when she was extremely busy with school and work she would disappear for a few months but again she would come back. After this last time we started talking she said she couldn't see me more then a cousin and had to end things but then she would start sexting again but say things were just play, also she would tell me how much she missed me and wants me back, would want to stay the night with me when she doesn't want to go home.

Well I ended up moving back for her after she helped me pick a apartment and go through some dark times. I told her that I'm in love with her and after that she seemed to get more distant so  I asked her if I was just a toy because how much she would disappear. She was already annoyed and rightfully got mad at the question and told me there's nothing between us at all, we're not lovers and to not confuse anything she's ending the sexting as well, sense then she started to see someone (I believe over the net and this is over the course of 2-3 weeks now) I'm just a bit taken back because how close we were these few years I was away but because how many times she's come back to me I'm wondering if she will again. She tells me also that she can't/doesn't want to loose me or ever want me to disappear so I made her a promise that I never will and I can't ever hurt her.

Idk does anyone have any thoughts please?

 

Edited by baal
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Oh, and even after I had told her I'm in love with her she told me how she could read my mind and I'm able to feel her emotions even far away. I know she hasn't had a real relationship so I'm not sure if she's pushing me back because of that ...

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If you tell someone you love them and they don't return the feelings, you need distance from them. Sexting isn't platonic; while I'm unclear exactly whether you and your cousin have ever had a physical relationship, you don't sext someone you just think of as family, and it was perfectly reasonable for you to ask if she was using you. And honestly, it sounds like she is. She doesn't want to lose you, but she doesn't want a romantic relationship, and she wants you to be there for her as she dates other people, after you told her you love her. Not cool. You should tell her that you feel used and why, and that you need some space from her. Go date people who are interested in a romantic relationship with you. If she cares about you, she'll understand and realize that she's been unfair. If she doesn't care about you, you shouldn't be waiting for her anyway.

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We were a bit physical when we first talked about a relationship and messing around, I.E. kissing, holding hands, groping, hugging/holding. Couldn't do much more cause she lived at home with parents. when I told her I loved her she said she wasn't dense and don't get self conscious about saying it. Things really changed when I lived in phoenix and she started talking to a guy that ended up knocking up another girl while he was talking/messing around??? with my cousin (she doesn't usually have actual in person relationships from what I've seen so I believe she freaked out or is just using me). When that happened that's when I noticed the real change and that's when she said she only sees me as her cousin almost brother like but continued sexting. But you're right, I was having the same thought that you cant sext that long without having some feelings or you only want them there temporarily. Thank you very much for commenting, I didn't think I'd have anyone I could get some knowledge from and confirming some of my thoughts. 

Just tried talking to her about how I feel used, how she told me she wanted me here/missed me/wanted to stay the night and I feel like I'm just entertainment, then gave her a example that it would be like her moving to be with her guy and he drops her.... did say he exudes the energy that he's just going to use and hurt her... She just went off saying she can date who she wants, I'm just pushing my agenda on her, to back off and that this isn't the way to be in her life. Couldn't address any of the issues I brought up, only wanted to defend this guy she's never met and insist they're fine (even though he basically called her a toy, their relationship not real and he can talk his way out of anything over a live stream. And she already knows about it!!) yeah I think backing away is the best thing in this case, she's never been like this to me before.

Edited by baal

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Sexting is non-committal.  She is playing around with you.

On 9/10/2018 at 3:36 AM, baal said:

She tells me also that she can't/doesn't want to loose me or ever want me to disappear so I made her a promise that I never will and I can't ever hurt her.

You made a promise to not hurt her, but she did not make the same promise to you.  She is thrilled by the taboo of being cousins and that ignites the sexting, but she has no interest whatsoever in being in a relationship with you.  It's time to move on and look elsewhere my friend.

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